TAMBAYAN

Rest. Breathe. Reminisce.

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I don't think I'll ever post again here in a while...

Check my posts on IG and read each captions for some dosage of poetry ♥️

IG: huyhuycaloy

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My truth.

I'm tired. But I can't stop.

I'm broken. But I can't show that.

It's heavy. But I must take it.

I failed. I must face that.

The thing is. I once believed that loyalty, faithfulness, love, perseverance, patience, and hard work resolves everything.

Loyalty.

I decided to drop everything to focus on one thing. Build that family. I stopped communicating with a lot of people to protect my family. To make sure there won't be any doubts about my loyalty. Was it for me? Nope. Cause those people were important parts of my life. They symbolize every piece of me.

Faithfulness.

I believed. I manifested good things. I prayed and hope for happiness for my family. Although I have not been in church for a while. I still prayed. I still hoped. And no matter how muh pain I felt, I stayed faithful. No matter how much betrayal I received, I still believed.

Love.

Love is a choice. A commitment. Since day 1, I committed myself to one person. I swore in my life to stay with her as long as she needs. I swore that we will never part unless she let go. And damn. I gave it all. Poured it all. Did I ask for love back? Maybe. Did I beg? Yes. But I didn't care about how I felt. I cared more about how she felt. Until it broke me.

Perseverance.

Was it a difficult life? Oh God. You know my pain. It was very hard. I had to sacrifice a lot of things. A lot of me. And no matter how hard the life is, I continued living. Not for me. For my family. For Amora and Zoe. For her. I ignored the feeling of being unappreciated. I ignored being ignored. I stayed. Until...

Patience and Hard work.

10 years of it. I waited and worked and waited and worked and waited. And no matter how hard I work, how long I wait, nothing. I'm still not home. I still can't find peace. I'm still... lonely. Right now, I'm waiting again. Working hard still.

Should I finally accept the fact that this is it?

This is how it's going to be for the rest of my life.

And no matter how hard I try... I'm just not meant for it.

But I still Thank You Lord. I may be in pain. I may have lost hope. I may stop trying but I know. Maybe. In another life.

And to you friend....

Don't worry about me. I'm good. Always have been.

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Nah. I can't tell you. I worked my ass off so I won't be a burden to anyone. Nah. I'll carry this weight. Not you. I wanna see you happy. Sa lahat ng failures ko, letting you fly is one of the most unselfish decisions I've ever made. If this would be the last time, I want you to know. I will be okay.

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A decade.

It's a long time. 10 years.

Someone asked me today, why after a decade? Why do you want to meet me after a decade? I tried answering that question as honest as I can. But I also asked the same question to myself.

Why? After a decade, why? Why do I want to go back? Why do I want to relive the life I left behind? Why did I message you? Why you? Why did your profile appear out of nowhere? Is it just algorithm? Cause if it is, I don't understand. I was scrolling through everything without even paying attention to any post. I wasn't searching for anything or anyone. I was staring on my phone having the deepest thoughts I've ever had for awhile. What do I want to remember?

The past decade has been rough for me. Adulting was never easy. In the process of forcing growth and maturity, at some point, I decided to forget about some things about me. My deep thoughts. My being hopeful. I stopped believing in fate. I wanted to grow up. I want to stay focused on the present and become a man. A father. I want to be successful. I want to give my daughters the life that they deserve. And I told myself, once I'm able to attain all of those, I'm ready. I stopped thinking about myself. I buried myself in bills, plans, career, responsibilities. I did. I tried. I GAVE IT ALL.

Forgot about my faith.

I stopped going to church. I distracted myself with the things need to be done. I stopped listening to His voice. I focused on the real world. And that wasn't easy. I lost my peace.

While trying to be great, I lost myself in the process.

There were days that I don't even know who I am. Days that I don't even know why I'm doing what I'm doing. There were moments that I wanted peace so much I wanted to end it all. But somehow... I lived. Somehow, there's this voice that keeps on calling to me. That somehow, everything will be okay. There's this thought deep in my mind telling me to stay still. Be patient. Asking me to close my eyes. But I never really paid attention to it until today.

Back to GROUND ZERO.

Right now I'm lost. But starting today, I will close my eyes from time to time. Quieting the noise, and start listening.

Lord... I'm ready to listen. Send me.

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December 1, 2022 - My Papa passed away at exactly 11:39AM.

December 6, 2022 - My Papa was laid to rest.

Through the years, I already expected that this moment would come. Because in reality, we all die. Time will come and all of us will be laid to rest. Even though I've known of this moment, it was not a similar experience as what I have imagined. It was difficult. Painful. And I did my best not to cry nor break down.

I realized a lot of things during my Papas funeral.

1. Families who not-so-often comes to your birthdays, will appear on your funeral.

Why? Why do we do this? Why is it so difficult to come when you're being invited to a birthday. And then brings a lot of regrets when you come to their funeral.

2. The best investment is love.

Yes, my Papa failed to invest for insurance. But my Papa is a very kind man. You can ask anyone. My Papa is the kindest man I've ever met in my entire life. No one holds grudges against him, and he holds no grudges against anyone. So even though my Papa failed to pay for his own funeral, a lot of people shouldered not just the cost, but everything that's needed. A lot of people helped our family go through that difficult situation. But don't get me wrong, go get yourself a life insurance, but never forget that it is more important to invest love and affection towards the people around you.

3. We take time for granted

Yes we do. You may hate to admit it. You may say that you're living your life to the fullest, but no. We always think that time will be on our side but the truth is, life is shorter than what you think. So spend your everyday being happy with the people around you. Don't forget any important dates; birthdays, anniversarries, etc. Because one day you'll ask yourself; "why didn't I spend more time with the people I love?" Even if you did.

