You Already Know: Show Your Love (YMM x Reader) Alt Ending
Word Count: 8.1k
Warnings: nothing much, just like, towards the end it gets a lil steamed but only a lil bit. if you want to avoid that, skip the part where it starts with pulling into the parking lot up until the knife cold wind
You wake up to the sound of rain falling on the window. Looking around, you notice the room was much dimmer than when you had fallen asleep. Reaching for your phone to check the time, you hear the low murmur of voices in the other room. You squint at the brightness from your phone’s screen and see you still have a little over a half hour before your alarm was set to go off. Ugh, of course... You drop your phone to the bed and were about to go back to sleep when you hear what sounds like your name. You half sit-up in interest, the sleep that you were about to finish leaving your mind.
You slide out of the bed and creep towards the door, careful to be quiet. Yes, you know eavesdropping is bad and you’ve rolled your eyes when you read or watch something where this situation happens, but god, it’s different when it’s you in the situation. You pull open the door, light from the living room barely making it to your feet, and listen.
“…I just don’t understand,” Linong says, sounding slightly frustrated. “Why can’t you tell them?”
“He’s worried, bro,” Ziyi says plainly and you hear a glass being set down. Ziyi and his protein drinks, you think wryly to yourself.
“Okay,” Linong starts again, sounding like he was restraining himself from rolling his eyes, “but it’s not as if YN would turn you down?” Turn him down for what?
“Yes, they would.” You hear Xukun’s voice for the first time in the conversation. He sounded like someone had just stepped on his white shoes after jumping in mud.
“You look like someone just stepped on your white shoes after jumping in mud,” Linong says bluntly. Perhaps you needed to stop hanging out with Nongnong so much.
You assume that Xukun made a face based off of the light choking noises Ziyi was making.
After they checked on Ziyi, the conversation resumed. “You should tell them,” he says, his voice still a little rough.
“I can’t.”
“Xukun, why can’t you?” Linong asks, definitely upset at this point. Your eyebrows rose. You’ve never heard sweet and lovely Chen Linong ever sound this upset, even when Professor Li in your vocal class last semester told him that the song he had chosen for the end of semester showcase was better suited to Hanyu, and then proceeded to give said song to Hanyu.
“Because…because they have Mingming now,” Xukun sounded so defeated.
I “have Mingming now”..? What does mean? You thought to yourself, your brows furrowing. You refused to hear anymore, suddenly uncomfortable with listening in on this private conversation. Closing the door again softly, you go back to the bed and grab your phone. Dismissing your alarm, you send a text to Xiaotang.
You: Xiaotang love of my life i need help
While you wait for her to reply, you straighten up Ziyi’s bed, tucking the sheets back under the mattress like always. You sit on top of the sheets cross-legged and plug your phone in, waiting for her text.
Mountain Top <3: i thought you were over at the wang-chen apt?? ask one of them for help
Mountain Top <3: theyre closest to you rn
You debate on telling Xiaotang what you suspect that the boys were talking about but you decide that you’d rather tell her in person.
You: hhhhh about that
You: i dont think they can help. .... can you pick me up on your bike?
Mountain Top <3: okay?? i’ll let esther know im going to get you
You: i will literally explain everything wehn we get back ok ok ok
Mountain Top <3: are you okay?
You: physically? yes. mentally/emotionally? no.
Mountain Top <3: okay im on my way hold tight <3
You: ilysm i’ll see you soon
You see that you have a notification for other unread messages and check who sent you things. Seeing the little stupid dot to let you know you have notifications in an app annoyed you to no end. How dare the phone let you know you have things to reply to. Absolutely disgusting.
You see that Yanjun had sent you a picture of Chengcheng wearing a really horrible brown wig with the caption: Fan Bingbing’s career found dead in a ditch
You snort and tell him to show Esther if he hasn’t already. You swipe through your other messages, making note to mute your music composition groupchat. Your heart does a little somersault when you see that Mingming has replied to your text from earlier.
Mingming =^-^=: Hey YN! I’m actually free this Friday if that’s ok ?
You: that sounds great! what time?
Mingming =^-^=: Is 19:30 alright? We could meet at the sushi place near west campus?
You: the one with the hanging fish sign? OwO
Mingming =^-^=: Yeah exaclty!
Mingming =^-^=: Exactly*. Sorry heh. ‘^-^
You bite your lip to keep in a wide smile as you type out your response, knowing you probably looked a little like a lovesick fool.
You: :3c awesome! see you then ~!
Clicking your phone off, you let your phone fall in your lap and cover your face with your hands. You wiggle in excitement for a few moments before the sound of footsteps entering the bathroom next door reminds you of the earlier discomfort. Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself for the excuses you’re going to have to make to escape the apartment.
Stretching your legs, you un-crisscross-applesauce and make your way to the living room. The conversation has obviously changed from the tense topic earlier to Ziyi trying to convince Xukun to watch a drama with him.
