It's not Post Traumatic Stress if the Trauma never stops

An independent roleplay blog for Sam and Dean Winchester, mostly cannon compliant through season 6, cannon divergent from end of season 6 onward. Mostly ignoring current cannon due to poor writing on the show.

[darkshrimpemotions]

HE'S 46 DUDE.

[thehunterswinchester]

Thinking of deleting my blog

I’m not posting this for sympathy or anything else. I’ve finally fully realized that I haven’t really been in the SPN fandom for the past several years. The show has pretty much let me down every time I try to catch back up with it and while I do love the story I don’t really feel the inspiration to keep Sam and Dean going.

[putthepromptsonpaper]

“I hate the term ‘an eye for an eye’. If you take my eye, let it be known that I’ll take both your eyes and your dominant arm”

submitted by anonymous

[diminuel]

A win for Cas.

–

Prompt by @mercurialkitty, thank you for your ko-fi! ♥

My glasses broke, if you want to help me out in these squinty times, here’s my ko-fi~ Leave me a prompt if you want a doodle as thanks! 

[subcas]

[thehunterswinchester]

Looking up over to the door Dean waved him in “Sure thing Ben, what’s up?” it wasn’t often that he came by like this, since most of the time Dean was out in the garage or kitchen.

[thehunterswinchester]

Reading over the spell he pulled over an open notebook and flipped to a clean page. Carefully copying down each letter and word as he went Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Flipping the page forward and back to make sure he’d gotten everything he announced “I think you found it. I’m going to verify that I’m reading this correctly of course since it’s been a minute since I’ve read much in Old English” glancing over to Ben he added “Middle English is more my jam”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, moving the rest of his books out of the way so he can focus, “I’ll go make snacks… you good here?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Yeah, don’t worry about me Ben. Sam may be the brains, but I can work on research just fine” he said with a grin.

Verifying a few things with help from an online translator and a blog from someone who was way into historical reenactment Dean was able to put together a moden english version of the spell along with phonetic pronunciation to use later.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben went to the kitchen, making himself some hard boiled eggs to make a sandwich, bringing dean one when he’s done. “Egg salad sandwich with bacon… how’s it going?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Thanks” he said taking the sandwich “It’s going pretty good, I think I’ve gotten it figured out, and set up for easy use. Most of the ingredients are on hand too, we’ll have to wait for the new moon, but other then that we should be good to go” he explained before digging into his sandwich.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “when is the new moon? Like how long…?”

[thehunterswinchester]

Checking his phone for the lunar cycle he counted “Three days, but even if we miss it it’ll only be another twenty eight days after that” Dean explained. Writing down another note he added “The ingredients are all pretty common, but we will need some blood from both of us, thankfully not much more then a few drops”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “okay… sounds good.”

[thehunterswinchester]

As the days passed, Dean worked on setting up what they needed, so on the night of all they needed was to prick their fingers and say the words. He was worried about what the results might be or course, if he was Ben’s biological father he’d feel like he failed him even more then he did already, but on the other side Ben might distant himself or not want to be as close anymore if they didn’t share blood.

[thehunterswinchester]

Looking first in the direction of the tap, then the other when he saw no one was there he grinned “Sneaky” he teased gently “Want anything? I’ve got a tab open” he offered knowing that if they needed they could hash out the exacts on who owed who what later, or she’d get him back another weekend.

[lostlovejess]

She nods, “god yes… please… I’ve had a shitty day…”

She twists her wedding ring, biting her lip, not sure she knew this guy well enough to spill her guts. But her cheek was still slightly swollen from the slap she’d gotten 9 hours ago. Hopefully he didn’t notice.

