thelovebalogh

curated by danielle balogh. journal entries. iphone notes. you'll see my private thoughts and read into my private photos.

[thelovebalogh]

littledanyeezy definition.

alter-ego or more enhanced version of Danielle Balogh. little by her size but not her personality. petite but monstrous. yeezy/weezy influenced. she has no fucks to give, and is completely obnoxious and can be humbly arrogant. an immaculate contradiction at its finest. she finessed it, she the best. the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet. the most romantic minded cynic. good girl with bad habits. confident and cocky with loads of quirkiness. that cute, cool girl that can get any dude but won’t keep just any dude. you leaving? you most definitely gonna try to come back, they all do and when they left..she most likely kept it pushin’. she doesn’t need anyone that doesn’t appreciate all of what comes with her. you won’t ever find a kind hearted girl with the soul of a thug in any other woman. she’s as real as it comes and isn’t afraid to let you know.
she’ll mess up and she’ll own it, but when she does best believe she’ll make up for it 10x over.

[thelovebalogh]

september 30th 2015. 2:34am

today i was thinking about a night when i called you out of random. we didn't talk for a few weeks and i wondered why my heart strings pulled and forced me to dial your number. i don't mean go through my contacts and find you i mean literally dial the numbers to hear your voice that i know by heart. it was after an evening with my ladies and i had just gotten home, my heart was racing at the thought of you answering so i hung up right after the second ring. i was getting my things together in my car and you immediately call me back...shocked i answered. it was when i had just gotten my hair cut short and you haven't liked any of my ig pics (lol) so i didn't even think you knew but you brought it up and you seemed mad that i did. for a couple hours you were trying to get me to come over but you live kind of far now and I was still low key buzzed and tired i didn't want to risk it but still you kept trying. i told you i was on my way which i wasn't but you called anyway to see if i was okay and then i said i wasn't coming and you got mad and somehow i ended up saying that's just me or whatever and you said no it's not, i know you. did you really though? i know i definitely came when you called several times but did you really get to know me? anyway i was in bed still texting you and you ended up saying you were done with me. as soon as i read that my heart dropped, i didn't reply and i almost cried, like legit sobbed. no guy has made me cry since my sons father and i don't know why i felt that sudden sensation but i did my best to hold it back..i went into the shower (that's what i do when i contemplate things) and i keep hearing my ding go off for texts. whyyyyyy did you keep texting me telling me to answer you? whyyy? I don't know, i truly don't know because i always had to press whatever it was out of you. i ended up finally calling you back..i'm pretty sure i finally had just got done letting my crying out so i still sounded like i was and you told me you really cared about me. Danielle i really care about you and i'm not just saying that.....well what happened. to be honest i don't think you know me like i knew you.it's weird because although you were pretty private i did get to see you. i'm not sure if i ever completely opened up to you..and that's definitely my fault, i've held onto past experiences and i'm not sure i open up to anyone completely because of those..that's no excuse. once again you are a key part of the lesson of life and probably to my soulmate that i should just open up no matter how vulnerable it can be. i'm pretty sure i loved you but you'll never know. you'll never know that i pray for your well being and your family. you'll always be in my heart and i'll carry you now as a positive experience and look at all of the upsides and what i can improve on for my soulmate.

[thelovebalogh]

we didn't last the year.

i remember all of my first times. there hasn't been many but i remember every date that i decided to give myself to someone. out of those a majority didn't even amount to anything, they didn't last long. there were only a couple that were consistent and you just happened to be one..but still with that being said today, September 17th, marks one year and we haven't even seen each other for a few months so we didn't even last that. still you were the second longest person i've been intimate with and with you i definitely gave my all. if i said that i didn't still feel like i was on the verge of love with you i'd be lying, which would be foolish, but i'd be a fool either way. if you called, which would be rather unexpected even though i'm anticipating it, i would answer..and if you told me to come over, i'd run. i catch glimpses of people that have your stature or look like you and then realize it's not you. now we are strangers just like those people and if i actually did see you in person, even just for an instant, i'd try my hardest to not interact with you and to act like seeing you didn't get my heart racing so fast that i'd win first place. i can't help but think of that subtle smile on your face. that simple night you were racing with your cousins and you were winning or when you would beat them playing Fifa, you would smile like that, like you were proud but you weren't flashy about it. i noticed it the first night i met you and i feel like that is why i was always so drawn to you. you didn't seem like the rest, but i guess it just had to be put to the test...and we failed. i don't plan on making another date with another person for a very long time. you will be the last one i give myself to without a commitment. thank you for the lesson i thought i already knew. thank you for the show and tell of what i was to you and what you wanted from me. your actions and words are appreciated, even when there are no actions or words. i will never contact you and i will always know that i deserve everything and anything i want, which is something you've actually told me before but never gave me. and although you said you cared and didn't use me like the others i told you about..your actions, which are none at all, prove myself right. i wasn't anything to you.

