"n e v e r m o r e"

@vcjunho

133 posts

so, i’m posting this here since i was abruptly and without notice, kicked from the vice city discord server--and since then, one of the admins has blocked me, so discussion is limited. whether i wanted to discuss anything is up on the air, but plain and simply, i wasn’t even allowed to give a goodbye, so excuse me if i seem slightly vindictive.

i’m not doing this out of malice towards the admins; for the most part, they weren’t inherently bad people. their choices and views were perhaps slightly off centre, but that’s okay, too. we all get like that, particularly when we have power. however, i was forced into doing almost everything on this rp; from graphics, to acceptances. i was initially recruited to simply be a graphics admin, there wasn’t anything more i was supposed to do. but, because both admins were busy, it was pushed onto me. which i’m cool with!! i’m not the type to turn around and refuse that stuff if people need it from me. but the severe lack of appreciation that came from it, was what brought me down. this roleplay became more of a chore than a pleasure. looking back at it, i think through the majority of it, it wasn’t enjoyable.

of course, the constant arguing and drama didn’t help. to stick up for other muns, be attacked by an admin, and then to further be attacked by both admins. to have in character drama, turn ooc because the admins don’t like it when their muses are threatened in anyway outside of their plots. it felt as though i had to tip toe around the roleplay to avoid drama, but even still, it wasn’t enough, you know? it was clear both admins didn’t want me around. they would’ve gladly kicked me out first chance they got. and that hurts.

overall, i don’t think i was a bad admin nor mun. i went to everyone to plot, i made sure y’all weren’t being targeted for things that weren’t your fault, i did all the graphics on time, i posted all the acceptances on time. i did everything correctly. and yet even still, even when i was on the cusp of leaving and instead asked for a hiatus, when another admin came along, i was immediately kicked from the server. no thanks, no heads up, no chance to say goodbye.

and even now, one of the admins has the nerve to be pissed at me for posting my own unfollow. so, take from that what you will.

again, this isn’t me hating on the admins. this is me, annoyed and hurt, that all of this has come to pass with nothing to show for it.

i’ll miss you guys, though. it was a pleasure talking to all of you ooc. hopefully we’ll meet somewhere else, somewhere along the line!!

#ooc #this is lengthy but i needed to rant #you can ignore it if you want

ride the lightning || ft. jaesun

jaesunvc:

{...}

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. ride the lightning #nsfw

jaesunvc-deactivated20180802

utmost importance // ft. junho

jaesunvc:

{...}

though his own tears streak his face, he can only hastily wipe them away with his sleeves, dragging almost painfully over reddened, sensitive skin. his own eyes feel twice their size, dampened by desperation and terror, too consumed by the idea of loss of life, loss of love. lips find themselves pressed against junho’s a moment after, kissing him gently, as if afraid to further break him apart. never wants to be the reason why the other cries, never wants to be the reason behind heartbreak, and scorching pain. had promised to be his light, the one thing in his life he can always count on. wants this to continue, in this manner. jaesun’s laid his life across junho’s own, already, named himself as the other’s. he can’t go back on that, never. shouldn’t have allowed himself to be so eaten up by dread. though fragmenting himself before the other carries with it no shame, nor ill will, it still leaves a stinging regret that his own words had brought up such wracked sobs, such trepidation that coats gentle, despairing words. gaze slams that down, puts it away in its place, as jaesun looks directly into the other’s eyes, holds his attention more steadily than before. “i love you, junho. you’re mine, and i’m yours. and i’m never letting you go, not without me. wherever you go, i go. if you’re hurt, i’m hurt. if you’re happy, i’m happy. everything, all together. okay?” fingers are constant, but slow in their waltz, to smooth over skin and wipe away tears, to simply feel the touch of being human again, so close to his most beloved. it’s a swell in his heart that pushes him a tad nearer, body shifting to close any remaining distance, head moving slightly to the side until cheek is pressed against cheek, lips murmuring words into the other’s ear. “you’re my love, the only love i’ll ever have. the only person i’ll ever love, like this. i’ll never let you go. not for anything.”

vulnerability in its purest form, is perhaps what junho feels the most at that moment. locked in a cell to which burdens are weighed free from shoulders, where walls can crumble softly around his feet. he can step over the bricks and rid himself of the mask he’s always so fond of wearing. if only to contain himself in a false sense of security. no longer needed in the arms of the other. cast adrift from worry and the aching feelings offered by limbs, that had previously rendered him unable to feel anything else other than the throbbing of pain. stuck in a throes of wishing everything would simply end. to be launched free from the stress of maintaining an image, of wearing a scowl while attended to. to speak words that contrasted so harshly to how he felt. he’d say he was fine. would happily say he could bear the burden of being bed ridden. but it was far from the truth. through thirst and the lacking of release, a hollow shell of himself at the best of times. locked away from what he truly wanted to do. to seek out a fleeting notion of normalcy, in spite of everything. yet, locked in jaesun’s arms, torment escaping so freely. thus revealing true nature undiluted. he felt as though he could finally let everything go. everything he’d kept inside, eating away at layers until there was nothing left. here, just like this, with fingers so tightly gripping onto clothes, breathing in familiar scent, all while his chest felt tight through cascading reverence. all of it felt so safe. so them. pieces of his heart mending themselves slowly, fixed together while pounding almost painfully against fractures and dents.

