#yong ya

[donotfeedyonghwa]

I feel like dying every time I look at Yong.

[mingqiu-blog]

*Ming Qiu awakens with a stiff back and looks down, straining her eyes to find Hotaru*

[mingqiu-blog]

Hmm.

This Hotaru girl seems pretty nice, although I get the feeling she thinks I'm stupid.

She's helping me a lot though, so I'm just really grateful right now.

I hope I can find mother, no matter how long it takes.

And also, I hope I can wear less confining clothes.

And soon.

Some of this embroidery is itching and sticking to me...

[mingqiu-blog]

I wake up with a few leaves in my face.

The sun is shining now, and I'm starting to recall that I settled down to sleep in some sort of forest. I brush myself off and try to ignore how stiff my back and neck feel. As I leave the forest, I head out towards a dock.

A dock might be a good place to start.

I can easily find out for myself where I am because of any merchants or travelers, and maybe even head somewhere myself.

Yes, a dock.

I head towards the dock, and situate myself near a cart of street food. My stomach rumbles as I realize it's well past morning meal/tea time and I haven't eaten anything since last night.

Too bad I have no money.

I really didn't think this out too well.

Ah well...I'll come up with something. Until then, I'm going to sit here and listen to conversations and try to make sense of where I am.

[mingqiu-blog]

I'm ready.

I can hear some birds chirping outside.

It's still dark.

I wrap the last few things in my sack that I've fashioned out of an old curtain.

I know that to get out I have to do this quickly.

I take off my shoes.

The floor is cold, but my shoes are too loud and limiting to wear.

I scurry out of the inner courts and past wall after wall, until I am no longer surrounded by walls.

I'm coming, mother.

[mingqiu-blog]

"Yes, I know. Now please tell me everything you know about her."

I see her hesitate to answer, so I continue, "I won't tell anybody I know, or who told me. It's safe for you to tell. I promise."

It's strange how a woman who's known me my whole life is suddenly hesitant to tell me things.

"Well, miss. Things started before you were born, naturally. Your mother was a Southerner, but of course she went by a Northern name while working in the palace. We all knew her as Chun He."

"Spring lotus..."

"Yes, miss. She was as pretty as one too, if I may speak boldly."

"Oh no, I don't mind. I want to know."

"Well, she ended up assisting near His Majesty a lot, and, they started a relationship. His Majesty and Her Majesty never exactly..."

"Were in love?"

"No, miss. They were a match built entirely on strategy, like most. Even so, Her Majesty was jealous, and only did nothing about it because, well, there was nothing she could do."

I nod. Imperial Father has the final say on everything.

"Eventually, however, Chun He became with child."

"Me?"

"Yes. But after you were born, Her Majesty became even more furious, and pleaded with His Majesty to remove Chun He from the court, and threatened Chun He herself."

"With what?"

"No one knows exactly. All we know is that Chun He was quietly dismissed, and left you here to be raised, since of course she couldn't take an Emperor's child with her. The palace workers that were here then know the story, but the newer ones don't, and the public was told you were the daughter of Her Majesty."

So that was why Imperial Mother always looked at me as if I were some sort of devilish creature.

I reminded her everyday of the one name she wanted to forget.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, miss."

*tears stream down face*

"Oh miss, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said-"

"No, it's alright. You were following orders. I wanted, no, I needed to know."

"Alright then miss. Shall I bring you your favorite blend of tea?"

"Please."

*massages temples as maid leaves*

What am I to do?

My heart keeps whispering something to me.

Something outrageous.

Go find her, it says.

[mingqiu-blog]

I'm so conflicted.

I've been sitting here in my room all day.

I've left only for meals.

I have to find out about my mother.

*hears a knock at the door and opens it*

It's one of my maids.

"What did she look like?" I ask spontaneously.

"Who, miss?"

"My mother."

"Oh, miss, you already know what Her Majesty looks like."

"Not Imperial Mother. I mean my mother."

The maid's eyes widen.

"Miss.....You....know?"

[mingqiu-blog]

It's very hard to sleep right now...

Who am I really? Who is my mother? *eyes well up with tears* I don't even deserve to be a princess...