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@tys-stuff
IT'S OVER.AAH!
With great pleasure I can announce to you, that my examans are finally over (for now)! More time for blogging. Yey! It has been one hell of a week markt by constant studying, tears flowing and more studying. Have I got any grades back? No. My teachers keep me in an anxious state of mind. For the most part, I think I did fine. But one can never know for certain. Okey, I will stop about school. Enough for now. No need to worry prematurely.
Studying abroad
Last couple of weeks, this thing has been going through my mind: a study abroad. Specifically Germany. I mean, the government pays for tuition and students only have to pay for additional school activities. And when I graduate, I can work in all of Germany which is a big country with a lot of possibilities. It's definitely really different from what most of my classmates are going to do. Only problem is the language. I'm really good at understanding it when people talk to me, or when I have to read it. But writing or talking? That's a whole other story. Well, I'm going to look into it... Maybe I'll study there next year, maybe not. We'll see. But it's really exciting to me.
Love
A question I ask myself a lot: why do many people want to be in relationships so bad? I have thought about this at least a hundred times. Especially when I see people who just engage in a relationship to have one. Isn't love key? Finding that special someone, taking on the world together, having a bunch of fun in the meantime. Of course that isn't true for all relationships. In the good old days, people married to gain power, money or even land. Thanks to the wealth we enjoy today, this isn't necessary anymore. Although it seems those reasons made way for a new one: fear. Think about it. How many marriages keep lingering on, because they're both afraid to die alone and unwanted? Imagine not finding the love of your life before you turn 25? Mayhem! So excuse me while I wait for that special someone. So what if I'm picky? It's the person I want to spend a lot of time with, someone who can change me (although a lot of people don't notice that, until they leave them) and most importantly: someone I love.
Responsibility
Why, if someone orders something of my moms website, is it my duty to deliver the damn package? Today I left home at 12:20 (class begun at 13:30) and still missed half of my class because of traffic. Because the costumer mailed my mom twice she wants me to run around like a freaking manic. She lets her costumers pressure her way too much. If they send a mail (right after they ordered something, asking when it will be delivered) their order becomes my moms number 1 priority. I understand that customer is king. But this isn't treating them like a king, this is letting them treat you like a piece of shit And ho, ho if I don't deliver it, even though it isn't my responsibility? I don't even want to work in the family business. Why doesn't she understand? I have told her this many time, but still... Really. Freaking. Annoying.
Finding the right study... Again
Today I had an appointment to determine what study I want to do.
Guess what? Still don't know... I looked up a few interessting studies (part of the assesment) and most of them, I don't like after looking into them a bit further.
Although, Game and architecture design sounds pretty awesome. Problem is, I have to spend extra €600,- every month because I would need to move out.
I'll keep you posted on the progress...
He confessed
He has confessed to having feelings for me. Damn, that was one awkward conversation.
He has even told me that his friends somtimes make it awkward on purpose, to tease him with it.
Well, it's finaly out on the open. I hope we can still be friends, because I have only known him for about 2 weeks. And, ofcoursse, that he can get the whole idea of us out of his head.
The guy I was talking about...
It's exactly what I thought it was. He likes me. He has bought me chocolate. Chocolate for Gods sake!
Let me clear the air for you ('cuz there's a whole story behind this): We have been chatting for about a week now, about literally evererything. In one of our chats (I don't even know why the subject was brought up) he said he didn't like any girls at the moment. I said I didn't, too (any boys, that is). From that moment on, I thought it was safe to talk to him, because there were no feelings. Oh, how wrong I was.
Today, his friends even took a picture of us, and put a bunch of hearts around it and called us a "cute couple". Excuse me...?
You may already guessed it, but I don't like him back. Question is, what do I need to do now? I go to school with him and I don't want to make it awkward. I am afraid, if I turn him down, they are going to see me as a huge b*tch.
Finals. Deal with it
... Okay. soo, I'm having a bit of a struggle here. In a mere week, my first finals will commence.
I feel like I'm not ready, despite always having my homework on time. It's just so much, and arghh...
