Douchifer for the domestic ship meme? :D
send me a ship and i’ll tell you:
who reaches out to new neighbors
lucifer, because he’s stupid nosy and dan usually can’t grab him in time. dan usually does the Lucifer Apology Tour afterwards - you know; yes that was my boyfriend, yes he’s very charming, yes he sunbathes naked in my yard, he will probably invite you to an orgy or offer you Fun Muffins at some point, sorry in advance.
who remembers to buy healthy food
dan. you don’t get abs like that by eating junk.
who remembers to buy junk food
unless you’re lucifer, apparently. he lives off all the crap dan can’t eat if he wants to stay in shape and lowkey dan hates him for it. lucifer must have hollow legs or something, because he’s always eating.
who fixes the oven when it breaks
dan, while lucifer stands around watching him, making inappropriate comments about dan’s hammer and working himself up into a horny mess. what? it’s not my fault you look delectable when you bang things, daniel.
who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)
they don’t have any, which is probably a blessing. dan is too forgetful to remember to water plants, and lucifer is…lucifer.
dan, because he goes either to the gym or out running before the school run and then work. dan is very often up before the sun. lucifer on the other hand doesn’t actually go to bed until stupid o’clock in the morning, so he’ll stay in bed until he absolutely has to get up to do his obnoxious beauty routine before work.
lucifer. he’s the one who’s fastidious about tidiness and house chores, which seems weird to dan bc, dude, aren’t you royalty? don’t you have servants doing this shit for you? at the penthouse lucifer has a cleaner who comes in weekly, someone who delivers his groceries, and gets all his clothes dry-cleaned, but he’s also super anal about keeping his living space spotless. dan, an overworked single dad with very little free time, is considerably less worried about how much mess there is in his lounge, and didn’t realise quite how obsessively clean lucifer is until he brings trixie over to lucifer’s place and watches his face do very complicated things as he watches her get sticky fingerprints all over his nice clean surfaces.
dan, because he gets up first. he’ll take a mug of irish coffee into the bedroom to wake up lucifer when he comes back from his workout. while he’s showering, getting dressed and getting trixie ready for school, lucifer will be drinking the coffee, getting up, and putting breakfast on. by the time dan and trixie are all sorted, lucifer has breakfast on the table.
lucifer when it’s chloe’s week to have trixie and dan tries to convince him they can absolutely have a quickie before he needs to attend to the bacon.
how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house
lucifer tends to just disappear and dan won’t even realise he’s gone out until he gets a picture of like. a random dog across the street, or a car lucifer just decided he wants, or lucifer’s own reflection in the window of a store with the caption handsome devil. he’ll respond tf where are you, by which point lucifer’s phone is inevitably back in his pocket and forgotten about until he turns back up eventually like a bad penny
dan shouts from the front door once he’s all ready to go.
how do they greet each other when one of them gets home
if lucifer’s had a good day he’ll burst in with a sing-song oh danieeeeeeeeel and launch straight into whatever story he’s itching to tell about his day. if he’s had a bad day he doesn’t really say anything, he just sort of tucks his head under dan’s chin and attaches like a limpet. dan can usually get away with pointing out you’re extra cuddly today, what’s the matter? but god help him if he teases about lucifer’s Emotional Human Moment.
dan will shout, “i’ve got beer/chinese/whatever”, because a) priorities and b) mentioning food will bring both trixie and lucifer into the room to investigate, so it’s killing two birds with one stone really.
who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often
lucifer. dan’s not massively romantic like that. he loves lucifer a lot, for all that he irritates the fuck outta him like 98% of the time, but he’s very much constrained by his own idea of masculinity and how much emotion he’s allowed to show. lucifer doesn’t give a fuck about your petty human gender roles, daniel.
who picks the movie for movie night
dan. they have very similar tastes in films, and the last time lucifer was topside was in the 70s, so he has a lot to catch up on. their movie nights are usually dan introducing lucifer to all his favourite franchises from the 90s and early 00s.
their favorite kind of movie to watch
they both fanboy over the weaponizer and body bags franchises so it’s pretty safe to assume that they’re into movies with lots of explosions, tough guys in wife beaters, improbable action scenes and plenty of nudity. lbh they also both like hot tub high school.
who first suggests a pillow fort
lucifer, and it’s less of a suggestion and more lucifer calling in something stupid in exchange for doing dan a favour.
who builds the pillow fort
lucifer. look, if he wants turrets on the bloody thing, he can do it himself, okay? dan is the father of a 10 year old, not a structural engineer. lucifer argues that technically this doesn’t clear dan’s half the deal if he’s having to build the stupid fort himself.
who tries to distract the other during the movie
listen, lucifer is a simple man. he sees dan relaxed and happy, he’s gonna kiss him. he notices a tent in dan’s pants, he’s gonna sit on it. fulfilling desires is his thing.
lucifer. dan makes it a point of pride to fuck him into an exhausted, melted puddle.
who is big spoon/little spoon
dan is the big spoon. lucifer’s his first actual relationship with a guy, not counting the occasional hookup in college that he felt a lot of catholic guilt over, so he’s used to his girlfriends wanting to cuddle into him and just sort of. automatically does the same with lucifer. and lucifer lives for it, honestly. nobody’s held him for billions of years. he soaks that affectionate shit up like a sponge. 10/10 soft cuddly devil
