I don't know what it is, but for some reason, people are afraid of changes.
I'm afraid of them, too. And I freaking hate it! Let me explain this to you:
Ever since I stopped at my old school this summer (a community college), I began to change immensely. Not just emotionally, but also intellectually. My friends began to bore me, they didn't want to talk about the filosofical stuff I wanted to talk about.
It felt like I was too intelligent (and I am not trying to brag, I know there are a lot of people who are smarter then I am).
It felt like I had no one to talk to. Luckily, my mum (and this sounds really childisch) always had my back and I could talk to her about everything. She has helped me A LOT . You see, she's my home-girl :P.
While all that was going on, I had to choose a new school. I decided to go back to highschool (2 years in 1) to try and get better grades, so I would be allowed into a good college/university.
And believe me when I say, I really want to be someone when I get out of school. Not some lady behind the counter (not that there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't suit me).
I was already bored to dead when I had to be an intern in an old people home. playing games with them all day...
Sure, that sounds fun. but it's not something I would want to do the rest of my life. I want to use my brain :)
Past few months, I also started to meet really interesting people. Espacially over the internet. Some of them already in places I want to be in (i.e. college).
I'm not that person who gives up on their old friends because i "feel too good", don't get me wrong. I still hang with them. We go out all the time.
But, the people I go to school with, are much more intelligent. With them I can have a "real" conversation. Especialy classes like: filosofy, social studies and history challenge us to think differently about things, and discuss them with eachother. Sadly everyone has their own lives outside of school, so I only really see most of them when I go to school.
These are the changes I already endured. There is so much more to come. For instance: what college to go to? Believe me when I say I have absolutely no clue what I want to study. So much to choose from.
I did a test at school monday, next week I'll get the results back... So exciting!!
What I'm also wondering is: what kind people will be my friends in the future? What sort of person will I be? How will my life as a student be?
It can be quite overwelming when you thought you had everything figured out. But let's face it. I did not.
I'm going into a new, better direction. But letting go of the old, can be hard when I don't know what's ahead.
I know something better will come, but I guess I like knowing what exactly
These things absolute freak me out, but it's good to type it out and get it out of my system. And most importantly: be positive.
I could curl up in a ball and cry (belive me, I did) but that isn't going to bring me any further. I need to live and let live.
So much questions, so much time :).