A Fictional Short Story: The Traumatized Spirit
It was a breezy summer day, the warm eastern winds stroke fast-paced over me though I can’t feel anything as I only knew that the woman that I like was in front of my sight as I was busy lying under the shade of the lone tree.
"I wish you can see me through", the words I uttered down my lips as I picked up my bag from the grass where I lied down and watched her giving smiles to everyone's faces.
She's beautiful. A pristine girl in chestnut-colored bobcat hair and wearing no makeup suited for her lovely pink dress. Her name is Belle which sounds sweet as flowers if heard. I've never been this way before: being struck by a lady beneath my heart — from front to back, you bowed me harshly. I'm out of the yard where she's busy talking with her friends: laughing all the way, exerting gags until they can hardly catch their breaths, and that could surely bring pain to their stomachs, yet satisfying to the heart.
"I'm finished here", I left the place with a sigh. You will never see me through. You will never see.
One night, I was walking on 9th Street in Washington — a place that is being walked by few people, only the sound of silence is what you can hear, ironically deafening. I just got to the bar drinking with hoes of the town. Only light posts were bestowed upon me but not until I saw her. A coincidence that you will never expect but you will always wish to be true. My day has never been this way; so happy, so mesmerized, so excited, and feeling lovely. I never knew what this feeling really means. I'm not sure of this feeling but I'm sure for her. I badly wanted her to be with me. But I know that would never happen except if it is the God’s will, but I am sure it’s not.
I was excited from that very moment but also nervous. Nervous that maybe, even if we were the only people in that silent place, still, she could not notice me. The nervousness that I felt turned to fear little by little as she walked in front of me. And in there, my fear became a nightmare. She just passed me by, unnoticed and not certain of me. The time was moving second by second, she was becoming distant from where I stood. I'm hearing her guide that she's holding and kissing the dust.
One second... with this empty void that she could not fulfill, I can't get a chance to smile genuinely.
Two seconds... aching made my body paralyzed, even the acid reflux that caused heartburn within me was what I can't feel.
Three seconds... and she was three feet apart, never even tried to look back. She kept on walking.
Four seconds... it was almost five years ago, the 6th of July, when I first noticed her existence and that was what I regretted the most — my heart found her in the midst of her tragedy.
Five seconds... unnoticed. Damn, I'm hopeless.
I was also going to start walking away from her, bringing all the weights in my heart, until I heard a sound that she cast out from her tendered lips.
"Uhm, wait", she miraculously said from her mouth that brought hope for me. "Is there anyone there?", she shyly added.
It took her five seconds to notice my presence. I had nothing to expect from her, though. I mean having her disability and my present scenario, that broke me the most.
"Yes, I'm here", I then doubtedly answered her. Shyness stuck over my chilling bones as my head felt the doses of drinks I overdrank at the bar. Gladly, I'm used to it that I could still handle myself so safely and soundly.
"K Street, am I right, dear?", an uncertain look has drawn over her face. That's a hint, she was missing her way.
I asked her if she wanted any help of mine to lead her to the right way but then she refused it. As I’m known for being so disturbingly insistent, she still did not give up on letting me help her. I could not blame her if she somehow plays hard-to-get, it is hard to give trust to people, especially to strangers, and how much more if you are blind, you can’t see their intentions and at the same time their features, which will really leave you clueless and just wanting to make your own way out of every circumstance.
“Okay if you really don’t want my help, I’ll just give you directions. First, just follow your path and if you ever reach its end as you hear sounds of automobiles, turn left, after that then you go left again. There you will find your way to K Street”, I followed with a sigh as I felt disappointment as I thought it was my chance to know her.
“Okay, thank you, dear, so sweet of you”, she left me with a forced smile then turned her back as she made her way.
Without her knowing, I followed in her footsteps. She is great when it comes to following instructions, she was somewhat near to where she was really heading, and she took note of what I told her. At that moment I thought that she trusted what I said, maybe she can also trust me. And as my mind was sailing on its own inside tides, I got flabbergasted as I heard a voice that I would never expect to come and call me.
“Hey, I know you are in there, why are you following me all along?”, she confusedly asked revealing the wrinkling lines on her forehead while her eyebrows almost met each other; she made a questioning face.
I was still in shock and my body was paralyzed. I can’t have the guts to move, I was just amazed that a woman that I like got to notice my existence, at that moment, I thought that I would not wish for more. “Where would this meet up be heading?”, said by my thought as I was having assumptions that this may be my chance to her.
“Sorry if I ever freak you ou-”.
“Yes, you freak me out! What do you want from me?!”, she cut what I was trying to say as she balled herself out and pointed the walking stick that she was holding in me, ready to protect herself from who was in front of her as she thought I would commit a crime.
