This ain't no place for no Zer0 to call home

Pandora bores me. It holds no more challenges. I now seek them here. ((Independent RP blog for Zer0 from Borderlands 2. Willing to play with alternates, AUs, OCs, other fandoms, etc. Please read the rules for more info.)) «ECHO.» "Dialogue." Action. ((OOC.))

[spiderantsandbullets]

unc0nquered‌:

Zer0 had finished the delivery they’d come to give Ellie half an hour ago, and spent all the time since then scrolling through their hologram map of Pandora, trying to find something, anything, that sounded interesting enough to do next. Head back to Three Horns? No, they’d just been there. Go pick a fight in Lynchwood? They didn’t know if there was anyone left in Lynchwood worth fighting. Maybe they’d jump on the train that passed through Lynchwood, hold on top, and see where it took them. That was something to do, at least. … But nah. There were only so many train stops on Pandora, and they doubted any of them were interesting enough to justify the effort of—

Zer0 started at the yell, turned off their map, and turned with sword handle in hand to face their confronter. But they didn’t turn the blade on; despite the suddenness of the demand, more than anything they were surprised by how polite the request was. (By Pandoran standards, they’d found, any request that wasn’t backed up with several bullets was polite. Even a warning shot could be cordial, depending on where it was aimed.)

They supposed they were blocking things, weren’t they? They’d swung around behind Ellie’s to avoid their technical drawing the attention of the roving bandits out front; but in the process, blocked the narrow exit to Bug Gulch. They hadn’t thought anyone would want to visit Bug Gulch, but…

After a moment, they said, “Sure,” nudged the gas, and scooted out of the way. Since they’d been asked so politely.

She… really honestly hadn’t expected that to work. It wouldn’t have for any bandit but then… this was a Vault Hunter she found herself dealing with. Apparently one didn’t have to shoot first to get them to do something, which was good because she really really didn’t want to jeopardize her standing with Ellie by starting a fight out behind her scrapyard. She was really the clan’s one friendly link to the world outside their canyon and one of the only things standing between them and the Hodunks or Bloodshots if they decided to pick them all off someday.

Morrie took several steps backward and out of the way, not keen to be ran over by the technical if the Vault Hunter decided they were into squishing bandits today. Mim clicked and chittered and Morrie was quick to return to her, feeling much better when she swung back up into the saddle and was at least the same height as Mask Guy. What the hell was his name anyway? She was sure she’d seen a poster of him before but could not for the life of her remember what they’d called the guy. Oh well, not like she was likely to have many more encounters with him, not if she was lucky anyway. She’d call it a good day if she continued to sneak under the radar for now.

“Er… Thanks.” God Avery was rubbing off on her. But since he hadn’t shot at or stabbed her and had actually moved the big piece of junk that was clearly meant to be a vehicle (she wrinkled her nose at it under her bandanna; that was one ugly technical), she figured he at least warranted some amount of politeness. That said, she wasn’t too keen on hanging around, and was soon making her way past, Mim picking daintily around the pieces of junk laying in the way.

[unc0nquered]

It wasn’t until she stepped away that Zer0 noticed her ride. An exclamation point flashed in front of their mask. Spiderant. Spiderant with a saddle. That was a brand new sight. And Zer0 lived for brand new sights.

... Mostly in the hope that they could then go on to kill said brand new sights, but that was neither here nor there.

They quickly stowed their sword handle, clambered out of their technical—almost banging their knees on the steering wheel in their haste to get to the ground—and followed after the woman on the spiderant. “Spiderant bandit. Ellie’s told me about you. You live back here, right?” They gestured down the gulch.

[yasamdan-deactivated20200724]

Freerunners - Jumpers 😀❤

[unc0nquered]

[[ Greetings, fleshling. He is searching for a masked assassin named Zer0. He assumes this is the correct frequency. ]] Soundwave's not often wrong, after all.

Fleshling. That was a new one. Usually when somebody stopped to make note of what they imagined was under Zer0′s mask, it was in order to reveal they thought it wasn’t flesh. They didn’t get much communication from people who assumed the opposite.

So, who would think flesh was notable enough to specify. Some kind of robot, probably? Fleshlings don’t say “fleshlings.” It might be a Hyperion bot; more and more of them were gaining minds of their own, these days. Hyperion and Elpis were riddled with rogue loaders.

«You know what they say. “Assume, and you make an ass—out of u and me.”» They paused. «That said, this is them. Do you want something from me? Someone dead, perhaps?» It probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge, but they’d probably take the job anyway, for lack of anything better to do. Although letting their skills get rusty would make for more challenges, they weren’t the sort Zer0 was interested in pursuing. Besides, they had a soft spot for friendly loaders.

[slenderwave]

unc0nquered

Zer0 had come to Pandora with a desperate desire to hunt for a mythical treasure tomb that might hold a monster. Who were they to judge silly legends?

Its goals and offenses mattered a whole lot less than its defenses. Poisonous blood, convoluted interior, monsters inside of it to fight— “How deadly creatures? Like on a one to ten scale, where…” They struggled to think of a point of reference that they both could understand, realized the two of them probably had absolutely no experiences in common except each other, looked around, and pointed at a spiderant queen digging in the sand, «that thing is… two.» Two was generous, but normal spiderants were barely a one, so.