yet he couldn’t loosen his grip. didn’t want to. didn’t want to let the other go, to see his back turned. to see him walk towards a door, lost in unsureties as to when he’d return. when he’d lessen the weight of loneliness. and perhaps that was the worst part of all of this. knowing that eventually, he’d be stuck to this bed again, lost to his thoughts. background noise would eventually ring in his head, stick it in a vice, and refuse to give him a moment’s rest. he needed to soak this in just a little more. needed to absorb the other, to have his scent cling to his own clothing, if only to offer the illusion that he was still there. if only he’d close his eyes and lose himself to imagination, to a glimmer of hope that so savagely wanted to be stolen away from him. perhaps he hadn’t coped it the worst out of the four affected by the ambush--that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel its effects. couldn’t feel everything, despite the medication and surgeries. hand rose once more, fingers insistent to brush through hair, trap the strands between the slender digits, hold the other closer to his body. he could at least feel something human in moments like these, could lose himself to the idea that everything was okay. everything was going to be okay. they’d be okay. he hadn’t lost anything, hadn’t been robbed of those he held dear. for that, he could release a held breath. could breathe easier, sleep a little peacefully in wake of as much.

the constant reassurances that would pour from the other’s lips aided in their defence. put the war in his mind at rest for the time being. that they’d be together. they’d continue on as they have been, without change, without the possible impending doom of separation and heart ache. he was so sure he wouldn’t be able to contain himself if as much happened. wouldn’t be able to live on in a world, where he didn’t have jaesun beside him. those hands on his face, eyes so bright despite the darkness that wanted so eagerly to shroud them. he’d never seen such broken orbs contain so much life in them before. hadn’t had the honour of losing himself in the gates to ones soul. “i love you back,” whispered in return, almost awestruck in tone, and features matching the utterance perfectly. through mouth agape, and eyes as wide as saucers. he simply couldn’t contain himself. couldn’t sport a schooled expression; not in moments like these. moments so intimate and close, he felt as though he could hardly breathe through the lump wedged in his throat. yet he wouldn’t change it for the world. wanted to hold all of this in the centre of his palm, and treasure it for as long as he possibly could. “i love you so much,” spoken again, words so eager to repeat themselves, as though he, himself, was a broken record. designed only to feed words of pure affection into the open. he’d gladly fulfil such a duty, if only to ease the other’s mind. “we’re okay. we’ll always be okay. just us. i don’t care about anyone else, not right now. not in the grand scheme of things. just us. just you. i’m never going to leave.”

he’d waited, then. waited until the other had finished collecting himself, seemingly to the best of his ability, before cupping jaesun’s face with his own hand. warm palm pressed against warmer cheek. thumb insistent on dusting over trails and tracks of tears, if only to feel for himself. to feel tangible emotion, unbridled and cast out in the open. exiled from eyes only to be brought to light as the very thing that exposes like nothing else. yet he felt so honoured, to be able to glance over beads of moisture, that seemingly glistened under low light. intent to make themselves known. and that kiss. imprinted on lips, causing the skin to tingle, neck craning if only to make that moment last a lifetime. he hadn’t wanted it to end. hadn’t cared to spare a single moment with the other, didn’t want any of it to be taken for granted, wanted it to be committed to memory, entirely. even then, he felt as though he could only nod along with what jaesun was saying. words ready on the tip of his tongue, yet hesitant to take the final leap of faith. to make promises previously unknown to him, to offer reassurances he hadn’t thought to make before meeting the werewolf--before falling so utterly in love with him. to the extent of pain, of wanting more, and more, until his very soul couldn’t contain it much longer. “i’m so in love with you, jaesun. i... i could never think of leaving you behind. could never dream of a lifetime without you,” the younger began, lost in a junction of finding words, of sifting through thoughts that ran much too rampant for his control. “you’re the first person i’ve ever loved. the only person i’ll ever love. there could never be anyone else, i don’t want there to be an offering for that opportunity. i’m yours, completely. everything is yours. only yours,” at that, junho turned his head, to nuzzle against the other, allow his eyes to slip closed, and fully breathe the other in. “i love you so much, baby. so much. there’s nothing i wouldn’t give to spend every waking moment with you. for a lifetime. and i so badly want you to understand that.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. utmost importance

ride the lightning || ft. jaesun

jaesunvc:

it’s an odd feeling, to be doted on. jaesun’s pride and ego remove themselves, sanctified by the sensation of cherishment, allows his very soul to open up, to be tainted. brushed right over with soft fingertips and even softer lips, determined to pave the expression of love into his skin. junho’s bad for his health, can send his heartbeat soaring to higher skies, sitting above clouds and above atmosphere, robbed entirely of breath and survived only by tingling lips. in truth, it’s easy to lay himself down in junho’s hands, enjoy the feeling of being opened up entirely, bit by bit, little by little, further exposed in every natural way. the other’s always been careful with him, never stepped past boundaries, asked in subtle tones that no one else would ever understand. fingers burn with their touch, a scorching trail left behind as they dance along his body, a form of reinforcement for the latter’s further movements. but jaesun’s mind is stuck on repeat, replaying the touch of tongue against lips, focused narrowly on junho’s face, look carved into his expression addictive. jaesun feels shyness creeping over him, is used to feeling so shy — but perhaps their first time colliding, as a couple, had been the only real instance where he welcomed such timidity, took it upon himself, unknowingly, to deliver in a similar manner. as if the cards dealt begged for more and more at every twist and turn, a simpler request found nowhere else. jaesun is always happy to give in, after all, even right now.

