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My family and I contracted COVID-19 the first week of 2022. Nag start lang yun sa simple cough ng mom ko. My mom was declared positive at January 2, kaya agad kami nag-isolate ng boyfriend ko sa apartment.

First symptom was itchy throat then the next day... Nagkafever si King. Na-witness ko kung paano siya naging weak that day. Nakahiga lang siya all day covering his whole body with blanket. Then the next day, he was okay. Pero ako naman yung sumunod na nagkafever. My highest temperature was like 38.5°C. My oxygen was normal but my heart rate is so high. The next day we had our RT PCR test... Nareceive namin yung result same day. King was negative but I was positive. Nakakagulat tbh kasi same symptoms kami pero ako nalang yung nagpositive. Until now, di parin nga nagssink in sa akin na nag positive ako. We had no choice na mag self quarantine muna ako for 10 days. I am still on home quarantine and waiting for my LGU clearance. So far may symptoms parin which is on and off yung cough and colds. Idk when it will end tho. But I am thankful na nasa outside world na ako, finally. Lol.

Thank you God kasi my family and I survived this for the second time (my father got COVID last year). I would also like to thank my parents and relatives kasi kahit malayo ako you tried your best to reach out for me and make me feel better. Syempre my boyfriend for taking care of me and sending delicious food while I am on quarantine. Sa mga friends din namin ni King for helping us to buy essential stuff kasi we can't go outside (i know it's so hard na may biglang pasuyo kami sa inyo pero sobrang thank you sa inyo). And to everyone who sent their gifts, overwhelming love and support. I am so thrilled that you kept us in your thoughts and close to your heart.

Stay safe everyone ✨

#diary

it's been a while ✨

#photo #me

First anniversary ✨

We actually have two plans: first, we were supposed to go to the beach pero ang haba ng process because of the pandemic. second, we were supposed to check in a luxury hotel but there were sudden changes and we don’t feel the vibe to check in. So we decided to go on a BGC trip kasi we really miss going to Manila (we are living in Pampanga kasi we work there) and dun rin kasi yung first night out namin together.

He stayed at my fam’s house kasi we were expected to go home late tapos ang mahal pa ng grab pag sa Cavite ang drop off. Nag prepare na kami and dapat isusuot ko yung long sleeve na bigay niya sa akin kaso parang hindi siya goods for date night at mukha akong working girl from BGC. Lol. Pumunta kami ng BGC ng maaga kasi we want to see the place with daylight.

Our first stop was at La Picara Manila, I saw this place at Youtube kasi sabi ng mga vloggers nice daw yung ambiance and especially the food. We were not disappointed kasi sobrang goods ng food. I mean the quality! Worth the price lalo na yung Wagyu Mini Burgers. They also have that free appetizer Patatas Bravas. I mean it’s an ordinary potato but the sauce is so damn delicious. We also ordered Sisig Tacos which is good din kasi it’s a different twist. Not your usual sisig. Lol.

We walked from Bonifacio High Street to Uptown Mall. I mean can’t you imagine how far yung nilakad namin. It was so tiring. But I appreciate the walktrip kasi you’ll get to see different streets and places of BGC tapos you’ll take some photos/videos pa. Ang aga namin pumunta ng The Island kaya ang awkward kasi one hour kami lang ang customer but hey it’s fine naman kasi parang for one hour we felt like we rent the whole place. The vibe was nice and it was my first time going there. Kasi it’s a famous party place around the metro. Sayang di ko naabutan yung party days nun kasi pumupunta ako ng BGC to eat pero not to party (pumunta ako ng Early Night? kaso hindi sa palace). I like the vibe because of the music parang in my mind *is this my playlist?* kasi they were playing the song that I really like. The food was also good but we chose the wrong food kasi we ordered Truffle Fries plus Fried Chicken with another fries. Hahaha! I ordered also two different cocktails (first was sangria tapos yung isa i forgot pero may grapefruit and tequila).

So as usual, we went home late. That was a great experience and I really had fun kasi it was a very special day for me and King. Time flies really fast no? We are now down to our first year and many years to come. So excited for our future plans. Can’t wait to be with him for the rest of my life.