Zer0 leaned in to watch Soundwave’s mask (cool trick). And—wow. Despite the low-quality video, that clearly really was a planet-sized robot. They tried to imagine navigating inside something that switches back and forth between two shapes. All while fighting off its very guts. They nodded enthusiastically; they were already prepared to believe, but now they were an excited believer.

Very excited. They smiled.

:)

Soundwave waited until Zer0 was done watching to consider the spiderant digging in the sand. Given the smile he’d earned, he didn’t think he really needed to answer the question about the creature, but it probably wouldn’t hurt if he did. That, and it was the first living thing he’d seen aside from Zer0, and he was curious about the threats Pandora had to offer.

(txt): Question: That thing, sentient?

Keep reading

[unc0nquered]

Four. Ah. Their enthusiasm started to wane. In Zer0′s experience, threats of level four that were incalculable en masse were merely four plus four plus four plus four...

Still. Planet eater. It had to pose some challenge, they thought grudgingly.

Soundwave’s other offerings only slowly piqued their interest. Beasts, they’d found, never posed as much of a challenge as people. Once you learned how they worked and what natural weaponry they had to offer, they were never as quick or intelligent as a fully sentient opponent. Still—big things could be hard to kill, even if not terribly challenging. And they’d never fought a hive mind before, as far as they could tell. Maybe that would make them smarter.

“Giant clawed monster.” They didn’t know what was “giant” by Soundwave’s standards, though; so they glanced around the desert, found a rocky spike jutting into the sky approximately the height of the Warrior, and pointed at it for reference. “Slag-spitting lava swimmer. Billed as a god. Not.” Zer0 snorted derisively. If taking out the Warrior hadn’t been so emotionally charged, it would have been a disappointment.

“How else are beasts slain? With guns and lots of bullets. Had a big weak spot.” Zer0 knocked on the center of their chest and displayed an LED target in front of their face, a simple three-ring bulls-eye.  “No payment, per se. Its handler killed good people. Genocide cancelled.”

[spiderantsandbullets]

@unc0nquered  ❤ ‘d for a starter.

It was a long day of dreary, fuitless patrols and she’d managed to get shot at by the damn caravan when she hadn’t even gotten close to their stupid van. She knew better then to fuck with the larger bandit camps; even if her place was really well defended they’d end up murdered by superior numbers alone if she pushed too far or too hard. Which really pissed her off, considering her clan was starting to strain the confines of their territory and resources were beginning to hint at becoming a problem. They were going to have to start raiding someone soon, or trading. Trading would be great if there weren’t always bullets flying at the slightest provocation.

She was really starting to understand why Xephir had been so damn stressed all the time. Only so many of your problems you could punch in the damn face.

Which left her irritated, cursing under her breath as she let Mim lead them home, fussing with the dirty bandage she’d wrapped around her arm where a bullet had grazed her earlier. She wasn’t paying attention to the direction her mount had chosen until she stopped and chittered in agitation. Through Ellie’s scrapyard wasn’t exactly where she would have picked with the mood she was in but they traded with the woman and were on mostly amicable terms so it wasn’t really a problem. No, the problem was in the monster of an ugly ass technical blocking most of the space Mim would need to get through the area. Whoever was here hadn’t exactly bothered to be courteous enough to park out of the fucking way and she’d either have to have Mim climb over things or go back out and all the way around to Bug Gulch to get home. Already irritated with today, now she was just pissed. She swung off Mim and stalked around the vehicle to yell at its driver.

“‘Ey! Move ya fuckin’ piece ‘f shit tech, ya fuckin’ asshole! Ya blockin’ th’ way!” She rounded the car and had already been yelling before she’d actually seen the person she was directing her rage at but when she did she stopped dead. The lanky silhouette was easily identified and one she’d thus far managed to avoid the notice of. That obviously was about to come to a quick end and there was a very real possibility she was about to get stabbed. Her spiderant lance was hooked to Mim’s saddle, not that that would help her too much. Of course, she’d already started and honestly, if a Vault Hunter was going to kill her today it had better be goddamned worth it.

“Jis cause ya a Vault ‘Unter ain’t mean ya gotta take up alla space. Move ya shit will ya?” She continued after a small pause and a very slight lowering of volume, though no less irritation in her voice.

[unc0nquered]

Zer0 had finished the delivery they’d come to give Ellie half an hour ago, and spent all the time since then scrolling through their hologram map of Pandora, trying to find something, anything, that sounded interesting enough to do next. Head back to Three Horns? No, they’d just been there. Go pick a fight in Lynchwood? They didn’t know if there was anyone left in Lynchwood worth fighting. Maybe they’d jump on the train that passed through Lynchwood, hold on top, and see where it took them. That was something to do, at least. ... But nah. There were only so many train stops on Pandora, and they doubted any of them were interesting enough to justify the effort of—

Zer0 started at the yell, turned off their map, and turned with sword handle in hand to face their confronter. But they didn’t turn the blade on; despite the suddenness of the demand, more than anything they were surprised by how polite the request was. (By Pandoran standards, they’d found, any request that wasn’t backed up with several bullets was polite. Even a warning shot could be cordial, depending on where it was aimed.)

