After the light aspected aether proved too much for Yonah, she realised despite how little time she had left, she needed to be alone with her thoughts and reflect on her failures.
But it's foolish to think she could simply vanish without her allies seeking her out.
‐---------------
Having concluded her conversation with Feo Ul and vehemently turning down their request for her to take their crown and live an eternal life as King Titania, Yonah had come to a realisation. So much had happened so fast that she hadn't had even a moment to begin to process everything. She had confirmed the identity of the Crystal Exarch was none other than G'raha Tia, the same Miqo'te man that aided her in her journey through the Crystal Tower on the Source.
However, just as quickly as she had confirmed he was a dear ally of hers, he was badly injured by Emet-Selch and promptly taken by the Ascian far below the waves of The Tempest. All of this happened while Yonah herself struggled in vain against the painful, all-too-heavy consequence of taking in so much light aspected aether. She was turning in front of her friends, and she couldn't do anything to stop it.
Yonah's failing to contain the light aspected aether caused G'raha Tia to be taken from them, and before she had the chance to respond to Emet-Selch, she collapsed.
Now, her aether may have been temporarily balanced by Ryne, but she still suffered some ill effects from it. The edges of her vision still stung with a blinding white that gave the world around her somewhat of a reverse vignette, her body ached and burned with every step she took and every move she made, and her horns were plagued with a constant ringing that threatened to deafen her.
All Yonah wanted was some time to process it, a moment to breathe and take it all in. She had come to the decision that, though she likely had very little time left, she had to be alone with her thoughts. It was a subconscious effort, her attunement to the Wright Aetherye, her legs carrying her towards the cliff overseeing the seemingly endless sea, mind racing a million miles a minute while simultaneously thinking about nothing at all while her body practically screamed at her with every step she took.
When she finally realised what she had done and where she had gone, she looked up towards the sea stretching out before her. This was the first place on the First that Yonah had ever taken a liking to. This was the cliff that her and Alphinaud walked up together to find a lost toy for a little girl, the cliff that overlooked The Tempest and everything beyond. The one she imagined would have the most gorgeous sunsets.
She had declared to Alphinaud that day that, once everything was over, once night had returned to Novrandt, that she wanted to come back here with the Scions to watch the sunset together. Alphinaud had agreed, seeming excited at the chance to have a quiet evening with their allies once the burden of the Sin Eaters had been taken care of. Yonah had wanted this so badly, to see the sunset burn the sky a brilliant orange, to sit with the people she had gotten so close with and enjoy a moment of peace...
Most of all, she had wanted to watch the sunset with Alphinaud.
But now she was plagued with the realisation that the sun would never set again, the sky would continue shining a sickly, unnatural yellow, and that all of this was her fault.
Because she wasn't strong enough.
Because she wasn't good enough.
Because she failed.
Everyone.
She failed everyone.
She failed the citizens of Novrandt, of the First, who would never again see the night.
She failed Hydaelyn herself, who blessed her with the gift of the Echo and the strength to fight.
She failed Minfilia, who gave her life to give the First a fighting chance.
She failed the Scions, who had so much faith in her.
She failed him. The man she...
Tears were falling from her eyes rapidly as she was overcome with grief. Her legs gave out and brought her down to her knees with a painful thud. It was too much, her body hurt too badly, her ears rang too loud, her mind raced with all of her failings and her heart was breaking. The peace and quiet she had hoped for so she could clear her thoughts had become a prison, giving her no distraction to her internal monologue, monologues that plagued her.
It was like an entire armada of screaming voices that threatened to swallow her whole.
It was all too much, it was just too much for her. Her body curled in on itself while her arms grasped over her chest, gripping the opposing bicep and squeezing hard. It was all she could manage while her head fell limp and she sobbed. She hadn't felt this worthless, this small since she was a little girl...
After her brother died,
As her mothers health declined...
And she was too weak, too frail, she couldn't do anything to prevent it.
But now, with her failures she wasn't just going to die, she was going to transform, succumb to the Light's embrace and devastate the reflection and everyone in it. She was going to be singlehandedly responsible for the deaths of everyone she had met here, everyone she never got the chance to meet here, and everyone she loved.
