#youallwin

[strawberrymaven]

Oh God why are all you beautiful tumblr people the only ones who don't piss me off

[litvar]

"Family"

Over the years I have noticed something. My family can be loving, happy, messy, opinionated, and sometimes hurtful. Like almost all other families. Some members of my family are more opinionated and hurtful than others. There's always drama, always someone fighting for control or struggling to look like they have it all together. I have had to deal with an overbearing, loud, stubborn mother for almost 21 years now. After awhile I stopped trying to hold my ground, I stopped trying to stand up to her because my mind and heart were completely EXHAUSTED from all of the arguing, from the detached relationship that we've had for as long as I can remember. Instead of trying to talk, I shut her out (as well as others), and distanced myself. Between friday and saturday I realized that what my family thinks is best for me and also best for others in our family is 70% of the time NOT WHAT'S BEST. I realized that certain member's 'unconditional love' isn't always what it seems. 'Unconditional love' comes with them being pleased by what they deem is 'proper behavior'. What they think is proper happiness for me is many times what makes me truly miserable. So now I choose not to be happy. I choose not to express myself and be honest about what makes me truly happy. I choose to be as cold as a certain someone I know. I choose to cut off all old feelings and expectations that I had for/towards my family. No more listening to my heart, I will from now on go along with their wishes and demands instead. Who cares if it kills me inside? Well, they dont. So no more listening to my heart, even if it pains me more than anything else. There's no fighting the majority vote in my family. Conform to their beliefs even if it means being miserable, or be cast out. From here on out, I choose to shut out my feelings. Their happiness in exchange for mine. Yes, its extremely hurtful that the people who say they love me the most cant meet me halfway and at least try to see things from my perspective. Yes, its painful that the people that I have known my whole life don't see that keeping me under their thumbs isn't helping me grow, it's actually making it harder for me to be the woman that I envision in MY minds eye. But I know that other people in the world have it much worse. That they are going through much harder struggles than I can even imagine. So I will square my shoulders, stand tall, and bear it.