They supposed they were blocking things, weren’t they? They’d swung around behind Ellie’s to avoid their technical drawing the attention of the roving bandits out front; but in the process, blocked the narrow exit to Bug Gulch. They hadn’t thought anyone would want to visit Bug Gulch, but...

After a moment, they said, “Sure,” nudged the gas, and scooted out of the way. Since they’d been asked so politely.

[unc0nquered]

[ 34. 37. 38. ]

34. Favorite location?

I love the Bloodshot Slums/Stronghold/Ramparts. I like abandoned, decaying industrial/urban spaces, I like jury-rigged post-apocalyptic human settlements, and I like lots of bandits to fight, and the Bloodshots' territory gives me all three in spades. I like running the whole circuit from Three Horns up to the Shrine of the Gunbringer and back down again, just for the hell of it.

37. A character you have a crush on?

I am ace/aro as fuuuuuck, lmao.

The idea of being romantic/sexual is beyond unappealing to me, but I enjoy thinking about fictional characters' hypothetical romance/sex lives; so it probably stands to reason that if I could get crushes, it'd probably be on the characters I'm most interested in shipping, right? In which case, probably Zer0?

But this is like, hysterically hypothetical. Maybe my romantic/sexual tastes would be wildly different from what my this-character-is-interesting-to-think-about tastes are. Who knows!!

38. A character you wish you could play as?

Already answered this once with Tiny Tina, so let's try another one.

One of the thing that limits the possibilities is that a lot of the cool characters don't seem to be as combat-oriented as the thus-known vault hunters have to be to get through the game; but you know what? It's possible to work with that. Let's make that a feature.

Take Hammerlock and give him a Borderlands game where he's supposed to avoid as many fights as possible. See how close he can get to the local creatures to document them without catching their attention and making them case after him. Avoid bandit outposts, talk them out of attacking him, and/or bribe them into going away. Give him some weapons as self-defense and to maybe single out one or two creature to kill and take in for studying—you'd be an idiot to wander around on Pandora without a weapon or two, and we know Hammerlock's used them in the past—but keep ammo low and hard to find to discourage solving every problem with bullets. It wouldn't be a looter or a shooter, but it'd be fun to get more looks at Pandora from the perspective of a character that isn't some kind of god of carnage, like we did in Tales.

Also it'd be fun to run around with Hammerlock commenting on everything he sees. Occasionally making unexpectedly posh-sounding comments about bondage. Y'know. As he does.

[unc0nquered]

36, 40, 41

36. If you could spend a day on Pandora or Elpis, what would you do?

uhhhhhhhh hide. Those are not places with high life expectancies.

I’d probably spend the day in Concordia. It is 1) comparatively safe, 2) not floating in the sky with a several-thousand-foot drop, unlike the other comparatively safe place, 3) on an alien moon, which is pretty cool, and 4) bouncy.

As cool as it would be to literally set foot on an alien planet, there aren’t a lot of spots on Pandora larger than a postage stamp where I feel like that would be a smart idea for someone without a black belt and twenty guns.

40. Favorite wild animal species?

... I feel like saying Trash Feeders is cheating since I like them because of the one that isn’t wild.

Do Mimics count? If so, freaking Mimics. They amuse the hell out of me. I’m usually alert when I open a chest but every time one startles me it’s hilarious.

And I like Tropical Varkids, they’re pretty.

41. Least favorite wild animal species?

Listen.

I’m so sick of skags.

Barf that slows down your movement, little shits that bite at your ankles while you’re shooting at the big ones, and you’ve gotta aim lower—no even lower than that—like three times before you actually manage to hit the frigging pups, crit hit boxes that are not even worth the trouble of trying to hit, and there’s always like a dozen of them.

Skags can piss off. Sick of them. I’ve had enough.

Dukino and Enrique can stay.

[residente-vil]

Borderlands Questions!

[shellalana]

the-darksouls‌:

Reblog if you want to get any of these numbers in your inbox:

How did you get into Borderlands?

Which is your favorite game in the franchise?

Favorite character?

If you could meet your favorite character, what would you tell them?

A character you consider underrated?

An OTP?

Least favorite character?

If you could meet your least favorite character, what would you tell them?

A character you consider overrated?

A NOTP?

Favorite gun brand?

Favorite shield brand?

Weapon of choice?

A gun or skill you can never seem to get along with?

Favorite mission?

A mission you found extremely easy?

A mission you found extremely hard?

Wich game has the best ending and why?

Favorite boss fight?

Character of choice in Borderlands (Mordecai, Roland, Lilith, Brick)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Character of choice in Borderlands 2 (Maya, Salvador, Axton, Zer0, Gaige, Krieg)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Character of choice in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel (Athena, Wilhelm, Claptrap, Nisha, Jack, Aurelia)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Favorite character in Tales from the Borderlands?

