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“if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” -
2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV
Don’t take things for granted.
I have been envious in life.
Envy ;
a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.
I been brainwashed to believe the
“American Dream” is my dream
A nice family, a house, a car, and a career, pets and just living life happy - go lucky
Don’t get me wrong I want to have these things. But envy? Is too low for me and I need to stop that. I think if someone has something you it was earned. If God delivers it to there hand, then is was earned. The LORD delivers into our hands. He delivers his word and wisdom to us all thru the Holy Spirit.
Envy ; is an emotion which occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality achievement or possession and either desires it or wishes the other lacked it
I don’t want to be that kind of person. LORD please help me keep this covenant between me and you ; I want to be free of envy. I want to be happy, content and most of all, humble
Humble ; having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.
I think this destroys envy. ‘Humble’ is your invisible sword to cut down any of the 7 sins including envy. I love that the LORD has brought us all together and understand that we should be happy with what we ALREADY have.
Self - Pity ; excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own troubles.
“Being guilty means you did it. But shame is feeling bad about who you are and what you done.”
“You are not a bad person trying to be good, you are a sick person trying to get well. “
We could probably write a mile-long list of reasons porn is wrong, but many of its problems are accidental, consequential. What's at the heart of the issue?
Day 1
So just a real quick one tonight because I’m tired. Today I had an exam for my masters. It was tough and stressful and each time I would pause or allow my mind to lose focus it would drift to a porn fantasy, or a dress up scenario. I kept wondering if I could justify a situation where I could indulge myself - fortunately, I have not! Hoorah! I’d say the first day is always the hardest but that isn’t true... the battle is different for everyone and seems to vary between fights for me!
I had a chat with my ex today. I was with her for a long time and I we split up about a year ago. We split because of the transvestism and cross dressing - she felt betrayed which I understand. I realised while we were talking I am stuck between two very distinct paths:
1. I have a society that would see me follow my girlish desires and embrace it... after all it must be who I am.
2. I have an upbringing, and a church family (former really), that would see me correct myself and fight thee foul demon!
I’m hoping to hit 90 days of no pornography, masturbation or orgasm - this will allow me to wean myself of the dopamine I use to dose my way through life and discover what I really want. I make no prior assumption or decision. One day down, 89 to go...
Let’s see if I’ve got what it takes this time! I’m feeling strong!
I hope to have a little chat around my decision to do this blog anonymously tomorrow. Check it out.
