#yume.

[entrehormigones]

[sphidols]

Devil ANTHEM.主催ライブ「デビアンフレンドパーク」特集 (1/2) - 音楽ナタリー Power Push (← check for full gallery)

[okawarihappylife]

ill try to draw today wahoo

[memorylog-reari]

cog log/dream log

Just had a dream wherein, thru watermelon/melon/squash seeds, I become friend with two birds, two fluffy non-descript birds (roughly somewhere between a lovebird and a pigeon in size)- one was vaguely black-feathered all over, the other was white and pink feathered (it was a dream, I recognized there was no such species, but I went along with it). I begin taking them in as my part, caring for them, teaching them tricks, playing with them. We become inseparable. Days/months/some time later, the white/pink feathered bird suddenly changed color to chick-yellow, and screaming in agony. Within a minute, it eventually lays an egg (I remember, it was vaguely yellowish with brownish and black spots). Then another (this sometime things vaguely black with gold spots). And another (this time something like a quail egg). Soon, even its mate, the black-feathered bird, suddenly was also chick-yellow colored as well (yeah, crazy dream).

Eventually, they had roughly a dozen eggs of various sizes and appearances (... yeah). That day/night I made a makeshift nest with twigs and shit (I have no idea where I got them) where they where sleeping with their newly hatched eggs. I left them alone to eat dinner downstairs, but before that I think a made a detour somewhere. I have no idea how long that nondescript detour took, because what mattered dream-wise is that by the time I went downstairs, I saw my two pet birds (placed upside down), the nest, and their eggs, on the dining table. They were apparently dead.

Died by drowning, my in-dream sister-analogue said. My in-dream mom-analogue told me to get rid of them and throw the whole lot away. I could clearly remember the tranquil fury I felt back then. I was raging within, since there was no way they could have "drowned" by accident if they were sleeping by their nest - they were murdered. I was determined to save them, or if not their offspring. So I just, took the nest, the birds, and the eggs, and without a word to my in-dream "family" went upstairs to my room in a bid to revive them, all the while hearing my in-dream family talk about how foolish I was, and how I was just a child or something (I have no idea how "old" I was in that dream I might have really been a child somehow, with one of my RL younger sister being my in-dream older sister).

Back in my room,. I set them all on a table and got to work. I couldn't accurately tell if they were still breathing or not, but they were vaguely warm, so I felt that I had some chance. First thing I did was to try to manually suck out the water in their lungs with my mouth, then after a while I used a straw (I have no idea how bird-biology works - that, and things were unusually "simplified" in my dream). After a while I think I got most of the water out of their lungs (yeah), so I thought I'd try checking if they were still alive. No dice. I could swear in my dreams they were still breathing, but I was also partially frantic myself, so I dismissed whatever motion I could sense as my own hand's shaking. So I just left them in their nest, and tried to make them warm instead while I figured how I could keep the eggs warm in my room as well as where I could hide them (lest my family tries to confiscate/kill them as well).

###

I do not remember clearly remember what happened next, for that was about the time I realized I was dreaming and "woke up". Well, more like I subconsciously knew already I was dreaming, but the full-active-realization that a few minutes/hours ago I was sleeping in bed kicked me off that dream.

Still, looking back, it's amusing how it's my own family serves as the opposition in this dream. Then again, while this hasn't happened in real life, it was my mom really who always had the most opposition to what I considered "fun" back then. I remember an almost uncountable number of times my mom didn't allow me to visit a friend's house, or go to a sleepover. Hell, one of my strongest memories is when I, as a bloody fourth-year high-schooler (I was roughly 15/16 y/o), wasn't allowed to go to an amusement park (inside a mall I think) with schoolmates (one of the group was a first-year sort-of-friend who was my crush back then). Mom never gave me a reason why she didn't allow me to go (and I couldn't have just gone by myself, since that was in Saudi Arabia and the distances were... literal kilometers thru a desert and ... hell, I didn't even have my own allowance since she never gives me one back then), demanding  I tell her first why I was so insistent on going. Like hell I would have (the main reason I wanted to go was... well, you can guess), so I just cried and cried, with my mom staring at me across the small room/hallway.

That was when I steeled myself and decided to never again cry in sadness. If I'd ever cry again, it would only be out of happiness and joy, but never sadness. That's probably one of the few self-promises I've never broken. Even til now, the suffering of either others or my own only makes me give out an amused smile and elicits no further emotion, while I only tear up a little whenever I read an inspiring story. By tearing up a little, I do mean that. I can feel the emotions welling up within me, and my eyes becoming unusually moist - but I've never cried as much as I did that last time. And until I encounter a situation that really merits it, I never will. My emotions are permanently suppressed. And I have my mom to thank for that.

[jrp-confessions]

Can I just say that Kazuki and Yume are so cute together. The way they act with each other is so freakin adorable, they look so happy together and hope they will be together for a long time. They both deserve to be happy.

[jrp-confessions]

Dear Yume-kun! Many things happened lately, i messed up things, but when you left I had to realize what I lost. You were my only chance to be happy one day. I had to realize: I don't want to lose you anymore. I wanna make you happy. Thank you for coming back. I love you so much!

[memorylog-reari]

Operation 40-2a

Had a most interesting vivid today, involving sneaking in with a multi-national embassy (or conference or something) as a Chinese citizen, yet ended up meeting "Chairman Mao" (who however looked absolutely like the North Korean strongman today), then chilling at a ramen bar of sorts in the same embassy/complex, then finally cheering up a couple of children with a companion and a ball/balloon that heats up when spun. 

It would have been perfect, were it not for the circumstances that produced this dream. I woke up at 0400 with the assistance of the alarm, yet rushed to turn it off again, which prompted me to fall back to sleep within mere seconds, and thus that ridiculous dream.

I snapped out of it and finally woke up and got up again at 0515, a good 75 minutes wasted. A long cold shower later with some preliminary rushed stretching, and I'm logging it in this web log for posterity.