Least favorite character in Tales from the Borderlands?

Favorite villain?

Worst villain?

Favorite quote from your favorite character?

Funniest quote you can think of?

Creepiest moment in the games?

Best easter eggs?

Favorite location?

Pandora or Elpis?

If you could spend a day on Pandora or Elpis, what would you do?

A character you have a crush on?

A character you wish you could play as?

Hardest achievement to unlock?

Favorite wild animal species?

Least favorite wild animal species?

Something you’re looking forward to in the next game/s?

Something you wish you could change in the franchise?

A character you wish had died but didn’t?

A character you wish had lived but died?

Favorite skins and heads?

What’s the rarest weapon you’ve ever found?

Something you do in EVERY playthrough, no matter what?

Lasers or EXPLOOOOSIOOOONS??

A scene in the games that is always stuck in your head no matter what?

Biggest amount of money you’ve ever had in a single playthrough?

How many times have you played each of the games?

Who is your favorite voice actor/actress in the franchise?

Favorite AI?

Favorite song in the OST?

Would you like a movie based on Borderlands?

If so, who would you like to see in the cast?

Do you usually play on your own or with friends?

How many gameplay hours have you reached in total so far?

On which platform do you own/play them?

[unc0nquered]

Thousand Cuts

[veinsinmyteeth-deactivated20200]

unc0nquered‌:

Blowing up buzzards was beginning to lose its luster. Once you get good at not only hitting the aircraft, not only hitting the pilot, but also hitting the pilot’s head, there’s really no new challenges left in the exercise. And the Slabs really only had the resources to support two or three buzzards at any given time.

Buzzards that they were now going to have to repair. Leaving Zer0 with nothing of interest left to do in Slab Town for the next few weeks, unless sitting on the edge of a cliff staring boredly into the distance counted. Maybe they should head north, swing through the Eridium Blight…

In their peripheral vision, they spotted a person approaching: shirtless, masked, massive; psycho, mutated. A Slab pissed at Zer0 for blowing up their buzzards? They were on their feet in an instant, gun pointed at the psycho’s head—

—before they realized they knew this psycho. They pointed their gun up, other hand raised in apology for aiming it at Krieg’s face. “Hey.”

@veinsinmyteeth

Krieg guffawed as he watched each of the Buzzards drop. The crack of a rifle shot pierced the air each time and he knew that someone must be around, taking out those metal whirlybirds for their own amusement. But he wasn’t here to join in on the fun. He was here to deal with a mess of slimy tentacles to increase his pile of loot. More loot meant more money, and that meant he could afford more drinks at Moxxi’s.

He raised his arms in triumph at seeing the skinny assassin standing across the way, the blade of his buzzaxe spinning. “Mirrored man, what reflection this day! The fairest is right before you!” He hadn’t missed their initial pointing of their gun at him… but he was used to that kind of greeting. He sprinted without a care and leapt across the narrow gap towards them, showing no sign of slowing.

[unc0nquered]

As they frequently did, Zer0 had to pause in an attempt to puzzle out Krieg’s words. Okay, reference to his mask—not sure if the Snow White illusions were supposed to signify anything deeper than just identifying Krieg as the one reflecting in his mask. Was it a greeting? They were going to assume it was a greet—

Krieg was charging at them. Uh.

Zer0′s fight-or-flight instincts, over the years, had been honed instead into murder-or-murder-or-murder-or-something-other-than-murder. They would have lifted their gun straight back up level with Krieg’s chest, if not for the razor thin tie of solidarity they shared with the pack of vault hunters they’d committed jackicide with. So instead, they barely went with something-other-than-murder.

They launched a hologram, and stepped to the side and out of the way of Krieg’s charge.

[numericalassassin]

unc0nquered replied to your post: (Oof, doing headcannon asks without giving too…

((The Zer0 headcanon struggle is real))

(Do I reveal this bit? Is this too close to being obvious? How much of a hint is too much? I have lots of headcannons and don’t want to tell anyone yet ugh!)

[unc0nquered]

((Right? You want other characters to tease out The Secrets bit by tantalizing bit. They gotta earn the look into Zer0′s inner life. Even confirming a species feels like a huge freebie. “Zer0 eats food” is enough to offer info that previously couldn’t be taken for granted. What tiny detail is enough to let someone extrapolate a huge chunk of the mystery?))

[c0ntinue-testing]

Me, a proud Jakobs pistols user, using Hyperion pistols for the first time more like:

[unc0nquered]

30, 38, and 50 for the BL questions!

30. Favorite quote from your favorite character?

I’m glad it specifies “from your favorite character” because if I had to track down my favorite quote, period, I’d be here all night.

Couple of choices. First, from Zer0′s personal ECHO:

“Just TELL me what you want!” “For you to fight back. Bandits like you are easy—I want a challenge.”

To me, it seems like Zer0′s got this furious, desperate, self-destructive need to outpace boredom by challenging themself—and if the fact that they flew to a place like Pandora, without even knowing about the vaults, says anything, it seems like they’re highly likely to do stupid, dangerous things in pursuit of SOMETHING to alleviate that boredom. (Not to mention casually kill people.) And there’s, to me, something really interesting and really sad in Zer0′s desperate solo flight from ennui.

