The Eternal Soliloquy Of A Chaotic Mind

Sam, 25. American Football player for Sandwell Steelers This blog is basically me being a sad, reminiscent fuck.

[the-slowest-tachyon]

FUCK.. ME..

Bruh, I stay off tumblr for a bit and come back and read my posts 😅

What a depressed dickhead, I’m alright now.. off the meds n’ that 👌🏻

Took one the other night to sleep and had some funky ass dreams 😐😂

Hope everyone’s alive and well though ✌🏻

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Aesop Rock

Literally my hottest artist rn. His social commentary just hits me.. it’s real talk 🤷🏻‍♂️

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Chester Bennington R.I.P

For the last 18 years I've followed Linkin Park, they shaped my teenage years and my life to date. Their music and Chester's voice has got me through a hell of a lot and I thank him and LP for everything they ever did for me, words cannot describe the sadness I feel right now. A few old friends have called me today and we've shared some memories like sitting in R.E at school singing songs from Hybrid theory and listening to the new albums at a house party taking over the music to check out A thousand suns. I've suffered with depression for the last 3 years and I've been low, contemplated suicide and considered it's consequences, today my idol left me and everybody who loved him, I just wish he'd got some help.. I guess there's just a place so dark you feel like you can't come back from, I hope you're safe now wherever you are and you'll live on in your music as long as I'm alive to listen to you ❤️ Thank you for everything x

[the-slowest-tachyon]

26 today woo

Made it through another year!

[divided-lovers]

[naturaldisater]

You stupid girl.

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Now my body's on the floor and I am calling out to you {CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!}

[urbanrealism]

Overthinking and regretting shit can ruin you.

[alastryn]

All the tracks we form as children And the habits that we’ve built Only worsen as we get older, leave us unfulfilled All the time I wasted Refusing to let you go From every place I’ve been to the state I’m in But I needed to let you know Because my minds made up And I’ve had enough of the way that my face turns red I said my minds made up Yeah I’ve had enough, oh will you get out of my head

Deaf Havana, ‘England’ (via alastryn)

Perfect lyrics today 😌

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Terrible dreams about her again.

Nearly 20 months ago I experienced the worst day of my life, I lost the person I planned to try and spend my life with, but you all know that because I've said it a million times. I think I've dreamt about her every day for the last two weeks, I have these patches of time where all I'll do is dream about her, in these dreams all I do is apologise and try to explain myself but I always wake up, there's never enough time to say everything. I'm starting to feel well again, like I'm feeling way better but waking up with a heavy heart and feeling sad isn't how I plan to start every day. I sincerely hope she's happy, whatever she's doing and I hope she finds someone who isn't a total screw up.. I'll never not love her. 😔

[timetrades]

i feel like if i don’t kill my self right now i’m just going to suffer from here on out

[the-slowest-tachyon]

I know that feel

[the-slowest-tachyon]

When you forget people you know in real life have you on here

😩 2 years of depressed/suicidal posts No wonder everyone knows I'm damaged goods

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Me avoiding women

[the-slowest-tachyon]

Bumping my own post 😂

[traumapluto]

that mental illness feel when

u share way too much with someone about ur illness(es) on a whim because it felt like a good time then the moment they go away youre like oh fuck

[the-slowest-tachyon]

For the first time in around 18 months..

I've written, I've created, I've put pen to paper or rather fingers to keys and developed an idea so emotionally driven I think it might actually be good. It might just be good to me because I'm so inspired right now. I'm scared to post what I've written but what it is essentially is a surrealist interpretation of a suicidal man and how he experiences death using memories and flashbacks to create a narrative of what drove him to where he is in his very final moment.

[the-slowest-tachyon]

When people say Iron Fist is shit..

[the-slowest-tachyon]

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head. 🎶 It's mad how I can go weeks feeling okay and then get triggered hard by someone that merely looks like you.