{...}

it’s as though all of his nerves have been set alight, left under harsh elements to simmer through heat, sensitive in their defence to maintain. yet falling victim to everything nonetheless, as though succumbing to surrender. a regular occurrence in light of spending time around the other, trapped in a sense of belonging, yet at the same time, caught in a web of desire that left him feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before. couldn’t bring himself to mind. couldn’t bring himself to pull away and collect himself, under the heat of the car, windows fogging up, sweat threatening to trickle over skin like a faucet. as though trapped in some sort of spell, enough to render him entirely unsure of his surroundings, fixated on a singular being--entirely taken by him, hopelessly stolen from reality to be thrown into a makeshift fantasy almost heavenly. enough to instil a rapidly beating heart, pounding against bone, insistent in its need to escape, to fit itself in the palm of a hand. to be dealt with however jaesun saw fit. to tend or destroy. oh how he wanted so badly to put his entire being in the trust of another, see himself from the outside become completely entranced, locked through manipulation of the mind and will, until everything he did was for the benefit of someone else other than himself. it was such a strange feeling, to be caught in a need to please, to forget about himself almost entirely in favour of losing oneself in the deep abyss of deep pooling eyes. to see himself in the reflection, mingling effortlessly within the soul of another.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. ride the lightning #nsfw

minyoongihoseok

a clingy koala

#(soft)#(me. is literally just looking for an excuse to be emotional tbh)#➤ a p p e a r a n c e ┊ ❛ they just can’t get my nose right! ❜#ft. jaesun

jaesunvc-deactivated20180802

utmost importance // ft. junho

jaesunvc:

{...}

would junho still love each and every shattered piece of him? even as he dissolved away, fell apart, fractured and broken? no longer of coherence, but a series of segments, each requesting a different sort of attentiveness. “please, never leave me.” it goes without a repetitive need, but it slips right past his lips, anyway. with no restraint comes no filter, and with exhaustion lingers the fear of sounding like a broken record. “i couldn’t bear it if you did. i really couldn’t.” no other words come forth, mind slowly blanking out as focus and attention give way to fingertips instead. jaesun strokes a hand against one of junho’s shoulders, feels bone and muscle beneath the hospital gown, clutches on a little tighter. head lifts for eyes to pave the way, shifting from one point to another, following the trace of finger pads, as if he were etching himself into the other. not bare skin, but the simple intimacy of feeling and cherishing and holding. his chest swells up again, and leaping off his tongue comes a soft “i love you”, though not enough to describe the entirety of his emotions. i love you is simply not enough. you’re a part of me. you’re my soulmate. you’re my everything. my entire universe lies in you. these words sink from mind to fingertips, jaesun tracing them against shoulder blades, down slender back, anywhere his hands can reach, before he curls them, grips onto junho tighter. no fear, now. injuries will stay injuries, and desperation kicks down hesitation’s door. “i love you, too much, to let you go. so, please, don’t ever go. don’t ever go without me.”

the first dose of warmth he was able to feel since the situation saw itself unfold. through the coldness and unnatural air of the hospital, empty gazes and touches much too rushed to offer any sort of comfort--he finally felt as though he was home. the slick realisation that home resided in a single person, rather than tangible location, was an eye-opening one. had him almost gasping for air, for something offering sanity. to ease his heart, keep it from attempts to shatter his rib cage. yet it hadn’t loosened his grip of the other, this unfounded need to hold jaesun as close to his body as tightly as he could manage without dealing his own damage. there was so much to lose. too much to lose. the notion mind-boggling, fragile ties that could be cut with a single touch, red string barely holding together yet so desperate to do so. how badly he wanted everything to be eternal, to be everlasting, to be contained in a web of safety until the end of days. even then, the notion was looming. enough to have junho entirely terrified of impending doom, and the fact that one day--one day he’d have to leave the other behind, or vice versa. hence, he couldn’t help but twist the other’s shirt between his fingers, breathe him in more thoroughly, take in his warmth as though it was the last time he’d be able to commit to as much. he couldn’t imagine a life spent without the werewolf by his side, couldn’t dream of days spent without seeing the other. the thought inconceivable. entirely void of comprehension, not that he’d ever want to revel in the notion.

the apology had entirely knocked the air from his lungs, shell shocked through misery. the fact that he couldn’t get through to the other, couldn’t spill reassurances like water against hot rocks. couldn’t gather up the words to announce freedom, to dispel guilt, to denounce a mind from its darkened thoughts. instead, rendered entirely speechless, despite his predictions. of course the other would apologise for something uncontrollable, unforeseeable. of course he would. of course he was too good for the world, too good for a lifestyle that demanded too much bad, too much darkness. of course he was like this, and it was one of the many reasons junho had fallen so helplessly in love with the elder. that same feeling surfaced itself, coursed through veins to taint blood in such a beautiful way. tantalising in its allure, yet painful through circumstance. how badly the younger wanted to take everything from the other, harness it and free jaesun from responsibility, if only for a day. just one day, without thoughts plaguing wants. without the menice of his job coming to focus, without the worry of others being a forefront to replace his own importance. it hurt so terribly, knowing he could do none of this. could only sit back and pray to whatever gods were listening, that nothing bad would come from this same presented guilt. that nothing would earth itself to work against the bunch further.

“baby...” voice raspy under emotion so eager to air itself, tears on the brink of rolling over skin, to replace dried trails, cause his eyes to burn further. and the lump in his throat hadn’t helped either, if his struggles to breathe were anything to go by. imitations of sobs echoed, not quite as much, too gentle. though it was clear he was upset, clear that the waterworks had started, unable and unwilling to be controlled. though it was all too overwhelming. if only he could turn back time, prevent all of this from happening. perhaps if they’d been more alert, better armed. perhaps if their spies had gotten to them quicker. perhaps if they’d never gone to the underground that night at all--none of this would have happened. they’d be able to revel in their numbers, without fear of loss and the worry of further decay. “it’s not your job to protect, baby. it’s not. i-i know that you’re going to constantly disagree, but i wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing you’d be in my place under my watch. that’s... i couldn’t do it.” there was urgency to his voice, lingering panic, that only seemed to enhance itself further the more he spoke. though it was true, simply thinking about the notion of roles reversed was as painful as death itself. the idea of pushing jaesun to the near brink of complete abandon... he couldn’t do it. couldn’t think about it without succumbing to the need to rip himself apart.

