Letters to a guitar player

You wrote the soundtrack to my life!

[twodaysinberlin]

I wish you would just pick up the phone and call.

[twodaysinberlin]

I read things like this and my mind goes to you immediately.

[twodaysinberlin]

You've been on my mind.

And I keep thinking how there's no one who I have thought more and longer of in my WHOLE life than you.

Feeling those sparks of connection that go beyond the realm of real life again. It's like I can feel you in my soul. You used to say that you would sometimes feel the same.

I wonder what's next. Will I be able to call on you again through this invisible string that keeps me stuck on you?

[twodaysinberlin]

And somehow, the idiot that I am, I was still looking for you in the crowd last night.

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

Žudim za tobom cijelim svojim bićem. Kad bismo barem dali si još jednu šansu.

[twodaysinberlin]

This is the part that tortures me every time. Was I too much? Do you regret coming to see me? Am I going to see you again while you're here?

As soon as I get a hint of your presence, I crave it with my whole essence. (Wow, that rhymed, maybe another song? 🤣)

[twodaysinberlin]

I've always thought that this place was for you. A keepsake of the most beautiful things, the most intense things I have felt for you for more than a decade. But today I got triggered by the same realization again that I'm just a person who you know is here if you ever wish to feel wanted, but I am NEVER your FIRST choice. And that still makes me ache in more ways you can imagine. I still feel so betrayed.

I don't want to blow up these love letters by saying these kinds of things, but then I also had a realization that this tumblr has always been there for ME. It started out as an outlet, so I could express here what I couldn't say to you. And sometimes those things are not nice to hear and sometimes they hurt to write. But it helps me without bothering you. So why not be fully transparent even when thoughts like these come creeping in. What's more, you don't even know that this still exists and that I only changed its name. So why do I worry these words would disappoint you?

I truly wonder every day if you are going to show up this Christmas. I thought I didn't care that much. After all, I haven't seen you in a year. But today I figured I won't be interesting to you anymore now that you are in touch with the one who broke my heart before you did and then the two of you broke it together again. And that shit fuckin hurts! It still does.

I wish it was me. I wish I was the first choice. I wish I could rely on your words. I wish I knew exactly where I stand with you. Truth be told, I probably do. But I wish so hard it was different. I wish so hard you couldn't imagine your life without me. I wish so hard we could be in pure love again. I wish it was honest. I wish it was assertive. I wish it was exclusive. I wish it was real. I wish it was enough.

[twodaysinberlin]

I wonder if you'll actually show up.

[twodaysinberlin]

Two new songs today and both of them somehow threw me back to those years of ours. There is something that transcends just memories when it comes to us. It's like muscle memory, like a visceral feeling I'm there again, like a familiar profound sensation in my chest. Like home. With a hint of butterflies.

[twodaysinberlin]

[twodaysinberlin]

You can hear it in the silence.

[twodaysinberlin]

The craziest thing to me is that I KNEW I was going to hear from you on one of these days. And it's not the first time I was able to feel you. It's like my soul calls on yours and they talk in a language we can't hear over distance of all these miles that, for them, don't mean a thing. It happens almost every time! How are we this connected? How is this possible? How?