warnings: angst (a bad attempt of it)
a/n: drabbles are all in lowercase. this is so messy i hate it but its whatever. this is inspired by another writer’s piece, i will tag her and i got her permission to write this so h8ers back off. part 2 will only be posted if requested. let me know what u think:):)
bland. you only knew the word to describe a stale piece of bread or when a contestant on a cooking show had not seasoned their meal enough. never had you thought you would use the word to relate to your life’s circumstances.
you tried to convince yourself of the contrary but your feelings proved your mind otherwise. it began once his morning texts became more inconsistent by the day. stiles started to slack off nearly a month ago and you thought he was just busy so you only brushed it off as no big deal. you were never a pushy girlfriend either which prodded new thoughts on what had changed. from there, the loneliness only grew. no more texting, then no more calling, and before you knew it, you had stopped talking during the school day.
but you could not let the school know about your troubles. you were half of the school’s golden couple and you could not let anyone see any flaws. so, to make sure no one noticed a thing, you had continued the morning routine in which stiles had his arm around you as he walked with you to first hour. it had been hard to miss the deep glances and the ache which was a growing monster between you and him but you pretended it was not there. all had to be perfect because you were the perfect couple and nothing could get between the two of you. at least you thought so..
the supernatural had nothing to do with your ongoing fallout which made the situation worse. this time, there were no excuses for relationship problems. and this was the first time you thought a supernatural situation would be easier to handle than your relationship.
addressing the situation was something you pondered constantly and you always came up with countless situations yet none of them seemed to end favorably. what if he was waiting for you to say something so he would be able to break up with you? what if there was someone else? what if he liked malia? or even lydia, the girl who you knew he had a crush on in the past? what if he told you he did not love you anymore? what if everything falls apart? what if you lost him?
living the lie seemed like the best choice.
in that case, you continued on with your pretend perfect life and tried to be comfortable in his arms during your double date. scott had invited you and stiles to watch a movie with him and allison.
you shifted plenty of times and you were trying to keep still. you were always comfortable in his arms but even with the warmth of his body heat, you felt cold. it was as if there were was an iron wall between you and him.
a light vibration emitting from your back pocket brought you out of your thoughts. you reached your hand in your pocket and read kira was calling you, the most relieving part of your night. you stood up quickly, “i’ve gotta take this one, project together, you know how it is..” you stammered, trying to avoid making eye-contact with stiles.
“do you want us to pause the movie?” allison piped up, snuggling in scott’s arms. you were jealous of how sweet they looked, you wished you were comfortable with stiles again.
you shook your head, “no, no i shouldn’t be very long. i’ll just be outside.” you replied, walking to his door and stepping on scott’s porch. you remembered to close the door behind you and prayed scott would give you privacy.
on the other hand, stiles was freaking out, his nerves were wracking his head. as soon as you left the room, he shot a look to scott, a look which spoke more words than he could use. scott simply nodded his head while allison caught on to their plans too.
allison shook her head, “no, scott, you are not going to listen in on her conversation. that’s rude and stupid, they have a project together for Pete’s sake!” allison scolded her boyfriend but scott also shook his head.
“y/n doesn’t have a project with kira, she was lying about that.” scott told the girl and she bit her lip.
“wonder what else she’s lying about..” stiles commented quietly, rubbing his hands together nervously. he too was pondering if you had been with someone else recently.
“stiles!” allison snapped, keeping her voice down just in case you might have heard. “what could she be lying about? she’s head over heels for you, stiles, and you know that.”
“she doesn’t even look at me anymore, let alone barely speaks to me anymore!” stiles’s voice began to raise in volume. “didn’t you see? she didn’t even look at me-“
“stiles! shut up, she’s talking about you!” scott hushed the two, putting one finger up as a request for silence. scott closed his eyes, focusing in on your conversation with kira.
stiles intently watched scott’s face, seeing if there was anything good being said about him. however, stiles’s expectations were low, he did not think you were saying anything that would make him happy.
“she’s saying how tonight has been a disaster.” scott was having a hard time telling stiles. “she’s just ranting about how terrible it has been lately and how she wishes she did not agree to this date today. she’s wishing she called for a rain check..”