“I do not intend to hurt you, I am just here because I want to get to know you, I know that sounds silly but please, just hear me out”, seriously, I didn’t even know what I was doing and where I got my guts to talk to her. There I forwarded my sloppy yet light-as-a-feather footsteps, and little by little I was getting near to where she stood.
“Stop!” I got thrilled by the desperate sound that she made, but still, I continued. “I said stop!”, then a tear suddenly fell off from her frightened eyes, it was like she was suffering from severe trauma. I got dismayed and I decided to leave her all alone. I was continually walking far and distance from where I left her but all of a sudden, I heard her voice from afar. Her calling opened up something that seemed baffling in me that made me feel awful, I don’t have any idea what was happening. All I knew was that I need to come back.
As I was running my heart out to reach her all fast, she kept on calling and crying. “Mother, please help me”, the tear of sorrow and hopelessness glided over her rosy and freckled cheek. As I reached her, she seemingly did not make any effort to get herself out of self-restraint. She was eaten up by her feeling of fear and that made me want to comfort her. Unconsciously, I just found my hand tapping her back as I kneed down just to reach her burrowed structure.
At that very moment, she was at her weakest spot, all I did was comfort her while she kept on sobbing yet she seemed not to bother herself with whoever was beside her as if I'm just an unnoticeable void. Then after a couple of minutes, she revealed the gloomy and hollowed sky seated beneath her eyes, all the burden that she carried was fading for a while when she cried all her heart out. It is as if crying is her only escape from the sadness and depressive situations that she gets to have. A blued feeling is cured by blued medication, a potion made of tears. After that, she stood up, looked up at the sky then forced herself to give a smile to the world. Everything that happened earlier just vanished when she gave herself a smile, and then she continued her way. And again, she just passed me by.
We were five feet apart when she stopped herself from walking then she looked back. “What are you doing there? I thought you wanted to follow and get to know me?” her face was in scorn.
Suddenly, a light of hope just blinked from my happy eyes. I did not expect that coming. There, I followed her path, we were like 13 centimeters away and I tried to synchronize my footsteps to hers.
“Sorry if you get to see my weak parts. By the way, what is your name? And why are you following me? Hmmm…”, her eyebrows were trying to meet again while her lower lip is pouting and went to the other side together with her cheek. Cute.
“No worries, as I have said, it is my pleasure to lend my hand to yours. And oh yes, yes… I'm Damon, not demon but Damon”, that was an awkward joke of mine, I was still thrilled by her presence.
“Do I need to give a laughing response to that?”, her lips readied itself for laughing.
“If you are always up for charitable causes then why not?”, okay, that seemed a timid reply rather than a joke.
Unexpectedly she just laughed her way out, I even got a glimpse of her throat, the tonsil was waving. “You know what, I laughed not because I find what you’ve said funny…”, she kept on laughing making it hard for her to speak, “It’s funny that… your punch lines are out of this world”, her laugh was sickening, I just had my poker face looking at her having breathing difficulty, her laugh almost made her get suffocated, how much more if she sees the state of my expression, I hope she can still bear that, I really am a bored man and that is also the reason why I got to like her, no ones gets to feel out of place as she has that hospitable aura within her, everyone gets to be accommodated even the most boring of us all as she radiates beautifully.
“So, boring man, I mean demon…”, I can’t believe that she laughed that hard. Then she tried to vent all her laughs and started doing meditation as she inhaled and exhaled a few times. She then got to composure in her voice as she slightly coughed and put her enclosed arm to her lips with pure grace. She then had good poise. “Okay, I will not laugh this time…” a small restrained laugh burst out from her lips but she got to hold it before it comes out again. “Damon, so, why are you following me?”, her face was serious state, and that was a great effort from her controlling her laugh, maybe I am not really as boring as I think of myself, or maybe she is just not boring. She gets to carry the ambiance of simple conversations.
“I like you. Will that be an enough reason?”, I thought that being straightforward will work for her.
“Of course not! I can even report you to the police for stalking, when did you start following me, huh?”, she became more serious this time as if I’m in the middle of a jurisdiction process. I should be careful with my next response or else I would really lose my chance to know her more.
Then I just suddenly remembered the name of one of her friends as I eavesdropped on their forum and she called her out, “Jessie, yes, I knew you because of her, she tells me a lot, I mean a lot of good things about you and the very first time that I saw you was this recent summer as your circle of friends were gathering together to have some talks after paying tribute for the people who lost their lives after the bombing of Independence Day ceremony that was held around the Washington monument for almost five years ago”, I then reasoned out.
The light that was shining from her face suddenly vanished as she heard what I said. For a minute she just stopped and did not make any effort to move. “Hey, are you fine?”, she thrilled herself out as I awakened her from the verge of her drowning thoughts.