[thehunterswinchester]

Sam wasn’t one to pry, but he did worry about his costar, so he lead her over to the bar and told the bartender that Jess was on his tab. “Come on, we can find a table, git something to eat too”

[lostlovejess]

She nods a little, letting him take her to a table after ordering her drink, “I’ll pay you back… this place seems too fancy…”

[thehunterswinchester]

Shrugging he answered “I figure you’ll cover something for me later on, probably at a bar or something” smiling he added “It’ll all even out in the end” he would just have to eat in some night in the future instead of going out, but really that didn’t make much of a difference in the long run.

[lostlovejess]

She nods a little, “next time I’ll pay…”

She takes a sip of her drink after it arrives, fiddling with her wedding ring, hoping he doesn’t ask about her swollen cheek or notice her eyes are still a bit puffy from crying.

[thehunterswinchester]

Setting the menu between them Sam asked “Did you want to run lines or anything later? I know that the shooting can make it really difficult to get good sleep” he hoped that the soft offer would be enough to let Jess know that he was willing to listen.

[thehunterswinchester]

Reading over the spell he pulled over an open notebook and flipped to a clean page. Carefully copying down each letter and word as he went Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Flipping the page forward and back to make sure he’d gotten everything he announced “I think you found it. I’m going to verify that I’m reading this correctly of course since it’s been a minute since I’ve read much in Old English” glancing over to Ben he added “Middle English is more my jam”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, moving the rest of his books out of the way so he can focus, “I’ll go make snacks… you good here?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Yeah, don’t worry about me Ben. Sam may be the brains, but I can work on research just fine” he said with a grin.

Verifying a few things with help from an online translator and a blog from someone who was way into historical reenactment Dean was able to put together a moden english version of the spell along with phonetic pronunciation to use later.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben went to the kitchen, making himself some hard boiled eggs to make a sandwich, bringing dean one when he’s done. “Egg salad sandwich with bacon… how’s it going?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Thanks” he said taking the sandwich “It’s going pretty good, I think I’ve gotten it figured out, and set up for easy use. Most of the ingredients are on hand too, we’ll have to wait for the new moon, but other then that we should be good to go” he explained before digging into his sandwich.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “when is the new moon? Like how long…?”

[thehunterswinchester]

Checking his phone for the lunar cycle he counted “Three days, but even if we miss it it’ll only be another twenty eight days after that” Dean explained. Writing down another note he added “The ingredients are all pretty common, but we will need some blood from both of us, thankfully not much more then a few drops”

[thehunterswinchester]

Looking first in the direction of the tap, then the other when he saw no one was there he grinned “Sneaky” he teased gently “Want anything? I’ve got a tab open” he offered knowing that if they needed they could hash out the exacts on who owed who what later, or she’d get him back another weekend.

[lostlovejess]

She nods, “god yes… please… I’ve had a shitty day…”

She twists her wedding ring, biting her lip, not sure she knew this guy well enough to spill her guts. But her cheek was still slightly swollen from the slap she’d gotten 9 hours ago. Hopefully he didn’t notice.

[thehunterswinchester]

Sam wasn’t one to pry, but he did worry about his costar, so he lead her over to the bar and told the bartender that Jess was on his tab. “Come on, we can find a table, git something to eat too”

[lostlovejess]

She nods a little, letting him take her to a table after ordering her drink, “I’ll pay you back… this place seems too fancy…”

[thehunterswinchester]

Shrugging he answered “I figure you’ll cover something for me later on, probably at a bar or something” smiling he added “It’ll all even out in the end” he would just have to eat in some night in the future instead of going out, but really that didn’t make much of a difference in the long run.

[thehunterswinchester]

Reading over the spell he pulled over an open notebook and flipped to a clean page. Carefully copying down each letter and word as he went Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Flipping the page forward and back to make sure he’d gotten everything he announced “I think you found it. I’m going to verify that I’m reading this correctly of course since it’s been a minute since I’ve read much in Old English” glancing over to Ben he added “Middle English is more my jam”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, moving the rest of his books out of the way so he can focus, “I’ll go make snacks… you good here?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Yeah, don’t worry about me Ben. Sam may be the brains, but I can work on research just fine” he said with a grin.

