trash @traushhhh - Tumblr Blog

collecting more “lore” for my character development arc than i asked for

some nights I stay up

wanting to go home

and then I realize

that the home I knew was lost

sometimes I feel like the dark place has become home and that scares me

stared into the eyes of death,

and I knew I wasn't ready.

even filled with regret, I didn’t have the courage

To neither live nor die

and i wish i could erase all these memories that are poisoning my mind

i think I’ve forgotten how to breathe

what if I’m broken and there’s no cure?

they say they care,

but they’ll never understand what it feels like to actually be insane

will they still accept me the same?

how do I quieten the voices in my head

sometimes i get lost in my memories, and feel that i've become a stranger to myself

like a plot of a book forgotten in the dusty corner of a shelf

i know the characters, the moments summarized, but the words are missing and i'm left to read between the lines

i don't know if that's for the better or worse

I feel as though I am slipping from myself

I feel like a black hole.

I’ve spent so long collapsing within my self, that pain has become my longest friend.

And even if I want to let go, I don’t know how to.

I don’t know who I would be without it.

I’ll always miss you. rest in peace.

I feel like I’m at war with my own body

sometimes I just want to scream.

because I can’t seem to put my thoughts into words

and I’m not sure if anybody would be willing to hear them

I just want it to all end.

Is it wrong of me to hope someone out there would be willing to stay, to listen and accept the raw unfiltered version of myself - faults and all

And still be able to love me, unconditionally?

trash