all Asgardians are raised gender neutral until the age of 13 when they have a big ceremony and choose what they want to be. this fic is of a young Loki figuring themself out before their 13th birthday when they'll have to tell the whole of Asgard who they are.
Loki has always been a troublesome child, sneaking into Odin's vaults, playing pranks on the inhabitants of the castle, summoning a monster or too, and they've earned themselves quite a few scars for their trouble. But as they age it only gets worse, slacking off during training, skipping out of their royal duties, plotting bigger and worse things to do.
"Loki. We do not use magic in that manner.'' Odin scolds when he finds Loki snickering and hiding from a very angry Sif, after illusioning her to look like an ogre and having her chased by the guards. “Do you want the kingdom to hate you?"
"It was just Sif..." Loki argues, crossing their arms.
"Is Sif not part of the kingdom?"
"...no.. she is..” they admit “but she's my friend and it was funny" they don't see why this is such a big deal.
"Magic is to be used for bettering the kingdom and ourselves; not for foolish play. You are a prince Loki, start acting like it." Odin sneers
“Yes father.” they say, dipping their head.
“Good. You'll never be fit for the throne if you continue to act like this," he says, returning to his walk. Loki waits till he's left before going to Sif, kicking at the ground angrily.
“There you are, Loki! You're going to pay for this!” Sif says marching over to them
“Yeah, I know. I'm sorry Sif.” they grumble. “I didn't act very princely.”
Sif stops mid-step to stare at them. "It's fine. I'm not a pansy." she answers finally, crossing her arms.
“Of course. Want to come watch Thor fight the Squires?"
Loki smiles and nods, following her out to the sparing ground.
They just sit and watch Thor fight the squires for a while before Loki leans over “hey Sif… you know how to do some of those pretty braids right?”
“Yes. Why?" Sif asks defensively.
“Well… my hair is finally long enough to style... and I was wondering if you would braid it?”
".. braid your hair?" She looks at him, “why not just have your royal stylists do it?”
“I just want to try it... And if I tell the stylists they'll do it more than just once even if I don't like it.”
“Alright” she nods “turn around so I can braid”
They smile and scoot closer. Sif starts to braid small braids into their hair while she watches Thor spar, weaving the braids together before putting it all up into a ponytail. “There, all done” she says. Loki reaches up, running their fingers along the braids.
"You look like a girl." Sif informs
"You think?" Loki asks excitedly.
"Uh.. Yeah.. Why would you want that?" Sif asks wrinkling her nose
"...I think it's pretty?.." they say tentatively
"You can't do anything though if you're a girl."
"You do. You've been a girl for a whole 2 years now. And I don't want to be a girl... I just want my hair to be pretty." Loki tries to explain.
"Yes but I'm weird. I do things girls usually don't do." She looks at their hair, "... I guess you can have pretty hair and not be a girl."
They smile and nod, bouncing up "Thor! Look!" They say, running over to him when there's a pause in his sparing.
Thor looks over and smiles, "Ah, your hair! It's pretty!"
They smile and nod "I'm going to show mother!" They say excitedly, running to their mother and pulling on her dress slightly to get her attention.
She looks down at them, "Oh, hello my child."
"Sif did my hair, isn't it pretty mother?" they ask, spinning
"Yes, it's very pretty. She did a good job." Frigga agrees.
They nod and bounce a bit, going to go find a mirror to look in, running their fingers over their hair as they admire it, it is very pretty, definitely not as fancy as it could be, but its still very pretty, they look pretty, they look down at their clothes, illusioning themself into a pretty green dress to better match the hair before looking in the mirror, doing a little spin.
"Loki! What are you doing my son?" Odin growls. Loki jumps and spins around, illusioning themself to look normal hiding the braids too before looking up.
Odin looks down at them. "What are you doing?"
"Just playing...." Loki mumbles
".. Why don't you do something more.. Educational? Your brother is sparing, why don't you join him?" Odin huffs.
"Cause I'd hurt him. It's not fun when I have to hold back." They roll their eyes.
"Go spar with someone else then, just stop doing... this." Odin gestures to them.
They sigh and walk off dropping the illusion once they're out of sight, taking their hair down and going back to sit with Sif.
Sif looks at them "What happened to your braids?”
"I had to take them out." They say sadly
They nod sadly, fidgeting with their hands. What's so wrong with wanting braids anyway?
She looks down before looking back up, "Wanna spar?"
"Sure..." they nod, tying their hair up out of their face and pulling out their knives.
"Do you want me to take it easy on you since you're new to this?" They ask as they head for more open ground to spar in.