he couldn’t fight back the sob that escapes him in light of repetition. it’s painful. the idea of leaving, of ever having to leave, is painful. while he couldn’t imagine the idea, any promises with intent to reassure, would fall somewhat empty. he couldn’t promise eternity. he couldn’t promise a life where neither of them would fall to the hand of death before the other. but, he could promise his best. could promise that everything he’d do, he’d do it for jaesun. without exception. “never. never, baby. i’m never leaving.” there was desperation, fear lathered through sobs that seemed all too content to twist his voice, contort it to a higher pitch. his emotions bearing him much too open for his own comfort, like a book whose hardback had been ripped apart to leave it exposed entirely to the elements. yet, with jaesun, he could settle. could relax, knowing there would be no judging, emotion welcomed with open arms. “i love you, too,” pushed through surety, because, god, he was so sure. was so sure he was deathly in love with the other. could live with the notion that he was entirely gone for him; mind, body, soul, and heart. everything, belonged to the werewolf. absolutely everything. devoted so loyally, it was almost scary. how much trust he’d bestowed onto the other, how much of himself he’d gifted through confessions and the joining of bodies and souls. the exchange of everything he had. he could honestly say jaesun was the love of his life. absolutely. “i’d never leave you behind. ever. please believe me. it’s you and i until the very end. i’m not going to leave you, ever, for anything. so long as you don’t leave me, either. you’re my absolute world, i could never leave.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. utmost importance

ride the lightning || ft. jaesun

jaesunvc:

and momentarily, when his eyes fall shut, he thinks of nothing at all. all thoughts vacate his mind, leaves nothing behind but a blank slate. enough for him to take in junho’s closeness, hands falling away until they meet bare shoulders, both of them, fingers curling a little to hold on, as if to hold the other there. though distance is needed, he doesn’t urge for it, doesn’t ask for it. doesn’t beg, doesn’t want it. it’s easier to be together like this, easier to worry about staying like this for as long a duration as he can manage. but a more dominant part of him tugs on his will, forces him back when eyelashes flutter, gaze open and focusing on the faint smile sitting along junho’s lips. lips he simply wants to claim in another kiss, could kiss him all day and all night and do absolutely nothing else, could still feel satisfied with that alone. yearning lingers heavy against him, from the inside out, from the outside in — consumes him in high flames that seem to hide him from everything else. eyes watch carefully as junho sinks down lower, lips following, touch alone leaving behind such a searing touch that he feels like he’s been burnt. body asks, begs, for a little more attention, aches from where he stays so still, anticipating, as if holding back breath to watch. junho’s gaze breaks him apart little by little, tug of his lips devious and sending a little tremor straight through jaesun’s spine, a sharp zap that grounds him.

{...}

half convinced this wasn’t real, a storyboard written to tell tales on the silver screen, cliche and showing of unrealistic risk despite the looming dangers of a lack of privacy--never taken into account. yet as junho resided against the seat, his life kissed out of him, touch leaving silent trails against skin; he found that he, too, wouldn’t take into account those same looming dangers. they could get caught, yelled at, exposed, anything. yet the probability of prying eyes never entered his thoughts. he was drowning in jaesun, everything to do with the werewolf had him entirely ensnared, unfit to think of anything more, anything less. could only sink further into him, allow his very being to be plagued by the fact that there was nothing better than this. he’d found his el dorado, and he was on the brink of perpetually refusing to let this go. only when their lips released each other, to allow breaths to find their lungs again, did junho have some semblance of thought. could still feel himself slipping further into subspace, clutching for sanity as he lost himself to the feeling of jaesun around him, underneath him. hands on skin, as if welded to the flesh, made specifically to fit against him. could feel his own blood rushing through his body, rendered almost light headed under the force of it all, under sensations much too heavenly to be rooted over skin that was anything but. and his own grip of reality was fleet, as was his grip on jaesun. loosened to the extent of fleeing, if only his strength hadn’t practically diminished under the attention, under every effort extended to keep himself afloat. he simply couldn’t do it for much longer. couldn’t keep his head above the surface, if only it meant losing himself in jaesun even further.

he felt as though he couldn’t breathe. as though his lungs were constricting around the intense need for the other, the idea of knowing what was to come. through over-excitement, the thrill that lit every nerve end aflame. everything came together in perfect harmony to create chaos. and for that, junho didn’t dare to let go, out of fear of spiralling out of his own mind, to be trapped in a state of fleeting consciousness. lost to sensation and a need for more, through selfishness and neediness combined. though he needed the space. needed to breathe. needed some sense of normalcy and calm to set his mind back on track, if only to allow him to conjure up thought beyond his own desires. every move then on was calm and calculated, faux collection through stares through eyelashes, and smirks too well placed. he’d played this game more times than he could care to count, had succeeded with it just as much. fingertips as light as feathers brushed over exposed skin, as though touching porcelain, worshipping it. flames igniting behind eyes as they skimmed upwards, passed his own fingers, to meet the other’s face. awestruck. lips gently parted around a sigh, a hum to follow, tongue darting out to lick over dry, well-kissed lips. he could stay like this all night, simply admiring the body underneath him, take every nook and cranny in, until everything was committed to memory. until he could truly say he’d worshipped jaesun to its fullest extent. skilfully, though, he continued his trek downwards, hands as light as ever as they glided down the other’s body, to support himself in their journey.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. ride the lightning #nsfw

jaesunvc-deactivated20180802

utmost importance // ft. junho

jaesunvc:

{...}

his body lurches forward, and suddenly he doesn’t care anymore, needs to be closer, feel junho against him. needs to know if it’s relief he’s feeling, or if fear still lingers in his system. arms wrap around shoulders, gingerly, but still as sturdy of a hold as he can force. he’s loose about it, light, doesn’t lean his weight onto junho, but moves close enough to feel the warmth. “i missed you, so much. while you were under, i was preparing for the worst. i had no idea what i’d find, coming today. i thought someone would tell me that it was the end, that there’s nothing left. i really thought that.” he never wanted to say any of this, had no idea how he could articulate so without blubbering. fails, anyway, hitches in his breath that are so obvious it’s almost embarrassing. he leans his head down, hides his face away, turns to press his mouth against junho’s neck instead. and breathes. breathes the other in entirely, tries to find something to calm him down. only, the longer he stays like this, the more desperate he feels. it only serves to rile him up further, and he can’t help the quiet cries that leave him afterwards. “please, please don’t ever leave me here, all by myself. please. i only have you. i shouldn’t think this, but i thought of you first. i only thought of you. i was so scared, and it was all because of you. you were the only one i thought of, junho.”