She was going to cause the Eighth Umbral Calamity.
Even when she closed her eyes tight in an attempt to quell her tears, she wasn't greeted with the momentary bliss of darkness but a flood of blinding white light behind her eyes. This realisation wracked her body with another wave of painful, choking sobs. Her mind was failing, deteriorating any hope, any aspirations, any dreams she had hoped to fulfill. None of it mattered anymore, she wasn't going to live to achieve any of it.
A small push pulled her from her self-depricating train of thought and back to reality. It was the smallest pressure against her thigh but it was there. She lifted her head, glancing over to the source of the touch. It was her faithful companion, the minion that stood ever faithfully by her side.
Her Wind-up Alphinaud, the last face she might ever see...
--------
"You mean to tell me she woke up and you simply let her leave the Crystarium, knowing full well she was injured and in need of succor?" The Miqo'te woman's voice rang out accusingly towards the galdjent man. Y'shtola was tense, fists clenched at her side.
"We don't know where she went!" The man retorted desperately, hands raised in surrender, "The last we heard from her, she was just going to stand in the Exarch's garden!" Looking between the six worried faces, the man pointed up towards one of the lookout towers overseeing the Crystarium and Lakeland, "Watched her climb the steps myself, she could hardly walk! We didn't think she'd grab an Amaro or something and take off!"
"Well she did, and without our aid and support." The next voice to contribute was the female elezen, trying her absolute best to maintain her composure. "Do you have any idea where she may have gone?" Despite Alisaie's attempts to remain level, the wavering in her voice gave away just how frightened and worried she was. The woman was rapidly falling to pieces.
"None," another voice broke in. A hume, holding a large clipboard as she approached the galdjent and the Scions, "According to our records, she did not take one of our Amaro. There's a relatively good chance that she either engaged in Aetheryte travel or took a steed of her own out through the gate to Lakeland." If nothing else, despite the way the hume's hands trembled, she managed to keep her voice calm and level.
"We have not the time to worry the residents over her whereabouts. We've need scour the realm for her." Urianger proposed, getting a slanted look from Thancred at the prospect of searching all of Novrandt for one auri woman. "I, for one, believe it's favourable for us to divide our search. I shalt returnest to Il Mheg. Being accustomed to the lands and those dwelling within shouldst prove advantageous, and seeking the aid of the Pixies wouldst prove invaluable to our search."
"Does anyone have any clue where she might have gone?" Thancred added, dreading the idea of the six of them trying to search every nook and cranny of an entire landmass for her, "Anything she might have done? Anything she's said that might give us any clues? Moving as a group could potentially waste time... and we have precious little of it to spare. We must have some way we could narrow the search."
Alphinaud until this point had been a passive listener, being lost in thought while he rattled his head to figure out how to find her, but Thancred's question finally made it click. His head shot up, eyes burning with a fierce determination, "We should divide our search. Think of anything, anywhere that Yonah had been that she had taken a liking to."
He knew where she was. He was sure of it. But he also didn't want to take any chances, her life was at stake.
"Thancred, you've grown to know Lakeland far better than anyone else. Begin your search there," he began with a confidence and tone that loosened the stances of the remaining Scions, "Y'shtola. Seek the aid of the Nights Blessed and begin your search in the Rak'tika Greatwood. You're familiar with the lands and you've grown an incredibly positive rapport with those dwelling in it."
"Urianger, you've already dedicated yourself to Il Mheg and seeking the aid of the Pixies. Alisaie, return to Amh Araeng. It's endless expanse and the intensity of what little wildlife living amidst the sands will prove no match to you." He finally turned to Ryne, "Ryne. I want you to remain here, seek out the residents of the Crystarium. Gather information, get eye witnesses, anything at all you could do to help us narrow our search. If you have a lead, I want you to pursue it, wherever that may take you, and seek out the aid of whichever Scion is stationed there."
His heart raced, and he just as firmly declared, "I will return to Kholusia. I have grown to know it exceptionally well in my time on The First. I have allies within Eulmore's walls and even more scattered throughout the region. I am willing to turn Kholusia, and the whole of Novrandt itself upside down in search of her."