They’ve got several quotes asking for a challenge and complaining about boredom that I coulda chosen for that point; I picked that one because there’s somehow something even sadder and even more horrifying about the fact that they’re standing over some guy, preparing to kill him, and yet they’re boiling over with frustration because this murder wasn’t difficult enough.

Second favorite quote:

“Oh, what? Yeah, what, bitch? Yeah, I just slapped you and stuff. What you gonna do?“

I feel like that one doesn’t need an explanation lol.

38. A character you wish you could play as?

On the one hand, I’m like, Tiny Tina would be cool. She’s one of the few not-yet-playable characters who’s a certified badass with some known combat-oriented skills (as opposed to “certified badass but we don’t get much of a sense for their fighting style,” like Sir Hammerlock—who would probably be my next choice except for that detail). On the other hand, I’m like, Tiny Tina is kind of best in small doses. Would I be able to handle a full game with Tina in my ear?

Then again I played a whole game as Claptrap sooo

50. A scene in the games that is always stuck in your head no matter what?

Nothing wrenches my heart more than the fight against Felicity. And it doesn’t help that if you’re playing as Claptrap, he makes an peppy, ironic little quip about how it must be awful to be reprogrammed into a death machine, considering that that’s happened to him a couple of times now. There’s something particularly cruel/horrifying about sending a robot that’s been a repeat victim of Hyperion’s military brainwashing to do the same to a new robot.

… Honorable mention goes to the Hyperion finger-gun massacre in tftbl.

[residente-vil]

Borderlands Questions!

Reblog if you want to get any of these numbers in your inbox:

How did you get into Borderlands?

Which is your favorite game in the franchise?

Favorite character?

If you could meet your favorite character, what would you tell them?

A character you consider underrated?

An OTP?

Least favorite character?

If you could meet your least favorite character, what would you tell them?

A character you consider overrated?

A NOTP?

Favorite gun brand?

Favorite shield brand?

Weapon of choice?

A gun or skill you can never seem to get along with?

Favorite mission?

A mission you found extremely easy?

A mission you found extremely hard?

Wich game has the best ending and why?

Favorite boss fight?

Character of choice in Borderlands (Mordecai, Roland, Lilith, Brick)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Character of choice in Borderlands 2 (Maya, Salvador, Axton, Zer0, Gaige, Krieg)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Character of choice in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel (Athena, Wilhelm, Claptrap, Nisha, Jack, Aurelia)?

Your prefered skill tree for said character?

Favorite character in Tales from the Borderlands?

Least favorite character in Tales from the Borderlands?

Favorite villain?

Worst villain?

Favorite quote from your favorite character?

Funniest quote you can think of?

Creepiest moment in the games?

Best easter eggs?

Favorite location?

Pandora or Elpis?

If you could spend a day on Pandora or Elpis, what would you do?

A character you have a crush on?

A character you wish you could play as?

Hardest achievement to unlock?

Favorite wild animal species?

Least favorite wild animal species?

Something you’re looking forward to in the next game/s?

Something you wish you could change in the franchise?

A character you wish had died but didn’t?

A character you wish had lived but died?

Favorite skins and heads?

What’s the rarest weapon you’ve ever found?

Something you do in EVERY playthrough, no matter what?

Lasers or EXPLOOOOSIOOOONS??

A scene in the games that is always stuck in your head no matter what?

Biggest amount of money you’ve ever had in a single playthrough?

How many times have you played each of the games?

Who is your favorite voice actor/actress in the franchise?

Favorite AI?

Favorite song in the OST?

Would you like a movie based on Borderlands?

If so, who would you like to see in the cast?

Do you usually play on your own or with friends?

How many gameplay hours have you reached in total so far?

On which platform do you own/play them?

[unc0nquered]

[[ Greetings, fleshling. He is searching for a masked assassin named Zer0. He assumes this is the correct frequency. ]] Soundwave's not often wrong, after all.

Fleshling. That was a new one. Usually when somebody stopped to make note of what they imagined was under Zer0′s mask, it was in order to reveal they thought it wasn’t flesh. They didn’t get much communication from people who assumed the opposite.

So, who would think flesh was notable enough to specify. Some kind of robot, probably? Fleshlings don’t say “fleshlings.” It might be a Hyperion bot; more and more of them were gaining minds of their own, these days. Hyperion and Elpis were riddled with rogue loaders.

«You know what they say. “Assume, and you make an ass—out of u and me.”» They paused. «That said, this is them. Do you want something from me? Someone dead, perhaps?» It probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge, but they’d probably take the job anyway, for lack of anything better to do. Although letting their skills get rusty would make for more challenges, they weren’t the sort Zer0 was interested in pursuing. Besides, they had a soft spot for friendly loaders.

[slenderwave]

unc0nquered

Short and restricted. Yeah. That sounded about right. Ironic, huh. They’d spent their life taking every convoluted twist and turn they could find to try to avoid the straight and narrow, to avoid rushing headlong into a interminably tedious little box of a cubicle for the rest of their life—and all that running and twisting had landed them in a dead end anyway.