".. We'll just see how it goes." Sif smirks
She pulls her hair up and fixes her clothes before looking at them
They smile, "shall we begin?"
Sif is rather competent for having only started training a few years ago. Loki is better of course, but she’s still good. Loki lets her get some hits in and she even gets some they didn't let her, and they point out where she can improve every time they land a hit on her, just enjoying themself.
"Okay! okay, I yield!" Loki says from the ground where Sif has them pinned, both smiling and laughing as Sif helps them up, looking very proud.
"Loki! Sif!" Odin looks at them both, Sif lowering a bit
Loki straightens up dusting themself off "you told me to find someone to spar... didn't you father?..." they ask
".. Yes, that is true. But I expected someone more... Suitable." Odin sneers slightly
"I think I'd have to leave Asgard for that." Loki grumbles.
Odin shoots him a glare, "Loki. Follow."
They look to Sif before following
Odin takes them off, "Loki, what was that?"
"I don't understand what you mean father." Loki says, keeping their head down. They just can’t get it right…
"You are trained better than to lose to a girl." Odin scolds
"She's new to it all. I wasn't intending to fight her seriously." Loki says, taken aback. That's what he’s upset about? That Loki lost a play fight "I don't think me letting her win says anything about my abilities."
"It shouldn't even have been considered in the first place."
"Why?.. Older kids sparred with me when I was inexperienced… and they certainly let me win... I was only doing the same..." they explain, still confused.
"She's a girl, Loki. Girls don't spar."
He sighs, "Now you look like a fool, being beaten by a girl."
If that's what he’s upset about, Loki can fix that. They could ask for a rematch and put Sif on her ass. "Want me to redo the fight? I will, I'll fight Thor too" they say, turning back to the training fields.
He growls, "Do not get smart with me, boy."
"I.. I'm not?" they stop, confused. “Is that not what you want?”
"You're talking back to your king. Do you think that is smart?"
"...I... I don't know what you want..." Loki says, getting frustrated
"I want you to behave like a prince. To be a good example!"
Odin sighs and shakes his head "You are not. A prince should act with grace and maturity; you are still playing silly games and making yourself look like a fool. How will anyone want that as a king?"
"I act just the same as Thor! And they never get scolded! So if both of your kids act this way maybe you're the problem!" they snap.
Odin grabs their arm tightly as they turn to storm off. "You never speak that way to your king! Do you know how thankful you should be that you are even my son? Do you have no grace?"
“I think I'd be much more thankful if I wasn't your son!” they yell, pushing against him.
Odin tightens his grip on their arm, sending pain all the way up to their shoulder, pulling a small whimper from Loki. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." they say quickly. Tears springing to their eyes as he squeezes tighter.
"An apology does not even begin cover this." Odin growls, throwing Loki's arm down. "Room. Now."
Loki nods and quickly runs off to their room, holding their injured arm close.
Odin has some books delivered to his room, mostly about the kingdom rules and how to honor your king.
Loki sits and reads through them bitterly. Looking for anything they could use against him, any rules they could point to next time. If father wants them to be perfect then fine. They'll be perfect
They're not allowed out until dinner, but that's fine with them. Not like they wanted to see anyone anyway. They go down to grab food eventually, loading up a plate and turning to leave before they catch sight of Odin glaring daggers at them. They shuffle and slowly sit by Thor, keeping their eyes on Odin.
Thor smiles, "Hello Brother." they say through a mouth full of food.
“Thor, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.” Loki informs, picking at their plate, their stomach twisting itself into knots.
"Are you not hungry?.." Thor asks, looking down at Loki's virtually untouched plate.
"Not very.. No." they admit.
".. Are you feeling unwell, brother?.." Thor asks, knitting his brows together in worry.
Thor tilts his head, "Oh... "
Loki goes back to picking at their plate, even taking a few bites when they feel Odin's eyes piercing into them. Stopping as soon as Odin returns to his conversation with the other court members, feeling ill.
"Would you like me to walk you to your room, Brother?" Thor offers quietly.
“No, I'm fine Thor" Loki dismisses, taking a few more bites to try and placate Thor.
Thor lightly rubs their shoulder, before glancing up at Odin who's watching them again. Loki follows Thor's gaze, before scooting away from them. Thor finally returns to eating.
Loki stays much longer than the other kids that night, just sitting silently and listening to the adults talk, taking in as much information as they can and listening to the music the bards play after dinner. Odin looks over at them occasionally but doesn't say anything so it's alright. Loki finally heads to bed when all the adults do, falling into bed and letting sleep overtake them
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