#diary #bubba #firstanniversary

my first ever sneaker xx

so happy nagkaroon narin ako ng sariling shoes. i never tried buying my own sneakers bc priorities hahaha i have shoes pero yung simple ones lang kasi basic lang tayo chor anyways im so thankful for my work bc we have this wellness benefit wherein we can buy any stuff related to wellness/fitness lifestyle. oh btw ya gurl is now regular so we deserve to celebrate woooooo hahahaha actually swerte ako kasi yung ultraboost was on sale so i still have few money left to buy for my wellness bc ya know ya gotta spend it wisely since it's libre hahaha mygahd im so happy kc i really want to have ultraboost and i finally have it bc of my hardwork huhuhu

#diary

his birthday gift *not an engagement ring*

my birthday was august (me and my boyf have the same birth month and i find it cute lol kasi isang celebration na para di magastos chor) and we celebrated it together with my friends. but take note it was an intimate celebration so it means our group of friends are only invited. kasi lockdown nun sa work, well almost everyday kami magkakasama since magkakalapit lang yung mga tinitirahan namin na apartment.

i really want to have a ring on my birthday kasi wala lang it's really cute. kaya my boyfriend gave me a ring on my birthday pero before he gave the ring nag disclaimer muna siya na di pa yun ang engagement ring. hahaha! anyways, the ring was so simple yet beautiful. i always wear it wherever i go except at apartment kasi i always do chores kaya baka mahulog.

but sad to say, i lost the ring last week. i was doing a video shoot for my work for some requirement shit. tinanggal ko yung ring para simple lang yung video pero sa sobrang busy ko hindi ko na namalayan kung nasuot ko ba ulit yung ring or nah after shooting. nalaman ko lang kinabukasan nung mag-aayos na going to work. i was so scared to tell my boyfriend kasi it was a special gift pero iwawala ko lang. kaya i went to the office immediately to check the ring kung andun pa pero nawala na. sa sobrang aligaga ko, sinabi ko na agad kay king kaysa patagalin ko pa. we had misunderstanding while talking about it kasi akala niya nag walk out ako for being mad but i wasn't mad at all. i was explaining to him so he would understand what happened about the incident.

i was really shookt about his reaction. i know he will be mad at me. but he said it's okay lang daw na nawala ko kasi material lang naman daw yun. but seriously for me it's not kasi syempre pinaghirapan mo yung gift tapos iwawala lang. ewan ko until now di ko parin tanggap na nawala ko. huhuhu. i feel so sad. idk pag may certain stuff ako na ginagawa magiging focused talaga ako and di ko na namamalayan yung mga ibang bagay. i really feel sorry about it kasi hindi ko naman talaga sinasadya. kinakabahan tuloy ako pag nag propose siya sa akin baka mawala ko engagement ring or wedding ring pag kinasal na kami. huhuhu. but lesson learned rin naman na i should be careful and be mindful of my belongings wow ano to sa jollibee chor

#diary

A DAY IN MANILA

my boyfriend is from cavite, he doesn't go to manila that much since he's the type of guy who always plays dota during his teenage days (he's actually a famous dota player before haha). i took this opportunity since mahaba ang vacation namin so dinala ko siya sa manila for a one day quick tour. seven months na kami pero hindi parin kami nakakapag explore together sa mga malalayong lugar bc of pandemic.

namiss ko rin ang manila kasi i spent the pandemic in pampanga. pumunta kami sa binondo to eat chinese food the naglakad kami papuntang escolta. last stop namin sa intramuros. dapat mag kapetolyo pa kami pero ang daming tao so nag sm nalang kami para mag milktea. sana matapos na ang pandemic para makapunta narin sa mga ibang lugar.

