He reminds me of shallow breaths
Enough to survive but not to live
Leaving him was the deepest breath I took in months
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@totheonewho
He reminds me of shallow breaths
Enough to survive but not to live
Leaving him was the deepest breath I took in months
Many obligations rose up
Like a thousand small anchors
Designed to weigh her down
Each step
Feeling like her last
Heavier still with every move
Still, she tries.
In her mind
All she thinks is
As long as I am breathing
I am alive
And if I am alive
I can keep moving
So she fights
step by step
to the end
-to the girl held back by expectation
âI have lost four pounds in two days,â I mention casually,
hoping he will know something is deeply wrong.
âGood for you,â
A response that shows he either doesnât care about my health,
Or wasnât paying enough attention to know something was wrong,
And later,
When I leave because I am not eating,
Because being with him makes me afraid to eat,
Afraid to gain weight on a body that needs it,
He wonders why.
-To the Boy Who Still Doesnât Know Why I Left
âWhat am I supposed to do? Date the fat chick?â
He asked, scorn in his eyes,
Telling her for the first time that her body now came with limitations to her happiness,
That the softness of her stomach,
And the wideness of her thighs
Made her unlovable,
unworthy
I watched in silence,
Saying nothing as he carved out a small amount of her soul.
And I knew she would never get it back
Iâm So Sorry.
-To the Girl I Should Have Defended
The strength that I carry cannot be taken from my body,
because that is not where I keep it.
Itâs in my soul,
In my mind,
In every breath I take.
A core of steel runs through a body of flesh and blood,
And the spirit that keeps it going.
A quiet resilience, that the world has tried to break me of,
But failed.
So yes, burn me, hurt me, tear me apart,
Because at the end of it all,
Iâm still breathing, arenât I?
-To a World That Tries to Change me
You always wanted someone to save,
And I think you couldnât stand
that I wanted you to let me save myself.
-To the One That Couldnât Save Me
I have rebuilt myself before,
From a personality I did not like,
Someone I did not want to be.
It took so long,
So much time,
But every day, I saw changes.
Small, but slow,
they added up,
And even though I didnât transform overnight,
I knew that the girl from a year ago was not the girl I am now.
I may be the girl from yesterday,
Or even the girl from a week ago,
But not the one I hated,
The one I fought every day for years to change.
I had shaved away the pieces of that girl,
Bit by bit,
Until she took the shape I wanted.
And because I had taken my time,
I had molded her slowly,
and made her someone I could love,
I knew that for me,
There was no going back.
-To the Girls Who Hate Their Personalities More Than Their Bodies
Iâm sorry,
I thought of you as someone you werenât,
As someone I wanted you to be,
And I tore a hole in my chest,
in a shape you couldnât hope to fill,
And looked to you with expectant eyes,
and greedy hands,
And asked you to break yourself apart to fill it.
-To the One I Loved That Didnât Deserve It