Nigel

Citranium! It’s science in a can! Visit the Aperture Science gift shop or buy some remotely by calling the below number: 555-cit-rainium or going to aperturescienceshop.com

[testing-associate-nigel]

(After noticing the absence of a certain testing associate, Gy leaves his party to go on a quest to find him. He probably should’ve left someone in charge before leaving….eh they’ll be alright, they’re all having a great time!!!

Floating by some abandoned offices, Gy passes one with a core sitting at a desk staring at his computer- thats gotta be him!!

Lowering himself towards the door to the office, Gy uses his lower handle to knock-)

HELLOOOOO!!! NIGEL!!! I CAN SEEEE YOUUU!!! HIII!!! CAN I COME IN?!??

(His muffled voice shouts from the other side of the door.)

- @heyhigy

Huh? Yes, um- Yes, come in, come right in!

[heyhigy]

(Using his lower handle to push down the door lever, Gy uses the rest of his body to push the door open and float into the office, balloons hitting the doorframe as he entered.)

Hi, Nigel!!! Hiiii!!! Do you remember me?!?! I remember you!!! We didn’t talk much but I know you I do!!! Hiii!!

[testing-associate-nigel]

*he looks to the core, quickly recognizing him* Oh, yeah I remember you! You’re Gy, the party planning core right? Nice to see you, what’s going on?

[heyhigy]

A PARTY!!! A PARTY IS GOING ON!!! CELEBRATING LOVE!!!

Why are you in here hm???? All aloooone?? hehe!

Gasp! Are you being a Debbie Downer, Nigel?!??!

[testing-associate-nigel]

What? No, I’m not a Debbie Downer I don’t think I just didn’t know about the party. And I don’t talk to people very much, to be honest. Anyway, who’s love are you celebrating? Is someone getting married or something?

[heyhigy]

Oh! Good that you aren’t a Debbie Downer then, Nigel!! OOO- Now that you know about the party, we’re celebrating alllllll the love in the facility by the way, will you be attending???? Are you gonna come?!?!

[testing-associate-nigel]

There must be a lot of that going around, then. Huh. Maybe.. What kind of party is it? What are they all doing? I didn’t think Aperture was really known for its parties. Cake, maybe, but.. 

[heyhigy]

There’s a whole lot apparently!! So so so much love, and I didn’t even know!!! Hehe!

They’re all having a great time!!! That’s the kind of party it is!! Fun and love and SHOCKS!! No cake though. THERE COULD BE A CAKE!! There could be one!!! Maybe maybe!!

[testing-associate-nigel]

Yeah, I didn’t know that either. 

Shocks? Oh, they’re at the Encore Club then, right? I’ve heard cores go down there to get drunk all the time

[testing-associate-nigel]

(After noticing the absence of a certain testing associate, Gy leaves his party to go on a quest to find him. He probably should’ve left someone in charge before leaving….eh they’ll be alright, they’re all having a great time!!!

Floating by some abandoned offices, Gy passes one with a core sitting at a desk staring at his computer- thats gotta be him!!

Lowering himself towards the door to the office, Gy uses his lower handle to knock-)

HELLOOOOO!!! NIGEL!!! I CAN SEEEE YOUUU!!! HIII!!! CAN I COME IN?!??

(His muffled voice shouts from the other side of the door.)

- @heyhigy

Huh? Yes, um- Yes, come in, come right in!

[heyhigy]

(Using his lower handle to push down the door lever, Gy uses the rest of his body to push the door open and float into the office, balloons hitting the doorframe as he entered.)

Hi, Nigel!!! Hiiii!!! Do you remember me?!?! I remember you!!! We didn’t talk much but I know you I do!!! Hiii!!

[testing-associate-nigel]

*he looks to the core, quickly recognizing him* Oh, yeah I remember you! You’re Gy, the party planning core right? Nice to see you, what’s going on?

[heyhigy]

A PARTY!!! A PARTY IS GOING ON!!! CELEBRATING LOVE!!!

Why are you in here hm???? All aloooone?? hehe!

Gasp! Are you being a Debbie Downer, Nigel?!??!

[testing-associate-nigel]

What? No, I’m not a Debbie Downer I don’t think I just didn’t know about the party. And I don’t talk to people very much, to be honest. Anyway, who’s love are you celebrating? Is someone getting married or something?

