Life was easier without emotional suffering, Itachi had found, but he still couldn't tell the source of his pain to die for him and relieve him of the torment he caused him. Without Shisui, he was just a shell of a human being, driven by curiosity, pleasure, and instinct. Shisui was the anchor to his soul. The basest part of him, even just his instinct, clung to his soul, resisting the hold the kotoamatsukami had on him.
So Itachi was not as cruel as he usually was. Instead, he rolled onto his side, turning away from Shisui. That didn't mean he was avoiding the conversation, though.
Behind Shisui, a voice spoke, one that was softer, less monotone than it currently was. "All you do is hurt me." Unlike his present self, his Anbu past wore the hurt and distrust on his face. He was corporeal, not a genjutsu, a clone. When had Itachi summoned him? A long while ago. He had planned to use him to torment Shisui, to get back at him, but he was fulfilling a more important purpose, enabling the man who was actively trying to smother his emotions to speak honestly.
"I've considered removing your eyes, pulling out your teeth, cutting out your tongue, and amputating your limbs. Then, I could keep you without having to worry about my own suffering...but you wouldn't be you..."
I WAS A CHILD. Whatever happened to the young man's heart? It was swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart. Child dry your eyes-- I hate the look that's on your face. His childhood is a blurry mess that Shisui can hardly remember at this point. I WAS NEVER A CHILD, I WAS ALWAYS A SOLDIER, A SHIELD.
I won't accept a life I do not deserve! That's why you shall feel my Kotoamatsukami burndown through your skull, through your mind, through your consciousness.
Shisui hugs his knees against his chest resting his head on top. He knew that voice, without even turning around, he will not turn around. To see his memories coming to life, he will not turn to look upon that youthful face, and the horrors that he spoke, he would never... That was not him. Shisui touches the back of the head of the real Itachi next to him caressing him almost affectionately. Replying to him as it seems.
"I would say do it, anything you want, I will give. Just so I could watch as you take your knife to my skin and cut out my heart. you hold it so gently in your hands and I think I've made the right choice. Just take the heart and carve it out of my chest. It will be like carving out a piece of yourself. It will free you from the hold Kotoamatsukami has on you"
THEY WERE JUST CHILDREN! Children that never had a chance to live as one. Shisui filed to help him then and he utterly and completely failed now. The young soul of the ANBU captain could be shaped and molded the same as Shisui's own at that age. But now? That soul was just a broken piece of something that once was whole. No more than shards left, a shard of pain, regret, anger, and loathing.
Happiness tastes of ashes, and yet Shisui insists on it. Violently, but he still insists.
"Gnaw on me, lover. kiss the gash in my neck and call it romance. feed on my organs and call it lust. I am your animal. bring me to slaughter. I will only love you more." Shisui recite one of the lines he remembers from the rare books he read while back when they were part of the Akatsuki. Still caressing Itachi just the neck this time
His voice was doubled, in unison with the clone's. "You're pathetic."
A kunai pressed to Shisui's throat. Its edge penetrated the top layers of skin, but it remained free of blood for the time being. "Do you think you can penetrate a heart you yourself hardened?" the Anbu asked, his voice by the man's ear. "Your words can't shatter stone. But my blade can cut through flesh."
Despite the threat, his hand remained still, as if waiting for an order, which Itachi was not delivering. Itachi was staring idly at the treeline, trying to clear his mind of the fog of emotion. He needed to make his decision without it. Shisui was as much an asset as he was a hindrance. Was it true the kotoamatsukami would wear off if he were killed? He needed to consider that. Without it, he knew his mind would shatter after all he'd done.











