This was a very hard week to get through, as my own family had to unexpectedly say goodbye to a patriarch of Philip´s same age on Thursday.
And as I watched the funeral for Sea Duke on Saturday, I felt such deep sadness and pain. But what stood out to me and made me cry the hardest where all the small moments and tiniest details:
Philip´s personal items placed on his carriage, and the sugar lumps for the horses.
Charles´ tear rolling down his cheek.
Trust and believe that the pain must run tremendously deep before a Scorpio man will allow himself to show even a single tear in public. Something inside of him is broken and overwhelmed in the most profound way, and to be honest, it makes me concerned. It now also makes me wonder all the more what important things Philip might have said to him in his final days.
Anne standing tall and strong like her father would have expected it, while her pain, sadness and somberness could still be felt. I honestly think Charles would not have been able to bear this walk if “Prince Philip in a skirt”, his titanium sister, had not stood and walked right next to him.
Peter always falling behind a step, almost respectfully… as if he didn´t feel comfortable walking in a direct line with the future King William and the expatriate. Yet he knew that he needed to function as a buffer during this difficult walk.
Catherine, how she stood there tall and upright in the chapel upon the pall bearers entering, not moving an inch and keeping her head straight… and yet, as the procession walked past, one noticed how her eyes constantly wandered from Philip´s coffin to William, and back. You could just feel how she was trying to see and make sure that he was doing alright.
The sad image of the Queen keeping her head bowed so deeply that you couldn´t even make out her face. This entirely black silhouette, all alone… that was the saddest sight of all to me.
Beatrice, as she came down the steps after the service and intended to walk out with the other family members, but then paused and took one last look back at the spot where her beloved grandfather had been lowered into the vault.
I would have done exactly the same in that chapel; it would have been impossible for me to leave the premises without taking one last look and trying to hold on for just one final moment. It broke my heart for her, as she was always the one who got so openly emotional to the point of tears when speaking of her much adored grandfather.
Catherine walking next to Sophie and Lady Louise, and suddenly pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing her crying eyes.
This day must have been infinitely harder on her than she let on in the time when she knew the cameras where directly ON her face. But that moment of her walking with the group and letting her guard down for a second - probably no longer considering that drones were still taking images from above - showed just how much strength it must have took to keep one´s composure to the very last second.
I honestly don´t know how they do it. Mourning every loss of a senior family member with the entire world watching on would drive me over the edge.