[heyhigy]

Oh! Good that you aren’t a Debbie Downer then, Nigel!! OOO- Now that you know about the party, we’re celebrating alllllll the love in the facility by the way, will you be attending???? Are you gonna come?!?!

[testing-associate-nigel]

There must be a lot of that going around, then. Huh. Maybe.. What kind of party is it? What are they all doing? I didn’t think Aperture was really known for its parties. Cake, maybe, but.. 

[testing-associate-nigel]

(After noticing the absence of a certain testing associate, Gy leaves his party to go on a quest to find him. He probably should’ve left someone in charge before leaving….eh they’ll be alright, they’re all having a great time!!!

Floating by some abandoned offices, Gy passes one with a core sitting at a desk staring at his computer- thats gotta be him!!

Lowering himself towards the door to the office, Gy uses his lower handle to knock-)

HELLOOOOO!!! NIGEL!!! I CAN SEEEE YOUUU!!! HIII!!! CAN I COME IN?!??

(His muffled voice shouts from the other side of the door.)

- @heyhigy

Huh? Yes, um- Yes, come in, come right in!

[heyhigy]

(Using his lower handle to push down the door lever, Gy uses the rest of his body to push the door open and float into the office, balloons hitting the doorframe as he entered.)

Hi, Nigel!!! Hiiii!!! Do you remember me?!?! I remember you!!! We didn’t talk much but I know you I do!!! Hiii!!

[testing-associate-nigel]

*he looks to the core, quickly recognizing him* Oh, yeah I remember you! You’re Gy, the party planning core right? Nice to see you, what’s going on?

[heyhigy]

A PARTY!!! A PARTY IS GOING ON!!! CELEBRATING LOVE!!!

Why are you in here hm???? All aloooone?? hehe!

Gasp! Are you being a Debbie Downer, Nigel?!??!

[testing-associate-nigel]

What? No, I’m not a Debbie Downer I don’t think I just didn’t know about the party. And I don’t talk to people very much, to be honest. Anyway, who’s love are you celebrating? Is someone getting married or something?

[testing-associate-nigel]

(After noticing the absence of a certain testing associate, Gy leaves his party to go on a quest to find him. He probably should’ve left someone in charge before leaving….eh they’ll be alright, they’re all having a great time!!!

Floating by some abandoned offices, Gy passes one with a core sitting at a desk staring at his computer- thats gotta be him!!

Lowering himself towards the door to the office, Gy uses his lower handle to knock-)

HELLOOOOO!!! NIGEL!!! I CAN SEEEE YOUUU!!! HIII!!! CAN I COME IN?!??

(His muffled voice shouts from the other side of the door.)

- @heyhigy

Huh? Yes, um- Yes, come in, come right in!

[heyhigy]

(Using his lower handle to push down the door lever, Gy uses the rest of his body to push the door open and float into the office, balloons hitting the doorframe as he entered.)

Hi, Nigel!!! Hiiii!!! Do you remember me?!?! I remember you!!! We didn’t talk much but I know you I do!!! Hiii!!

[testing-associate-nigel]

*he looks to the core, quickly recognizing him* Oh, yeah I remember you! You’re Gy, the party planning core right? Nice to see you, what’s going on?

[testing-associate-nigel]

(After noticing the absence of a certain testing associate, Gy leaves his party to go on a quest to find him. He probably should’ve left someone in charge before leaving….eh they’ll be alright, they’re all having a great time!!!

Floating by some abandoned offices, Gy passes one with a core sitting at a desk staring at his computer- thats gotta be him!!

Lowering himself towards the door to the office, Gy uses his lower handle to knock-)

HELLOOOOO!!! NIGEL!!! I CAN SEEEE YOUUU!!! HIII!!! CAN I COME IN?!??

(His muffled voice shouts from the other side of the door.)

- @heyhigy

Huh? Yes, um- Yes, come in, come right in!

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hey you know my buddy Mike?

- @thistlespersonalhell

*still shaken up over the last ask, kind of distracted* No, no I don't know your buddy, Mike. There's no 'Mike' in our files. Why, did he work here at one point? Because if he did, he's probably long gone by now.. By which I mean, um, that he would have quit or retired by now. Not that he's dead, although it has probably been long enough for him to have died of natural causes.. So, who is this guy?

[thistlespersonalhell]

MIKE HOCK!

[testing-associate-nigel]

The last time someone responded like that to me, it was word play for some.. reproductive human body parts.. So I’m not gonna ask what that means. I’m also not gonna repeat it. But I will tell you you have horrible taste in jokes.. Are all humans like this..?