I think it's because I have a fear of failure, which is not really helping me pass. I feel like these finals determine everything. What college I go to next, my futue, my life. Okay, maybe I am overreacting, but you can't argue it isn't important.
All I want to do is succeed in life, because I feel like I haven't in the past 2 years. Now, it's my time, you know? I finaly get to explore my abilitys. it's so exciting, ans yet so terrifying.
Lots of classmates don't take school as serious as I do. I don't want to bitch to them about my insecurities. So I usually pretend like I don;t care, but believe me, I do. A lot.
Hope that makes any sense haha. #NerdProblems
Would you?
Imagine you could travel back in time and erase all your faults and mistakes you ever made. Would you?
For instance: stop yourself from meeting your first love, to make sure you two never had that bad break-up, be the life of the party, make a lot of friends in high places or maybe even throw your whole life around and become a buddhist monk. Who knows?
But then again. Most things in life we can decide for ourself. If we want, we can pursue a career as lawyer, doctor or even pope. Truth is, no one is going to do things for you. You are in charge of your own life. Right now, right here.
Maybe fear is holding us back. If we could travel in time, what would it matter if we asked that cute boy out, we could always just undo it! #YOLO
But if all our mistakes, our inperfections, make us the person we are today. Why would we want to travel back. Our life is unique, how fucked up it may seem now.
Only time will tell what our future holds for us.
Party people
Humans, being a very social species, sometimes have do things they don't like to please others. For instance: going to birthday party's.
For some odd reason, there are always a few stereotypical "party people" present. You can recognize them easily once you know what to watch out for:
First of all, there is always that one drunk person. You can recognize them by the way they are constantly screaming, stumbling around the place, or probably making out with some random person in a corner.
Then there is the person obsessed with the other sex. Constant staring and flirting is part of their main activity. Best not to disturb them during their mating ritual.. Be advised.
Last but not least, the parent. This person feels obliged to tell everyone what they should, or shouldn't do. When you do do something "unresponsible" be prepared to be judged upon all night.
Tonight I have 2 of them party's. Pray for my survival.
Ode to naps (and sleep in general)
Don't know what it is, but I really, really like to sleep. And yes, I just took a nap. Hence the motivation.
Fist of all, it's not just about feeling refreshed after you wake up. No, no. Not at all. To me, it feels like your brain is rejuvenated... Seriously New idea's can be thrown out in the open and the whole world is overlooked in a different way. A fresher, more objective way.
Secondly, the dreams. Most of the time I don't remember them, but when I do... DAMN. For some weird reason, everything in a dream seems totally normal when you do it asleep, but when you wake up.. Yeah, not so logical now, is it?
For instance, I dreamt I was constantly changing clothes. At last I found a nice pair of shoes to throw on. When they were on feet, they suddenly changed color. That didn't seem to affect me though. INope, just went about my day like nothing had happend. That isn't even one of the weirder ones. I can't remember them enough to tell you, though. To be honest, they have been banished to the most outer cores of my brain.
What's also really interessting is, that dreams say something about our unconscious mind. Not like Freud said (our deepest desires), that'd be really weird, in my particular case. More in a symbolic sense. Everything stands for something. Clothes, for instance, stand for image. A house stands for our unconsious mind, the different rooms define the different aspects of said mind. And yes, after I've dreamt something, I usually look it up.
That's just how I roll.
Changes...
I don't know what it is, but for some reason, people are afraid of changes. I'm afraid of them, too. And I freaking hate it! Let me explain this to you:
Ever since I stopped at my old school this summer (a community college), I began to change immensely. Not just emotionally, but also intellectually. My friends began to bore me, they didn't want to talk about the filosofical stuff I wanted to talk about. It felt like I was too intelligent (and I am not trying to brag, I know there are a lot of people who are smarter then I am). It felt like I had no one to talk to. Luckily, my mum (and this sounds really childisch) always had my back and I could talk to her about everything. She has helped me A LOT . You see, she's my home-girl :P.