#diary

two tattoos with meaning ✨

i never thought na matutuloy yung paglagay ko ng tattoos. i mean may part of me na naisip na what if magkaroon ako ng tattoo pero di ko expect na magkakaroon ako, tapos dalawa pa. iniisip ko pa na magpatattoo pa pero i want to make it sure na may meaning. masakit magpatattoo, mahina pain tolerance ko pero after ng sesh sobrang worth it pag nakita mo na tapos yung tattoo.

as of now, eto palang ang mga tattoos ko... kwento ko na sa inyo yung meaning ng mga tattoos ko:

first one is a blue rose with my sister's name sa stem. nasa left shoulder ko yung tattoo kasi it signifies na kahit wala na siya, alam ko na yung soul niya nasa tabi ko lang lagi to guide and protect me.

yung pangalawa naman is an anchor. hindi dahil seawoman ako (bc i am not lol), it's how me and King started to be close. we have the same tattoo and it's so cute! the reason behind the tattoo is because sa vikings na ride sa carnival in pampanga. everything started dun sa ride na yun, dahil sa ride na yun di kami magiging magjowa. nagtataka rin talaga ako bakit ako kumapit sa kanya nun pero takot talaga kasi ako nun lalo na nung sa highest part na. actually wala na yung carnival place na yun dahil sa pandemic. pero the last time na pumunta kami sa lugar na yun nakita nalang naman yung vikings. ang galing din kasi naabutan pa namin yun kasi yun nalang ang natitira na ride na tatanggalin nila.

after a few months nalaman din ng parents ko na may tattoo ako and my dad was not happy about it for some reasons. pero sabi ng mom ko wala narin magagawa kasi andyan na basta wag ko na daw dagdagan. as if? chor. di ko alam kung madadagdagan pa pero bahala na.

#diary #tattoos

Pag may gusto ka sa isang tao, hindi naman nila alam yun unless sabihin mo sa kanya. Hindi naman madaling sabihin na gusto mo ang tao na walang ibig sabihin. I mean sabihin mo na gusto mo siya pero ganun lang ba yun? It does mean a lot to you and that’s why you want it to mean everything when you can say it to that someone face to face, knowing you’re capable of taking responsibility for your own words and you’re in a place to deliver the promises those words entail. You don't ask something in return, basta nasabi mo na kung ano yung nararamdaman mo. Willing to take a risk, kumbaga.

Hindi naman siya parang madaling mawala. In denial ka kasi di ka sure sa feelings mo. Baka pag umamin ka, mareject ka. Pero everytime na nagkakatingin kayo... There's this rush of joy spreading all over your body, making you feel alive... Yung boring mo na buhay, magkakaroon na ng kulay... Pag kasama mo siya, alam mo lang sa sarili mo na masaya ka. Walang dull moment, basta masaya. Pag nangyayari yun parang hindi mo na maitanggi.

Being inlove with King is one of the best things that ever happened in my life. I never felt this kind of love before. Ikaw ba naman magkaroon ng special somone na hindi mo kailangan magpanggap para magustuhan ka. Basta natural lang. Wala kaming tinatapakan na tao at masaya kami. Pag magkasama kami, isang tinginan palang namin alam na namin kung ano ibig sabihin. Ewan ko ba! Parang iisa lang utak namin. Kaya pag may problem ang isa sa amin, matik na gagalaw na yung isa para masolve agad. Alam niya every move/emotions ko... Alam niya pag masaya, malungkot o galit ako. Kaya impossible na mag iba ako ng emotions kasi malalaman niya agad kung okay or hindi ako.

I never knew na dadating kami sa ganitong point. Idk? Maybe lagi kasi kami magkasama kaya nagkadevelopan kami. Pero di rin! Kasi may mga magkakasama naman lagi pero di naman nagkadevelopan. Lagi kami magkasama pero di ko alam na nagkakagusto na ako sa kanya pero in denial ako sa feelings ko baka kasi dumating yung araw na i-reject niya ako, kaya hinayaan ko nalang kung ano meron sa amin. Basta masaya na ako kung ano meron. Pero nung umamin siya sa akin na gusto niya ako, umamin narin ako. Kasi dun ko narealize na same pala kami. Sarap sa feeling ng ganon na mutual feeling kayo. So ayun isang buwan na siya nanliligaw sa akin. Oo mukha na kami mag jowa pero sa ngayon we want to keep things on smooth process para maging goods. Syempre we are talking about long term. Gets niyo naman siguro yung point ko diba? We haven't revealed kung ano meron sa amin kasi hindi pa oras. Pero sabi niya malapit na daw.

I know words are not enough... But I am very thankful for him for being my warmth on my coldest days. His arms have been a safe haven for my weary bones. You always say "I got you always, bubba. Hindi kita iiwanan." Gusto ko lang malaman niya na andito lang din ako at hindi ko rin siya iiwanan. Kung magkaroon man kami ng problema, aaalalahanin ko lang lagi ang sinasabi niya sa akin.