Verifying a few things with help from an online translator and a blog from someone who was way into historical reenactment Dean was able to put together a moden english version of the spell along with phonetic pronunciation to use later.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben went to the kitchen, making himself some hard boiled eggs to make a sandwich, bringing dean one when he’s done. “Egg salad sandwich with bacon… how’s it going?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Thanks” he said taking the sandwich “It’s going pretty good, I think I’ve gotten it figured out, and set up for easy use. Most of the ingredients are on hand too, we’ll have to wait for the new moon, but other then that we should be good to go” he explained before digging into his sandwich.

[thehunterswinchester]

Looking first in the direction of the tap, then the other when he saw no one was there he grinned “Sneaky” he teased gently “Want anything? I’ve got a tab open” he offered knowing that if they needed they could hash out the exacts on who owed who what later, or she’d get him back another weekend.

[lostlovejess]

She nods, “god yes… please… I’ve had a shitty day…”

She twists her wedding ring, biting her lip, not sure she knew this guy well enough to spill her guts. But her cheek was still slightly swollen from the slap she’d gotten 9 hours ago. Hopefully he didn’t notice.

[thehunterswinchester]

Sam wasn’t one to pry, but he did worry about his costar, so he lead her over to the bar and told the bartender that Jess was on his tab. “Come on, we can find a table, git something to eat too”

[thehunterswinchester]

Reading over the spell he pulled over an open notebook and flipped to a clean page. Carefully copying down each letter and word as he went Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Flipping the page forward and back to make sure he’d gotten everything he announced “I think you found it. I’m going to verify that I’m reading this correctly of course since it’s been a minute since I’ve read much in Old English” glancing over to Ben he added “Middle English is more my jam”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, moving the rest of his books out of the way so he can focus, “I’ll go make snacks… you good here?”

[thehunterswinchester]

"Yeah, don't worry about me Ben. Sam may be the brains, but I can work on research just fine" he said with a grin.

Verifying a few things with help from an online translator and a blog from someone who was way into historical reenactment Dean was able to put together a moden english version of the spell along with phonetic pronunciation to use later.

[thehunterswinchester]

Reading over the spell he pulled over an open notebook and flipped to a clean page. Carefully copying down each letter and word as he went Dean’s eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. Flipping the page forward and back to make sure he’d gotten everything he announced “I think you found it. I’m going to verify that I’m reading this correctly of course since it’s been a minute since I’ve read much in Old English” glancing over to Ben he added “Middle English is more my jam”

[thehunterswinchester]

Looking first in the direction of the tap, then the other when he saw no one was there he grinned “Sneaky” he teased gently “Want anything? I’ve got a tab open” he offered knowing that if they needed they could hash out the exacts on who owed who what later, or she’d get him back another weekend.

[braeden-winchester]

Lost || Closed with @thehunterswinchester

Ben was still a little lost after the death of his mother. He pretty much stayed in his room at the bunker. Dean had killed the demons who took his mom, so he couldn’t go after revenge. After a week and a half after they’d arrived at the bunker, Ben took a shower, then re-emerged, joining sam and dean in the kitchen. He almost blushes because they’re staring at him so hard, “hi...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I don't really know myself. Your mom told me someone else was you biological father...If she lied it was to try and protect you, she knew that I'm a hunter. Family doesn't end in blood, even if we aren't related by DNA you're still my son Ben" he said voice soft "Hunting usually isn't a full time job anyways, you have plenty of time to learn. It's better if you aren't thrown in head first, like most hunters"

[braeden-winchester]

He nods a little, “is there any way we could find out for sure? You’re my dad no matter what I just... I wanna know...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I'm sure there is, people have always wanted to check bloodlines, so I'm sure there's some kind of spell for it. Maybe even a few, but I don't think one of those DNA tests would be a good idea. Most of those companies sell your data and profile so law enforcement can put it in their databases" but this was an uncertainty they could solve "Would it change how you see me?" He asked gently.