“she should’ve then..” stiles muttered, holding his head in his hands.
allison frowned, she still was keeping a positive mindset. “maybe she’s just having a bad day..”
“y/n feels like she’s putting on a show for everyone and how fake it feels with stiles as a boyfriend.” as soon as scott uttered those words, stiles’s face dropped. scott did not want to keep going, but he was not going to hide the truth from his best friend. “like it’s not fun anymore, she thinks you guys are losing your spark.”
stiles sat up, his eyes teary eyed as his mind raged with horrible thoughts. he questioned if your relationship was finally ending. the situation was so fragile as was his heart, feeling as if he would break in a moment. he thought he finally found the reason why you were so distant, it was not someone else, it was he who was the problem.
“stiles, things like this happen sometimes, you’re just in a rough patch right now.” scott tried to comfort the hurt boy, but stiles’s expression did not change.
“we’re losing our spark..” stiles trailed off, his eyes blankly fixated on the movie playing. “she said it herself, we’re losing our spark.”
“there has to be some kind of misunderstanding, stiles.” allison said in disbelief. “she can’t possibly think that, it just doesn’t make any sense.”
as allison and scott were trying to console stiles, scott failed to listen to the last bit of your conversation.
“of course i love him, kira.” you sighed, lightly kicking a couple stray pebbles. “he’s my best friend, i could never bear to lose him.”
“why don’t you just say something?” kira asked, keeping her voice calm. “tell him you love him, or tell him there’s something wrong.”
“i want to, kira, i really do.” you confessed, feeling your eyes begin to water. “but what if he doesn’t say it back? or what if he breaks up with me, kira, i can’t handle that happening. hell, if he asks-“
“y/n i think you should go home, you’re driving yourself crazy with this.” kira suggested over the phone. “you should try to sleep this off, this is not good for you right now.”
taking kira’s advice, you both said your goodbyes and hung up the phone. you wiped away the forming tears to hide your emotions. you had to tell them you needed to leave and you would just try to sleep away the heartache you felt for stiles. you carefully headed back inside, seeing everyone in the same position, all of their eyes fixed on the movie.
“hey, it’s getting late, i think i should just head home now..” you trailed off, looking at the happy couple then your boyfriend for a moment. as soon as stiles’s gaze was on yours, there was only a tension between you, one that you felt so harshly.
“alright, well goodnight, y/n.” scott smiled, holding allison close. “i’ll see you tomorrow morning.” he waved as allison did the same with a beaming smile.
as you were turning to leave, you heard a sharp voice cut through the air. “how are you getting home?” stiles questioned.
“i was just going to walk-“
“at this time of night?” stiles scoffed, standing up quickly. “Yeah, i don’t think so. we all know what happens to people in beacon hills when it’s dark.”
“i’m driving you home, no questions asked.” stiles hissed, grabbed his keys and heading outside to his car. stiles did not even say goodbye to his friends, he sounded so angry like nothing you have ever seen before.
obeying seemed like the only feasible option and in turn, you followed your boyfriend out to his blue jeep. you sat in the passenger seat and memories flooded your thoughts. there were too many moments you had spent together with stiles, times of intimacy to long talks in the car, full of laughter and solemnity which you wished would replace the still air between you felt.
the ride consisted of silence and the occasional revving of the engine. what was a four minute drive felt like an eternity of uncomfortability. once your house came into your line of sight, you felt so much relief in the thought of leaving the awkward state you were set in.
as soon as his gears shifted to park, you opened the door and let yourself out to breathe in the night air. you finally felt free of the stuffy silence created between the two of you. you wished it was not like this, you began to think about what kira said.
before you closed the door, you brought yourself to look at him again. this time it was not just a bitter cold but a painful feeling, as if you were both chipping away at each other’s hearts. and you thought that maybe you could fix it.
“i-“ you began to say, feeling the anticipation of stiles build. “i wanted to say.. i wanted to say thanks for uh… thanks for taking me home… you didn’t have to…”
“y/n…” stiles started. “this isn’t-“
“not tonight, stiles.” you cut him off, fearing the rest of his sentence. “don’t make this harder than it already is.”
