#~~personal

[may8elle]

love how when i have a bad day, nobody can fucking stop themselves from making it worse and worse

[hardisonparker]

anyways sometimes im really thankful to have grown up in an extended family that values taking care of each other and is very chill about adult children relying on parents. like i have 3 uncles who live with my grandparents thats just the way things are sometimes and theres no judgement about it and it definitely has made me feel less bad about still living with my mom.

[hardisonparker]

i love my psychiatrist but its so exhausting having to go back every single month for my prescriptions i wish she would give me even 3 months worth of refills so i didnt have to constantly be going in 

[hardisonparker]

he's angry about something and i can hear it and it's putting my anxiety on edge

[hardisonparker]

id really like to talk about how im still hurting over what happened at the end of last month but i know that the other person involved has been looking at my blog bc they accidentally refollowed me

and like. 1)i dont want them to know what i feel and 2)it makes every word i type seem performative 

i dont feel like i own this space anymore and its really upsetting bc i have respected their boundaries and not gone into their space at all

[hardisonparker]

lmao its been weeks and i still have no idea how that friendship crashed and burned so hard and i expect ill never know which is frustrating 

[hardisonparker]

how are you supposed to self exam and get your shit straightened out when you have no idea what you did to hurt someone and they dont want to tell you

like ive been sitting here for the last day and a half trying to figure out what i did in the span of three days that came off as gaslighting but i literally can’t think of anything. the deepest convo we had was over what to have for dinner. more than half of the time i was asleep

like i dont want to say i didnt do anything hurtful!! bc obviously someone is hurt!! but idk what the fuck it was

and it still doesnt make stealing my car okay

i wanna believe i can be a better person that i was yesterday but im struggling to know what happened