There are more things that I continue to realize. More lessons I'm learning. What is life? What does it mean really? What is our purpose? Honestly, I don't have all the answers. And right now, I don't really care to look for answers anymore. Right now, I just want to live and enjoy the life I was given. Enjoy it with the people I was given. And the people I continue to receive.

Live. Love. Be grateful.

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Visit Original Link

Wrote this song at 1am in the morning. Hope someone notice.

“Fly”

sail me away let me be free it's raining today can't you see

tears are slowly falling down when will I be coming home don't know how long I'll be waiting for nothing

so take me away bring me back to yesterday see me running see me falling see me fly

lonely room tryna keep myself from breaking it's morning soon see the sunshine lit up this room

so take me away bring me back to yesterday see me dreaming see me falling see me fly high

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Keep striving, for God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

Habeeb Akande

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Simula

bakit kapag naririnig ang yong pangalan pilitin may hindi ko mapigilang isipin ang ating pinagdaanan tanong lang kung

bakit sa tuwing lumuluha ang langit kasabay ng patak mula sa aking mga mata na nagwawaring kung bat ganto ang nadarama

ang daming tanong na wala pang sagot kung bakit ka lumisan nalang ng di ka man lang nagpaalam? sa mga panahong pilit kong nilimot bakit mo piniling talikuran ang lahat yan ang di ko alam hindi ko alam

iniisip mo rin kaya ako kapag tahimik na ang magulo't maingay nating daigdig sa pagsapit ng malamig na gabi

o tinatanong mo rin kaya ang mga ulap at nagniningning na tala kung bat ba tayo pinagtagpo kung di rin naman itinadhana

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kung ano man ang syang dahilan kaya ko nang ipagwalang bahala kaya ko nang magsimula magsisimula

Sa aking mga tanong, di na kelangan ng sagot gusto kitang patawarin at pasalamatan sa pagibig mo tapos na ang kahapon, pawi na ang lungkot sa wakas ay dumating na ang sagot sa mga panalangin ko salamat sayo

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Sometimes, words are not enough

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nostalgia

noun

 nos·​tal·​gia | \ nä-ˈstal-jə  , nə- also nȯ-, nō-; nə-ˈstäl- \

Definition of nostalgia

1: the state of being homesick : HOMESICKNESS

2: a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable conditionalso : something that evokes nostalgia

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It’s a word we often associate with reminiscing of the past. It’s amazing how the first definition is homesickness. If we’re going to combine the two definitions, maybe we can say that nostalgia is the state of wanting to go back home.

I’m typing this essay while logged in working from home. I just don’t feel like working right now. I need a break. I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself; where was I 10 years ago? Hmm..

Went to facebook to check memories posted 10 years ago. Saw this picture of me holding a triangle; some may call it a set square. 1st year college, Mapua, 2011, Bachelor of Science in Multimedia Arts and Sciences. Wow! That’s a cool course. Who would ever think that I’ll become a Team Leader (trainee) in the BPO industry 10 years after? Oh wow! I also remember encountering that question in that same year! ENG10 – Write an essay answering the question “Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?”. And believe me, I did not expect ending up where I am right now. So if you’re going to ask me the same question – I probably don’t know.

A lot has changed. I’m in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces around me. Doing unfamiliar things. This isn’t home. No… not yet at least. Home is a place where you can say you belong. Home is where you can rest your heart. Or maybe this is the closest I can get to being home. I don’t know. I always tell myself God has a plan and it will always be good. I never questioned that principle. In fact, I embraced that principle. But maybe it’s time for me to have a plan as well. God’s plan will always be great, but I don’t think God will mind if I make some plans as long as He knows it’ll be good for the people I love.

10 years from now I’ll probably be in another unfamiliar place.

 I sure hope it would be HOME.

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L2 MENTOR

What have I learned for 6 months of being a L2 mentor? Or some company might refer to us as SMEs. A lot.

First and foremost, we are mentors. We teach people mostly knowledge with technicals and certain processes an agent should know. Since we are working in an account mixed wuth technical support, customed service, and sales; we have to make sure our agents learn to grow in a flexible industry. It is our job to teach pass along the knowledge we've learned from our former L2s and team managers.

Our job as a mentor is mostly to teach. It doesn't seem to be so hard at first, but the issue is that some agents decline the knowledge. Some agents lose trust in us. Some agents are not motivated enough to grow. We are mentors, but we are not superheroes. We teach agents how to save themselves, it is never our job to save them. We teach people how to handle irate customers, it is not our job to receive calls our agebt should not be passing along. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THEIR JOB. Because at the end of the day, only you can save yourself. At the end of the day, it's about YOUR performance, not your L2's. At the end of the day, it is your stats and your incentives, not ours.

Since it is our job to teach them, it is not our job to mold them. That's two different things.

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Teach | Definition of Teach by Merriam-Webster

teach, instruct, and train mean to cause to gain knowledge or skill. teach can be used of any method of passing on information

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Mold | Oxford Dictionary

 [transitive] to strongly influence the way someone's character, opinions, etc. develop mold somebody/something The experience had molded and colored her whole life.

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Whose job is it to mold people? Managers.

A team manager's job is to manage people. Manage their behavior. Manage their will. We, as L2s, teach them to grow. Team managers mold them in the process of their growth.

As of now, I'm still learning a lot. From being a mentor to becoming an influencer, an enabler. From providing support to providing guidance. From being just a mentor to somehow learning to become a team manager.

To be continued...

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Mi Eternidad

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How do I love you? Or at least, how do I make you feel my love?

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“Let’s do some emotional comeback to Tumblr”

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"Lumipas na ang nakaraa'y lumipas na"

Sabi ni Kaloy 142

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Let's do some emotional comeback to Tumblr

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