The Scions seemed to agree, each of them finding their own strengths and relationships played out in this plan. "And if anyone finds her, once you are able to determine if she is safe, return her to the Crystarium at once and begin gathering our allies. If Ryne is still stationed within the Crystarium, she can assist in this."
Alphinaud finally turned to the two residents that had been the subject of the Scions wrath up until now. They stiffened, but Alphinaud's demeanour didn't change, "And we could use your aid as well. Please, could you begin the process of securing three Amaro, three incredibly loud horns, and a flare gun? We'll need them in pursuit of the Scions when one of us returns with Yonah. Y'shtola, Alisaie, Urianger, and myself can signal our location with magicks when we hear the wail of the horn, but Thancred will need to signal his location in other ways." This was met with a firm nod from the hume woman, who motioned to Thancred to follow her immediately.
Once Thancred had taken off with the woman to secure his flare gun, the Scions split off, a fierce desire to find their precious friend fueling each and every one of them.
Alphinaud, however, was convinced he knew exactly where she was, and attuned to Wright to begin his search there.
--------
"I'm never going to see them again," the xaelan woman whimpered, voice hoarse and strained. She looked to the minion pushing against her calf as though, by some miracle, it would be of some help. It looked up to her, reaching its arms towards her. She rubbed the top of its head, but it only proved her undoing as she realised it truly was the last face she'd get to see, "I'm going to take them all down with me..." her voice was small, terrified, and wavering with the threat of new tears, "And I'm not even strong enough to say goodbye..."
As the realisation set in, her head fell against her knees now that she was sitting down properly with her knees tucked up against her chest. It was hardly a moment later that she sobbed, despite her minions attempts to stir her from it. She had become so entirely engulfed with grief and despair that she couldn't even stand to look it in the eyes anymore.
At some point it stopped trying to press against her leg, but she hardly noticed the change. She just assumed it was her body beginning to numb itself in preparation for the takeover of light aspected aether. Her horns were burning, searing, making too much noise, she swore the ringing in her horns sounded like footsteps behind her, but she knew it was just her deteriorating mind.
She knew...
"Yonah...?"
Her entire body jolted as her head snapped up with a sharp gasp and a choked sob. She wiped at her eyes furiously, sure it must have been her imagination. Was she really so delirious that she thought she heard...
Finally she turned around, able to see him even through her light-steeped gaze, able to see the concern, worry, and fear in his eyes and face, able to notice the way his body shook and his eyes locked onto her. Disbelief painted her, tears continuing to pour down her cheeks. In a weak, hoarse voice she called out,
"Alphinaud?"
She didn't even register the next few seconds, but before she knew it he was knelt to her right, fretting over her, checking her for wounds, eyes scanning over her frantically. His hands were shaking, one would think he was freezing if the panic in his eyes didn't attest otherwise.
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" His voice rang through her, cutting through the internal dialogues plaguing her mind, "How did you manage to get all the way out here in your condition? Why would you make the journey all the way out here?"
The questions hit her like a ton of bricks. There was a moment that she froze while she tried to process a response, eyes fixed on nothing in particular but vaguely aware of the way he stopped to look at her. Rather than answering, Yonah was only able to break down once again, sobbing into her hands. It was horrible, humiliating, she had never cried like this in front of her allies before. She had always tried to be this powerful force of unwavering optimism, always swearing to cry only once she was alone, but now...
"Yonah..."
The voice pierced her to her core, it was dripping with worry. The shifting of the elezen man beside her failed to distract her until she suddenly felt an arm around her. Alphinaud pulled her close to him, letting his free arm grasp one of hers gently. He had never witnessed her cry before, he had never witnessed her get anywhere close to the point of tears, but to not only hear her cry, but to hear her absolutely gut-wrenching sobs broke a part of him. He worked delicately, using the hand grasping her arm to slowly ease her hands away from her face. Once he finally managed to pull them away her position changed. Her right arm fell, tightening around her abdomen and grasping hard at the fabric of her loose fitting shirt, while her left hand returned up to her mouth, covering it firmly while she failed to quell her tears in hopes she could at least stifle the noise of her continued sobs.