his heart aches. everything so painful, physically and emotionally, and for all the crying he’d done, all the pain he’d undergone during and after the ambush, nothing compared to this. to see the other struggle to maintain responsibility, to see him lathering his walls in cement to keep them stable. it hurts, so much. because through everything, jaesun shouldn’t be the one to keep composure, to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders without seeing it as a burden. junho can’t help but to feel guilty, to feel everything throb as though he was pushing himself through sensations all over again. and yet, he can’t do anything about this. can’t encourage the other to free himself from the debilitation. can only sit back and watch, study the love of his life without so much as a shift nor stutter to get his way. to sway emotion without holding back. that’s all he wants. wants to know that the other is okay, that he’s dealing with everything alright. that even if each breath and thought pains him, junho is there. he’ll always be there. to tend and to catch the other whenever he may fall, no matter what happens. and so his hand slides down, to press the warmth of his palm against the other’s cheek, allow the callous pad of his thumb to brush over familiar skin, feel him with everything he could offer, take everything in as though the world was ending, and this was the last chance he’d have to fully lose himself.

teeth sank into his bottom lip, harshly gnawing at the skin to keep himself from blurting words too harsh for the situation. he needed to keep a level head, needed to be there for the other, as much as jaesun was there for him. “of course i am. you matter just as much as i, right?” it was rhetorical, spoken as though telling the time, simply a fact of the matter without need to be voiced. watching him ripped the air from his lungs, though. the insistent beeping of the machine beside him quickened, as he saw distress and sadness. heart quickening to the extent of worry, yet he paid no mind to it. his thumb caught the wetness before it could be allowed to fall entirely, head tilted to lock eyes with the assassin’s face. “hey, baby--come on, you can let it out. i... you know i’m going to be here for you, no matter what.” whispered words intent to encourage the other to let loose. to let everything come crashing down without a barrier to keep it contained. that was the last thing he wanted. for his love to keep the building tension bottled up, until its breaking point would rear its ugly head. he’d rather get shot a hundred times, than sit around and let the other’s problems eat him alive.

junho allows his hand to be taken, allows everything to come to pass, if only to offer comfort where and when it was due. he owed so much to jaesun, the least he could do was listen. to tend. to succumb to the high charge of emotion through stammered breaths and the fleeing of moisture from eyes. sobs, wobbling lips, tightening of fingers. everything. attentive to a fault in everything he did, to ensure the other knew he was safe. his own breath hitched while he sat through words that ripped such a big hole in his heart, he was sure it would have to be torn from his chest through damage. the backs of his eyes stung, the mere thought of the elder deliberating and worrying over junho’s death, was enough to bring tears to his eyes. was enough to push the feeling of his chest collapsing under pressure. his hand tightened so suddenly, fingers intent on stroking over skin, all while he had to bite his tongue. he had to. he couldn’t reassure, nor tell false tales of immortality, nor promise as much. he couldn’t have told what could have happened, what had nearly happened had everything gone just slightly more south. the thought alone was enough to send him into cardiac arrest, to have him so blatantly tempted to leap from his position, to pull the other into his arms and hold him. he’d do anything to simply hold jaesun against his chest and whisper reassurances directly into his ears.

the opportunity presents itself so fluidly, as though his mind had been read and his wishes granted. there was clear hesitance in the way the other clung to him, how he held himself away to ensure junho was okay. yet with a sigh, the younger used his uninjured arm to pull him closer against him, completely against his body, wrapped around jaesun’s slender waist. “i missed you, too. god, jae, i missed you so much. fuck, i didn’t know what was going to happen. whether the ambush was just on the underground, or if they’d gone on a manhunt for all of us. i... i can’t tell you how fucking happy i am that you’re safe. you’re okay, you’re so safe now. i don’t know what i would have done if they’d had you too.” with a face burrowed against his neck, his injured arm raised so as his fingers can delve into the other’s hair, twirl the strands and hold him closer. lips pressed against his head, eyes closed so tightly. it was all too much. all too overwhelming. yet he needed this. needed to hold jaesun this close, this tightly. needed the other to be open with him, to let everything escape. they both needed this. to feel each other after too many moments spent apart, wondering and worrying through fear of loss. “baby... baby, please, i’m never going to leave you. never. i promise. i’d never leave you behind, wouldn’t even dream of it. i need you. i want you too badly to entertain the idea of letting you go so easily. not when i only just properly got you. fuck, i love you so much. i love you, jaesun.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. utmost importance

round two || ft. jungjin

vc-yujungjin:

“What do you have against people trying to help you?” he looks at Junho confused. “What is it about me you supposedly hate so much?” Jungjin can’t understand it. He tries to restart everything again, tries to make things slightly better than things were the last time they met, but instead it just looks like he’s pushing himself into a deeper whole. It’s not fair.

“Sue me for being nice alright? You want to sit here and look sad as you numb the pain be my guest.” he shoots back at the other before heading down the bar to sit, ordering himself a drink. He was a little bitter. He came in here to enjoy his time, just like at the coffee shop. Maybe he should just stop while he’s ahead.

He once he has his drink, he also asks for a few shots. The bartender sets a pair up easily, and Jungjin throws them back. Fuck it, he came here to enjoy himself and he was going to whether this hater down the bar was still here or not.

