broken @thatbrokendoll21 - Tumblr Blog

i haven't eaten in 10 hours, since eating i've only drank a monster energy drink and have vaped a lot of my melon ice disposable, and i gave a guy a blowjob. now i'm sitting on my bathroom floor, still vaping by the way, watching a compilation of tiktoks on youtube and feeling nauseous.

i fucked a dude for cigarettes

velvetmotel-deactivated20211005

I don’t even feel human anymore.

innocentspit

i'm fairly skinny, but i have a little chub in some places. i want to be skinnier, and i want to talk through it with some friends. that's not going to happen though, because i'm skinner than all of my close friends and i don't want to hurt their feelings/make them upset/make them more self-conscious. even my friends that are skinnier than me don't want to hear it, because it makes them feel self-conscious! i can't win. maybe i'll just talk to some of my guy friends. they aren't as self-conscious about their weight, well really they seem incredibly comfortable in their skin, so maybe they'll support me more. i don't know. all i know is i want to be skinnier, but i also don't have much motivation to work out. i am starting a new job and that may help me exercise more and be more motivated. who knows!

yesterday, i got an anonymous message on snapchat calling me an "anorexic slut." today, my mom told me to be careful with how much sugar i eat/drink because i won't have this slim figure forever. fuck you fuck you fuck you let me do what i want without constant criticism. i'm pretty and skinny enough, people constantly remind me that i'm either too skinny or i'm getting some chub. i have a good body! i know that! but now i'm second-guessing myself and i'm starting to doubt myself. i know i'm right but it still bothers me and gets to me. i've been pretending it doesn't bother me, and now it's just eating me up inside because i told all of my friends i'm used to it and i'm unbothered and now it's fucking me up.

a month and a half ago, it got out that i had sex with my friend drew, even though we fucked in november. he told a mutual friend a while ago, and that friend told a few of the speech team kids, and those kids told other speech team kids, and those kids told musical and choir kids, and those kids told other friends. drew and i are on speech team, in musical, and in choir, so it went around our friend groups. i personally didn't want it to get out at all, especially in our circles of friends. he's also a senior, i'm a sophomore, so the girls that already hate me and are jealous of me have fuel to hate me and gossip about me more.

my abusive ex boyfriend, who i talked about a while ago, is in my dance fitness class! i feel physically ill when i see him. the class is all about social dances, so dancing with partners or in groups, which means i'll have to dance with him most likely. i told my teacher i had a problem with him, she's really kind and understanding, and she wants to talk to me more about it. fuck.

fuck my life

my new year started with my girlfriend breaking up with me over text, so that's great

heyyyyyyyyyy so remember when I said I liked that girl and maybe had a chance with her? she asked me out yesterday. i gave her a note telling her I liked her three days ago (it was a decent sized paragraph) after our chemistry class, and she brought it to my art class 20 minutes later, with the words "i like you too. can i sit with you at lunch tomorrow? txt me :)" written on the bottom of it. she did end up sitting with me at lunch for the past two days, and she came to my choir concert last night. after it was done, she took me to the side and asked "do you wanna go out with me?" of course i said yes. my sister then took her and me to get ice cream, and i rested my head on her shoulder on the drive home. i'm so happy <3 <3 <3

so the girl i like has a crush on her straight (female) best friend, so that may or may not mean i could possibly have a chance. all i know is that she doesn't have a big crush on me like i had hoped, but it's whatever, i'm going to ask her out on a date to a movie in like two weeks when it comes out. i'd at least like to stay being her friend, she's a really sweet girl. she even came to my 16th birthday party (a sleepover) last week, so that was nice.

oh my god she's bi

i snuck out at 2:45am to give a guy head. if i wasn't already a rebellious teen (i definitely was) then i'm officially one now.

so there's this girl. i like her a lot. i sit next to her in chemistry, and we have algebra two together. today, we were talking a lot more than usual, and I ended up giving her a kitkat (that's not really important, but i give candy to people i like lol). the whole time, i was trying to think of a way to ask for her number, since, i mean, we're friends and we do talk pretty regularly. by the end of class i was losing hope and was about to give up. right before i was about to walk towards the door, she asked me for my number! so i ended up getting hers and sent her a text, "hi it's [my name] <3". she said she got the text, then the bell rang and i left. she was acting similarly to how i act when i like a girl, so idk if that means anything but whatever i have her number and we're friends and i'm really happy.

so my close guy friend has a huge crush on me. i have a crush on his sister. i'm not going after that one.

i kinda have a problem with obsessing over cute girls. i constantly compliment them, i sneak pictures of them, i can't get them out of my head. i love them, but they'll never see it. maybe i'm just being weird, or naive. i feel bad, but i can't stop. i'm afraid i'm making them uncomfortable, or scaring them off.

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