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(I’ll sleep away this feeling of your absence) all night we’ll slow dance under the covers moving with and around one another like planets caught in each other’s gravity.

mlouise

#poem #poetry

the blue of summer sun-kissed and fresh, today we were august, cornfields, the yellow petals, the glistening of sweat on skin, right up until we slept; but sweetheart this heat will fade, this heat will fall like damp may days tomorrow I’ll be burnt

mlouise

#poem #poetry

(still here, but) the ocean has been calling me all this time; I’m no longer sure if there are parts of me the world hasn’t touched, stained return me to dust before it’s too late

mlouise

#poem #poetry #mental health

(tonight you’re mine; I’m not yours) outside the grass is dewing quietly and soon we’ll wake to scrape the ash of lust from the floor to dress as strangers

mlouise

#poem #poetry

Shrinking – some of us grew up in small spaces and others grow into them, closing themselves in, bruises on skin and limbs upon limb, trying to clothe their hollow bones.

mlouise

#poem #poetry #mental health #depression #anxiety #writer

18 dear the boy I almost settled with, you and I were the cigarette to the addict, the spark, the quick satisfaction, the nothing to grasp afterwards but smoke and ash, and we got yellow stained fingers from our repetitive fixes but still we put ourselves out in the cold at night to try and find something more than habit

mlouise

#poem #poetry #breakup #relationships

(love has always burnt us) so we run into the rain stripping off our clothes and our aches we are raw and free and you’ve never been more beautiful

mlouise

how we live together. we live like soldiers but we are far from saviours, we are the echoes of the voices in our heads living shells of the lives we could of led, we stay separate, keep our mouths shut, talk to those they cannot see; dream of being bold of being able to stand up alone, dream we can be; but in the morning we'll wake again to a knock, wake again in the armour of our diagnosis unable to be more than this

mlouise

#poem #mentalhealth

– Beyond And we are all lying to ourselves that there’s a better life out there for us to live, if we just get through this, this time, next year, this place will be a whole lot shinier; we wish, we work, we get crushed by those we trust, and this time next year this place will still be the same and we will only be smaller, not brighter, no future, we are all lying to ourselves, there’s no up, there’s no next, there’s only this, and the shrinking of who we dream to be, and who we thought we’d be, there’s just this, the constant shrinking who we were yesterday.

mlouise

(you are not here) and once again I’m wasted, not to forget, but to find you maybe after a few g&t’s those hands could be your hands and his kisses will at least fill the gaps that you’ve not kissed in a long time. I’m wasted– you always said you liked that because I tell you how I feel, well: I could love you but

mlouise

(don’t stop until I’m beautiful) bite of your fist into my quiet mouth til blood is drawn– a liquid scribble down my chin drip, drip, drooling for you do you love me only when I’m red? wanted to be the sunset, I guess but not like this

mlouise

(if you tell me it’s real) I’ll wait for your disorder patiently, like the sand waits for the undercurrent to take it somewhere else–

mlouise

(the fourth bruise of december) it was cherry coloured, not the artificial sugared kinds the plump, black ones I took the flesh and you kept the stone hard, like your stare but I kissed you anyway held those eyes as I gave and gave and came for you and I still find myself moaning: break me break me, please

mlouise

my love– I wrote poems about how you didn’t exist, spent months questioning if you did were you red, the flames, burning, warmth, blue, the ocean, drowning, ice cold; looked into eyes that held nothing just wondering how we all just get by without you we did, and we tried and tried to convince ourselves that this is it, this is enough, but it wasn’t and I didn’t realise until I met you that you aren’t red, you aren’t blue, you are all of it at once, the heat, the shivering, the slow-fast falling, the denial, the welcoming, the sober head spinning you’re it

mlouise

#poetry #love #poem

You & I we love silently, you and I we curl around unspoken words and caress them, caress each other, dimpled smiles, fingers in hair and circling across skin, until we fall, we always fall together, tangled up tight, wrapped in limbs and the warmth of you and me; we love silently

mlouise

22 Half bursting, half nothing, some mornings I’m something and others I’m not. How do I live all at once but feel as if I’m not moving; I’m striving, dancing, crying, beating and this is not enough. I can’t be all of it without dulling myself down– I’m white dust scattered into mud and soon enough they’ll see I’m no more than this. I don’t know how to be when I want all of it but keep falling short. What if I’ll be none, nothing, not a mark by morning, half bursting, half nothing.

mlouise

#poetry #22 #poem

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