Amberite at Dreamwidth

(icon by querulousartisan) Welcome to my Internet helmsblock; please relax into the neural interface. Me: Transitioning genderqueer. Poly. Neuroatypical. Early thirties. Fan writer. Occasionally draws, usually badly. Often commentates. I try to select content for quality over quantity, sometimes serious, sometimes humorous, sometimes nsfw (but tagged!) almost always Homestuck. Doin Quadrants Rong: ♦TitianArchivist♦ is my fauxrail: we encourage each other's darkest thoughts and write an epic Captorcest fic together, Wires & Stars. UNIQUE TAGS (out of date): Wires and Stars Wires and Stars Art shit Titian said (these are funny chatlog excerpts from our writing process) Ask Amberite TAGS I POST IN A LOT: Sollux Captor * Helmsman * Psiioniic * Aradia Megido * Feferi Peixes * Captorcest * AraSol * The Condesce (mostly PsiiCon) My non-Homestuck content is tagged "not homestuck" (or occasionally "not homestuck and 1M NO7 5ORRY") for Tumblr Savior purposes. It consists of about 60% rambling about life on the autism spectrum and 40% other fandoms, other problems and kittens. More info about my tagging practices on the page linked below. Assorted trivia: I'm Amberite on AO3, LJ, and Dreamwidth and you might have also run into me in Doctor Who fandom circa 06-07. Post volume (lower better), level of unique Homestuck content, overlap with my interests and level of scholarly/meta emphasis are the main factors in whether I follow someone. Askbox me any time you like, seriously. Might not answer right away because of various disabilities.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

You are golden in the dark but no less golden for it, pure and clean and steady. You are his core and center, your beloved; know the sparkings and banked whisperings of his power as it flows through and around him. You are contained and subsumed and sustaining and your every beat is love, made for and of him. And in your strength and your simplicity you buoy him up, and you know joy.

And as long as you float free of him, suspended behind his spine, in-reaching – ropey arteries tie you to him, warm and full and laden-gold – you've been here before, seen him like this before, where have you –

--

Astris has a daymare.

Chapter Content Notes:

So I herd u liek self-hating starships. Suicidality, PTSD, daymares, hallucinations, body horror, helmsman stuff, severe mental illness. You know all those communication issues and codependency tags from previous chapters? Yeah, that stuff comes to a head here too.

Other Notes: Discord party ongoing!

Chapter 9 to drop within half an hour.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

right so I'm trying to cover the bases on all social media! Wires and Stars double upd8 coming, gonna be a zweihander to the feels, launching our Discord for a party and chill room tonight so you can come yell with us, just ask if you want an invite.

[titianarchivist]

The Wires and Stars Series: by @tatterdemalionamberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Your fingers have crept from the cushion to press into the flesh of your thigh through your jeans lit up like scarred and guttering candles, and you let your head fall back with a pillowed thump, and fuck, you don’t know how you ever even pretend to think about anything else, pallid satellite reflecting in his orbit that you have been for a perigee now – thoughts that stray too far from the shape of his face are slippery like membranes over void.

Astris discovers the time-honored practice of jacking off when one feels bad, with mixed results.

~~~

Chapter content notes: PTSD, codependency, body dysphoria, masturbation, hints of suicidal ideation.

~~~

Yes, you read that right. This isn’t a signal boost of the Ch 6 post, it’s more new Wires and Stars! This is the second of at least four chapters that we’re posting in quick succession. Get your Captor angst here!

[tatterdemalionamberite]

# yes we wrote all this in 2013

# and it’s taken us lo these many years to edit

# 2020 status: still as sollux as ever

[titianarchivist]

The Wires and Stars Series: by @tatterdemalionamberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Your fingers have crept from the cushion to press into the flesh of your thigh through your jeans lit up like scarred and guttering candles, and you let your head fall back with a pillowed thump, and fuck, you don’t know how you ever even pretend to think about anything else, pallid satellite reflecting in his orbit that you have been for a perigee now – thoughts that stray too far from the shape of his face are slippery like membranes over void.

Astris discovers the time-honored practice of jacking off when one feels bad, with mixed results.

~~~

Chapter content notes: PTSD, codependency, body dysphoria, masturbation, hints of suicidal ideation.

~~~

Yes, you read that right. This isn’t a signal boost of the Ch 6 post, it’s more new Wires and Stars! This is the second of at least four chapters that we’re posting in quick succession. Get your Captor angst here!

[tatterdemalionamberite]

# yes we wrote all this in 2013

# and it's taken us lo these many years to edit

# 2020 status: still as sollux as ever

[titianarchivist]

The Wires and Stars Series: by @tatterdemalionamberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

You thought you’d buried this, thought you’d sublimated it into cheerful pitch slapfights with KK -

Anything but that you’d feel these phantoms, the memory of salt-burnt skin and wire-riddled limbs and the outcry of hull sensors, some sick kind of comfort wrapped in the memory of holding onto Astris’ pain for him, that it was something he gave you, and you’re suddenly all aching cavernous desire, breath trapped in your throat with the need for pain and overload and how much you want not to want it.

~~~

1. I think we’ve mentioned somewhere in extended errata that a lot of important character development happens during sex, yeah? 2. and also that we’d deal with the flaming trainwreck that’s Sollux’s traumatically-attached-kink-guilt complex slamming straight into Astris’ self-hatred and codependent insecurity? 3. anyway we’re here. Welcome to the next ~5 chapters. Buckle up.

~~~

Chapter content notes: troll reproductive dysphoria, failsauce h/c, poor communication, kink guilt, Depression Sex.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

  "Sollux, I –"

– Ancient echoes of his own locating pulses, eons ago –

“– I’m off course, I’m sorry –”

The thing about trauma is that sometimes you’re doing fine until, suddenly, you aren’t. And then everything grows more tangled in the aftermath.

