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[stmourn]

my protector got so mad at my dad and yelled at him so hard that my throat is hoarse and it also immediately sobered us up from the weed.

but hey we might be moving towards safely getting him to agree to move out LOL....

[stmourn]

i don't feel like finding the post, but at some point i was like "how many more milgram introjects will i get" and the answer so far is 3. it's so weird the way that my feelings on certain characters has changed because of having introjects now who influence the way i perceive their source characters at times. it's sort of embarrassing, but i guess i'm just going to make peace with it because there's nothing else i can do about it.

[stmourn]

the thing about being a system is that things will be going so well and good in your life and your alters will still be like This Isn't Good For Us. We Can't Keep Doing This and have a breakdown about it and try to get you to ruin your life again by rejecting the good things you've worked for

[stmourn]

i actually wanna use this blog more and get even more personal here but i kinda want a new url that suits us all a little better. so hard to find a good one though fuck my lifeeeeeeee

[stmourn]

haven't gotten to have therapy in a month because of my job and i was finally going to have therapy tomorrow but my therapist is in the hospital giving birth so now i can't see her for an extended period and all i can do is cry about it because i don't know what else to do

[stmourn]

watching a video about child abuse and suddenly remembering that my father did used to physically abuse me and i had just completely forgot about all of that. like wow he used to threaten to beat me with a belt (and on some occasions did) and i literally forgot that ever happened at all until right now.

it feels so yucky to think about because lately he's been so nice and uncharacteristically kind to me and it makes my stomach turn seeing him be nice when i remember what he did to me as a child. i just want to forget about it again

[stmourn]

about a month ago i ended up in a space with an old friend i hadn't seen in half a decade. it was someone who had been a particularly awful friend to me, so i was very wary of them. yesterday i ended up messaging them to talk about things, and they ended up recognizing the things they had done wrong and sincerely apologizing for how they'd treated me. it was really shocking because i didn't even prompt them to apologize or anything, they just came straight out of the gate saying sorry and it honestly made me tear up... we had been very close friends back then, and things ended pretty sourly between us so i had always wished we could've talked it out... i didn't expect to get closure on the situation, but i feel so much better about things now :')

[stmourn]

can i be honest. it annoys me so bad when people say "bodily i am xyz" like. that sounds so stupid just say you're xyz irl fdjfjlkklk3l4kgmglkmk