“Kun, please,” Ziyi drags out, looking at Xukun with the most pleading face he can make.
“Bro, just watch Love O2O on your own. Why do you need me to watch it with you?” Xukun replies, not even looking up from his phone. You smile in amusement. You know somehow Ziyi is going to convince Xukun to watch the drama with him just like how you know Xukun is going to get too attached to one of the side characters in favor of the mains.
You shake your head, brushing your hair back before walking fully into the living room, ruffling both boys’ hair from behind. You let a laugh out at their complaints as they hurriedly fix their hair. You bend down to grab your clothes from your backpack and say without meeting their eyes, “Xiaotang called and said I’m needed back at the apartment. Apparently roommate bonding is this week, not next.” You huff out a fake laugh before straightening up with your day clothes bundled in your arms. “I think Linong is in the bathroom so I’m just going back into your room to change?” You say to Ziyi, though your sentence lilts up at the end, turning it more into a question.
“Of course,” Ziyi agrees easily, his eyes holding a fondness in them as he looks at you. “Do you need anything else before you go back to the room?”
You give him a small smile and shake your head. “It’s okay. I’ll just leave the borrowed clothes at the end of the bed.” He nods and you head back to the room, feeling slightly guilty you didn’t so much as make eye contact with Xukun.
As you were walking back, you bump into Linong, who was exiting the bathroom. He looked freshly styled, a nicely patterned button-down tucked into a pair of dark wash jeans. His pink flamingo socks made you giggle as you took in his outfit.
“Hot date?”
“Are you leaving already?”
You both say at the same time. You incline your head towards him, letting him speak first.
“Heh, I guess? I might be going out later with someone Hanyu set me up with,” he says, his face turning red.
“Aww!” You exclaim, wishing you weren’t holding things so you could give him a hug. “Our baby Nongnong is growing up,” you let out a fake sniffle.
“Aiyah,” he says, covering your mouth. “Save it for when Justin starts going out. I’m only a year younger than you.”
You look at him expectantly until he takes his hand off of your face. “The audacity that the youth of today have,” you faux scold. “But I’m really happy for you. Is it one of Xiao Yang’s friends?”
“Ah, I think so,” he replies. You nod, thinking of who it could be. “Anyways, are you leaving already?”
“Yeah,” you sigh. “Xiaotang is on her way to get me. Matter of fact, she should be here already.” As if she heard you, your ringtone starts going off.
Zhēng yǎnkàn kàn what’s the situation, huāngluàn zhōng yǎnkàn zuìhòu yīdào, wéiqiáng zhèngzài bēngliè wǎjiě, màn man biàn qīngxī de qīngchén Yeah uh...
EXO’s “The Eve” filters out to you faintly. You make to go to the room to pick up the call and change, but Linong stops you, putting a hand on your shoulder. The song slowly dies as you miss her call, but you can only focus on Linong’s question.
“Are you okay?”
“Linong, I’m fine. Why?” You curse your close friendship with him as he just gives you a look to let you know he doesn’t believe you.
You bite your top lip as you try to find the words you want to say. “Honestly, I’m fine. I just... I just need to figure some stuff out. You understand, right, Nongnong?”
He stares at you for a few beats, assessing. “You would tell me if it was serious?”
“Of course,” you say, reassuring him as much as you were yourself.
Another round of Zhēng yǎnkàn kàn what’s the situation started up again and Linong pulls you in for a quick hug before letting you go and pushing you slightly to Ziyi’s room.
You frown in confusion at his actions, but continue walking on. You close the door with your foot and rush to the bed to pick up the call, dropping your clothes on the comforter.
”I just need to change and pack my stuff up and I’ll meet you downstairs,” you say to Xiaotang in lieu of a standard greeting, getting straight to the point.
“Okay,” she says, “see you soon.” She hangs up and you change out of Xukun’s clothes into your own. You adjust your shirt one last time folding the clothes you borrowed from Xukun and setting them at the foot of the bed. Satisfied, you take one more look around to make sure you grabbed everything and, after grabbing your charger, you turn the light off and leave the room.
You walk back to the living room, curling your charger back up and slipping your phone in your pocket. You stare at the now empty coffee table, expecting to have to clean up your notebooks and pens from earlier.
You walk to your bag, unzipping it to put your charger in it and your things are all there, put away as if you did it yourself. Your brow furrows and you look over at the two guys sitting on the couch. “Uh...” You trail off, not knowing what to say.
“Oh, I packed your bag for you,” Xukun says, “I think I got most of it right!”
You stare at him, swallowing the lump in your throat at the reflexive reaction to the mortifying ordeal of being known. You jerkily nod, holding your bag tighter to you.
An awkward silence hangs in the air. For the first time since you met, you don’t know what to say to him. Ziyi breaks the silence and asks, “You three are still good for karaoke this weekend right?”
