Yahhh Trick

Internal monologue and entertainment headquarters Animals/ Fashion /Food/ Nature/ Science /Art

[thnku4calling]



So today I finish my 60 days of TMS therapy.

It’s definitely been a difference on how I feel about life.

These past five years basically was me taking care of my mom who got diagnosed with cancer and was hopeful of it going away and staying away, but it didn’t really just putting myself aside to spend time with them maybe at fear or love whatever but anyway I’m finished now and I kind of wanna cry because I don’t really have anyone specifically to call and talk about how excited I am and makes me like actually really sad because I feel like the way my mom did like I have a whole life ahead of me but on her final days nobody knew what was going on, except me And I didn’t tell anyone about what I was doing right now to make myself feel better so basically what I’m saying is i’m happy to have control of my life again, but equally is sad and so fucking lonely. I don’t want guy friends. I don’t want friends that are like sexualizing me. I want friends to celebrate my wings with and to celebrate theirs as well but I feel like I’ve been so isolated and manipulated for so long. I’m too scared to trust anybody to come in and feel irrelevant to try to relate to anyone anymore building like this castle and a tomb at the same time it kind of feels like that character in movies that has it all on the outside but really they’re completely miserable all the time

[thnku4calling]

I just saw this really weird dream.

I’ve been watching this one show called good omens and David Tennant in it and like I’m obsessed with that character I guess cause he’s cute.

Anyway The dream we’re hanging out and then I get asked about getting food with me

and then from what I remember like it looked like

A restaurant parking lot.

But Anyways on the way in I asked David tenant Crowley person. Have you ever had a sloppy Joe

Lol wtf

and then he was like oh its similar to like this French word French cuisine and

I was like yea kind of like meat and tomato gravy like sauce its good.

We walk into a restaurant like Italian or something like maximal decor lol

Idk I thought my siblings were there coincidentally or something and then once we get inside it’s a huge table full of like family members and my extended ex (had irl step dad/family) and I just really didn’t want to be there like stomach sinking because a lot of the time when those bug dinners happen all I wanted to do is go home irl so yeah

Anyway we Say hi to my family and, some of the extended family get up and they’re like oh my God oh my God it’s David Tennant and I start taking photos with him

and then on the way out he says something about French women giving the creeps and then we get into like the 1926 Bentley from the show.

We’re having trouble starting it up but eventually get started up and then suddenly I’m actually driving and I noticed he’s not in the car and I slow down to let him get in the car and then randomly

Got to the parking lot where I lived irl once and there’s like an abandoned wheelchair right behind the car were talking and I’m seeing it in 3rd person

Crowley character saw the wheelchair and he laughed about it ?

and then I moved the wheelchair up to the curb and like a handicap spot or someone else to use

and then I felt feeling where you are having a good time and stall to drag out the time because you don’t want to leave and felt they were too and then I forget what he said that made it seem like he also didn’t wanna go

and then Some lady with red hair says his name and I look at her and then he says oh don’t worry that’s just one of my nannies and then she gets closer to us and he says oh you’re early and then my alarm clock goes off 

[thnku4calling]

So basically this person I have a crush on fell asleep on my couch after a video game session and basically I saw them w sleeping boner. I mean, they can’t help it. They’re sleeping but put a blanket on top of them and went to bed. 

Screaming tbh bc what’s uppp. But also like them just being friends.

[thnku4calling]

I’m watching some like titanic special the digital resurrection and I had me think of like a board game situation kinda like the game life or one of the ones we have like different lives being played out and then there’s a chance that you may live or not oh yeah, but then Let’s say you’re like enjoying yourself if you’re having your drama or whatever on the ship, and then once a certain play or dies, whatever occurrence you then set a timer for however long it took for the titanic to be hit and sync which factory if you live or not idk

[thnku4calling]

Wow, I definitely had more crazy dreams since my last post one of them I can remember pretty well still but in my dream, I thought i saw a UFO and it turned out to be just a drone type device delivering a Domino’s Pizza

[thnku4calling]

I had like a nightmare dude just now it was like my old house I used to live in Georgia with. I’m not sure why I got there but like this house was all tile except the bedrooms and it was changed to like all white carpet and there was no like banister railings and then there was like these cameras all around the house that would like on the track and they were pointed at the windows and there was no blinds on any of the windows and room had that I have in real life right now at my house and I was really confused like why is all my stuff inside my old room and my sister Was like hanging out with a bunch of like type looking people try to run away from the house and losing my stuff like on the back of the bus retrace my steps couldn’t find it and then ran into like something and I went through all of these random peoples like dorm rooms Trying to get out and then I found one of my friends from school and I was like hugging a younger version of him and then like behind us hugging there was like what would be the older version of one of my friends, but they passed away, and then my mom was in the dream, and the kitchen looked like super cluttered and nasty messy