[briawanderlust]

[danicaoller]

[thelovebalogh]

" you're everywhere. in my favorite sweater, and in the movie i watched last night. in rainy days and scenic views. but sometimes, you're in places you shouldn't be. like in my bed at 3 in the morning when i can't fall asleep - or on the tip of my tongue every time i orgasm. your ghost is difficult to ignore and almost impossible to forget. i don't think i want to. " | mpfrias "haunting" i found this in my screenshots after i had just written something similar and it is one hundred percent how i feel. when someone leaves a lasting impression, you never expect them to leave. when they've left you missing them while they're missing from you. tu me manques.

[mpfrias]

Open Letter- Men

An open letter to every man I’ve ever loved:

Dear Stranger,

I loved you when I was sure I would never love again. However, each time was a different kind of love. Regardless of the type, they were all equally as life-changing.

Every man that I’ve ever loved has been the same person: sarcastic, ambitious, and stubborn. A man so incredibly blinded by the thought of success, that his tunnel-vision caused him to over-look the small advantages that he’s received. Never satisfied with his winnings; always with a relentless hunger for more.

I’ve always thought of you as a reflection of myself because at some point in time, you showed me both who I ought to be and who I refused to become. On one hand, I admire you: A person who is so incredibly drowned in his work, that he sometimes forgets to come up for air. At the same time, however, I detested being numbers 3 and 4 on your list of priorities.

You were selfish.

I wanted to fix you.

I became absorbed by your demeanor and consumed by your character. In exchange, you assimilated my code of ethics and mentality into your life. I became you, and you became me.

In the process of finding you, however, I lost myself.

Our timing was off.

The problem with relationships is that there is no such thing as starting fresh. You transport all the luggage from your previous affairs into this new connection and whether you like it or not, your perception is altered.

After some time, I came to the conclusion that I could break my own heart – I didn’t need your help.

Though I am no longer the person who runs her fingers through your hair, or the woman who sits with you in the car at 11pm listening to you detach yourself from the heaviness of your day, I will always be here.

I am going to live in your innermost thoughts. I will turn your mirror into my home and always reemerge just when you think I’ve entirely departed.

Keep making me proud, keep making yourself proud.

Love always,

#mpfrias

Ps. If you think I am writing about you, I am.

[mpfrias]

A Confession

When a person decides to become a writer, they compromise their privacy.  The sense of ownership that comes with certain mediums, such as diaries and journals, is taken away once you choose to go public. Your memories no longer belong to you, your words are an open field, accessible to all who are curious enough to read or listen.

A writer has to be willing to share his or her work, and sometimes even go unrecognized for the sake of the art.  I’ve come across my words on Facebook statuses and Instagram pages – on accounts of people I know, and those I’ve never seen before.  

Almost instinctively, I would become upset.  My thoughts, my words, my feelings  – were being praised and my name was nowhere to be found.  Since then, I’ve been very selective about what I post and share…

Until a recent conversation which gave me a change of heart.

Writing is not about acknowledgement. It is about inspiring… Causing somebody else to think, feel, or question something they haven’t before. Taking the reader to a place as real as your mind is.

Confession: I’ve been holding out on you.

x

mp

[thelovebalogh]

mayeighthtwentyfifteen.

i can’t sleep when you appear in my dreamland..

your eyes, your skin, your shoulders, your back, your arms, your smile, your laugh, your voice, your stance, your hands..on me. your hands in general..holding mine. awake, sleeping, fucking? is that all we were doing. i had a dream once while i was sleeping next to you that we were sleeping and you pulled me close and told me you loved me. my heart felt weird in my dream and i continued to sleep after i was slightly woken up by that. then i awoke for real and thought about if it was real. it kind of felt real and i got sad because i knew what it was for you..nothing. people will always try to make nothing feel like something all the time. i’m almost certain that is what i slipped into..like a weird coma where you let your hopes take control. i hoped you did love me, i still hope that maybe it wasn’t a dream but i know it was nothing and that it was all a coma filled dream.

[thelovebalogh]