“You are such a mother hen, Zi.” You have a fond smile on your face, grateful to him for speaking up. “But yeah, I’ll double check with them. I think we’re still on though.” You nod and turn to head to the hall to put on your shoes and leave. Behind you you hear a bunch of rustling before the sounds of footsteps follows you.
“Linong, I said I’ll tell you later,” you say without looking back, putting on your backpack properly.
“It’s not Linong,” the person says awkwardly. You freeze and turn around slowly to face Xukun’s frown.
“Oh, uh,” you frown too, “I’m sorry.”
He reaches out for your hands, holding them between the two of you like you were made of fine porcelain. “Are you okay, YN?” His words hang heavy in the air.
What do you tell him? ‘Oh, sure, Kunkun. I just heard you maybe talking about the fact that you like me as more than a friend with two of our closest friends and now I’m trying to process that while you continue to be the caring person I’ve always known you as and now my feelings are all mixed up and confusing.’
You look off to the side, thinking about what to tell him. “Kunkun, I’m okay. Like I said at the cafe, if it was something serious I would tell you. Okay?” You take your hands from his and wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face in his shirt. Slightly muffled, you say, “I promise, Xukun.”
You feel him relax into the hug as he wraps his arms around you. You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket and you tighten the hug before letting him go. He stands there, arms awkwardly at his sides, watching you put on your shoes. As you straighten up, you turn to him with a soft smile. “Kunkun, I’ll see you later, okay?”
He nods and walks in front of you to open the door. “Let me know when you and Xiaotang get back.” You nod. You step into the hallway, and giving one last wave to Xukun, you take out your phone and tell Xiaotang you’re on your way down. There’s a tightness in your chest that you feel with each step away from Xukun, but you don’t want to think about why.
--
“So what’s up? Why did you need me to get you?” Xiaotang asked when you walked into the living room, getting straight to the point.
When you two had gotten back to the apartment, you begged off their questioning until you could at least change into something more comfortable. Throwing on a soft, oversized sweater and a pair of knit shorts, you take out your contacts and put on your glasses, fully deciding that you are putting in no more effort to deal with the rest of the day outside of your apartment.
Pulling at the sleeves of the sweater, you vaguely remember having stolen it from Zhengting or Justin. You ball the ends of the sweater in your fists and think about how to tell Xiaotang and Shuxin what you had heard. And then doubt crawls into your mind. Had you even heard it right in the first place?
“YN?” Shuxin asks, waving her hand in front of your face.
You flinch out of your thoughts, blinking to regain your bearings. “I’m fine.”
Shuxin sets aside the script she was memorizing for class and looks you in the eye. “Is everything okay?”
You bite your lip for a second in hesitation before saying, “I heard Xukun talking with Linong and Ziyi.”
Xiaotang hooked her chin on your shoulder and shared a look with Shuxin. “I don’t understand the problem.” Shuxin said, head tilting in confusion.
“They were talking about me.” You say, tired all of the sudden. Shuxin and Xiaotang listen attentively as you give them the run down of how you spent your time in the Wang-Chen apartment. Of what Xukun had said about you and Mingming.
“... What does it mean?” You finish, your hands no longer tangled in the sleeves of the sweater, but rather in the hands of your roommates. “Like, what could he have meant by that? That whole “I have Mingming now” shit?”
“It means Xukun is a coward,” Xiaotang says, straightening up, her tone dismissive. “Focus on Mingming.”
“They should talk to Xukun about what they heard,” Shuxin says instead, furrowing her brows together and shooting Xiaotang a look.
“Look at it this way,” Xiaotang says, leaning back from you and waiting for you to turn to her. “He’s had what? Almost two semesters worth of chances to tell you that your feelings are reciprocated. And then he finds out that you like Mingming and just gives up? Says that you’re taken with Mingming now? Fuck that.” She lets out a huff and pushes her hair back from her face. “Mingming has always been upfront about how he feels about you. Don’t compromise yourself for someone who can’t even tell you to your face that he likes you.”
You and Shuxin stare at Xiaotang in awe, her tone almost venomous.
Shuxin clears her throat. “It isn’t as simple as that, Xiao. You forget that he is in the public eye, moreso than Chengcheng and definitely moreso than any of us. If he does anything, he has to be certain that YN isn’t going to crack and run at the first push back. And you know there are going to be iKun who are not going to support him.” She turns her focus on you. “YN, you should talk to him about what you heard, regardless of the conflicting feelings you have for him and Mingming.”
You push your glasses up, trying to think about how to respond. Luckily, you don’t need to formulate an answer as Shuxin continues.
“You deserve to have all of the information in front of you before you make a decision. And,” she pauses, trying to find the right words, “and he deserves to know that you heard what he said. He doesn’t have much privacy to begin with. Don’t let him lose this too.”