“nothing.” it was plain and simple, he couldn’t care less whether a person was trying to help or not, he simply didn’t like people in general. “you’re a stranger. a stuck up stranger, too, judging by the way you dress. and i’d rather swallow a bag of dicks, than ever consider treating you with niceties.”

“i’m not sad, genius. i’m pissed. there’s a damn difference. consider as much before you bother people again.” he spoke coldly, turning in his stool to gaze around the bar. there had to be something around that was more interesting than some sheltered kid. glass pressed against his lips as he consumed the rest of the liquid sitting inside, dropping it to the surface of the bar again to signal for the barkeep to refill.

from that point on, junho ignored the other entirely, had practically forgotten of his presence entirely, under inebriated mind and the increasing buzzing running through his body.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jungjin #ie. round two

hospity party || ft. hisoka

vcxhisoka:

{...}

“Yeah, I took a bit of a nap from what I heard,” she grinned, stretching out her arms cause the monitors to beep, which she completely ignored, “But I feel fine, man. I remember everything that happened, but I feel absolutely peachy. Maybe it’s that medic Jaejae brought it, I know he was patching me up yesterday,” she shrugged, her messy bun flopping just a little bit. “I vividly remember getting shot like four times, but I don’t remember any pain? And I don’t feel any now.” Maybe it had been the adrenaline at the time of the shooting, and maybe it was the drugs now. She didn’t have a reasonable explanation as to why she didn’t feel nearly as much pain as she should be. “But what about you, man? Jaejae said you were pretty banged up too,”

junho could truthfully admit to the guilt he’d felt at knowing he’d startled the other. perhaps he should have attempted an eased approach, rather than keeping up with the momentum of drifting and speed to make a grand entrance. sheepishly ducking his head, he allowed the door to close gently behind him, before rolling closer to the bed. it was such a strange notion, knowing that someone you’d seen almost everyday, seen them at their happiest and lowest, seen them beaten and fine--now knowing he could have lost her? this easily? the weight of it pushed against his chest, had him swallowing thickly, through the lump in his throat. but he couldn’t let himself cry now. he’d done enough of that throughout his stay, was sure the trails of salt water would remain like tattoos over his cheeks, voice stuck in a constant sob. “sorry, honey bun.”

he’d managed to situate himself as close as he could, kneecaps bumping against the side of the bed, legs numb to the feeling, for the most part. it was hard seeing this up close, though. the affects such a near death experience can have on another person. had refrained from looking at himself for the same reason--didn’t want to see how he looked, how hollow his cheeks were, how dark the bags were resting underneath his eyes. the classy style of death, with a little more colour to the cheeks. hisoka didn’t look much better, though. looked less of herself than he was used to. but it was the relief he felt at that moment, knowing for himself that she was okay, they were going to be okay, that overtook any form of negativity in his thoughts.

“at least one of us is feeling close to one-hundred percent. i’ve felt like i’ve rolled around in death’s backyard this entire time. guess it’s the sleep,” countered with a shrug of the shoulders. features downcast at the mention of the other getting shot so many times, though. he hadn’t managed to gather as much information up from talking to the others, and the knowledge stung. “it’s good you don’t. we don’t need our most valued member of the meme team feeling like shit.” an attempt at humour to temporarily ease the atmosphere, junho ran the back of his hand over his nose a few times, to garner time to think. “i feel like i was shot three times, but they found two bullets in my back, so one must’ve followed the other in there. i’m pretty fucked if i want to walk or do anything with my right arm, though.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. hisoka #ie. hospity party

drvicvc-archived

a special touch || vic & junho

drvicvc:

{...}

“Junho, right?” he stepped into the room, hands visible and resting lax by his sides, “I’m a friend of Jaesun, call me Victor. He said you could use some help healing, and he just so happens to know a medic,” he sat down in a chair somewhat near the bed, “which is me. I’m the medic, hi. I’ve healed Jae before, not sure if he mentioned that particular interaction,” he shrugged, the fabric of his black tee shirt shifting at the slight movement. Truly, he wouldn’t be able to blame Jaesun had he opted to keep it a secret. It’s not like he told his members he healed a Howler, after all… or that he was about to heal three Howlers when he should very well be with Jaera right now.

“So if you’d like, I can patch you up a bit. I’ve only got permission to heal small bits at a time,” he nodded over to the board where the names of doctors and nurses were written, “Your attending doctor was my old boss, so I got a little leeway. Can’t raise suspicion though. Can’t have you healing much faster than what’s humanly possible,”

and while everything was happening, everything unfolding slowly; too slowly for his liking, junho felt nothing but loneliness. had hardly been visited by other members of the howlers, if only to check on his state, ask their scripted questions, and leave before he had anything more to utter. he understood why. he was nothing more than a weapons tech, had nothing more to offer, and tended to keep to himself. but it still drove a metaphorical dagger straight through his chest. his friend was injured, his leader even so. his boyfriend constantly flitting between the three. he understood. he really did. their leader was much more important, his friend open to everyone.

when he heard gentle rapping against the glass of the door, the younger couldn’t help but perk up. eyes bright and imploring. he almost hoped to god he wasn’t going to be on the receiving end of a nurse’s duties again. almost wished it was jaesun who was going to open the door. hence why a frown overcame his features at the sight of a stranger. a complete stranger, at that. this male evidently wasn’t a howler, he was sure he would have at least seen him before if that were the case.

yet he couldn’t react the same way he usually would. if uninjured, he would have threatened and cursed until the other would leave him alone. would bask in the knowledge that he’d driven yet another person away. but he wasn’t uninjured. no, he was scared. shrunk within himself as a safety net. the smallest of nods came as confirmation to his name, so much so he was sure the stranger wouldn’t have been able to notice the motion at all. timid, for the first time in such a long time. completely out of his element. jaesun had sent this male, though. really? to heal? it sounded just slightly too good to be true. to be healed.