They listened to this boast of threats, endangered beings, lost artifacts with only the most guarded of interest. They’d run into plenty of threats and endangered beings and lost artifacts right here on Pandora; and some had lived up to the hype, but some had only passed the time. Everyone thought they had challenges. Very few had what it took to challenge Zer0.

… A mobile planet, though. A planet-eating planet. That—that—caught their attention. It might be nothing. It might be some oversized space station that wreaked great devastation but could be shut off by anyone with a map and the ability to pull a lever. A great danger didn’t always equal a great challenge. But… “Where is this planet? How does such a thing function? Monster or machine?”

No, no. The oversized space station that could be shut off with one move was busy making its way to Cybertron–and they’d be fixing that weakness once it arrived. Soundwave was talking about something very different.

(txt): Location: varied. When not asleep/stationary, entire galaxy roamed. Health, safety status determines path. End goal: consume/unravel all, end universe.

(txt): Mobile planet’s name: Unicron. Similar origin, transformation ability. Monster-machine, together. Unnatural chaos, destruction, entropy given mechanical form. Blood alone corrupts, poisons, mutates, removes free will. Master manipulator, loyalty: none. Strength, abilities, knowledge beyond imagination.

(txt): Function, internal layout… disturbing, not well known. Investigation opportunities: rare; approach: near certain death, worse. Consumed matter processed into fuel. Fuel permits travel, transformation, movement. Deadly creatures contained within frame. Little else available.

…Trying to describe the Chaosbringer via words alone and make it sound like something more than a silly legend probably wasn’t going well. Soundwave himself hadn’t believed it before a few years ago. He’d have to provide some proof if he wanted to be sure Zer0 didn’t laugh him off Pandora.

He unfolded into root mode, knelt as low as he could comfortably go, and played a short video on his visor.

(txt): Zer0 believes Soundwave now?

[unc0nquered]

Zer0 had come to Pandora with a desperate desire to hunt for a mythical treasure tomb that might hold a monster. Who were they to judge silly legends?

Its goals and offenses mattered a whole lot less than its defenses. Poisonous blood, convoluted interior, monsters inside of it to fight— “How deadly creatures? Like on a one to ten scale, where...” They struggled to think of a point of reference that they both could understand, realized the two of them probably had absolutely no experiences in common except each other, looked around, and pointed at a spiderant queen digging in the sand, «that thing is... two.» Two was generous, but normal spiderants were barely a one, so.

Zer0 leaned in to watch Soundwave’s mask (cool trick). And—wow. Despite the low-quality video, that clearly really was a planet-sized robot. They tried to imagine navigating inside something that switches back and forth between two shapes. All while fighting off its very guts. They nodded enthusiastically; they were already prepared to believe, but now they were an excited believer.

Very excited. They smiled.

:)

[unc0nquered]

Thousand Cuts

Blowing up buzzards was beginning to lose its luster. Once you get good at not only hitting the aircraft, not only hitting the pilot, but also hitting the pilot’s head, there’s really no new challenges left in the exercise. And the Slabs really only had the resources to support two or three buzzards at any given time.

Buzzards that they were now going to have to repair. Leaving Zer0 with nothing of interest left to do in Slab Town for the next few weeks, unless sitting on the edge of a cliff staring boredly into the distance counted. Maybe they should head north, swing through the Eridium Blight...

In their peripheral vision, they spotted a person approaching: shirtless, masked, massive; psycho, mutated. A Slab pissed at Zer0 for blowing up their buzzards? They were on their feet in an instant, gun pointed at the psycho’s head—

—before they realized they knew this psycho. They pointed their gun up, other hand raised in apology for aiming it at Krieg’s face. “Hey.”

@veinsinmyteeth

[unc0nquered]

[[ Greetings, fleshling. He is searching for a masked assassin named Zer0. He assumes this is the correct frequency. ]] Soundwave's not often wrong, after all.

Fleshling. That was a new one. Usually when somebody stopped to make note of what they imagined was under Zer0′s mask, it was in order to reveal they thought it wasn’t flesh. They didn’t get much communication from people who assumed the opposite.

So, who would think flesh was notable enough to specify. Some kind of robot, probably? Fleshlings don’t say “fleshlings.” It might be a Hyperion bot; more and more of them were gaining minds of their own, these days. Hyperion and Elpis were riddled with rogue loaders.

«You know what they say. “Assume, and you make an ass—out of u and me.”» They paused. «That said, this is them. Do you want something from me? Someone dead, perhaps?» It probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge, but they’d probably take the job anyway, for lack of anything better to do. Although letting their skills get rusty would make for more challenges, they weren’t the sort Zer0 was interested in pursuing. Besides, they had a soft spot for friendly loaders.

[slenderwave]

unc0nquered

They snorted at the music. It would be easy to believe some big corp had made Soundwave; robots that played their own hold music seemed a particularly Hyperion move. Maybe Torgue too, if the music consisted of guitars and explosions. Exploding guitars?