Alphinaud moved in kind, shifting a bit to give her some extra support. The hand around her abdomen shifted down, unconsciously placing itself over the hand clenching the fabric of her shirt. Without thinking, his thumb rubbed softly along her hand, not realising it worked to somewhat loosen her grip. His right hand shifted, moving her left hand away from her mouth again. "Yonah," his voice was soft, warm, laced with every ounce of care and adoration he held for her, "I can't bear the idea of you shouldering this burden alone. Please, talk to me, let me relieve you of some of your pain..." his voice was quiet, his entire being honed in on her, "I want to help... any way I can."
Her body trembled in his arms, her throat was raw and sore, feeling like it was about to leap from her body with violent force. But he was here, the person she wanted the chance to see one last time...
The one she adored in ways she wished she had told him, while she still had the chance.
Regret slowly bubbled up in her, she never did tell him how she felt. She realised young, but....
He was so busy during his time running the Crystal Braves, they were both so emotionally wounded during their adventures in Ishgard, and so preoccupied during their time aiding the Domans and Ala Mhigans. The timing was never right, and she had convinced herself so entirely that a confession would ruin their friendship... that she'd lose the person she cared about the most.
That she never told him how deeply she cared about him. And now it was too late.
Now, and now... now she was going to be the cause of his death. She was going to turn, become the most violent Lightwarden the First had ever seen. She was going to level the reflection, devastate everyone in it, and single-handedly cause the rejoining of the First with the Source.
Yonah tucked herself into the crook of Alphinaud's neck, trying, though unsuccessfully, to gather control of her tears. Her voice was weak, dying in her throat as she managed to choke out, "I failed... everyone."
For a moment she felt his body stiffen against her, but it was short lived and only served for him to pull her even closer. Alphinaud's tone was gentle, careful, when he spoke again, "You didn't fail anyone, Yonah. We will find a way to stop this, we'll find a way to save you."
"But I did! I failed everyone!" She cried out, practically screaming as she continued to sob, "The people of the First were depending on me, the Exarch was depending on me, the Scions were depending on me, and I couldn't stop it, I made it worse! I just made everything so much worse!!" She practically collapsed, and the hand that was coaxed away from her face gripped desperately at Alphinaud's top. All she could do was sob fiercely, helplessly against him while she tried to put her thoughts into words, "Now... now I... I'm going to turn-- I'm going to kill everyone I care about, everyone I love... everyone that was depending on me to stop the Sin Eaters, everyone on the Source that's going to be subjected to the Eighth Umbral Calamity, and I can't do anything to stop it!"
"We're going to find a way to stop it, Yonah!" Alphinaud affirmed, confidently and somewhat desperately, "We may not know how yet, but Ryne already managed to steady the aether in your body, it may have only been a temporary fix but--"
"But it's not your burden to bear!" Yonah interrupted, her eyes squeezing shut while she tried to block out any hope he was trying to imbue her with, "It never should have been your burden to bear! But I was so weak, so absolutely useless and utterly worthless that I made it everyone's burden!" But her voice betrayed her. She wanted to sound mad, to turn her anger inwards and blame herself with every ounce of rage she could manifest... but instead, her voice was laced with fear, regret, and sorrow that vastly overpowered her self directed anger and loathing. She had tried to manifest anything to push her anger to the surface, but all she could think about was Emet-Selch referring to her as an eater as though the man himself could taunt her from within her own head.
Yonah's head fell loose, tucking itself back into the crook of Alphinaud's neck while tears filled her eyes again. Her voice was quiet and filled with grief when she spoke again, "There was so much I wanted to say, and do, and experience, and now... I'm never going to get to see any of it..."
This small, regretful confession was met with a tight, warm hug. Alphinaud, despite not being the best with physical reassurances like this, took to wrapping his arms tightly around her, "It's not the end for you, Yonah. I won't let it happen. I may not know how to save you yet but... I am going to find a way." he responded, voice barely above a whisper, "After everything we've been through together, let me be the one to save you for a change."