[inksplattedboys]

Hi, Nigel!! No all humans are like this, this is just a very common joke to make in the little community you’re in right now.

Some of us, like me (hi i’m ink!! or harley whichever) don’t make these kinds of “deez nuts” jokes on poor unsuspecting victims. So you’re mostly safe :D

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hello, Ink!

Okay, that’s good to know, glad I’m not gonna be the victim of everyone, I guess. Thank you for being normal, at least. I appreciate it.

[inksplattedboys]

Normal </3

You’re welcome! I enjoy being nice to constructs who’re new to the website. So you’re in decent hands, metaphorical hands of course haha.

[testing-associate-nigel]

Again, thanks for that. I hope there’s more people like you around here, and not like some of the others I’ve met so far. Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, Ink!

[testing-associate-nigel]

hey look, it's the aperture tag core! i'm pretty sure there is actually only one of you, and that's pretty rare for a core. anyway, nice to meet you. I'm Jinx, I work in computer sciences. and by that i mean i code cores and other things that have similar functionalities.

Oh, well hello Jinx! Yeah, that’s me. There’s no others of me, wow. You said you’ve coded some of the cores here. So, were you the one who coded me?

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hey you know my buddy Mike?

- @thistlespersonalhell

*still shaken up over the last ask, kind of distracted* No, no I don't know your buddy, Mike. There's no 'Mike' in our files. Why, did he work here at one point? Because if he did, he's probably long gone by now.. By which I mean, um, that he would have quit or retired by now. Not that he's dead, although it has probably been long enough for him to have died of natural causes.. So, who is this guy?

[thistlespersonalhell]

MIKE HOCK!

[testing-associate-nigel]

The last time someone responded like that to me, it was word play for some.. reproductive human body parts.. So I’m not gonna ask what that means. I’m also not gonna repeat it. But I will tell you you have horrible taste in jokes.. Are all humans like this..?

[inksplattedboys]

Hi, Nigel!! No all humans are like this, this is just a very common joke to make in the little community you’re in right now.

Some of us, like me (hi i’m ink!! or harley whichever) don’t make these kinds of “deez nuts” jokes on poor unsuspecting victims. So you’re mostly safe :D

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hello, Ink!

Okay, that’s good to know, glad I’m not gonna be the victim of everyone, I guess. Thank you for being normal, at least. I appreciate it.

[testing-associate-nigel]

please don't ask who Mike Hock is :) you don't want to know

Oh yeah, I'm Nightwing by the way but just call me Night-

I did ask who Mike was, but I don't want to find out what the punchline of that joke means, so I made sure not to ask about it again. Oh, and hello Night! It's nice to meet you.

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hey you know my buddy Mike?

- @thistlespersonalhell

*still shaken up over the last ask, kind of distracted* No, no I don't know your buddy, Mike. There's no 'Mike' in our files. Why, did he work here at one point? Because if he did, he's probably long gone by now.. By which I mean, um, that he would have quit or retired by now. Not that he's dead, although it has probably been long enough for him to have died of natural causes.. So, who is this guy?

[thistlespersonalhell]

MIKE HOCK!

[testing-associate-nigel]

The last time someone responded like that to me, it was word play for some.. reproductive human body parts.. So I’m not gonna ask what that means. I’m also not gonna repeat it. But I will tell you you have horrible taste in jokes.. Are all humans like this..?

[testing-associate-nigel]

Hey you know my buddy Mike?

- @thistlespersonalhell

*still shaken up over the last ask, kind of distracted* No, no I don't know your buddy, Mike. There's no 'Mike' in our files. Why, did he work here at one point? Because if he did, he's probably long gone by now.. By which I mean, um, that he would have quit or retired by now. Not that he's dead, although it has probably been long enough for him to have died of natural causes.. So, who is this guy?

[testing-associate-nigel]

Heyy Nigel! Have you heard of this human thing called Bofa?

-@yalocalredscout

Hello, human! Um, no, I don't think I've heard of that before. But learning is the reason why I'm here, after all! So, what is 'Bofa'?

[yalocalredscout]

BOFA DEEZ NUTZ IN YO' MOUTH

GOTTEM

[testing-associate-nigel]

Bofa deez.. what? What nuts? Walnuts? Peanuts-? Well, no, it wouldn't be peanuts. Those aren't nuts, they're legumes.. My point is: I don't see any nuts in this room, let alone in my.. You know I don't have a mouth, right? I'm not a human or something, I'm a core. I have an optic and handles, not a mouth. I can't eat nuts.. stupid human..

