@totalityofcircumstances - Tumblr Blog

we talk for an hour once or twice a year

never asking “are you happy” “are you still mad at me” “are you sorry”

but they hang in the air

I never really thought I’d get this

Loving myself so fully

Being loved so fully

I thought, no you can’t have that. It doesn’t exist for you

But here I am, with you, and it does exist

Can you believe

5 years

Of choosing eachother

I don’t know how I ever did it without you

I’m always going to love you

I’ve never been more me than I am with you

I’m always going to love you

You’re asleep next to me

In a hotel in Germany

When I was 15, traipsing around this place, never did I think I’d be returning with my person

The person that makes me feel most like myself

I’ve never been more me than when I’m with you

i didn’t know you existed, i didn’t know i could ask for you

we went to dinner at a delicious place with a beautiful view with our closest austin friends and you said “cheers to good friends, good times, and grace and i getting married!”

i may have butchered it, but the last part is right

we celebrated with champagne and montse shared some really beautiful words that i wish id recorded but the feelings she left us with was enough

we went to celebratory drinks after and watched the sunset over the city

barton springs saloon after, and in typical austin fashion, a live band was playing in an abandoned parking lot

we hung out at the soco parking lot after it all which was so organic and perfect for us

everything about august 10th was ours and it will be forever 💖

aug 10 2024

like everything else, you let me get comfortable with it and then we decided it together

we kept it close and quiet and then shared it with our chosen family

we’re married

sometimes i miss you even though i just had you, i want you more and more and more

694 miles away and it feels like forever

you’re the thing i was too scared to dream for, and now you’re mine

just like everything else, we decided together

i came here because this is where these thoughts are most comfortable

i’ve been more honest here than i have with myself and it will always be my safest space for aimless thinkings

i’m thinking of reading from a poetry book i got from my grandmother’s home. poems about love

i’m marrying you on her birthday, because it’s the closest i’ll ever get to her being there and i believe i’ll feel her easier that day and all the stars are aligning for it to be an easy simple thing, just like everything else with us

i want to keep it short but i also love pouring my heart out to you and i’d do it a million times

maybe a bench nearby because the last brush i have of them is of my grandma waiting for my grandpa on a bench, he walks up, puts out his hand, she takes it, stands and he spins her away into forever

i’m not much for what happens after, i don’t know, but that image allows me peace

so maybe a bench nearby. maybe i read you a poem and i tell you ill love you forever and jonny marries us below some trees

i think i used to know someone who lived off shady lane

but i know i don’t anymore

i bonded with a gal today over similar childhood traumas for the second time and she said something abt how this was a good reminder to not judge a book by its cover

and whew did that make me chuckle

bc when did i become somebody that had their shit together so well you wouldn’t know what i been through?

go me 🤍

thank god we grow up huh

2.21.24

we’ve been living in OUR house for a little over a month now. i walk around this place and smoke to myself bc oh my god we fucking did it

i’m so proud of this place we’ve built together

3 years in a month or so

i lose count, the number of times you kiss me a day

i feel so desired by you

i feel so lucky to have such an incredible love

you’re beyond my wildest dreams

sometimes i think you understand me better than i do

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