Unsent Messages

spilled thoughts and words left unspoken

[unmailedletters]

{February 13, 2023}

12:29 AM

It feels strange coming back to this page. Reading letters I’ve written during the time my heart was broken.

It made me think - how am I these days?

How’s my heart doing?

Am I happy?

Have I moved on?

All I’ve really done is ignore my emotions.

I hope next time I’ll have some answers to all these questions.

[unmailedletters]

It’s a different kind of pain.

When you breathe and you realize you’re still alive but you can’t feel anything.

[unmailedletters]

{March 31, 2022}

12:36 AM

I’ll never regret meeting you.

Whatever we have at this point and everything else that we’ve been through, it will always be worth it.

I won’t change a single thing.

Because I know, there was a time, we both knew how scary it is but we still took that chance - and we were happy.

[unmailedletters]

{March 7, 2022}

12:45 AM

The sad and painful truth about love is that we can’t control how long a person chooses to love us. We can’t control how long a person chooses to stay.

All that we can really do is be grateful. Be grateful for that beautiful moment, no matter how long or short it is. And then learn from it.

[unmailedletters]

{February 23, 2022}

8:09 PM

Just because we’re not talking doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.

Honestly, I still do. I care about you so much.

And I know this is for the best - for both of us.

[unmailedletters]

{February 19, 2022}

11:28 AM

I woke up today feeling so sad. I miss you.

I can’t even pull myself together and get my ass out of bed.

I wonder how you are. Do you miss me too?

[unmailedletters]

{February 14, 2022}

11:08 PM

I can’t be more confused than I am now.

I still love you - but I’m so exhausted.

I miss you - but I know you’ll just keep pushing me away.

I don’t want to reach out - but I’ll always be here for you.

[unmailedletters]

{February 14, 2022}

5:53 PM

We were supposed to watch a movie today but that’s not going to happen anymore.

Honestly, I had hoped that maybe I’ll see your name pop up on my screen again. But I also know that this time, the silence would stretch far longer than the last one.

You leaving me like this triggered my trauma and anxiety of being left alone. I feel abandoned. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough.

I still might not understand why we had to end things like this but I just want you to know, I don’t hate you for doing so. I care deeply for you that even through all this, I know for a fact that I’ll always come running at your side whenever you need me.

[unmailedletters]

{February 12, 2022}

10:44 PM

You blocked me on everything.

I really thought we were okay. I thought we can finally go back to being friends. I know it wasn’t going to be easy - especially with my feelings in the way. But I did sincerely just want to be friends.

If I’m being honest, I’m still mad at you. I wish you could’ve given me more time to process things. I wish you didn’t just leave.

I’m tired. I’m hurt.

I might not fully understand why you had to do this but I know someday I will.

[unmailedletters]

{February 7, 2022}

5:23 PM

Do you know why I still choose to love you?

It’s because I’ve seen through your flaws, your insecurities, your trauma. I know there’s more to you than all those things.

Even if you think you’re too much of a mess or too broken or as much as a burden you think you are, I only see this beautiful, kind hearted soul in you.

And I will always want you - all of you.

[unmailedletters]

{January 24, 2022}

9:15 PM

After having a deep conversation with myself, I realized that there’s always going to be a part of me that’s going to have feelings for you.

Years may pass and I know I’ll eventually move on. I’ll probably try to be happy. And maybe one day I will. But if ever anyone asks who I love, your name will be the first one I’d have in mind.

I just know in my heart that I’ll always love you, no matter what.

[unmailedletters]

Today I learned my dad has cancer.

I wish it was just a dream but it isn’t. I don’t know if it’ll make any difference but I do wish you were here.

[unmailedletters]

{January 19, 2022}

12:48 AM

After all this time, I still love you.

And no matter how many times I fall in love, I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else as much as I love you.

I honestly thought by now my feelings would fade. But every single day that goes by, you still remain as the one person I think of before I sleep and the first thought that comes to mind when I wake up.

I doubt that you feel the same way.

And it’s fine.

I’ll settle with loving you silently from afar.

[unmailedletters]

{January 9, 2022}

6:06 PM

Whenever things happen in my life, good or bad, you’re the first person I think of.

I wish we’re not in this weird situation right now. I badly want for things to go back to the way they were but I know that’s never going to happen.

Not anytime soon. Or ever.

[unmailedletters]

{January 6, 2022}

9:02 PM

We text but not like how we used to. I have no idea how your day has been or what’s going on with your life now.

I miss those moments, even the tiny ones, when you share things or stories about your life.

I just really do miss you.

[unmailedletters]

{January 4, 2022}

3:31 PM

Lately, I’ve been looking up at the sky and I’ll just start talking to you. I know it’s impossible for you to hear the words I’m saying but for some reason, it gives me some kind of comfort.

I miss you.

Or I’m probably just weird.

[unmailedletters]

{January 4, 2022}

12:17 AM

With everything that has happened I’ve learned to just let myself feel all the emotions I’ve been trying so hard to run away from.

There’s no point in forcing myself to let you go. I’m not ready yet.

I can’t deny the fact that I’m still in love with you. So why fight it, right?