King,

Salamat dahil pinakita mo kung sino at alam mo na minahal kita dahil dun. Salamat kasi you're existing at the same time as me, I mean we're truly meant for each other. Isa rin siguro sa reason kung bakit pumunta ako ng Angeles kasi makikita ko na pala yung lalaki na magmamahal sa akin ng buong buo at mamahalin ako kung sino ako. Salamat for protecting me at all costs, you're truly my superhero. You really deserve to receive as much as you give.

I love you.

#bubba

#photography

First Valentine’s Day with Bubba 💕

I really wanted to make our valentines day simple but special. We don't make plans kasi usually di natutuloy kaya sobrang spontaneous ng date namin kagabi (yup, advance kami nag celebrate ng valentines day). We went to Green Kitchen, SM Clark. Our workmates kept on telling us about the restaurant because of their delicious food. Mej pricey yung food pero worth it! Lalo na yung steak nila, sobrang sarap! I also had a chance to make my bubba eat veggies. He doesn't like to eat veggies kasi. Pero that time, I ordered Caesar Salad tapos pinilit ko siya kumain. At first parang ayaw niya kainin... Aba naka dalawang kuha siya ng salad! Like omg, I was too proud of myself because I was able to convinced him to eat veggies!

After eating dinner, we also went to Coco for milktea because he was craving for milktea. We had some talk about serious stuff sa relationship namin (gonna make kwento in my next blog soon). Umuwi narin kami agad because we had to go to our friend's place to spent our night there since bawal ang visitors sa dorm ko.

Our first valentine's day was really fun! No dull moment! I have never been myself when it comes to a guy that I am dating with. I mean like I can just be myself without anyone judging me. He appreciates me just as I am and I feel the same way too.

#bubba

N I G H T M O D E

#photography

idk but lately im having some issues. it’s been a few months since i dated someone. i have that certain standard and walang pumapasa. but hey i am open for dating but it feels like im being too choosy na. please don’t blame me for being too choosy kasi sobrang nasaktan ako from the past and i don’t want to happen that again bc i am fragile. maybe ill be ready when the right guy comes, but when?

#diary

It’s been a month since I started my new work.

New people, new environment, new type of culture to deal with (fyi, im working at a casino sa Pampanga). It was a fun experience to get to know new people. I feel like a kid since a lot of my co-employees are waaaaaay older than me. They’re like my mom and dad kasi same age range sila ng parents ko. Despite of having fun, syempre andun yung pagiging malungkot kasi I am away from my place in Manila.

If you’re thinking bakit ako pumayag mag work sa Pampanga... It’s not my choice, it’s the company’s choice na maassign ako sa malayong lugar since their priority yung mga newly hired employees nila na married and may family sa Manila. But hey! It’s fine with me kasi it’s also an opportunity to explore new place. I am still lucky tho kasi some of my co-trainees were assigned sa mas malayong lugar (like Cebu, Davao and Bacolod). May chance parin ako to go home every day off. Hihi.

So far, I am having fun naman sa work ko. Ang daming adjustments kasi syempre new work. Ang dami ko mga naddiscover na mga bagay sa casino since I am not exposed into gambling since birth kasi ayaw na parents ko. But I must say that it’s way different from our training. Sobrang hassle nung training pero pag nasa mismong application ka mapapa-huh ka nalang kasi ganun lang pala ang gagawin.

Madami pa ako matutunan as I go along the way. Ang plans ko after six months or year magpapalipat na ako ng branch tapos after a year magpapalipat na ako agad ng department. But for now I am having fun with my work and I am also hoping for the best.

#diary

On-The-Job-Training

After a few days of training in Cavite, we were given a chance to be a part of casino for two days. The pictures above were taken at CF-Manila Bay. Yung first day namin was at CF-Malate pero I wasn’t able to take photos kasi crowded sa labas and it’s not worth the IG post. I told my friend na mag picture sa akin sa CF-Manila Bay kasi ang ganda nung place tapos ang ganda pa ng suot ko so syempre lubusin na diba. Char.