The three of you sit in a contemplative silence for a few minutes. You chew on your lip absentmindedly, thinking about what your roommates said.
“Do you think you could handle that?” Xiaotang asks, her voice much gentler now. You look at her, confusion evident on your face. “The huge change that would come with dating Kun? The shift from being anonymous to being known internationally? Yes, Esther was right when she mentioned his privacy but you should think about yours as well. Could you- Would you even want to?” Her eyes are worried, watching you carefully.
“I mean, to an extent they’re already known like the rest of our friend group. Even without being friends with Xukun, we are friends with Chengcheng and Ziyi. Though Ziyi wasn’t on ‘Idol Producer’ for long, he still built up a solid fanbase.” Shuxin says, tugging on one of her pigtails unconsciously.
Xiaotang nods, agreeing with her, but still argues, “But this is a different loss of privacy. If YN had a falling out with Chengs or Zi, eventually they’d fade from the eye of the guys’ fans. But Xukun...”
You pick up where she left off, you and Shuxin knowing what she was implying, but something in you compelled you to finish her sentence. “But Xukun is different. He’s the rising star of China right now. If something happened, regardless of whose fault it would be, I would be blamed for everything. And even though he’s not like Yixing and a major international star...” You let out a sigh. “He did tour in Vancouver, Canada. He’s making a greater name for himself outside of Asia.” While Westerners tend to be more forgiving regarding idols having relationships, it’s still something you don’t know if you would survive.
Every move, every breath, every blink analyzed to make sure that you aren’t someway using Xukun. That you aren’t making him unhappy. That you are what the fans want you to be.
Shuxin rubs your arm comfortingly. “YN, it’s alright for you to put yourself first in this situation.” The look you gave her spurred her on. “You put so much thought into how to make your friends happy. Sometimes too much. Your happiness and comfort are important here, too, and if you’re worried the pros don’t outweigh the cons, you shouldn’t push yourself into doing something you aren’t going to be happy with in the end.”
You feel your throat tightening from emotion and you cough to clear the serious air. “Wah, Esther, when did you get so wise?” You put your head on her shoulder and look up at her, faux adoringly.
She flicks you on the forehead, eyes bright. “When I was talking with Bingbing-jiejie for an assignment for Professor Wu, we ended up talking about other things as well.” You pout at her, rubbing your forehead while she explained.
Xiaotang pipes up again, laughter in her voice. “Is there anything else we should know before we get bonding night started officially?”
“Oh, yeah. Mingming and I are going out Friday. Shit!” You exclaim, rubbing your arms where your roommates hit you.
“Why didn’t you lead with that?” Shuxin asks incredulously. The tense and serious air disappears as Xiaotang and Shuxin complain some more about your quote, unquote “betrayal” before turning to what you guys were going to have for dinner.
Later that night as you lay in bed, you make up your mind on what you’re going to. You fall into a troubled sleep hoping you have made the right choice.
--
“Send us a text as soon as you get to the restaurant,” Shuxin says, styling your hair. “Wait, no,” her hands still in your hair, “text us as soon as you see the fish.” She continues to style your hair.
“Aren’t you friends with Mingming?” you ask, looking at her in the mirror.
Xiaotang says at the same time, “Don’t you have film class with him?”
Her hands pause again. “I’m not Friends friends with him though! He sits with Minghao and Wenxuan.”
You and Xiaotang share a look. “You say these names like we’re supposed to know them,” you smile teasingly, poking Shuxin’s side. You store the names for later. Just in case.
Xiaotang makes a sound of agreement, stepping out of the closet holding a light brown cropped cardigan. “Wait...” She says, holding it out in front of her. “Isn’t this mine?”
“Uh, no?” You look at her reflection in the mirror, smiling hopefully.
She clicks her tongue, setting it on the bed with the rest of your outfit completing the warm, autumnal look. “Just don’t stain it.”
“Mn,” you agree, stretching when Shuxin says you can stand and get dressed now. They lightly chatted with you as you got dressed, wishing you luck. You glance at your wrist and see that you have a little over 20 minutes to get to the restaurant. Opting for a nicer pair of sneakers, you grab one of your bags and bid them goodbye, starting on the 15-ish minute walk to the restaurant.
True to your word, you text them when you see the fish sign, the neon lights giving the illusion that it was swimming.
You: i have made it to fish
You: [image attached]
Mountain Top <3: have fun ! dont do anything i wouldnt ;)
Fan Bingbing 2.0: If he does anything off-color, slap him.
Fan Bingbing 2.0: Then call us.
Fan Bingbing 2.0: Or one of the boys.
Mountain Top <3: or both ;D
Fan Bingbing 2.0: Yanjun and Zhangjing live in West Campus.