“I meant the haiku,” Zer0 clarified. “You don’t have to attempt it. Not local, just me.”

And the moment they said it, they regretted it. They were making first contact with an alien species. They totally could have just told him that everyone spoke haiku and had their alien diplomats speechifying in haiku at humans for decades.

… That came with a chilling thought: they were making first contact. Whether they liked it or not, they were now the ambassador to this new species, the representative from… from what? Whose ambassador were they? Pandora’s? The Crimson Raiders’? The whole mess of incorporated human worlds? Was Zer0 a politician now? Were they going to have to go to press conferences and board meetings? Were paparazzi going to start trying to dig into their history? Oh, hell.

Zer0 grunted. “Not worth the ticket. There’s no challenges out there. Pandora: last stop.”

A depressing as hell thought. They’d been promised a war was coming. Something to do with the vaults. Where was the war, then? Where were the other vaults? Zer0 was still waiting.

Soundwave’s rush of relief was as big as Rumble’s drop into disappointment. He didn’t mind trying to stick to a pattern, but it would make things go so much faster if he didn’t have to do it, and he had a limited amount of free time. That said, he rather appreciated how easily Zer0 put the haiku together. Sharp-witted and clever with words: check. Putting those on the skill list.

▓▒░ Not worth the ticket? ░▒▓ he echoed, disbelieving. How could this sad, dry nothingness be the last stop for people seeking a thrill or three? What, was Zer0 trying to see how long they could survive without water?

(txt): Zer0′s life: short, restricted, if Zer0 believes challenges: nonexistent. Saddening. Recorded on Soundwave’s drives: countless threats, endangered beings, lost artifacts. Many assistance opportunities known.

(txt): Example: sentient, mobile planet. Diet: other planets. Entire species endangered, eliminated within minutes if not enslaved, brainwashed. Similar target terminated before?

He was pretty confident the answer to that would be a resounding no.

[unc0nquered]

Short and restricted. Yeah. That sounded about right. Ironic, huh. They’d spent their life taking every convoluted twist and turn they could find to try to avoid the straight and narrow, to avoid rushing headlong into a interminably tedious little box of a cubicle for the rest of their life—and all that running and twisting had landed them in a dead end anyway.

They listened to this boast of threats, endangered beings, lost artifacts with only the most guarded of interest. They’d run into plenty of threats and endangered beings and lost artifacts right here on Pandora; and some had lived up to the hype, but some had only passed the time. Everyone thought they had challenges. Very few had what it took to challenge Zer0.

... A mobile planet, though. A planet-eating planet. That—that—caught their attention. It might be nothing. It might be some oversized space station that wreaked great devastation but could be shut off by anyone with a map and the ability to pull a lever. A great danger didn’t always equal a great challenge. But... “Where is this planet? How does such a thing function? Monster or machine?”

[unc0nquered]

[[ Greetings, fleshling. He is searching for a masked assassin named Zer0. He assumes this is the correct frequency. ]] Soundwave's not often wrong, after all.

Fleshling. That was a new one. Usually when somebody stopped to make note of what they imagined was under Zer0′s mask, it was in order to reveal they thought it wasn’t flesh. They didn’t get much communication from people who assumed the opposite.

So, who would think flesh was notable enough to specify. Some kind of robot, probably? Fleshlings don’t say “fleshlings.” It might be a Hyperion bot; more and more of them were gaining minds of their own, these days. Hyperion and Elpis were riddled with rogue loaders.

«You know what they say. “Assume, and you make an ass—out of u and me.”» They paused. «That said, this is them. Do you want something from me? Someone dead, perhaps?» It probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge, but they’d probably take the job anyway, for lack of anything better to do. Although letting their skills get rusty would make for more challenges, they weren’t the sort Zer0 was interested in pursuing. Besides, they had a soft spot for friendly loaders.

[slenderwave]

unc0nquered

They shrugged. Safe enough. If there were no objections, they were turning and jogging over to their ride to get on top.

At the sound of… they didn’t know what, they stopped and turned to the alien. Oh. Wow, okay. Like a JET loader. Was it… was it really comfortable, hanging out as a plane? Anybody who passed by and saw Zer0 out in the desert talking to a plane was gonna have some stories to share.

Soundwave, huh. Well, that answered the first question Zer0 had been going to ask. Now that he was down so low, there wasn’t much need to stand on the truck; they sat on the hood instead. “Let’s take this in turns. I’ll ask a question, then you,” they said. “You mimicking me?”

Soundwave wasn’t quite sticking to 5-7-5, but he was about as close to it as most amateurs that tried to copy Zer0. Close enough to be worth asking.

It would be more comfortable if he could hover up in the air–less sand against his underside–but that’d defeat the whole point of not making Zer0 stare up at him. This would have to do.

He played a light, gentle tune he’d seen a human label as “hold music” in a wordless request for patience. Putting together a coherent reply despite his writing limitations required Rumble’s help and an extra 103 seconds.