A steeled affirmation, a promise, spoken with such care and confidence that Yonah couldn't help but freeze up. She hadn't ever failed so spectacularly that she needed this much help bailing her out. She straightened up a bit, letting her head lift from his neck to look at him while she tried to steady herself and stop her tears. But even in that regard, she wasn't alone.
Alphinaud had taken to wiping her tears gently with his right hand, taking the ungloved sections of his fingers and rubbing them so carefully under her eyes. Yonah's body honed in entirely on the sensation, the gentle touch... his warmth. She had been so distracted that she hadn't noticed he had leaned in and closed the gap between them.
It took a moment to register, but it was the unmistakable feeling of his lips pressed against hers, and his tear-dampened fingers caressing her cheek until he could cup her face. This was something she had wanted for so long, but had decided so, so long ago that she'd rather be a steadfast friend in his life than risk ruining things between them by confessing her ever-developing crush to him...
She wasn't going to let this chance slip her by.
Her eyes fluttered closed as the arm grasping her shirt finally loosened, finding its way to the ground to steady her, she felt Alphinaud's hand settle on her waist now that it couldn't hold onto her hand anymore. Her free hand lifted, stroking his cheek softly as she finally returned the kiss, pressing her lips back against his with all the tender love and adoration she held for him. It was everything she had ever wanted from him, even if it was just this one fleeting moment between them...
She was so happy she got it.
When the two of them finally parted, Alphinaud quickly straightened up, pulling himself away from her. His face was bright red, eyes wide, his hands trembling a bit while his voice shakily stammered out, "I-- I-- I never should have-- the timing was all wrong, this was-- Yonah I'm so sorr--"
But as his gaze finally met hers, he found that she had launched herself forward at him, knocking him onto his back as her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her face buried itself in his shoulder while a new flood of tears dampened the high-necked shirt covering his neck. She was clinging to him like he was her lifeline, and she finally managed to admit, "I've wanted to do that for so long..."
Hearing her confession made his heart practically skip a beat. He returned the hug again, letting his head fall back against the ground. He looked to the sky, burning that unnatural yellow while they embraced like this in silence. There was a soft smile on his face when he admitted, "I've known for some time." He felt Yonah stutter in his arms, like she wasn't expecting the confession, "Estinien made me aware of my feelings after you felled Ravana. I hadn't considered the depths of my feelings until he accused me of 'fretting like a maid for her lover.'"
"I think it was 'sweetheart', actually." Her voice came muffled with a soft, teary giggle, making him laugh in reply.
"Regardless of the wording" Alphinaud sighed with a smile, "After I left the exchange, I spent the brief quiet I had realising just how right he was. I realised that in addition to my adoration to you as a dear ally and trusted friend, that my feelings dove much, much deeper than that." One of his hands began rubbing her back softly, letting the gentle motion ground both of them, "Though I truly understood the depths of those feelings when I was finally reunited with you here, in Kholusia."
"When I saw you again, smiling at me the way you always have, so genuine and full of cheer... it felt like a part of myself I didn't realise was missing had returned to me."
"I can't explain how relieved I was to see you again..." Yonah admitted, unable to lift her head from his neck. Her cheeks and nose burned, she was sure her face was practically beet red. "It had only been two months, but seeing you in front of me again, I don't know how to explain it. I..."
Yonah finally lifted herself up, letting him see just how badly she was blushing at last. Her torso was still somewhat over his, her arms on either side of him to keep her up. She noticed him take note of her nose reddening alongside her cheeks, due to the abundance of scales on her face. She was embarrassed, but admitted, "I've known, known how I felt... since you first started the Crystal Braves."
The name brought a flash of anxiety to Alphinaud's face for a moment, but Yonah continued, "You've always been so kind, so confident. You have the sort of presence that can relax a room. You wanted to do so much good, and I wanted to be so much better, to be the ally you deserved. But..." she glanced away from him, but it didn't last long as Alphinaud gently cupped a hand under her chin and eased her gaze back to him. There was a smile on his face that was contagious, and she donned one in return, "I realised pretty quickly that my heart didn't skip a beat when I was talking to anyone else, just when it was you. I hadn't had a crush like this before, and I didn't want to risk ruining our friendship by telling you."