[fraudoktor-anaira]

(Anaira sighs like a Disappointed mom)

Well, Apologies for my co-worker, I'm Anaira.

Do you Mind If I explain the Joke?

[testing-associate-nigel]

wow someone actually introduced themselves with a name

Hello Anaira, I’m Nigel. Was this supposed to be a joke? Then yes, please explain what was supposed to be funny about it. Because I really don’t get it.

[fraudoktor-anaira]

Alright, so Let's first break down the words

Bofa can be broken down into the words "Both Of"

Deez is the misspelling of the word "These"

And the Nutz in this scenario..well..It refers to the testicles, something found in those assigned male at birth.

[testing-associate-nigel]

So it’s like a pun. Okay, I get that part now. Testicles.. on the human male.. *realization* Oh- OH- NO- No that’s... That’s repulsive.. horrible.. Your coworker is disgusting.

I’d like if no one does anything like that again. Cruel joke.. Eugh... 

[testing-associate-nigel]

Heyy Nigel! Have you heard of this human thing called Bofa?

-@yalocalredscout

Hello, human! Um, no, I don't think I've heard of that before. But learning is the reason why I'm here, after all! So, what is 'Bofa'?

[yalocalredscout]

BOFA DEEZ NUTZ IN YO' MOUTH

GOTTEM

[testing-associate-nigel]

Bofa deez.. what? What nuts? Walnuts? Peanuts-? Well, no, it wouldn't be peanuts. Those aren't nuts, they're legumes.. My point is: I don't see any nuts in this room, let alone in my.. You know I don't have a mouth, right? I'm not a human or something, I'm a core. I have an optic and handles, not a mouth. I can't eat nuts.. stupid human..

[fraudoktor-anaira]

(Anaira sighs like a Disappointed mom)

Well, Apologies for my co-worker, I'm Anaira.

Do you Mind If I explain the Joke?

[testing-associate-nigel]

wow someone actually introduced themselves with a name

Hello Anaira, I’m Nigel. Was this supposed to be a joke? Then yes, please explain what was supposed to be funny about it. Because I really don’t get it.

[testing-associate-nigel]

Heyy Nigel! Have you heard of this human thing called Bofa?

-@yalocalredscout

Hello, human! Um, no, I don't think I've heard of that before. But learning is the reason why I'm here, after all! So, what is 'Bofa'?

[yalocalredscout]

BOFA DEEZ NUTZ IN YO' MOUTH

GOTTEM

[testing-associate-nigel]

Bofa deez.. what? What nuts? Walnuts? Peanuts-? Well, no, it wouldn't be peanuts. Those aren't nuts, they're legumes.. My point is: I don't see any nuts in this room, let alone in my.. You know I don't have a mouth, right? I'm not a human or something, I'm a core. I have an optic and handles, not a mouth. I can't eat nuts.. stupid human..

[testing-associate-nigel]

Heyy Nigel! Have you heard of this human thing called Bofa?

-@yalocalredscout

Hello, human! Um, no, I don't think I've heard of that before. But learning is the reason why I'm here, after all! So, what is 'Bofa'?

[testing-associate-nigel]

meow meow, mother fucker

Um, hello.. Cat? Huh, I didn't know cats could speak. You're not something new Aperture Science has been working on, are you? Man, I really have been kept out of the loop if that's the case..

[lynninhell]

nah i'm just one of the cats in this hellhole. there are a lot of us here.

[testing-associate-nigel]

Oh, so can you all talk then? Is this just.. normal for cats?

[lynninhell]

why do they always say it like that?

the other cats can speak, they just speak a different language. and nobody knows it. i'm the only cat that was raised with english speak, i guess. it's weird nobody knows how to translate one language into another though. not even the robots!

[testing-associate-nigel]

Well, I don't know why. I'm not in charge of.. really anything down here. Not anymore, at least. I guess no one in Aperture ever thought to make a cat to human translator. Huh, and I thought we did everything. I still don't know how a cat was raised to speak english, though..

[testing-associate-nigel]

Nigel? more like..!

uhhhhhhhhhhhh

nigel..?

Hello, and uh.. Yeah? I guess so? It's the exact same name, so technically you're not wrong. I am definitely Nigel.