“y-you healed jae before. and... you’re his friend, so i-i think i can trust you,” he felt like a child. a weak child staring into the face of a stranger despite dad’s warnings of the dangers. yet he couldn’t help but not care. there couldn’t have been any possible way the other would know he was associated to jaesun, if he hadn’t spoken to the male before. and, for some reason, that was enough for him. to slowly collapse his walls, and let the other in. “how’re you gonna heal me? n-not that i’m questioning your methods, but the doctors and nurses around here have been pretty intense. so... i guess i’m just a little curious, is all.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. victor #ie. a special touch

ride the lightning || ft. jaesun

jaesunvc:

{...}

fingers trail along exposed neck before settling at the other’s chin, grabbing gently, but enough to tilt junho’s head back. enough for words to leave him without a stutter. “i don’t want you to stop,” he murmurs, leaning closer with every utterance, lips barely brushing the others in a slightly hinged moment, suspended between them. “you won’t be going too far. don’t worry.” his mind tries to conjure up something else, something a little more telling of the intimacy flushing through him. but his eyes are so busy wandering, navigating through the blood that’s risen to the surface, colouring junho’s face such a pretty shade, that it almost makes him nervous. “i want you, right now.” mustering up the strength needed to hold himself back for a little longer, jaesun presses forth and leaves a kiss against full lips, a slow kiss, remaining words tattooed on his tongue, still. and he brushes them against the other’s mouth, licks into warmth that’s so familiar and so needed right now. his mouth stays soft, no sense of urgency in the way he caresses the other’s lips yet, tasting him, lets the headiness settling between them settle into his veins. he can feel himself near writhing with desperation, but remaining hand feels a little useless, running itself along the other’s arm, feeling muscle beneath skin, nails digging back in as if to ground himself. his mind’s focused on kissing the other well and good, leaning into it, pressing a little harder, letting that tinge of wretchedness show itself, lest the other doesn’t move on quickly.

everything was coming to pass so quickly, and yet it felt as though no time had passed at all. the two of them suspended in time, to revel in each other without the threat of the outside world coming to claim them for its own selfish gain. he’d found himself so taken, utterly stolen by the other. mindless in his conquest, entirely ripped of control to bestow onto himself desperation, all while contradicting itself purely through a will of wanting each moment, each taste and touch, to last a lifetime. etched permanently onto skin, marked sightless. and junho felt all too responsible for the matter, could practically feel his hands shaking under the weight of it all, the blatant knowing that everything fit together like a puzzle. simple in its technique, yet so complex through the amount of pieces taken to create the picture. each moment worth it, every deliberate move worth it. all committed to a sense of importance that had the younger practically choking, that everything came together so seamlessly, as though perfect. made for each other, this picture of life so beautifully imitating art. he’d never been an art lover before, would rather do anything else than stand before paintings and critique them through knowledge forced and words even more so. yet this work of art, right here, underneath him, before him, all around him--he felt as though the only thing he could truly do, in order to pay homage, was to stand back and admire with everything he had.

so terribly captured by the other, in mind and body--enough so to allow so submissively to be taken by a hand on his chin. to be lifted, distracted, and encouraged. words refused to bounce from the tip of his tongue, had chosen instead to rest idly, take their time and disperse when his mind trailed elsewhere. eyes so viciously locked onto the other’s lips, as though ensnared by a spell, horribly dispelled from reality to be stuck in something akin to tunnel vision, entirely unaware of everything else around them. it was a wonder he’d managed to catch wind of what the other had said at all, hypnotised and entirely okay with the notion. the spell only served to strengthen by the press of lips on lips. skin on skin. grip so loose, yet confining. he wouldn’t have it any other way. one of his own hands had arisen, to gently cup the other’s cheek, touch, the faintness of a whisper, ghosting over skin as though it were porcelain, on the verge of smashing if handled without care. yet even in still of that, junho felt as though care was the only thing he could offer. had fallen victim to the kiss, submitting to its entirety without question. foregoing wonder to succumb, instead, to mystery. and the slowness of the caress that caused his own lips to tingle under ministrations, urging for more, yet desperate to breathe. choked, through taste, through exchange. the velvet of it all luring him in further, to the brink of pushing closer. doubt and question thrown out the window without a moment’s notice.

he had to break away, though. had to breathe, no matter how much he wanted to remain lost, forever wandering, knowingly never able to find a way back. he’d happily stay in such a state. for a moment, he couldn’t help but rest his forehead against the other’s, to simply close his eyes, take in the moment for a while longer, no obligations nor duties to fuss over. just each other. in a state of pure bliss, feeding of presence as though starved. through reluctance, junho pulled away, smile as gentle as ever and he assumed his previous position. half tempted to make this last as long as he possibly could, take his time with everything, allow himself to maintain control.

#(going gifless baby)#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. ride the lightning #nsfw

jaesunvc-deactivated20180802

utmost importance // ft. junho

jaesunvc:

{...}

“i’m right here. okay?” hands move to cup the younger’s face, fingers moving gently along jawline, caressing cheek, ghosting over skin that feels so different. though warmth remains, and maybe that’s his own resolve pushing through, aching to feel that familiar heat again. the only thing that tells him junho’s still alive, and breathing. heart still beating before him. leaning in close, jaesun presses a kiss against the other’s forehead, one hand moving up to push hair further out of the way. he looks a mess, looks so tired, as if sleep had managed to evade him this entire time, despite it all. “i love you, so much, and forever. you know that, right? i’m not second-guessing anything at all. i just don’t want to hurt you.” he utters all of this while he moves to press his lips against junho’s cheeks, over his eyelids, reaching temples before sliding down to lips, a gentle touch that still carries with it a hint of concern. leaning back up, giving himself room to think, room to catch his breath, he brushes a thumb right against the shadow beneath junho’s eyes, gazing over them curiously, wondering if they were permanent now. “do you need me to get you anything? i’ll run and get it for you, i will. i shouldn’t take too long. if you need anything at all.” truthfully, he doesn’t want to pull away now, not when he’s already broken down one layer, one barrier, that collectively halted his every movement, previously. sliding closer, he kisses the other again, a lingering kiss now, feels a hitch in his throat when he does so. fuck, it’s so much harder to hold himself together than he had thought.