Chapter content notes: PTSD, the problems of having a matesprit who is an impossibly powerful starship suffering episodic mental illness, non-detailed emeto, relationship communication problems, quadrant blurring.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

  "Sollux, I –"

– Ancient echoes of his own locating pulses, eons ago –

"– I'm off course, I'm sorry –"

The thing about trauma is that sometimes you're doing fine until, suddenly, you aren't. And then everything grows more tangled in the aftermath.

Chapter content notes: PTSD, the problems of having a matesprit who is an impossibly powerful starship suffering episodic mental illness, non-detailed emeto, relationship communication problems, quadrant blurring.

[titianarchivist]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by @tatterdemalionamberite​ and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

The Psiioniic tries to practice normal troll behavior: such as getting dressed by himself, getting undressed with his matesprit, and cross-examining his matesprit’s moirail. These efforts come with a few surprises.

~~~

“…Right, and I said I’d go see FF later too,” Sollux says, looking at you as if expecting a wince. “I’ve been thinking of some questions for her, for when…” Sollux opens his mouth around a reassurance against your imagined wince, leaves it hanging open for long moments of the real you failing to oblige – “Don’t look so surprised! There are a lot of crucial policy details that watching someone devour your mortal enemy’s beating heart doesn’t tell you…Maybe I’ll come with you,” and you’re only a little bit startled to find that you mean it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: body dysphoria, kawaii awkward troll pity sex, cataplexy, difficult conversations about the consequences of policy decisions, pants.

~~~

aka: if helmsmen wore pants how would they wear them.jpg

[tatterdemalionamberite]

Still not Actually Here but...

Just found out the sign-ups for Drone Season this year are open for a couple more hours tonight! Think I'm gonna join. Here's the sign-up page: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DroneSeason2019/signups/new

Here's the rules: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DroneSeason2019/profile#rules

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Astris tries flying outside the hive with Sollux, and also interacting with other trolls. Not all of these things go equally well.

~~~

You grip his wrist and pull yourself to standing, shivering as you uncramp your legs, and you know he’s right, that you’ve spent as long as it is wise for you to stay in a place that belongs even in some small part to death, that you are vulnerable even when you don’t feel it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: flying, mourning, social awkwardness, PTSD, emotional regulation problems.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Astris tries flying outside the hive with Sollux, and also interacting with other trolls. Not all of these things go equally well.

~~~

You grip his wrist and pull yourself to standing, shivering as you uncramp your legs, and you know he’s right, that you’ve spent as long as it is wise for you to stay in a place that belongs even in some small part to death, that you are vulnerable even when you don’t feel it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: flying, mourning, social awkwardness, PTSD, emotional regulation problems.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Astris tries flying outside the hive with Sollux, and also interacting with other trolls. Not all of these things go equally well.

~~~

You grip his wrist and pull yourself to standing, shivering as you uncramp your legs, and you know he’s right, that you’ve spent as long as it is wise for you to stay in a place that belongs even in some small part to death, that you are vulnerable even when you don’t feel it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: flying, mourning, social awkwardness, PTSD, emotional regulation problems.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Astris tries flying outside the hive with Sollux, and also interacting with other trolls. Not all of these things go equally well.

~~~

You grip his wrist and pull yourself to standing, shivering as you uncramp your legs, and you know he’s right, that you’ve spent as long as it is wise for you to stay in a place that belongs even in some small part to death, that you are vulnerable even when you don’t feel it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: flying, mourning, social awkwardness, PTSD, emotional regulation problems.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview:

Astris tries flying outside the hive with Sollux, and also interacting with other trolls. Not all of these things go equally well.

~~~

You grip his wrist and pull yourself to standing, shivering as you uncramp your legs, and you know he's right, that you've spent as long as it is wise for you to stay in a place that belongs even in some small part to death, that you are vulnerable even when you don't feel it.

~~~

Chapter content notes: flying, mourning, social awkwardness, PTSD, emotional regulation problems.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview: 

That feel when your brain is still more than half starship, your body is not, and your emotions are coming out of hiding after a thousand sweeps of trauma. Being a troll again is hard and no one understands.

When the central port starts to crawl and prickle again worse than ever, you can’t keep yourself from whimpering. You don’t know why; you’ve borne so much worse for so many sweeps without outwardly flinching - why is this -

Content notes:  bodily discomfort with remembered body horror, PTSD, medication use, intrusive violent thoughts, quadrant blurring, caretaking, a bit of codependency.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview: 

That feel when your brain is still more than half starship, your body is not, and your emotions are coming out of hiding after a thousand sweeps of trauma. Being a troll again is hard and no one understands.

When the central port starts to crawl and prickle again worse than ever, you can’t keep yourself from whimpering. You don’t know why; you’ve borne so much worse for so many sweeps without outwardly flinching - why is this -

Content notes:  bodily discomfort with remembered body horror, PTSD, medication use, intrusive violent thoughts, quadrant blurring, caretaking, a bit of codependency.

[tatterdemalionamberite]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

The Wires and Stars Series: by tatterdemalionAmberite and @titianarchivist

Initiation * Incipisphere Intermission * Consummation * Apotheosis

Chapter Summary/Preview: 

That feel when your brain is still more than half starship, your body is not, and your emotions are coming out of hiding after a thousand sweeps of trauma. Being a troll again is hard and no one understands.

When the central port starts to crawl and prickle again worse than ever, you can’t keep yourself from whimpering. You don’t know why; you’ve borne so much worse for so many sweeps without outwardly flinching - why is this -

Content notes:  bodily discomfort with remembered body horror, PTSD, medication use, intrusive violent thoughts, quadrant blurring, caretaking, a bit of codependency.