You: o.o’
You: i think i’ll be alright??? but yes okay i’ll keep that in mind :]
You let out a small laugh, amused by Shuxin’s mother henning and shoot a text out to Yanjun and Zhangjing to also let them know you were in their neck of the woods. You walk into the restaurant and text Mingming to tell him you had arrived. He responds quickly, telling you to let the host know that you were the other half of the Yao reservation. You do as he said and are led to a table by the windows, opposite of where you had entered. You saw Mingming looking out the window at the passing cars, playing with his napkin, and your breath catches at seeing him outside of his cafe uniform for the first time.
The dying sunlight was hitting him, coloring him in golden pink. Instead of his hair hanging over his forehead and a little bit into his eyes like you were used to, it was more styled, parted in the center. His shirt is a black and white pattern, slightly unbuttoned, and you see that it is half tucked into dark jeans when he stands to greet you. He also is wearing a simple necklace with a pendant and has several rings on.
“YN!” He greets, pulling you in for a hug which you gladly reciprocate. You can smell his cologne and you feel your knees go a little weak.
“Hi Mingming,” you smile, pulling back from the hug. He pulls out your chair for you and, after you sit down, he goes back to his side of the table.
“You look great,” Mingming says, a faint blush on his cheeks.
You know you probably look the same as you say, “You look incredible, too.”
He ducks his head down at that, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. You swallow dryly at the hint of the bracelets he wore. Blinking, you turn your head to look out the window at the traffic. Despite all of the cars, it is still a pretty view, and you’re able to see the bridge over the pond on campus.
“So, do you like the food here?” He asks, your attention going back to him.
“Ah,” you give him an embarrassed smile, “I’ve actually never eaten here. My roommates’ boyfriend and his roommate live on this side of campus and his roommate is in culinary school.”
“That’s fair,” Mingming says, “if I knew someone who was going to culinary school I, too, would eat at their place for free instead of eating at a restaurant.” You embarrassment leaves with his comment.
“What about you?” You ask him in return, interested in what he thinks of the place. It’s not badly decorated. The lights are slightly dimmed, giving off a feeling of coziness and privacy. On top of the dividers for seating across the restaurant are aquariums, each filled with different fish and plants. And the seats are comfortable, which you greatly appreciate.
“My friend Changxi works here,” he says. “He’s a server. The food is great here. I hope you won’t be disappointed.”
You feel a surge of fondness for him and assure him that you trust his judgement.
Shortly after that, a server walks up to the table with waters and menus. “Hello, I am Changxi. I’ll be your server this evening. Is there anything I can get you to drink, other than water?”
“Yeah, can I get a cup of black tea, Xixi?” Mingming asks.
“Mn,” Changxi hums, “Figured. And you?” Changxi turns slightly towards you, waiting for your response.
“Actually, I would like some tea, too.”
Changxi cracks a smile at you. “Great. Is there a specific blend you would like, or would you also like black?”
“Oh,” you pause, “if you have ginger?”
Something in Changxi’s demeanor changed and he looks back at Mingming. “I like this one.”
Mingming turns red and starts shooing Changxi away. After saying he’ll be back soon with the teas, Changxi leaves, the sound of his laughter following him.
Mingming stares at the menu, staunchly not looking at you from embarrassment.
“I like him,” you comment, scanning over the menu yourself. You glance up at Mingming through your lashes and see that he relaxes significantly. Smiling, you ask, “So, are you thinking sushi or tonkatsu?”
The rest of the meal follows in similar fashion, both of you wanting to get to know each other in a more romantic sense than the flirty-platonic way you had been before. Everything seemed to be going well, Mingming telling stories about Changxi and his friends, with Changxi interrupting every now and then, and you in turn telling stories about Shuxin, Xiaotang, and your friends.
It was when the sushi came that nerves started creeping back in. You go about it the way you normally would, putting the gari (pickled ginger) and the wasabi on your sushi and pop it in your mouth. You meet Mingming’s eyes when you take a sip of your tea. His head was tilted to the side. It reminded you of a kitten seeing something for the first time.
“Is everything okay?” You ask, setting down your teacup.
“No, yeah, it’s just...” He trails off, searching for words. “I’ve just never seen someone eat sushi like that before.”
You smile, picking up another piece of sushi with your chopsticks and moving it to your plate. You start putting the gari and the wasabi on the piece as you explain. “Not that it will surprise you, but I hear that a lot. I was out with Mom for dinner once and we were talking about how the norm is to eat gari after each piece of sushi to cleanse your palette before the next bite. I was still trying to increase the spice level I could handle and so I was putting wasabi on when my Mom says I should just put the gari on, too, to test it out.” You pick up the finished piece. “I haven’t looked back since. Would you like to try it?”