[braeden-winchester]

“No... of course not. You’ve always been there for me. Ever since you met me...” Ben reassures. “I think it would just be nice to know if I’m yours by blood... not just by choice.”

[thehunterswinchester]

"Sure... we can check through the library. Carefully. Some of the books might need special handling"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “okay... sounds good.”

[thehunterswinchester]

Heading to the library, Dean mentally went through the men of letters organizational system he and Sam had managed to figure out so far. It was a mess, and it was way more difficult to learn then Bobby's system had ever been "You probably should stick to only touching books in English for now. We're still trying to seperate out the dangerous-to-touch-without-protection books. If you're not sure just call me over and I'll check it out" he instructed "General books on spells should have something that should work, unless there is a book just about lineages"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “I think if it’s out in the open it would be safe... right? If it was cursed they’d have it locked up...”

[thehunterswinchester]

Shaking his head he answered "They never thought anyone besides initiated Men of Letters would ever even know about this place, let alone be allowed in. As far as we know they had blessed socks to keep anything nasty from sticking to them" he and Sam had found a room with curse boxes in it, and he knew that there was probably a spot with the super dangerous books hidden away in the depths of the bunker, but Sam had managed to find one book in some variation of Polish that went to bite him when he tried to open it "It's a work in progress trying to catalog all the books. Maybe in a month or two it'll be in a usable order. I think they were allergic to labling things"

[braeden-winchester]

He nods a little. “Probably for safety... if someone got in who wasn’t supposed to be here then they’d have a hard time finding what they were looking for. I’m sure there’s some kind of system... you just have to find the key...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I'm thinking it was arrogance, they never saw a reason to share their knowledge outside of themselves... no reason to make it easy to use or to streamline the system" Dean said with a shake of his head "Unfortunately Henry never got to really use this place, so he didn't leave any tips on navigating the shelves" heading to one end of the main table he scanned the shelves "I think Sam said a lot of the human magic was over here, the demonic and angelic stuff was someplace else"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “okay... so I’m looking for something about lineage or blood right?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Bloodlines specifically. Lots of magic can involve blood for various reasons so it’s not that narrow of a category all by itself” Dean confirmed, his finger trailing along the edge of the shelf as he scanned the titles “If we don’t find one ourselves before Sam gets back I’ll ask him if he remembers coming across something that might work during one of his research dives”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “okay... sounds good.”

[thehunterswinchester]

As he went along the shelf, Dean plucked a few books from it. One was in French, another in Latin and a third in German. Thankfully translation dictionaries were now online to help with any words he might get stuck on. Determining that translating three potential sources was enough for now he returned to the main table and got set up for a long few hours of translation work.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben brought a book over a bit later, it’s huge, and in olde English, “I think this one has something... it’s written in like shakespeare but it’s kinda English?”

[thehunterswinchester]

Dean looked over as Ben joined him "Should be alright" he determined reading the title "Thanks to the internet it's way easier to figure this out then it used to be"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “From what I can tell it’s about bastards, finding out if they’re the true heir to a throne... but when it got to the spell part I couldn’t tell what it meant...”

[thehunterswinchester]

Gently setting aside the book he had been going through Dean gestured that Ben should set his find down "Okay, that's not too unusual to find spells recorded differently then the rest of the book. Sometimes they're copied from an older source, and names of things change over time" and sometimes ingredients go extinct, but that typically to effected fertility spells.

