My Week at the AASECT Institute (Part 3: The Ugly)
While some parts of the week were bad, others were just ugly. With these last few items, I'm pretty confident that other people who were in attendance would completely agree with me. Personally, there were the low points that I think sealed this week's fate.
Information from the 1980's
Yikes. This started the week off all wrong. I think it was the second presentation on Monday morning. It was supposed to be about the Anatomy and Physiology of Sexual Response. Notice how I said, it was supposed to be. I couldn't tell you a single thing about that. The presenter's information was extremely outdated (admittedly from the 1980's) and when others tried to ask questions she never really gave a direct answer. She continue to ramble along with the information when the entire room was clearly confused or checked-out. Unfortunately, this woman was also one of the Institute organizers. It was really rough. I believe she got feedback about the confusion and the frustration with the outdated information but when she had an opportunity to present again, later in the week, she presented the exact same PowerPoint. Nothing new, nothing different, we went through the same stuff as before. What?! This blew my mind and in a way, I think it set a negative tone to start out with.
A Stereotypes Activity gone awry
This was a rough one and I'm not even really sure what to say about it. To briefly describe the activity, we were told that during this activity we were to let go of our political correct-ness. Then we were each given a headband with a identity written on it (some examples were: Genius, Bag Lady, Lesbian, Pregnant 15-Year Old, etc). We weren't allowed to look at the identity. Next, we were instructed to mingle with other people like we were at a party and treat the other people according to the stereotype on their headband. Then we were supposed to try to guess and figure out what our identity was.
Wow. I'm guessing that this was a low point for many people. I participated in the activity but many people did not. During the debrief of the activity, one African American woman stood up to explain why she did not participate and she broke down in tears. Explaining that she doesn't need a reminder of the stereotypes other people hold about her identity. She left, as did the other women she came with. Overall, there were a lot of hurt feelings, anger, and just a negative vibe in the room after this. Plus, we only had 30 minutes to do the activity and debrief it. Clearly we needed more time. I felt badly that the next presenters had to talk to us in the aftermath of that activity. Honestly, I'm still processing my feelings about the activity. Could it have been done in a safe and productive way? Would more time have helped? How do we set up spaces to explore and discuss stereotypes without isolating people who are in marginalized groups? That's a whole, big discussion for further reflection.
When the presenter on Gay Affirmative Therapy told me I didn't "look like" a queer woman
Yeah... this was really a low point for me. I was so excited to hear from the presenter on Gay Affirmative Therapy but his presentation turned into a lot of stereotyping - about Gay Men. Only. Where are the Lesbians? The Bisexuals? The Queer folks? Not to mention Trans people too (and he didn't). I know we can't expect everything from one person but I just had higher hopes. The kicker was that afterwards when I went to speak with him, he was talking with one of the other gals from the Institute and he asked her if she was gay (I'm assuming because she presented as somewhat androgynous - short hair, gender-neutral clothes, etc). When she responded that she was, he commented, "Well good! I'm always happy when I don't offend the lesbians." At this point I started to chime in, "We'll I'm gay too and..." He promptly cut me off and said, "Really? You are?"
Ouch. Stab me in the heart why don't you? That comment just put a nail in his coffin for me on feeling like anything else he said had been credible at all. You're supposed to be a Gay Affirmative Therapist?! And you so readily assume someone's sexual orientation by their gender presentation?! That's like LGBTQ 101 stuff. That's when I kind of gave up.
Luckily, on the last half day of the institute we had some time to process topics related to ethics. We got into groups based on a topic we were interested in and a lot of my favorite people from the week were in my group. They gave me an opportunity to debrief from that expereince and let me end the week on a positive note. They also completely validated my feelings which was really helpful.
One final thing I should say is that I don't think anyone's intentions were malicious during this week (although even if things were well-intended doesn't mean that they were ok). In fact, it felt like a few misinformed and misguided people turned this into an unpleasant and/or frustrating experience for others. In the end, I suppose I'm glad I went. I got to see and hear and contribute some things that I wouldn't have otherwise (I just wish it hadn't cost me an arm and a leg to do so - that extra money would look really nice in my savings account right about now).
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