Things That Don't Look Like Jessica Alba

Strain your eyes; the differences can often be subtle.

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"The Spaghetti Incident?", thankfully...

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The Lion of Judah; though both have fucking SWEET manes.

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This wheelchair-burning cult

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This fella answering the call of nature. Ms. Alba is housebroken thank-you-very-much.

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Milkshakes. Jessica Alba is far too busy playing kickball to look like a milkshake, obvi...

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Franzen's The Corrections

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This pretentious ceramic sculpture

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Celery...

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Some Motha Fuckin Bread Crumbs... Aw Yiss...

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The badass fucking rims on your Impala

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This stock photo rendering of "energy"

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All of these delicious, delicious baked goods.

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The Colossus of Rhodes

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A load of god damn bicycles