what even IS a shrubbery?

i was actually really great at just dance until the apocalypse happened, i swear. [18+ John Egbert roleplay blog] [Nav]

[b3stofm3m3s]

B3HOLD 4 CONSTRUCT1ON OF TUMBLR US3R TH3FR3SHPR1NC3OFCONH31R4ND HOW H3 SP3NDS PR3C1S3LY 23 HOURS OUT OF 24:

@thefreshprinceofconheir​

[eternallybutthurt]

[b3stofm3m3s]

@thefreshprinceofconheir

[nickelbacksok]

tired of waiting however many weeks until john graces us with his presence to tell him i want his cock in my mouth.

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

(i put my mouth directly on the mic.) hello? is this thing on?

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

haha, piss pants john.

[b3stofm3m3s]

SOM3 P3OPL3 H3R3 (SUCH 4S TUMBLR US3R TH3FR3SHPR1NC3OFCONH31R) L1K3 TO PR3T3ND TH4T TH3YR3 JUST 4S V4L1D OF 4 R1CH13 TOZ13RK1N 4S OTH3RS D3SP1T3 TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3Y OWN NOT ON3 “P4LM W4V3 M3N’S H4W4114N SH1RT 4LOH4 SH1RT WH1T3 M4P”

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

some people here (such as tumblr user b3stofm3m3s) like to pretend that they are just as valid of a richie tozier kin as others despite the fact that they have not even actually watched it chapter two (2019). you don’t even love him. you just want the clout.

[b3stofm3m3s]

OF COURS3 1 H4V3 NOT S33N TH3 S3COND F1LM JOHN (TUMBLR US3R TH3FR3SHPR1NC3OFCONH31R), YOUV3 SL4CK1NG 1N YOUR CUSTOD14L DUT13S 4ND H4V3NT 3V3N G1V3N M3 (B3STOFM3M3S) TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO W4TCH 1T

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

i am almost completely sure if you illegally download one more pirated episode of sgt frog all the malware on your lap top will literally combine a la magical girl transformation to achieve sentience but sure, this is my short coming.

[nickelbacksok]

if i were any other john i would be john, because he is 6’4”.

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[b3stofm3m3s]

SOM3 P3OPL3 H3R3 (SUCH 4S TUMBLR US3R TH3FR3SHPR1NC3OFCONH31R) L1K3 TO PR3T3ND TH4T TH3YR3 JUST 4S V4L1D OF 4 R1CH13 TOZ13RK1N 4S OTH3RS D3SP1T3 TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3Y OWN NOT ON3 “P4LM W4V3 M3N’S H4W4114N SH1RT 4LOH4 SH1RT WH1T3 M4P”

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

some people here (such as tumblr user b3stofm3m3s) like to pretend that they are just as valid of a richie tozier kin as others despite the fact that they have not even actually watched it chapter two (2019). you don't even love him. you just want the clout.

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

no doubles.

[b3stofm3m3s]

1 4M R1CH13 TOZ13R K1N

TH4T 1S 4LL

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

@nickelbacksok

if not, i sure feel for the guy. if there’s anything left of our earth by now i am almost completely sure it’s uninhabitable by normal humans. maybe he evolved to survive post-apocalypse, like a sexy fall out ghoul ashton kutcher au sort of scenario.

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

every day i log into this web site is another day spent waiting for ashton kutcher to rise from the grave and tell me i’ve been punk’d.

[trainstoppin]

(( people always asking me what john looks like and idk. idfk what he looks like. something like this.. big soft ))

[zdarsky-deactivated20200105]

Part of my One Page series. Some names have been changed because of copyright issues.

RETURN OF THE NOT BATMAN

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

open rp!!

emoji movie self insert rp. i made my art myself and it was very hard (i had to borrow dave’s laptop for photo shop) so please do not steal. dm for nsfw, i am not horny on main. 

*i bobble towards you, my large head wobbling comically on my tiny sticklike body. my large blue emoji eyes flutter prettily as i raise a tiny slender emoji hand and wave to beckon you over like a sexy emote siren singing her seductive emoji siren song.* hi my name is john egmoji and i have a dark and mysterious past! let’s bang. 

[basicdoucheenergy]

*i notice you bobbling towards me and smile at you with my sexy perfect teeth and you wonder what it would be like if i bit you sexily with them or something probably. the sun glints off of my super dope shades that magically stay on my head despite my lack of ears with nothing but the pure power of cool as i make a fingergun at you with what can only be described as the polar opposite of a yaoi hand* hey baby my name is irrelevant to your story but you should come over to my place and ill show you my impression of eggplant emoji and you can show me your impression of weary emoji

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

*my tiny emoji legs tremble at your approach and my cheeks are covered by a sexy flush. you are, obviously, an actual walking emoji adonis. the adonji, if you will. i flutter my six whole eye lashes in your direction as i clutch my tiny hand to my hairless chest.i lick the lips that i do not have as i search for the words that will make you take a battering ram to my flat emoji ass. i chew my lack of a lip before opening my mouth to speak past my singular, gigantic buck tooth.* oh wow!!!! i sure can’t wait to head back to your place and make like a peach emoji! let’s right hand pointing ok hand gesture!

[basicdoucheenergy]

*i wink at you with my nonexistent orbs even though you cant see it because of obvious fucking reasons and the light glints off of my shades again because the sheer cool radiating off of me in that moment is way too much for the suns warmth and it has to run away like a scared little bitch. my voice is sultry and husky and masculine all at the same time magically as i purr at you past the plump succulent lips that i dont have* then hop on in and well ride this horse until you forget what emoji you are

which shouldnt take that long because tbh i have no idea what youre supposed to be besides madly alluring and sexy

maybe its the minion yellow hue that does it for me whos to say

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

*sexy kissy noises.*

[cyb3rbvlly]

:^3 you don’t have to do this actually i just wanted to type the little face.

fp/nbo/cb indulgence

:pensive:

[vapeofgod69]

this just in, @decaprincetated REFUSES to acknowledge our transuniversal union as brother and son leaving me deeply wounded and also my husband thinks im "kind of cute, i guess"

[thefreshprinceofconheir]

i was talking about mooglie actually.