May 30, 2016
Keely was pondering her tight budget and a $7 jar of almond butter in Whole Foods when she heard Kanye ‘Stronger’ West telling her to "go ahead, go nuts, go apeshit." The critics were right. Rap music was dangerous.
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Keely was pondering her tight budget and a $7 jar of almond butter in Whole Foods when she heard Kanye ‘Stronger’ West telling her to "go ahead, go nuts, go apeshit." The critics were right. Rap music was dangerous.
Day 1
And so my sobriety goes on. Twice today my noses rejoiced at the scent of burning weed. Despite this my consciousness was not altered. As I was making my way into the gym for total wellness class I was taken aback by a smell already most familiar to me. I was then taken further aback by my teacher’s reaction,
In an easy, passive-aggressive manner: “Go to security, you know where security is?”
In a desperate attempt to be funny (and to get high off secondhand smoke) I inhaled deeply and said,
As if to not be heard: “Miss, I’m feeling dizzy”
Brilliant fucking line right there my mates, alas to no applause. Cut to 6:50ish pm. I’m skating my way across the greenway, noticing many more fitness aficionados than usual. Along with a crack fiend chasing a cat away. I take off my shirt, seducing the world with my beaner belly. End of the greenway, jaywalk to the next one. !Viva Mexico cabrones! Unmistakable. That scent is fucking unmistakable. Two guys sitting on a bench, of course. #1 stoner strategy: hide in plain sight. I grin at them as if to say “I’m with you, compadres”.
Along with a thumbs up: “Smells good, broh!”
Jackass Kanye West really did it this time. The man has mastered the art of seizing the spotlight, yesterday I found myself telling my loved ones about his presidential campaign announcement. Although I tried to convince myself I was doing so for comedy’s sake I know I was subconsciously attempting to help path his road to the white house. Let’s be honest, having the Kardashians in the white house would be the nail needed to seal America’s coffin. West 2020 #YesWeKanye
Anyways, dude’s really got me thinking a lot about him since that stunt (hence the “broh”). So I skated away from temptation. For no more than 50 feet. I turned on my tracks and headed back in hopes of taking a puff.
As I brake, in the most friendly tone I could muster: “I don’t mean to interrupt anything…”
Weed if a fruit of the earth, it belongs to no one, to everyone. I might’ve expected too much from two Florida no-good stoners, but if I’m smoking a fat jay and someone comes up to strike a convo I do not hesitate to offer him a toke. Basic human courtesy, broh. I introduced myself. I found common characteristics between us. I learned their names. I made them feel important. I used all my timeshare salesman techniques. Now to seal the deal with these fucktards.
Humans today have no fucking decency. One remained plugged into his phone as he hid the roach in his sock, the other was off in another realm of consciousness as he told me how he had been caught with 21 grams. Damn. From what I could notice they were of hispanic heritage. ?Have we not any sense of comradeship, compadres? If we do not stand together our brown asses will be kicked back over the border by Trump. (#FeelTheBern) So Mike and Bryan headed off to their class. Hurried off to their class.
And I was left to skate my sober, frustrated mind back home to write up this first entry.
yesWeKanye