While all that was going on, I had to choose a new school. I decided to go back to highschool (2 years in 1) to try and get better grades, so I would be allowed into a good college/university.
And believe me when I say, I really want to be someone when I get out of school. Not some lady behind the counter (not that there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't suit me). I was already bored to dead when I had to be an intern in an old people home. playing games with them all day... Sure, that sounds fun. but it's not something I would want to do the rest of my life. I want to use my brain :)
Past few months, I also started to meet really interesting people. Espacially over the internet. Some of them already in places I want to be in (i.e. college).
I'm not that person who gives up on their old friends because i "feel too good", don't get me wrong. I still hang with them. We go out all the time. But, the people I go to school with, are much more intelligent. With them I can have a "real" conversation. Especialy classes like: filosofy, social studies and history challenge us to think differently about things, and discuss them with eachother. Sadly everyone has their own lives outside of school, so I only really see most of them when I go to school.
These are the changes I already endured. There is so much more to come. For instance: what college to go to? Believe me when I say I have absolutely no clue what I want to study. So much to choose from.
I did a test at school monday, next week I'll get the results back... So exciting!!
What I'm also wondering is: what kind people will be my friends in the future? What sort of person will I be? How will my life as a student be?
It can be quite overwelming when you thought you had everything figured out. But let's face it. I did not. I'm going into a new, better direction. But letting go of the old, can be hard when I don't know what's ahead. I know something better will come, but I guess I like knowing what exactly
These things absolute freak me out, but it's good to type it out and get it out of my system. And most importantly: be positive. I could curl up in a ball and cry (belive me, I did) but that isn't going to bring me any further. I need to live and let live.
So much questions, so much time :).
Awkward boy stuff
Ever had that moment, when you go to a whole new school, make new friends... But don't know what's appropriate to say/do?
I had that excact feeling today.
We were on our lunchbreak and I walked to the cafeteria with a friend. A few of our friends were already there, so we decided to sit with them. I don't know what it was, but... It felt like we had nothing to say to eachother and the things we did, felt so awkward... Don't get me wrong, we are all very social people.
Although I have this feeling a guy who was sitting with us, likes me, I'm not really sure... Just speculating.
How I know, you might ask me? Well... He has been texting me every day since last week, when we first started talking to eachother in our classes. At first I thought he liked the girl next to me, whom he was talking to at first. And the very moment our classes were all finished for the day, he added me on Facebook, and we started to talk about whatever. Thing is, maybe he does this to everyone he likes as a friend.
I don't know! Asking all of my classmates would make me look very desperate and like a creepy stalker. I AM NOT :P!
On the other hand, they probably know, too. A friend of his, was making comments like: "get a room!" while he was just talking to me about normal stuff.
Maybe it's very obvious and I'm missing something... Things people around us notice, but I don't.
Diary 2.0
So, here we are. My very first blogpost! To be honest, I don't really know what a proper "blogger" does, so I'm going to do what I think a blogger does. Excuse the extreme noob-levels in my post. You have been warned...
Let me start of by telling you something about myself, so we can get to know eachother. I am 18 years old and I love to listen to music, hang out with my friends and study... I still go to highschool (I am doing 2 years in 1). This year I am graduating... Argh, so exciting! Problem is, what college? Which city? Questions, questions...
Enough about me, you will get to know me throughout this blog ;). Back to the blogging itself. You may be thinking, why start a blog? Well... Since I have been on the internet, I have always been fascinated with the idea of telling people a personal story, but they don't know who is telling it. An idea i quite like.
I got lots of stuff I want to type about, lot of stuff which isn't very interesting and a lot that is. You see? Always 2 sides of a coin! I try to look at the positive side being an optimist, and all.
Here is a fun idea: for the next, lets say 5 days, I am going to post something about my day, everyday. To give this page a little kickstart. and make it more enjoyable for you, by putting some content out there.
As a child I always tried to keep a diary, but as a lot of people, I failed. This is kind of diary 2.0. For the whole world to see.
Lets call it: the beginning of a journey we both get to embark in!
I hope you enjoy :)