“Oh yes, yes, I’m fine”, her consciousness came back but it was still visible from her eyes that she was shocked from what she heard from me. “I just remembered something”, she added.
“What did you remember that it thrilled the bones out of yourself, miss?”, I curiously questioned.
“Well, as you can see I am blind and the reason for that is because of the bombing that took place during the celebration of Independence Day, I was one of its victims together with my mother and a thousand people. Unluckily, I am still alive and my mom… ”, a tear fell over her cheek as she told the story behind her blindness.
“I get it now, please don’t make it hard for yourself”, I stopped her from what she was telling as I got an idea where her statement was heading. “I’m sorry that I asked about it”, I added as I felt terrible for myself for making her feel that tragic moment of her life again.
“No worries, I said to myself that I will try to move on and get the most out of my life because I know that is what my mom wanted for me”, she smiled again. “Maybe you just need to get used to it as you can never erase your tragic past, that is my kind of moving on”, I got amazed at how strong her heart was as she was still doing her best and trying to hold on for her life for the sake of her mother.
“Don’t feel pity for me, after all that happened, I got a blessing in disguise from God, and guess what, I may be blind but my sixth sense is open!”, she excitedly boasted, “sometimes I do not know that I get to mix up living people and spirits as I talk to anyone of them, I just find out if they ever confess that they are spirits or if I could not touch them although they’re beside me and even talking to me”. As those words came out of her mouth, one of the questions in my mind about her was suddenly answered.
“Really, I did not expect that coming?”
“Yes, maybe you are even one of them?”, she joked out as if guilt tripping me or insisting me to be one of the spirits.
“Okay, okay, if you say so…”, I just accepted it for her to stop because she was somehow persistent in an adorable way which I am not, I looked like a stalker for her. “By the way, I’m sorry for what I have done”, I seriously added.
Then, at that very moment, her mood has changed, her eyes were telling as if a tragic moment just happened for a while, and she was in great shock. I was surprised at what was happening because I did not know the reason behind her peculiar actions. I was becoming more surprised as she tried to distance herself from where I stood and slowly lifted the walking stick that she was holding then pointed it at me.
“What did you just say?”, her face was terribly in shock and her eyes were becoming swollen as she almost cried a river during that night.
“What was happening to you?” I was confused.
“I said, what did you say earlier?!”, anger almost ate up her presence and still I was confused and startled just like her.
“I said sorry for what I have done as I made y-”, I was cut as she almost fainted in front of me.
I forwarded and tried to reach her out to help her get up but she yelled at me.
“You! Don’t ever try to come near me or else I’ll kill you for what you have done!” She angrily exclaimed but it did not hinder me to advance myself to her, then there, she was stunned by her disbelief. When she unexpectedly swooshed her walking stick into me, it just infiltrated through my body as if tossing a stick into thin air. She was in shock so she waved back and forth the stick that she was holding, still, it just penetrated through my transparent body.
“Don’t tell me, are you-?”, her jaw dropped from the great distress and remorse that she was having. She still can’t believe what she found out. I just bowed down and still, she sensed my response, then little by little, her footsteps retreated as she was trying to make her way out and escape. The feeling of being scared was drawn all over her face and body.
I tried to stop her as she got to trip herself as she was running away from me but I felt sudden vertigo, my surrounding was spinning that it became hard for me to move. My mind was stuck up for a second then it ached as I unravel the mystery behind everything that just happened. I was a little bit confused for a while but then a sudden memory came back to me and at that exact time, I found myself in the middle of the crowd, and there was a young adult who was in front of me, we have the same resemblance as we both have a pointy nose, intimidating brown eyes, copper-colored straight hair and a little wavy in the front, pinkish-violet lips and a little tanned skin. We even wore the same ugly sweater and dirty white pants. I can see myself in him until I found out that I was watching myself on what happened before I died.
As expected, it happened almost five years ago in the middle of the Independence Day celebration around the Washington monument. There were lots of people in the crowd, I feel like it was thousands of them. One of them was me, I looked like a stressed man as the glimpse of frustration and pressure seated over my eyes, my hands were shaking as if it was mannerism, and I was also handling a child’s bag, I think I know where it will be leading. There, I was talking to someone over the phone.
“I’m already here, please don’t hurt my family!”, I carelessly whispered over the phone though the tone of my voice was seemingly angry and scared at the same time.
“Oops, before that, left the bag that you are holding behind you”, a terrorist was in another line. I looked behind me and there I found a crowd. “Good, just stay looking at there then you go forward and just slip it over”, the terrorist added, the grudge and satisfaction ate up his voice.
