The Ever Internal Struggle

My fears, my joys, my struggles, my successes.

[natalieironside]

Due to my weird childhood and my weird brain, I have this very unhelpful compulsion to conceal Everything I do from Everyone. I Cannot be observed performing any action, no matter how mundane. My nervous system is convinced I'm gonna, like, Get In Trouble for eating food at dinnertime or sleeping in my bed at bedtime.

I've taken to asking myself, "Okay does this task actually require subterfuge or am I stealing a balloon on Free Balloon Day"

[natalieironside]

I see from the notes that we're all havin a normal one 👍

[persianmom-deactivated20251026]

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

[foreveriallyzombified]

sometimes you just need to summon this flowchart as an overlay of your vision

[fleurison-deactivated20190824]

may you get a sign this week that shows you that you’re on the right path and that things are flowing and moving in your favor. may the sign be evident, clear, and direct

[cyberxbattalion]

[authornicholemarie]

[treecitysessions]

Ever since i was a little girl i knew i never wanted to be pregnant

[persianmom-deactivated20251026]

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

[rederiswrites]

Honestly I should talk about the ace experience more. I don’t see enough. Like–obviously it’s dehumanizing to be repeatedly compared to robots or aliens but uh…sometimes it feels like that?? 

My husband will get all horny while I’m, I don’t know, changing out of sweaty gardening clothes. And I’ll be like, “But we have to make lunch?? I stink? Now is not a good time?? Logic?” And clearly it’s not about logic to him. He is experiencing the entire scenario very differently. And I’m here like, 

Or the times where you realize that like, having an actual physiological reaction to attractive people is not some enculturated metaphor, and people are actually doing that all around you all the time, and you’re like, Ah, clearly my studies of human culture have been incomplete. I have missed a critical psychosocial component. Many things now appear in a different light. *takes notes on holopad*

[rederiswrites]

The notes on this post are just a shitload of aces going…I don’t get it. Or sometimes for a bit under very special circumstances I get it, or almost get it, and then I’m like “Wow this is a huge energy drain; you guys live like this?” Or just, “Totally baffling truly an alien species why would you lick someone?” And I am feeling the kinship in this here post.

[geardrops]

a friend of mine once said “Wow! You must get so much done!”

to which i replied “No, no, I still have depression.”

[rederiswrites]

I made this post two years ago and this is maybe the funniest addition in all that time.

[takeachillquill]

Ask yourself: what’s good about this moment right now? Is the sun out? Can you hear birds? Are you drinking coffee? Can you smell freshly cut grass? Is your bed soft and warm? These little things are oh so precious and yet seem so arbitrary.

[the-ever-internal-struggle]

What if I don't drink coffee...?

[depsidase]

[wilwheaton]

[catchymemes]

[twistcmyk]

friends

[theintrovertnation]

[the-ever-internal-struggle]

Everyone is a freaking critic. Ugh.

You can’t make everyone happy. I know that. but oh my fucking god these readers are pissing me off. I write a self indulgent fic and people keep griping ‘oh I don’t like this part’ or ‘that ship is so overdone’. If you don’t like it, write your own damn fic!

Ugh. Fucking hell! I’m just so pissed. I was so happy with the latest chapter posted but now am getting backlash just because they don’t like the same ship I do. If you don’t like it then don’t fucking read it!!

People on archive are so nice while those on fanfic are just nitpickers. I’m now regretting posting it there and am kind of considering not anymore. Of just posting that if they want to read it then go to archive. On the website that actually has a decent way to tag stories and places to provide extra notes and comments.

I’ll try updating the chapters with a disclaimer first I guess. But now that the seed of stopping on fanfic is planted, it’s kind of sounding like a good idea. Maybe post one last chapter saying that if they liked the story then go to archive and if not they can, politely, shove it.

Because bottom line, my fic is staying my fic with all my fav tropes, ships, and other twists and turns. So fuck you, nitpickers!

[the-ever-internal-struggle]

I had been gone for three years and was away from all the political bullshit. A year back in the US and I am so fucking done with politics. I hated them before but i hate them more even now. My parents are shoving their views down my throat and saying my schooling made me 'wrong' in a way. Even said my sister now 'sees the light' because her views match theirs while mine don't. While I don't feel like I know my sister anymore. Just such utter bullshit in my opinion. I'm not even declared either way. I just want gays and such to have equal rights, black lives to actually matter, and for people to stop being fucking dumbasses. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

[the-ever-internal-struggle]

The parentals drop not-so-subtle hints that they want grandchildren.

Me: internally twiddles thumbs because I don't want kids or at the very least don't want to physically have kids. adoption I'm open to though! but still...hoping my sis will maybe be a buffer? ugh. the stress is real.