He looks contemplative for a moment before nodding. You reach out, intending to put the sushi on his plate, when he opens his mouth. You don’t know what comes over you but you offer him the sushi with your chopsticks instead, your hand hovering in the air as his eyes light up, lips closing over the wood. You feel a wave of heat sweep through you causing your cheeks to heat up as Mingming’s dark eyes stare into yours. He pulls back and you hope that the tremble in your hand isn’t obvious.
“So? What’s the verdict?” You ask after he swallows.
“Mm, I don’t think it’s my style,” he says apologetically.
You laugh, “I think that this is the nicest way my style of sushi consumption has been rejected.” You feel slightly dejected, but you figured it was going to end up this way anyways. “I had made my friend group try it once. There were mixed reviews, but the funniest by far was from Zhengting. He claimed it ‘was a crime against fishkind’,” you air quote, “and the thing is, he doesn’t even like seafood all that much. It’s now become the running joke whenever we go out for sushi and they see me and Xukun eating it like that.”
The atmosphere changes around you at his name. Mingming bites his lip, like he’s trying to hold back from saying something. You just wait patiently, nervous about what he has to say, clacking your chopsticks together softly.
Finally, he breaks the silence. “Can I be honest with you?”
Your brow furrows in concern. “I... I think I would prefer it that way, yes.”
He breathes out a laugh at your reply. “I was a little surprised when you said in the cafe that you weren’t dating him. I was even more surprised when you agreed to go on this date.”
“Oh?” Oh? That’s all you could say? Oh??? You think to yourself. “What do you mean?”“
“It’s just that... You looked like you fit together? Like there was a synchronicity between the two of you that I don’t think either of you were aware of?” He starts playing with his chopsticks, continuing, “Like, for dance, it can take forever to reach that level with a partner, even if it is someone you partner with a lot. But for you and Xukun, it was as if you anticipated the other’s actions and what’s more is that you were right.”
“Well, okay, so,” you say, gearing up to explain things, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “When he visits campus, he stays with our friends Linong and Ziyi. You probably know Linong through Hanyu? Well, Linong is like a little brother to me. Ziyi is one of the parent friends in the group and I’m close with him. Xukun and I, when we met-”
Mingming cuts you off. “I’m sorry for cutting you off, YN. You don’t have to explain anything. I was just telling you why I was surprised that you said yes is all.”
“No, Mingming, I want to explain.” You say, putting down your chopsticks and reaching for his hand. “You should know the whole story and then if you still are interested in dating me, you can. But you deserve to have all the information in front of you.”
He sets his chopsticks down, too, and takes your hand gently in his. “Go ahead then, YN. I’ll listen.”
And so you tell him the whole story. How you had woken up and heard what Xukun said and how you talked with Shuxin and Xiaotang about what to do. You talked about what they told you, the risks that would come with dating an idol. You tell him how you went to Xukun yesterday and told him everything you heard.
--
“Kunkun,” you say, sitting across from him at their kitchen table, a cup of tea in front of either of you. “We need to talk.”
“What’s up?” He asks, sipping on his tea.
You decide to just get to the point, not seeing any sense in prolonging the conversation more than you have to. “I heard you the other day. You and Ziyi and Linong.”
Xukun sits there, teacup cradled between his hands, staring at you. His face is impassive.
You let out a sigh, not really a fan of where this conversation is heading. “I talked with Shuxin and Xiaotang about it. Esther said I should talk to you first, so here I am.” You make halfhearted jazz hands. Taking another sip of tea, you continue. “Xukun, in another time or another place or if I were braver... I wish you would’ve said something earlier.”
“Just say it, YN. Please.” Xukun begs, staring down into his tea.
“I don’t think that we should date. At least right now. Our lives are just too different. You’re trying to make an international name for yourself, you have the PD spot coming up soon, I’m still a university student. Maybe when things are more stable, at least on my end? I don’t know if I could handle the change in social status while I’m still in school. And I don’t want to put that sort of pressure on you either.”
“I don’t understand what you mean? The last part about the pressure on me?” He asks you, his lips turned down at the ends.
“What if I have some sort of important project? Or speech or presentation? What if it’s my graduation and you aren’t able to make it because you’re hosting something or you’re on tour or you’re stuck in the studio because of a deadline? If we still feel the same about each other after I graduate and we’re both single, then God. God, of course I would explore this avenue with you. But right now?”
“It wouldn’t be good for either of us,” he finishes, resignation in his voice. He looks off to the side, and you find that you started crying at some point. You wipe at your face and see Xukun’s eyes are glassy with unshed tears.
You get up from your seat and walk around to him, standing in front of him.
“Xukun,” you say, barely above a whisper.
His eyes focus on you and he says, voice breaking, “Can I ask for something?”
You nod, cupping his face, thumb swiping at a stray tear that fell.
“Can I kiss you? Just this once? Just to know what it would be like to have you as mine?” His hands hesitantly settle on your hips, tears still falling.
You nod again, holding back a sob. You can give him this. Your other hand comes up to cup the other side of his face and he pulls you closer to him.