I was stunned for minutes. Tears were flowing from my eyes, and I did not know what to do. It was too much to handle for a teenage boy who just turned into a young man recently. My family was kidnapped by terrorists of my native Syrian race, I felt powerless and I can’t move an inch. In there I felt as if I got an electric shock making my body fall into one place. I was in the middle of my thoughts on who will I save, my family or the hundreds or thousands of people who were inside the parameter where I will infuse the bomb.
Over the phone, I heard my little sister crying while my mom was trying to protect her, “please do not hurt my children, just let us go!”, my mom was begging and sobbing hard in front of them but they did not care even though we came from the same race. They chose to be terrorists of the land rather than responsible citizens. There, I realized that I did not have any choice but to save my family. I became selfish, I knew that several people will die for the lives of my mother and little sister. I felt like I made myself one of them — the terror of the land.
I distanced myself from the exact location of the bomb, I kept on running farther and farther away from it and as I continued my way, I witnessed thousands of innocent smiles from people: there were homosexual and heterosexual couples dating and having a great time, there were families who joined the ceremony, there were children playing around the place, there were mothers and fathers carrying their babies as they giggled themselves in their parents’ warm arms. They were just like me that had a family that they needed to protect but due to unexpected circumstances that I got to involve myself, they lost the chance to protect their loved ones.
I held my sight away from the innocent crowd that I saw as the sudden guilt ate up everything that I felt, followed by a loud deadly sound. Then a powerful impact of wind swayed away all the people surrounding the place and that included me. I did not know what to do, I was just there lying on the floor together with other innocent ones. After the impact, I just found ourselves being covered by the dust made by the massive explosion, all I saw were grieving shadows of victims as clouds of dust ate up the whole landmark. I could not stand as I heard various sounds that came from the cries of the guileless sufferers and the sirens of ambulances and enforcers as they came for rescue. After a while, the police officers rescued the casualties. I was still confounded and can’t react properly to what had happened. I was the reason behind everything and no one knew it. I’ve been carried out by the rescuers away from the location and together with others, I was brought to Howard University Hospital, the nearest medical center from where the bombing took place. The trauma dosed me up and made me fall asleep.
After hours of sleeping. I found myself looking up at the sky, those who did not have a severe case were given first-aids as the large number of patients caused by the tragic phenomenon could not be accommodated by the hospital. Then I regained consciousness, I thought that I was the one that deserves to die and not them. I tried to walk away from the bereaved patients and families as I could not stand the guilt that I was having. I continued walking until I reached a street nearby the hospital where there were no other people except for the 14-year-old girl named Belle who had bandages all over her eyes and left arms, it seemed that she slipped away from the hospital. She was sitting beside the wall while sobbing so hard, “mother, where did you go? Please save me”, she kept on whispering. Her appearance stuck over my thrilling structure. I could not feel anything as if I was numbing. I was looking at her small body as I was feeling the guilt, the remorse was caged inside my body as it kept on howling.
I reached out to the burrowed structure of little Belle as I held her sensitive shoulders and made her feel the guilt that I was having. She was in great shock at the scenario that she suddenly had. “I was the one that planted the bomb to save my family…” I remorsefully confessed to her, the tears glided over my cheeks again, I was totally wasted. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done”, I added.
Unconsciously, I did not know that I scared her and all she did was release a loud shout as she asked for help. I’m still in trauma and I made her get more traumatized. As I regained myself, I realized what I have done to her. All I thought was to run away. So I did. Without knowing it, as I was running my way out of the street, a car accidentally bumped over me as I was trying to cross over. My pitiful body flew away caused of the powerful force and my bones were crushed. I died looking up at the sky and for hours I was still looking at my view while I was fed up by the large weight of burden and guilt. My body was carried out from the scene, and without knowing, my spirit was everything that was left, I felt traumatized as I was still looking upward while at rest. Due to trauma, I forgot everything that happened. Ending, I ventured and tried out exploring the mystery of my existence.
Again, I gained consciousness from where I stood at night around 9th Street while the lady named Belle that I got to attached myself due to the bond that I had to her was running away as she felt a sudden fear as she got acquainted with me. She became the instrument for me to unfold the questions behind my real identity. I once sacrificed the lives of many for the sake of my family, I was once the terror of the land, I was a traumatized spirit.
As I left standing in the unknown void, a pit of hell fire instantaneously opened up in the ground behind where I stood. For once my spirit was not adjudicated as I forgot the memories I had due to trauma, and now that I got it back, it’s time to pay back for the sins that I committed. I was gradually falling into the boiling hell and at the same time, I was hearing loud cries of sinners asking for help. There was no turning back. I thought. The hopelessness was all I have in mind. But, as the tip of my toe almost reached the peak of hell, the hole in the ground suddenly beamed out blinding light of hope that came from the night sky and it was trying to reach me. I did not know what happened, all I felt was that someone was trying to hold on to me. Someone behind the light. And It gave me hope.
