Self Inflicted

SW: 155 CW: 160.4 guess who's fat again :( GW1: 145 GW2: 135 GW3: 125 GW4: 110 UGW: 100

[thelovelynope]

Setting boundaries is euphoric!!!!

[thelovelynope]

I love passing out alone on the concrete and waking up confused and shaking and going to the ER which told me "I dunno, probably a seizure, pay me $1000" and then go to a neurologist who told me "it's not a seizure, stop overreacting, your body has limits, eat breakfast and drink water" and then proceed to charge me an insane amount of money for them to not even consider the possibility that it was a seizure.

[thelovelynope]

I downloaded Truebill and it helped me save money by unsubscribing to subscriptions I was no longer using: Netflix, Hulu, Gender

[thelovelynope]

Yeah, I really want to lose like 170lbs

CW: 170 lbs

[thelovelynope]

My comfort food is an empty plate. My comfort food is a little bit longer of a wait. My comfort food is fingers down my throat until I choke and feel empty again.

[thelovelynope]

You and another person are drowning. You jumped into the pool and the other person fell. You're both still drowning and you both need help.

[thelovelynope]

My mom told me to starve to death, I love having such supportive parents 💕

[thelovelynope]

Did you really relapse because you saw someone pretty or skinny or because someone made a comment or did you relapse because you aren't dealing with you feelings?

[thelovelynope]

How to purge:

1. Cook a packet of spaghetti in salted water.

2. Strain.

3. Tie all of the noodles together

3. Laugh at the noodles

5. Don't purge, think about what's going on in your life that you feel out of control of. Do you want human connection? Are you lonely? Do you feel inadequate? Rough day?

6. Do something else to make yourself feel better. Read a book. Watch a movie. Eat the pasta.

7. Call a friend, therapist, or hotline and talk to them.

[thelovelynope]

I just want someone to be proud of me purging, does that make sense?

[thelovelynope]

Rating Places I've Thrown Up:

My Bathroom 6/10 -my mom asked why I was coughing but it was comfortable

A plastic bag in my car 9/10 - messy but with wipes it was easy to clean up

[thelovelynope]

Just made myself vomit, I'm gonna practice some more but now I have a back up plan

[angl-baby]

[transdelgado]

my brain’s hardcore switching between “this is no way of living” and “i won’t be happy until i’m thin”

[thelovelynope]

Bruh same

[thelovelynope]

Last night I either had a panic attack or I'm dying.

[thelovelynope]

Maybe it's not about losing weight because i know if I got help I would. Maybe it's about hurting myself and controlling something

[thelovelynope]

I want to get help. I really really do. But I want to skip just a few more meals. Lose a little more weight. I want to deserve help. To be thin enough that no one wonders why I'm getting help. I know I should get help now, or I may put it off forever. I can't take one more anxiety attack at the grocery store.