Discouraged

Hi, I'm Morgan (19), I have BPD and Mixed Bipolar Disorder and this is me being a big ol' cry baby. cocsa victim (c-ptsd). GAD, SAD. Also livin' the spoonie life. INFP •This is my vent blog so don’t follow if you don’t want triggers on your dash🌷•

[qyriaha-deactivated20220214]

me, with no emotional permanance, seeing my therapist at 4pm after being in the warmth and seeing my friends all day: mental illness whom! ive been so good the last few weeks! ive never felt sad in my life!

[themindofaborderline]

Except I don’t have friends I just convince myself I’m better by fear of living in agony my whole life 😎

[themindofaborderline]

I think when you are an adult victim of sexual assault it’s so much different than if you’re a child victim of sexual assault. I mean when you grow up with a “regular” childhood you grow up to learn sex is something you do when you’re older and it’s wrong for kids so when you get assaulted it’s just terrifying and traumatizing, but when you’ve been assaulted as a child you grow up with sex on your mind 24/7 whether it’s good or bad and it feels so normal. You end up having your first time at a young age and when your parents find out they just don’t understand why you would want to do it. They know you’ve been assaulted and maybe they even have been assaulted themselves as an adult, but they’ll never understand how weirdly normal sex becomes. It becomes what seems like a life long struggle to try to figure out romance and when sex is appropriate and when it isn’t. Is this love or is it lust? It gets so confusing and it makes you want to rip off your head in every relationship or non relationship you have.

[themindofaborderline]

I’m 19 I don’t have a job, I don’t go to school, I can’t drive, I have no talent(literally), and I can’t cook ... I’m such a disgusting human, why am I alive

[themindofaborderline]

It’s so fucking hard not having one single fucking person I can be completely open and honest with; I don’t even have one friend... I can’t fucking stand living so pointlessly. There’s something in me I know it but no one else can see it and I can’t even find it. I’ve seen so many signs in my life that things are gonna start rolling for me soon but at times like this it feels so painful to keep sitting in a room for 24 hours a day with no hobbies. Idk what to do anymore .... fuck

[leafsea]

[somuchtrauma]

Just Trauma Things

— am I making it all up?

— flashbacks

— is this even real?

— more flashbacks

— are you… are you being sarcastic? pls be honest, i really dont get it

— im sorry im sO SORRY

— dissociating and flashbacks

— hold me tight but oh god don’t fuckin touch me

— yes, i am so mature, yes now will you fuck me senseless?

— lying about your age

— feeling like sex is all you’re good for

— feeling like deep down you’re still the little kid who’s trying to understand why all these bad things happen to her and how she deserves all the punishment and abandonment

— more flashbacks and dissociating

— no, that’s not true…. they’re lying… “are you,, like are you being serious? yes?” nahhh still don’t believe them

— *something moves anywhere behind you* PLEASE DONT HIT ME NO IM SORRY PLEASE

— could you… could you please sit down and not stand in front of me? im frightened. no? ok yeah you’re right haha im weird sorry im sorry

— u guessed it… flashbacks & dissociation

[just-shower-thoughts]

The only bad decision you won’t regret later would be killing yourself.

[themindofaborderline]

Depop: @luna_xz

[themindofaborderline]

So uhhhhh.....

Does anyone want to buy my slime? lmao  etsy.com/shop/theslimefaerie

[themindofaborderline]

friend: i'll pick you up at 5

clock: 5:01

me: wHeRE teh fuKc

[chronicallycreepinginactive]

I hate when people ask me “what did you do today?” like buddy listen I woke up at noon and then it was five pm okay I don’t kn o w

[feelings-and-stuff]

[blueberryborderline]

it’s weird because mentally i’m years above my age but emotionally i’m more immature than my age which means I have all these emotions and i am so aware of them but i don’t know how to change them and i get angry at myself for feeling these emotions because i’m painfully aware of how irrational they are

[goodassdog]

[sweetschizo-deactivated20190808]

If you want to respect and support mentally ill people that includes:

Mentally ill people who dropped out of school

Mentally ill people who are unemployed

Mentally ill people who are homeless

Mentally ill people who are addicts

Mentally ill people who are visibly mentally ill

Mentally ill people who are on welfare

Mentally ill people with personality disorders or schizophrenia.

Mentally ill people in institutions and psych wards

Mentally ill people who can’t take care of themselves

Mentally ill people who struggle with personal hygiene

If you can’t respect, support and show compassion to all mentally ill people, no matter how obviously ill they are, no matter how “badly” they cope, no matter their productivity and independence level, no matter where they are in their recovery process or whether they’ll ever recover, don’t you dare say that you support mentally ill people.

[parentless-suggestions]

I’m ridiculously touch deprived, but i’m also scared of being touched. I crave physical affection and dread it at the same time. Thanks dad.

[themindofaborderline]

Thanks mom and dad

[gredta]