Anyways, I just want to share na first time ko makapasok sa casino that time. It was fascinating to me kasi ang daming bago sa mata ko lalo na yung ano meron sa loob ng casino. I don’t want to make kwento na specific kasi it’s confidential. I have to say it was a great experience kasi I had a chance to explore inside the casino. It’s going to be my workplace for a year, I guess? I have plans to move to other department kasi. I am excited to be deployed kasi new working environment for me. Hoping for the best for me and my co-trainees!

#diary

“If I can’t fly, I can sing.” - Stephen Sondheim

It’s been a long time I haven’t sang in public. Nakakamiss din pala yung feeling na kakanta ka sa harap ng tao with live acoustic pa. Thankful ako sa dalawang batchmates ko for playing the guitar and beatbox para makakanta ako. Sobrang sarap sa feeling na kumanta ulit. Feel ko tuloy parang namotivate ako kumanta na ulit at ibalik ang singing career ko. Char.

Parang gusto ko ulit mag voice lesson para ibalik yung totoong singing voice ko. Malay natin soon?

#photo #diary

Moving on is a process. Hindi naman siya yung gusto mo mag move-on agad na “ay bukas, okay na ako”. Some things or person are not meant to stay for long. Kaya siguro nawala sila kasi may dahilan or purpose.

I know some of my followers from my old account knew na I had a long time relationship last year. It was a roller coaster ride. One year and five months? It was not an easy journey for me. Sa lahat ng relationship ko, this was the toughest and longest one. I thought it’s normal na habang tumatagal nagiging cold ang relationship. I thought everything was okay, pero hindi pala. Masakit iwanan with a stupid reason. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko pinaglaban. Siguro pagod na ako? Siguro tama na nangyari yun? Madaming pumasok sa isip ko na mga tanong. Syempre sa una, ang hirap i-process sa utak na wala na siya. Tipong gigising ako ng madaling araw expecting his message or call, baka sakali na magbago isip niya. Pero wala. Wala akong natanggap na text or tawag sa kanya.

Wala naman akong choice kundi mag move-on. Ganun pala ang feeling no? You’ve invested from the relationship tapos wala rin pala sa huli. Lahat ng pain maeexperience mo. Mahirap pero kailangan tanggapin. Nawawalan ako ng gana sa lahat ng bagay. Gusto ko may kasama ako lagi kasi kung hindi mag bbreakdown ako. Gumawa talaga ako ng paraan para makaget-over sa lahat sa ex ko or anything na related sa kanya. Most of the time, I go out with my friends. or do whatever I want. I know ang gastos sa part ko but it was all worth it. Alam ko naman kasi ang pera babalik, pero hindi ako papayag na bumalik ang pain. Char. Pero gets niyo naman ako diba. Eventually, narealize ko bakit nangyari yun. I must say that I am better off without my ex. Kasi mas okay na ako, mas naappreciate ko yung self-worth and self-love.

Some things are better left unsaid. Eto yung isa sa mga natutunan ko while I am on the process of moving on. Hindi naman kasi lahat ng bagay ay kailangan may dahilan. We need to looking for the answers sa sarili natin. Siguro kaya nangyari yun kasi mas okay na ganun nalang kaysa malaman pa natin ang totoong reason, mas masakit.

What made me think to blog this? I just want to share my experiences. You should learn how to let go of love that isn't for you. Kaya hindi para sayo, kasi may nakalaan na better para sayo. Moving on is also a part of acceptance. Acceptance na we need to let go of the person na once na naging part ng buhay natin. It’s the best thing that you can do for yourself. Let go, feel the pain and

#ispeak

Twenty nine days of training was a short one.

I wish we could extend our time but we need to separate ways. Been through a lot of struggles during the training...It was not an easy challenge, but it made me a better person. It made me feel stronger.

These past few weeks have flown by, and I can't believe they are coming to an end. I'm so happy I became a part of this batch. It was so fun getting to know and hangout with everyone inside and outside of the training. I want to express my gratitude to my mentors and co-trainees for all of the encouragement and support you have shown me in our training. You help opened my eyes to see my other abilities and talents.

I will really miss you all, but I will be sure to keep in touch. Thank you for making first experience in PAGCOR a very memorable one. I love you all.

#diary

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