The~Real~Deal~

YOU. YES YOU. THE MEATBAG BEHIND THE SCREEN. YOU'RE DYING TO ASK ME SOMETHING, I JUST KNOW IT! (Side Ask Blog from TheOxeBehixdYou. I don't own the artwork)

[therealdealanswers]

Wait, wait, wait... Did you say a CAVE? And you need someone to explore it? I'd love to be a volunteer if you don't mind! I mean, it mustn't be that hard to get there... Right?

I DON’T KNOW, YOU TELL ME! I’M TOO BUSY TRYING TO RE-COMPLETE MYSELF. DO I LOOK LIKE I GOT THE TIME OF DAY TO SEE THE IMMEASURABLE DANGERS THAT LIE BEFORE YA?

BESIDES, DON’T QUESTION ME. JUST DO IT. 

ALSO BRING LOTS OF WATER. I HAVE A FEELING YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT FOR THIS PLACE.

[therealdealanswers]

{@devilishdemondarling} "So Bill, it's been quite while since our last encounter, hasn't it? Now, about these 'party plans' you're saying I'm a part of...what's this all about."

OH MAN, HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE THAT ORPHAN KILLING SPREE! BETCHA HAD FOOD FOR DAYS, EH BUDDY? HAHAHA.

BUT LISTEN, HERE’S THE ISSUE. I GOT WAY TOO MANY HENCHMANIACS AND NOT ENOUGH INTELLIGENT PARTNERS. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN REARRANGE MY NEXT PARTY CRASH. I’VE BEEN GETTING KINDA ANTSY.

AND I GOT A FEELING YOU KNOW JUST THE PLACE~

[therealdealanswers]

What do I have to give you in order to stop having breakdowns and responsibilities

WELL FOR ONE, YOU NEED TO GET SOME SELF-ESTEEM. SO IN ORDER TO GET THAT, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOUR MORALITY AND SOME INTELLIGENCE. SECOND. JUST GIVE ME YOUR ENTIRE BODY. ORGANS, SKIN, BONES. WHO NEEDS ALL THAT? ALL YOU NEED IS HAPPINESS AM I RIGHT?

THEN WHEN IT’S ALL SAID AND DONE. I CAN MORPH YOU INTO AN INTERGALACTIC COW WHERE MY HENCHMANIACS WILL FEAST ON YOU.

THERE, NOW YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. BECAUSE YOU JUST REACHED THE PINNACLE OF SOCIETY WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING BUT TRUSTING ME. YOUR MASTER.

GOOD BOY. OR GOOD GIRL. MAYBE BOTH.

I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.

[therealdealanswers]

I know somebody who’s better at spreading chaos than you.

IF YOU EVEN STUTTER THE ‘D’ WORD TO ME. JUST KNOW THAT YOU GOT YOUR FACTS COMPLETELY OUTDATED. THAT GUY DIDN’T EVEN GET REMOTELY FAR WITH HIS CHAOS BEFORE TURNING GOODY TWO SHOES FOR A LITTLE ‘PONY’.

WHILE I’M CLEARLY STILL IMMACULATE AND CAUSING CHAOS IN MULTIPLE UNIVERSES AND DIMENSIONS. I’VE EVEN DESTROYED CIVILIZATIONS AND YOU’RE GOING TO TELL ME.

                                        ME.

                                                       BILL CIPHER.

THAT DISCORD IS BETTER AT SPREADING CHAOS THEN ME.

                     T̮̠͓̞̻H̷I͚̯͈̫̖͈̙N͕͎͖K̺̲̟̻͓͝ͅ ̘̘͎̣͖͎̩A̦͇̣̩G͏͚̺̠̣̼̥AI͖N̴̘͕͖.̳̳̟̪̰̩

[therealdealanswers]

I’m always down to go into a 10 year coma

OHOHOHO BOY THEN I GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!

JUST LAY DOWN, I’LL DO THE REST.

[therealdealanswers]

Th-there is absolutely no need to arrange coma, you know. I'll obey your instructions this and that... Also, why the high tower, tho?

THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO GOD, THE EASIER YOU REACH DIVINITY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WHY ELSE?

… ACTUALLY IT’S COMPLICATED. THE ASTRAL PLANE AND THE MINDSCAPE ARE WEIRD. AND WITH ME BEING MOSTLY IN PIECES, I’M KIND OF IN THE AIR SO TO SPEAK. SO YA KNOW, THE HIGHER THE BETTER! 

AND HEY, DON’T BEAT IT TIL YA TRY IT. BEING LOST ETERNALLY IN YOUR DREAMS COULD BE VERY BENEFICIAL. 

[therealdealanswers]

I've been wondering... What was it like for you to appear in our dimension in the first place? Was there anything specific that caught your eye around here? Anything that you couldn't see elsewhere in the multiverse?