Your lips press together and you see flashes of what could’ve been. You can taste the salt of your mixed tears and you break away from the kiss, burying your head into his shoulder, sobbing softly. Xukun does the same, holding you close to him, tears falling. Heartbreak when you could be together but can’t is the worst heartbreak of all.
--
“So Xukun and I are staying friends,” you finish. You don’t tell Mingming about everything that you and Xukun did but you do tell him that, in no uncertain terms, you are not dating Xukun.
Mingming looks at you, contemplative. “And you’re okay with this?”
You take a sip of your water. “To be honest, I am a little sad about it. But I think it’s moreso that I hurt him than it is the not dating him. I want to be here, tonight, with you.”
He nods, not looking entirely convinced, but changes the subject to which you are grateful. You’re sure that in the near future you and he will talk about this again, but for now he lets you off of the hook. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but this place is famous for its raindrop cakes. You interested?”
Your eyes widen. “Am I interested? Zhangjing hasn’t been able to master it yet. I would love to try one that is, you know, good.”
Mingming’s uneven smile makes your heart skip a beat and soon Changxi is trading out the empty dinner plates for a pink raindrop cake with flowers in it. In a small, shallow bowl, there was some sort of powder and next to it were two small pitchers, about the size of the teacups. One was filled with a dark syrup and the other was filled with something white.
“Kuromitsu,” Changxi says, pointing to the dark syrup. “It’s a sweet syurp.” He points to the shallow bowl filled with powder. “Kinako. It’s roasted soybean flour.” He points to the last condiment. “Sweetened condensed milk. Not exactly traditional traditional, but it seems to be popular with the campus life here. I’ll leave you two to it.” Changxi says with a smile. As he leaves, he pats Mingming on the shoulder before heading towards where you assume the kitchens are.
Mingming asks if you have any preference on how you want to eat the raindrop cake. “It’s a sakura raindrop cake!” You shake your head no and tell him that he can prepare it whichever way he thinks is best.
He sets about getting the kinako and kuromitsu onto the spoon with a piece of the cake and holds out the spoon for you, one hand under just in case. You feel the familiar rush of heat as you lean forward, your lips closing around the spoon, and a flush spreading from your neck. As the spoon slides out from between your lips, your eyes widen at the taste.
“You like it?” Mingming asks, amused at your reaction.
You nod frantically. Swallowing, you say, “It’s so unique!”
He hands you the spoon and you both proceed to enjoy the dessert. Mingming ends up paying for the dinner claiming that Changxi can use his employee discount on the meal. “Besides,” he says, helping you into your coat, “you can always get the next one.”
You hide a smile at the idea, ducking your head under the pretense of zipping up your coat. The next one. As you walk out of the restaurant, you thank him again for the meal.
Mingming brushes you off. “What sort of date would I be if I didn’t pay for my, for you?” He says, stumbling over his words.
Wordlessly, you slip your hand into his, feeling the heat of his hand contrast with the cold air around you. His hand tightens around yours for a heartbeat or two before relaxing into your hold.
“I drove here, so if you want, I can drive you back to yours?” He says, taking his keys out of his coat pocket.
You almost say no, not wanting him to go out of his way for you, when a sudden icy breeze steals your breath. You turn into him to protect yourself and say into his coat, “Please.”
He laughs, slinging his arm around you. “Your carriage awaits, YN.”
You laugh in return, shoving him slightly. “Don’t be so greasy.”
His car was slightly warm by the time you got in. He had started it while you were walking to the parking lot. It was a nice enough car, a few years old if you had to hazard a guess. Mingming turns up the heat and plugs his phone into the aux. Yixing filters in through the speakers and he starts backing out of the parking spot.
After a few minutes of him driving, you start to feel warm from the car’s heater. You think Mingming is feeling similar and your suspicions are proven right when, at a stop light, he takes off his coat and tosses it into the backseat. “Hey, if you want, you can throw your coat in the back too, if you feel too warm.”
“Cool, thanks,” you say, unzipping your coat and leaning forward slightly to get your arms out of it. You turn, using Mingming’s seat to steady yourself, and toss your coat back as well. As you turn to the front again, you let your hand trail down his arm. You see his jaw clench and you decide to be even more bold. You take the hand that is resting on the gear shift and place it on your thigh, a little above your knee.
Playing with the rings on his hand, you ask innocently, “Is this okay?”
“Mn.” He hums out, fingers pressing into your thigh slightly. The air in the car is thick with tension and you bite your lip, trying to quell your heart rate.
The rest of the ride is like that, a cat and mouse game between the two of you intensifying the longer you two are in there together. By the time you get to your building, you feel like you cut the air with scissors, as if you were at the grand opening for some new thing. Which, in a way, you are.
