I’ve been getting a lot of negative messages pertaining to the pictures I posted of me burning all of Brand New related possessions, so I thought I would make this final post as a clarification.
Brand New has been my absolute favorite band for the last ten years of my life. I’m twenty two years old. Brand New has been pretty much my only musical outlet, or what I turn to, when everything in my life starts to fall apart, and it always has. I have two Brand New tattoos on my body forever. I own a shirt from every album (and then some), not to mention I own a physical copy of every said album, also. My Pogolith was my prized possession. I’ve traveled across the country numerous times and have spent hundreds of dollars just to see them, without ever having a second thought. This band was my entire life.
I had heard a couple things over the years about Jesse Lacey, and that mixed with watching old tour videos of all of them, I knew the guy wasn’t a saint. I never put him on a pedestal. I never worshipped him; shit, I didn’t even think he was the most talented artist in my library. However, the music he created was what I always needed, and I found much solace in listening to another person speak of the same exact pain that I was feeling, when I was so confident that no one else in the entire world understood. It meant so much me, more than words could ever explain. Back in 2011, I was sexually assaulted as my first sexual experience, and it was pretty brutal. I never told anyone, really, but cried away all my sorrows to Brand New every night. Later on that year, I was pretty much hospitalized for my eating disorder. I was so alone in the world that I pretty much considered The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me as my best friend. I promised myself I couldn’t die without at least seeing them live just once, and that was all the inspiration I needed to get better. Brand New is the reason that I’m alive today. And while a lot of people seem to argue that, “I should be appreciative of what they’ve done for me in the past” .. No. I can’t. I just can’t.
I feel like the last ten years of my life dedicated to this band have just been lies. It was Jesse’s piss poor “apology” that cemented my opinion, honestly. If he had owned up to what he had done instead of tiptoeing around it and not even mentioning the most awful part of it all, I might be much more forgiving. Instead, he decided to distract us and drop another “I’m a trash human” bomb. Sure, he is just a human being, and sure, people do make mistakes. However, the allegations brought up against him have been going on for years. He manipulated and solicited girls for YEARS. It wasn’t just a lapse of judgement, it wasn’t a one time mistake; he KNEW what he was doing and he was taking advantage of girls for up to TEN YEARS. When you have the talent, the power, and the money, you’re supposed to set the example. Not abuse it. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life interpreting their music as Jesse being the prey, like I’d always felt in my life, only to find out that he was the predator.
I can’t forgive him. I won’t forgive him. I’m so over getting called a “fake fan”; I have their lyrics IN JESSE’S HANDWRITING tattooed on my body for fuck’s sake. The worst of it all is that all of these other bands have made statements about him being creepy, so why have his band mates stayed quiet for so long? Are they guilty of doing the same? You can’t tell me that they were just completely clueless about all of it for this long? My heart is broken beyond repair. Who would have ever thought that the music I used to escape my own life of abuse would be made by a man who was an abuser himself? I can’t even listen to the songs the same way anymore. It doesn’t even feel real. I’m still in shock. I almost feel dirty; like I contributed to this man taking advantage of people for so many years. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what else to say. I’m a very, very hardcore believer that people don’t change. I see different fans arguing due to his statements about going to rehab and getting help for his problems, which is good for him and I’m proud, but I wholeheartedly believe he will always be the same person. I can see right through his apology, and I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it. I think he’s a coward. I wish to not be associated with the band anymore, nor ever again.
At least pretend you didn’t want to get caught, Jesse.