"But seeing you thriving here, seeing you going out of your way to be kind to the people in Kholusia... it... it made me so happy. I was so happy to see you, and I wanted to be a part of your journey again." For a moment, she giggled, "I almost cried, you know. It had been two months, and I really, really had to fight tears."
"It had been a year since I had been shuttled to the First." Alphinaud began. "A year away from my dearest ally and friend. I can readily admit that it was incredibly taxing, though I hadn't realised how difficult it had been without you, how terribly I missed you until I was finally gifted the chance to see you once again."
Yonah smiled down at him, letting herself lower back down, laying somewhat on her side and somewhat on him while her arms settled against him again. Alphinaud slowly, softly embraced her again and the two laid there in a peaceful, comfortable quiet, a moment for only the two of them. Their embrace lingered, with Yonah cuddled up against him while she finally managed to steady her thoughts.
Of course it took Alphinaud to pull her together, he had always made her want to try just a bit harder to accomplish things.
When she lined up her thoughts, put herself on a single path instead of a garbled jumble of half-baked self-loathing insults, she felt it was time to finally be open and raw to Alphinaud. She thought he deserved the trust, the comfort for Yonah to be able to talk openly and be honest with him about her fears and apprehension.
"I don't want to be alone," she managed to admit quietly, getting a slightly tightened hug from Alphinaud in response, "I'm scared... scared I'm going to hurt you all, but I don't want to be alone." Tears threatened to fill her eyes again, but she managed to steady the stinging sensation with a few stable breaths, "But... if I'm going to die anyways, if it's between your lives or mine... I want to at least help you all stop Emet-Selch and rescue the Exarch... before the Scions need to take my life. I want to protect everyone, I want to protect you..."
Alphinaud took a moment, carefully planning his next words. He spoke with a steeled resolve, "You're not going to die... I'm going to make sure of it." The confidence, the optimism in his voice relaxed Yonah's shoulders significantly, but he heard her whimper quietly into her shoulder, "I promise, I promise, I will find a way to save you. And once I do..."
"I'll make sure we're never apart again."
He wasn't able to see her face, but he turned his head towards her regardless, resting his cheek against the top of her head, "You've gotten through so much and come out unscathed. You're going to get through this." He added warmly, "We'll look back on this and..."
"And..." His voice wavered for a moment, trying to put his thought into words, "And we'll remember this for the right reasons. Not for the flood of light, not for Emet-Selch. We'll remember this for us."
Despite his voice faltering for a moment, his determination and intention were clear. Yonah meekly managed to pull her head from his shoulder and meet his gaze once again, "For us...?" She dared let herself hope that he had meant what she thought he had.
"For us," he affirmed, "I promise, Yonah, we will never be apart again. I will ever stand by your side as an ally, as a friend... and wherever else our affections choose to take us in our shared future."
She managed a smile, a genuine one. It was accompanied by tears, but it was a smile nonetheless, one that reached her eyes. Her watery eyes shone while she nodded warmly at him, "I want to get through this." She admitted with a wavering but hopeful voice, "I want to get back to the Source with everyone, and I really... really want to pursue this..." Yonah's face was red, far worse than it had been before, "Since we both feel the same way about one another... I really want to see where pursuing our feelings would go."
Yonah was slowly eased back into a seated position by Alphinaud, who rose with her until he was sitting upright again. There was a bright smile on his face that warmed Yonah straight to her soul. Her voice was lighter when she finally giggled out, "Is it selfish, wanting to get through this just to see where a relationship with you would take us?"
Alphinaud's hand cupped her face again, eyes softening as they met hers, "After all you've given in the service of others, no one would fault you if it was." A pause, letting the silence stretch between them for a few comfortable moments until he rested his forehead against hers, "But it could hardly be considered selfish."
"Besides,"
He moved in, taking another slow, delicate kiss.
"I'm interested in that future as well."