Mingming taking his hand from you to park brings you back to the moment. He shuts off the engine and the light of the street lamps scattered around the parking lot was enough to see how dark his eyes were. “If you tell me to stop, I’ll stop. But can I kiss you?” He asks.
You nod, unbuckling your seat belt to lean closer to him. Your eyes flutter closed at the first tentative press of his lips on yours. You two trade quick pecks like that before the kisses start getting longer, deeper. You hear Mingming unbuckle his seat belt as well before he breaks away from the kiss. You whine at the loss, but quickly get over it at the sound of his seat sliding back. He pulls your hand and helps you clamber over the center console and settle in his lap.
You loop your arms around his neck and press closer to him. “Isn’t this a bit dangerous, Mingming?”
“Like it like this, a little risky, you pressing to me. Right now danger seems like a good thing.“ His voice sounds rough and, even though you know the words are cheesy as fuck and kinda greasy, you can’t help yourself. You dive back in, running a hand through his hair. You feel one of his arms tighten around your waist and the other sliding up to cradle your neck.
You bite at his lower lip and he lets out a groan. You smile, making a note of it, and pepper kisses down his jaw towards his neck. You scrape your teeth softly against the collar bones he has been flaunting at you all night and move back to the junction of his neck and shoulder, trying to find the spot that will drive him crazy. You know you found it when he doesn’t even moan, just pulls you impossibly closer to him and his hands clench at your side and in your hair, drawing a whine from you.
He pulls you away from his neck and makes you lean back from him a little. You look at him, brain hazy, and take in his disheveled appearance with a sense of pride. You don’t get a long look, however, before he’s leaning forward and attaching his lips to your pulse point. You curl your fingers, one on the headrest of his seat and the other in the fabric of his shirt. He bites down before soothing it with his tongue and you let out a choked gasp at the sensation. You can feel him smile against your neck as he starts kissing back up towards your mouth. You decide, as he’s kissing you, that his smirk might just be the best thing. You nip at his lower lip again and he all but growls, sending your head reeling. It’s as if all of your senses are filled with nothing but Mingming, Mingming, Mingming. You trail a hand down his shirt and slip a few more buttons open, feeling the hard muscle that lay beneath.
You lightly drag your nails down his chest when he grabs your hand, stopping you. “Not here,” he says between kisses.
“Mm,” you respond, tangling your hands in his hair instead. After a few more moments, you both separate, panting from lack of air. Mingming peppers kisses across your face, gently rubbing your back as you catch your breath.
“Hi,” you say softly, thumbs stroking across his cheekbones. You can see his lips, red and shining from moments ago.
“Hi,” he says, giggling a little. He tilts his head up and kisses the tip of your nose. “I think it’s time for you to go to your roommates now, love.”
You pout at the thought of leaving him. “You’ll walk me up though?” You ask, squishing his cheeks a little.
“Yes,” he says, almost sounding like he said ‘yesh’ from his lips being pursed.
He helps you get back into your seat and you both fix yourselves up, trying to look more put together than you currently felt. Mingming reaches back behind you for your coats after he finishes and hands yours to you.
You weren’t prepared for the cold and how its knife-sharp wind cut through you and you say as much to Mingming, though in less words. “F’ck’n’ cold,” you mumble, walking out of the lot towards your building. You hear his laughter behind you and you turn to see his head thrown back, cloud of cold breath hanging in the air before being swept away by the breeze. Your eyes soften and you wait for him to catch up to you, stomping in place.
He takes your hand into his and puts both in his pocket. “Let’s go.”
The walk to your apartment was quiet, only the sounds from the night’s traffic and your steps surrounding you.
--
“Thank you for walking me back,” you say, stopped in front of your door.
“Of course,” he says, his uneven smile making another appearance. You lean up and he meets you in another kiss. He pushes your hair back behind your ear and you shiver at the feeling of his cold fingers.
You two stand in front of the door kissing for who knows how long before Yanjun is opening the door. “YN, are you going to come in or what?”
You separate from Mingming with a surprised squeak. “Yeah, no, yeah I’m coming.” Your voice was high from embarrassment.
“Yep,” Shuxin agrees, stepping out of the apartment and starts pulling on the hood of your coat, trying to get you into the apartment. “Say goodnight to Mingming.”
“Goodnight, Mingming,” you say reluctantly.
“Goodnight, YN,” he says, a soft smile on his face.
“I’ll see you later.” You promise, Shuxin shifting you to Yanjun.
“Okay!” He says, loud enough for you to hear from the front shoe hall of the apartment.
Shuxin squint glares at him and does the ‘I’m watching you’ sign with her fingers before closing the door.
“Did you have a good time?” Xiaotang asks as you settle into the pile of blankets and pillows she and the other two had made in front of the couch. You heard her unvoiced question: Do you think you made the right choice?
Leaning against Yanjun to steal some snacks you say, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I did.”