[braeden-winchester]

Lost || Closed with @thehunterswinchester

Ben was still a little lost after the death of his mother. He pretty much stayed in his room at the bunker. Dean had killed the demons who took his mom, so he couldn’t go after revenge. After a week and a half after they’d arrived at the bunker, Ben took a shower, then re-emerged, joining sam and dean in the kitchen. He almost blushes because they’re staring at him so hard, “hi...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I don't really know myself. Your mom told me someone else was you biological father...If she lied it was to try and protect you, she knew that I'm a hunter. Family doesn't end in blood, even if we aren't related by DNA you're still my son Ben" he said voice soft "Hunting usually isn't a full time job anyways, you have plenty of time to learn. It's better if you aren't thrown in head first, like most hunters"

[braeden-winchester]

He nods a little, “is there any way we could find out for sure? You’re my dad no matter what I just... I wanna know...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I'm sure there is, people have always wanted to check bloodlines, so I'm sure there's some kind of spell for it. Maybe even a few, but I don't think one of those DNA tests would be a good idea. Most of those companies sell your data and profile so law enforcement can put it in their databases" but this was an uncertainty they could solve "Would it change how you see me?" He asked gently.

[braeden-winchester]

“No... of course not. You’ve always been there for me. Ever since you met me...” Ben reassures. “I think it would just be nice to know if I’m yours by blood... not just by choice.”

[thehunterswinchester]

"Sure... we can check through the library. Carefully. Some of the books might need special handling"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “okay... sounds good.”

[thehunterswinchester]

Heading to the library, Dean mentally went through the men of letters organizational system he and Sam had managed to figure out so far. It was a mess, and it was way more difficult to learn then Bobby's system had ever been "You probably should stick to only touching books in English for now. We're still trying to seperate out the dangerous-to-touch-without-protection books. If you're not sure just call me over and I'll check it out" he instructed "General books on spells should have something that should work, unless there is a book just about lineages"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “I think if it’s out in the open it would be safe... right? If it was cursed they’d have it locked up...”

[thehunterswinchester]

Shaking his head he answered "They never thought anyone besides initiated Men of Letters would ever even know about this place, let alone be allowed in. As far as we know they had blessed socks to keep anything nasty from sticking to them" he and Sam had found a room with curse boxes in it, and he knew that there was probably a spot with the super dangerous books hidden away in the depths of the bunker, but Sam had managed to find one book in some variation of Polish that went to bite him when he tried to open it "It's a work in progress trying to catalog all the books. Maybe in a month or two it'll be in a usable order. I think they were allergic to labling things"

[braeden-winchester]

He nods a little. “Probably for safety... if someone got in who wasn’t supposed to be here then they’d have a hard time finding what they were looking for. I’m sure there’s some kind of system... you just have to find the key...”

[thehunterswinchester]

"I'm thinking it was arrogance, they never saw a reason to share their knowledge outside of themselves... no reason to make it easy to use or to streamline the system" Dean said with a shake of his head "Unfortunately Henry never got to really use this place, so he didn't leave any tips on navigating the shelves" heading to one end of the main table he scanned the shelves "I think Sam said a lot of the human magic was over here, the demonic and angelic stuff was someplace else"

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods a little, “okay... so I’m looking for something about lineage or blood right?”

[thehunterswinchester]

“Bloodlines specifically. Lots of magic can involve blood for various reasons so it’s not that narrow of a category all by itself” Dean confirmed, his finger trailing along the edge of the shelf as he scanned the titles “If we don’t find one ourselves before Sam gets back I’ll ask him if he remembers coming across something that might work during one of his research dives”

[braeden-winchester]

Ben nods, “okay... sounds good.”

[thehunterswinchester]

As he went along the shelf, Dean plucked a few books from it. One was in French, another in Latin and a third in German. Thankfully translation dictionaries were now online to help with any words he might get stuck on. Determining that translating three potential sources was enough for now he returned to the main table and got set up for a long few hours of translation work.

[braeden-winchester]

Ben brought a book over a bit later, it’s huge, and in olde English, “I think this one has something... it’s written in like shakespeare but it’s kinda English?”

[thehunterswinchester]

Dean looked over as Ben joined him "Should be alright" he determined reading the title "Thanks to the internet it's way easier to figure this out then it used to be"