How to kidnap tennis players
Andy Murray: Tell him his mother sent you to fetch him, and if he doesn’t come, he’s gonna be in trouble.
Andrey Rublev: He likes boxing, and his dad is a former boxer… Honestly, if you want to go for it… I didn’t tell you to do it.
Rafael Nadal: Just start screaming for help, he’s too nice not to fall for it.
David Goffin: Disguise yourself as an elderly person carrying a heavy bag, ask him to help you with your grocery.
Denis Shapovalov: Some candy, ice-cream or a cup of Starbucks will do.
Sascha Zverev: Ask him: “Do you want to see puppies?” If you want to be extra sure, show him a puppy and say: “I got more in my car!”
Mischa Zverev: Tell him you have Sascha. He can’t leave the idiot alone.
Dominic Thiem: Say you saw an animal trapped in some plastic bags, ask him to help you free the animal. Add something along the lines of: “We really need to stop the plastic plague!” to look legitimate.
Novak Djokovic: Ask Roger and Rafa for help. They’ll gladly help you make him disappear.
John Isner: Put something really high, then ask him to grab it for you because you can’t reach it. Make sure your trunk is big enough, though.
Stefanos Tsitsipas: Straight up tell him you want to kidnap him. He’ll go with it for the fame and vlogging material.
Diego Schwartzman: Just grab him, he’s tiny.
Grigor Dimitrov: Print fake flyers with a new fashion store opening. The address is your lair, of course.
Jérémy Chardy: Ask him: “Are you lost?” He’s lost 99% of the time, so it will probably work.
Roger Federer: You’ll probably have to use a gun here, because you can’t outsmart him.
Nick Kyrgios: Don’t even try.
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