Life

A collection of

[theflatsideofthecloud]

Being angry at oneself

Today i played a game with some people. However the game did not go very well for me and I constantly made mistakes and lost on the same strategies that my opponents had against me.

I was really mad. Not mad at my opponents, but mad at myself.

“How can I keep falling into the same trap again and again? I am really dumb?”

Anger did not help me winning the game. I lost in the end with bad scores. I sat down on the bench and took a rest.

This reminded my of a game i saw on TV. The team I was supporting just keep losing to the other team, or one may say “out played”. They eventually got some frustrated and lost the game.

Being angry offered very little help. I still lost the game. Being angry clouded my mind’s ability to reason, to find out how to get out of the situation.

Out of all this, being angry at oneself is probably the worst feeling ever.

[theflatsideofthecloud]

What am I?

When I was little, I have always interested in finding out how everything works. I think that is the gift from fate to compensate the fact that I was alone most of the time outside of school.

As a little kid, I would play with the ants, watch them bring food home, talk to them as if they would understand me. But I would also hold up a magnifier in a sunny summer day to scorch some of these ants, watch them suffer. That’s how I spent my time through the day.

I was also particularly afraid of losing my parents. I would secretly cry in bed, imagining scenarios of my parents passing away. I was afraid of being left alone and helpless.

Overtime I would wonder, what am I? I would imagine looking at myself from a third person perspective and watch “me”  living in this world. It was fascinating to me to see “me” as a whole different entity. 

I still feel disjoined from reality. 

“What if all of this is just a dream?” I asked myself.

[theflatsideofthecloud]

Beginning of an end

I have always thought that blogging is not for me. Yet here I am, writing my first blog post. Life can be as interesting as the sky in a mid summer day, full of colour and energy.

I realized in my life that I seldom finish what I started. May this to be the beginning of an end.