(txt): Not mimicking, no. Frame, visor design: his own. Clumsy speech: his own. Zer0′s voice borrowed when convenient, as point, faster than Soundwave. If this reference: syllable pattern matching, disrespect not meant. Working theory: Five-seven-five count: preferred/local speech custom.

(txt): Soundwave’s first query: If skills: high, boredom: intense… what reason, staying?

[unc0nquered]

They snorted at the music. It would be easy to believe some big corp had made Soundwave; robots that played their own hold music seemed a particularly Hyperion move. Maybe Torgue too, if the music consisted of guitars and explosions. Exploding guitars?

“I meant the haiku,” Zer0 clarified. “You don’t have to attempt it. Not local, just me.”

And the moment they said it, they regretted it. They were making first contact with an alien species. They totally could have just told him that everyone spoke haiku and had their alien diplomats speechifying in haiku at humans for decades.

… That came with a chilling thought: they were making first contact. Whether they liked it or not, they were now the ambassador to this new species, the representative from… from what? Whose ambassador were they? Pandora’s? The Crimson Raiders’? The whole mess of incorporated human worlds? Was Zer0 a politician now? Were they going to have to go to press conferences and board meetings? Were paparazzi going to start trying to dig into their history? Oh, hell.

Zer0 grunted. “Not worth the ticket. There’s no challenges out there. Pandora: last stop.”

A depressing as hell thought. They’d been promised a war was coming. Something to do with the vaults. Where was the war, then? Where were the other vaults? Zer0 was still waiting.

[unc0nquered]

[[ Greetings, fleshling. He is searching for a masked assassin named Zer0. He assumes this is the correct frequency. ]] Soundwave's not often wrong, after all.

Fleshling. That was a new one. Usually when somebody stopped to make note of what they imagined was under Zer0′s mask, it was in order to reveal they thought it wasn’t flesh. They didn’t get much communication from people who assumed the opposite.

So, who would think flesh was notable enough to specify. Some kind of robot, probably? Fleshlings don’t say “fleshlings.” It might be a Hyperion bot; more and more of them were gaining minds of their own, these days. Hyperion and Elpis were riddled with rogue loaders.

«You know what they say. “Assume, and you make an ass—out of u and me.”» They paused. «That said, this is them. Do you want something from me? Someone dead, perhaps?» It probably wouldn’t be much of a challenge, but they’d probably take the job anyway, for lack of anything better to do. Although letting their skills get rusty would make for more challenges, they weren’t the sort Zer0 was interested in pursuing. Besides, they had a soft spot for friendly loaders.

[slenderwave]

unc0nquered

… Huh. Four fingers.

The text scrolled across Zer0′s ECHO HUD, visible on the inside of their helmet. They gave the robot a thumbs up.

And now that the shock was wearing off—this actually had the potential to be really interesting, didn’t it? This whole… alien robots deal. The human pockets of space felt like they were settling down, flattening out, as Zer0 climbed toward higher and higher challenges and left more and more benchmarks in the dust below them. Maybe there were no real challenges left for them among human-populated worlds. But if there were worlds out there populated by others—not just the ruins of long-gone civilizations, but full flourishing alien societies…

“I’m too short for this.” Not something Zer0 got to say often. They pointed at their technical twenty feet away. “I’m gonna stand on my ride. You wanna sit down?”

Ah, good. He’d been concerned. Every now and then, Soundwave ran into aliens who could do one thing, like receive audio calls, but not another. Even the Earthlings would have had that problem if he’d shown up with the Decepticons a few decades earlier. Seemed the Pandor… ans? That was the name in their news service, wasn’t it? The Pandorans had gotten it all worked out.

He followed Zer0′s pointing finger toward the battered heap of might’ve-been-a-truck-once and recoiled. That was a ride? It looked more like the victim of a rust plague. Not that he could blame it, if this was where it had to go driving, but still.

(txt): …Zer0 sure ride: safe?

He wouldn’t put so much as a datapad on it, himself–it’d probably crunch right through the corroded hood–but if they wanted to stand on it, it was their life. They did say they liked a good challenge.

Sitting wasn’t a bad idea though. Not everyone could be trusted to handle coming in contact with a mechanical life form, and he’d probably look less out of place as some kind of plane than up on two legs. Harder to spot from a distance, too.

Tsche-chu-chu-chu-tsche.

(txt): Soundwave: comfortable now. Invitation: kind.

[unc0nquered]

They shrugged. Safe enough. If there were no objections, they were turning and jogging over to their ride to get on top.

At the sound of... they didn’t know what, they stopped and turned to the alien. Oh. Wow, okay. Like a JET loader. Was it... was it really comfortable, hanging out as a plane? Anybody who passed by and saw Zer0 out in the desert talking to a plane was gonna have some stories to share.

Soundwave, huh. Well, that answered the first question Zer0 had been going to ask. Now that he was down so low, there wasn’t much need to stand on the truck; they sat on the hood instead. “Let’s take this in turns. I’ll ask a question, then you,” they said. “You mimicking me?”

Soundwave wasn’t quite sticking to 5-7-5, but he was about as close to it as most amateurs that tried to copy Zer0. Close enough to be worth asking.