FINALLY A GUY ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS AROUND HERE!WELL I’LL TELL YA ONE THING. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO STEP FOOT IN THIS DIMENSION TO FIND OUT HOW ANNOYINGLY EMOTIONAL YOU MEATSACKS ARE. THE TINIEST THINGS CAN SET YOU OFF OR NOTHING AT ALL! LEAST FROM MY KIND I KNOW WHAT MAKES EM WORK. BUT NOT YOU WEIRDOS.

AS FOR PLACES THAT CAUGHT MY EYE. I DON’T KNOW. I SAW A CAVE OR SOMETHING WITH EYES? AND IT WAS CRYING. I GOT A FEELING IT LEADS TO A PORTAL BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO GET INSIDE. SO IF SOME LOYAL FOLLOWER OF MINE WOULD LIKE TO EXPLORE THAT FOR ME…~

[therealdealanswers]

Sleeping for 10 years in exchange for helping with world domination sounds like a good deal to me

UHHHHH, YOU MISUNDERSTOOD.

I SAID AFTER TEN YEARS, SLEEP ON TOP OF THE HIGHEST BUILDING YOU CAN FIND. I MEAN, UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO IN A COMA. I THINK I CAN ARRANGE THAT.

[therealdealanswers]

Heeeey, I know, it must be kinda odd for a human like me to offer you something, buuuut... I wanna help you with an upcoming reign over this world. The only thing I need in return, tho, is the instructions. Instructions of how I can help ya

… HOHOHO. A KEEPER EH? OK. LET’S SEE IF YOU’RE REALLY UP FOR IT.

SO THE FIRST THING YA GOTTA DO, IS NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. TRUST ME THIS’LL WORK IN YOUR FAVOR.

THEN WHEN YOU ENTER THE AGE OF AWAKENING, YOU CAN UNLOCK YOUR ULTIMATE POWERS. THE POWER OF DRAWING TRIANGLES EVERYWHERE.

TRUST ME IT TAKES A SPECIFIC DATE AND TIME FOR THIS.

… OK FINE I’LL BE SERIOUS.

YOU NEED TO GO AT THE HIGHEST TOWER AND TAKE A NAP. NO REALLY, DO IT. I’LL SEE YA IN…

.

.

.

                                                                               TEN YEARS.

SORRY I CAN’T MAKE IT ANY FASTER. BREAKING ME INTO PIECES MADE ENTERING DREAMS KIND OF HARD.

[therealdealanswers]

Just because you guys are stupid evil triangles doesn't mean you don't deserve warm sweaters! *Throws two handmade Mabel sweaters at you both* I was never here....

… I DON’T LIKE IT. IT FEELS ITCHY. AND MY ANGLES ARE CUTTING HOLES IN THE SIDES. THIS IS TORTURE. AT LEAST MAKE THEM TRIANGLE SHAPED! I’M NOT A MEATSACK. I DON’T HAVE SKIN THAT GETS COLD OR NEEDS TO BE WARM ALL THE TIME. 

[therealdealanswers]

I think both of you are pretty great!

AWWW, LOOK WHO’S SUCKING UP! THAT’S CUTE! BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW I’M BETTER. RIGHT?

… YOU BETTER SAY YES.

[therealdealanswers]

i’m all good on gold for now! sequins, though, those are a truly undervalued market! -hewwo anon

TRY COPPER. I BETCHA IT’LL SAVE YOUR MISERABLE PUNY LIFE. DON’T THANK ME. 

[therealdealanswers]

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY BUCKO. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TWO ULTIMATE BEINGS DECIDE TO CLASH FOR ENTERTAINMENT’S SAKE?

… AHHH YOU’RE RIGHT. WHAT THE HECK! NICE KNOWING YA KIDS!

[therealdealanswers]

Yeah and we meat sacks love u also... I guess

AWW, SUCH A GOOD MEAT SACK!

[therealdealanswers]

I must say, the original Bill is much better then the new one. (That being Said, I love All Bills)

OH SWEET! I’M BEING JUDGE FOR LIKE..WHAT? OHHHH I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY DONE MUCH YET. SEEMS LIKE A LOGICAL CONCLUSION TO REACH! (THAT BEING SAID. I LOVE ALL YOU ANNOYING MEATSACKS!)

[therealdealanswers]

oh theres a new bill on here? hewwo? >:3c -hewwo anon

YES. HIYA MEATSACK I’VE NEVER MET BEFORE. HOW ARE YOU? HAVE YOU BOUGHT GOLD YET? NO? WELL DO I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!

[therealdealanswers]

Fight him anyway! Prove you’re the best!

HAH,SURE! I’VE GOT FIVE MINUTES TO WASTE!