Love, thus far: @unchoixalafois - Tumblr Blog

I am doing too much

Ok, so over the summer at some point my website crashed. I’ve always had this WordPress for blogging and I decided to give Squarespace a try. Now, I’m waffling between here and Square space. Do I keep this for blogs and squarespace for general website stuff? No idea. No sure what to do here.

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Conspiracy to prevent us from gathering

How much fear is out there right now? From the shootings to the lingering silent COVID floating around picking and choosing who to infect, how scared are artists to create with others? what does this mean for the future of theater and other community events? I came back home in April a little over a month ago now to start rehearsal for a new work. Nene was also due around the same time as that…

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#actor #process #reflection #sfbayarea #thoughts #truths

I release thee!

I finally put The Kaylamay Project out. It only took a year and a whole ass pandemic to let it go. I don’t know why I was holding on so much. But it feels good. I’m inspired to get back to my storytelling..it’s been a few years now. I’ve put my process on the back burner for work, which happens. When Ed went full time actor in 2019 I was so jealous. I wish I had the bravery to do that. Now that…

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Oakland to Harlem 2018 - 2021

Oakland to Harlem 2018 – 2021

When I look back on all the writing I did those years I was trying to “find myself” I notice that there’s a vulnerability in the breaking down of a person. I wrote from such honest spaces, it’s cathartic to read them again. Re-member those moments that I felt alive in the newness of small, but calculated decisions. I found bliss in the smallest things. I gave myself permission to make big…

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Sitting in drafts for 2 years..

I stuck Lepidolite, a “stone of transition”, on my forehead yesterday as I was walking to the gallery to perform my 1 human show. I often get stones in the moments and let them charge in the sun before I absolutely need them. This was one of the 2 stones I grabbed before leaving the house yesterday. ” Lepidolite assists in the release and reorganization of old behavioral and psychological…

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January 9th Reflection

Vacation mode powering off… Spent a week and and some change in LA with my Bubs. Here are some highlights Fb world and future me who will see this in a year and wonder what we we did in no particular order: * Had dinner with Ashraf Dahud twice was introduced to the most bomb food I’ve had in a long time, * Caught up with the coolest parents in the world Charlette Ilene Rawls and Richie Ferris…

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The Kaylamay Project

I woke up before the sun today. I feel like it’s the first day of school and I’m so excited I barely slept. Will probably go back to bed after this. I am trying to practice gratitude and self love. And I am also trying not to feel guilt or shame for the choices I made. Being present is a life long practice, and I need to remind myself of that as well. I don’t wake up suddenly and find myself…

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my own advice

I don’t know if I should even begin this post. I know it won’t come out nice. But ever since I could remember I have never been able to take my own advice.

I’ve met my match and I honestly thought that was that. Challenges have amplified. Simple roadblocks have become big facts.

Maybe i’m overreacting? Maybe i’m not grounded as I’ve had myself believe. I want to run away, I don’t want to admit…

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Lent: Update #2

So of course my stubborn ass has had dairy even though I said I wouldn’t. I’ve learned that it fucks with my skin and hair. Damn hormones.

I have definitely been on instagram to promote my current show and keep track of social media for the company I work for.

We have been out to eat a few times

and because of how busy this week has been and the quality of my skin these days, makeup hasn’t been a…

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Lent update 3/13/19

Cheese/no dairy

Well, I tell myself not to have any cheese and then of course almost every day this week I had some thing with cheese in it. The cheese tortellini fucked me up the most. I’m for sure in denial about my lactose in tolerance.

Red meat

Last Saturday, we definitely went out for Korean BBQ so that’s also been successful.

Social Media

I haven’t checked instagram or twitter once.…

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What would you let go of for 46 days?

I’m giving up and letting go of the following pleasures for LENT:

Going out to eat. I’ve done this once before when I was living in Santa Maria. I think I was pretty successful! We’ll see how it goes this year.

Wearing makeup. I’ve never done this. But more and more I realize how much I rely on makeup to make me feel a certain way. With my discovery of contouring and filling in my eyebrows I…

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The Eve before the 27th

I don’t know why I keep thinking that this day is more important than my actual birthday which is tomorrow. And I don’t know why I have such a weird relationship to the number 27. 27 is the only 2-digit numberin which the sum of digits is equal to the sum of prime factors. According to Google. And that’s cool but what significance does that have to the human life? The 27 Club has always felt like…

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Monday 2/11/19

I’m always caught in between ‘is this a sign from my Ancestors? and anxiety” Between “I will do it! and what will?” Between “help me, and I got it” I really don’t know. I’m upset and frustrated for no real reason, no logical reason, other than I don’t know. I don’t know. I have no answers. Not for what I’m feeling. And not for what I’m experiencing. It’s the unknown, and it scares the actual shit…

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Hair everywhere

Our rent is late. Last week I found out while I was teaching that it was my last class. After 3 years of teaching babies, Monday afternoon was the last I’d ever hear “Baby Shark” again. (with the exception of once during the weekend) Although I knew this contract’s end was inevitable, I was sad. And even more stressed out because I had no income come Friday. So here I am Saturday about a week and…

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This is a warm up

I’m having the hardest time trying to find the motivation to write my show. I’m supposed to have it’s first draft done by the 1st. I will have the first draft done by the first and I will not limit myself. But damn this is hard. Like, I want to do too many things. And I wish I could be more clear but I just WANT TO DO IT ALL. I remember vividally seeing those 24 hour gym billboards that said…

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Tired of listening

Myths exist because someone saw something happen that inspired them to write. Or maybe before the age of technology, monsters really existed and they were real beast that we could see and feel, and be eaten alive by instead of words on paper. One eyed, fire breathing, real actual fucking beasts. But then it changed. Time changed. We were stripped and cracked open as so was mother Earth. Violence…

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Naked eye

I want you to fall in love with my soul.

I wish you would see me past my physical form.

There was a look in the beginning I thought you had for me.

The kind that others see

and say,

“he looks at you in a certain way”

Where did it go? Did the mystery disappear? Did the flame blow out? Did I mistake that look for something else? Is it because I’m always around that you don’t look at me with those…

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