She was sharing a room with my old stepdad and then like I was just like confronting her like what the hell why are you alive? Did you stage your own death and I called her crazy and that’s how I had to get out of there and I lost my stuff and had to go back and get it But I tried to give my phone number to like this school section of the big building or whatever bunch of kids and uniforms and one was like hey you need a badge to enter the building so I snuck in behind them and I pretended to look for it and I gave up was I actually don’t have what I’m trying to get out of this building. They showed me how to get out of the building and then try to ask for my number and like the first two numbers I gave a teacher I guess came up and they put their phone away 

I guess I got really tripped out on just like all my stuff I currently have now at a house. I lived in like 15 years ago And then seeing my mom there I was like wait aren’t you supposed to be dead? We had a whole funeral service and everything. Why are you here and then she said she’s living with like metastasized cancer or something 

[thnku4calling]

[thnku4calling]

Lol this is the final frame of the TikTok. I just posted and it kind of gave me old-school glamorize mental illness Tumblr vibes mixed with like the emo hard-core bands. I don’t know maybe like from 2007 to 2013. kinda like that show skins, but really it’s from the movie called envy. From 2005 I 🧐

[thnku4calling]

I was thinking like how how everything has a point system when you buy stuff you get points and those points you can redeem for a free stuff is cut out the whole point completely and then charge normal yet obviously profitable for the business type prices instead of having tolike give a discount to those loyal to the company buying our overpriced shit because I don’t wanna have to sign up for something keep track of shit just like keep it simple or whatever

[girlnephew]

[thnku4calling]

Anytime I play Grandtheft auto 

[thnku4calling]

I just wanna give back properly enlarged because I am just kind of like super blessed drifting about kind of scared of like I’m not even sure exactly I guess being like broke but I don’t think people around me would allow me that and then I don’t trust that like dependency let me just fuck off and then wait till I hit my Brock bottom and then ask for money because I know it’s there But at the same time I’m like that’s disgusting. Why would you be like that don’t be like that comes naturally I suppose a natural fear of wants to I don’t know. Maybe that’s something like some people don’t really need a house or want a house maybe a little little square to call their own in privacyand community senior living center has their own bedrooms like a standup shower seat not a bath section here you know I’m so over the place and I don’t wanna clean my house. I wanna partyyyyy Barbie.

[thnku4calling]

Dude, I think it be so sick to like have like friends internationally and like I’ll use the money that I make to like go see them and promote them or whatever the heck like there’s so many cool artist out there. I wanna be like you’re really cool. You’re really really cool and inspiring. I like you what you’re doing here keep on keeping on And can you sign my forehead just kidding but anyway, yeah I just gotta find like way of income that’s not 9 to 5 or 9 to 5 something like actually fun but it’s a creative outlet. That’s kind of useful and entertainment is useful but it’s like I lose something, you’re like somewhat mild but I know it’s for the good of like entertaining and information news I don’t wanna be famous. I wanna using the Internet because I grew up in the age of like the Dawn of the Internet. It was kind of like goofy, but now people are using it to make money just by entertaining information news, entertainment, education, all sorts, like the Internet, so crazy to me 

[thnku4calling]

I’m just riding this down cause I’m stoned right whatever and I think restoring furniture and then like learn how to create furniture woodworking would be cool next to doing karate or like martial arts and stuff that would be awesome and then oh yeah jewelry will be kind of cool too because obviously or at least get like a trusted person to do these things for me I think I have fun. They make the wood stuff jewelry I feel like it’s a little tedious, perfectionist stuff. I don’t really wanna deal with. I wanna work with like a bigger canvas of sorts itself. I feel like a little bit difficult cause I’m usually like a focal point. I’m more like a pattern pattern color shapes, whatever or those paintings have like a bunch of people fighting each other like a Renaissance I think or Baroque but it comes back to structured brain. I wanna make a YouTube channel. I’m so alone and I just talk to myself so much and then I just like didn’t talk to myself so much and then like turn to the imaginary camera that I put up myself that’s right entertainment I’m just talking to myself because I’m lonely and I used the Powerpuff Girls as my imaginary friends for like a few years of my life knowing that they’re not really there it’s just like, the gang in my head

[thnku4calling]

Wow, wow so here’s some knowledge so that group called Audioslave I enjoy them and then I did some research or whatever and the singer of Audioslave is the singer of Soundgarden and then rage against the machine without Zack Del Rocha both bands are cool and then the little hybrid one is equally awesome 😎

The soundtrack to the movie collateral had one of the Audioslave songs and then noticed I Shazam like four more. I love Shazam and I love soundtracks during like the montage scenes. There’s always like some cool song and then I learn a new band artist 👍

[thnku4calling]

Omfg self expression is cool and all whatever but like when you’re making a song and your song is only like a A minute and a half two minutes is almost still not good but loop at one more time pleassseee because I just think of that is like a sample or a little clip of music like three minutes is a real song seven minutes is kind of like the max unless you’re intending on having a long mix that’s different but like anyway end rant

[thnku4calling]

[thnku4calling]