ever constant promises were likely the only things pulling him through. he was so sure he was going to lose everything when bullets flew, grazed and pierced unrelenting. he was so sure he was going to lose jaesun to the selfishness of others, too hellbent on a revenge mission that didn’t need to be undertaken. through the pain and the absolute sheer relief he felt, at knowing he could stay with the other, take everything in as he did, there’s anger simmering under the layers. not only for lost and injured howlers, not only at the fact another gang had so easily infiltrated their turf and underground--but it was that same selfishness that could have so easily taken the very thing he yearned for. they’d only just gotten the opportunity to lose themselves to each other, to acknowledge that there was more than lust and longing behind touch. and for that, junho’s so angry. could feel himself slipping away slowly to a rage that had been sitting so pretty behind denial. now brought back to light in the presence of the other. god, he’d love nothing more than to walk into another rain of bullets, if only it meant he could offer a piece of his mind. gift onto them what they so nearly took from him. “the same goes for you. i’d rather walk through hell than lose you. i could never manage without you. never.”

while it had taken him a while to situate himself in a position differing from his last, he couldn’t help but to succumb to the burning sting in his back. they’d gotten him good, had practically ripped apart his insides to deliver a blow that should have been fatal. now only offered pain unlike any he’d felt before, as though he could feel the bullet ripping through his flesh again, all while his back stretched. he was sure his body would numb to the pain, would cast it aside through getting used to it, or ignore it entirely in light of the distraction sitting before him. though he couldn’t help but bite his tongue anyway, to keep from uttering noise so telling of his condition. the last thing he wanted was for jaesun to fret over him, more than he’d done already. and his distraction came, as the other joined him, came closer as pleaded for, exchanged warmth. junho couldn’t help but close his eyes for a moment, laid to waste by what he’d craved for the most, throughout this entire ordeal. he couldn’t have hoped for a better remedy, couldn’t have asked for anything better than the touch of hands dancing over his skin. palms so warm against his cheeks, and lips even warmer.

“i know, i know,” spoken as a whisper, breathy as though the air had been knocked out of his lungs entirely, cast to nothing but a heave of emotion written through the urging of his own hands, his own fingers ushering over the skin of the other’s arm. it was all he could offer. didn’t have the strength to pull him closer, didn’t have the power to offer his own tending touches, the way he would usually instil them. it practically ate away at him. “i love you too, baby. i love you so much. you... you could never hurt me. i believe that. you’d never. i trust you.” and he felt so open uttering lines as honest as those, exposed entirely with nothing left to shield him from the outside world. what was once masked, behind indifference and remarks too harsh for the situation, had been stripped away entirely. yet he couldn’t help but wonder what the other was thinking. through it all, he’d grown so curious as to what was going through jaesun’s head. yet at the same time, he was sure he didn’t want to know. didn’t want to be plagued knowing the darkness of the other’s thoughts in moments like these. what, exactly, he thought of him. stuck to a bed, looking worse than he ever had before. his thoughts were so loud, so overcoming, he hadn’t noticed what the other was doing, until he’d felt lips against his skin. fluttering so gently, so lovely. a breath, almost a sigh, fled his own lips. leaning ever so slightly into the touch, unsure whether he wanted to venture towards jaesun’s mouth, or hands. overwhelming, but exactly what he needed.

“no, no, i don’t need anything, i just--please, don’t leave. don’t worry about that stuff. i-i only need you.” eyes had opened, glassy as always, to skip between the other’s. the mere thought of jaesun escaping the room, so soon, had him almost panicking. he wasn’t sure he could undergo treatment like this alone, not when he was rendered so vulnerable already, without his fix. swallowing thickly, junho’s own arm raised, slender fingers dancing over the nape of the other’s neck, if only to feel the warmth, trail tips of his fingers through hair. anything, for a dash of familiarity. to settle him, tone him down. “how’re you feeling? about everything?” there was his own concern lingering in the whisper of his voice, intimate, as though sharing secrets through low tones, for only them to hear. though it was through curiosity he wanted to delve further into the other’s mind, pick it apart, and provide comfort where possible. take it all on, as though they were his own afflictions. he simply had this insatiable need to carry everything about jaesun on his shoulders, succumb to wanting to know everything about him. the good and the bad. the feeling had since intensified since the ambush. their days numbers, no matter how high that number was. he didn’t want to waste that number away through wondering, he wanted to know. wanted everything and anything all at once, to lose himself to the other in every way possible.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. utmost importance

jaesunvc-deactivated20180802

utmost importance // ft. junho

jaesunvc:

{...}

pushing fingers up carefully until they meet matted hair, he tries not to tug as finger pads move to caress scalp. it’s tough, being laid up like this, being unable to move and do what one was naturally so good at. but the howlers are in tatters anyway, and what they were good for wasn’t currently needed. “i’m not going to do anything.” his voice drops, coloured in truth, but carrying a tinge of disappointment. it’s not easy laying low, not when jaesun knows his palms are itching for some serve of revenge. to simply make up for what had led to junho laying here, to what had their leader and his best friend both in such critical condition. it simply isn’t fair, but sitting still and pretty is all jaesun can do. now, junho’s making him promise this, and he can’t go back on any sort of promise to the latter. “i’ll wait for you. i’ll wait for all of you. when you return… we’ll talk about it then. but not now. nothing’s going to happen now. we have to make sure everything back at the underground is in order, first.” certain thoughts rip him from the serenity, rile him up, push a vague discomfort back into his system. eyes travel along to junho’s hand then, trailing up injured arm. “we’re not going to be doing anything for a long while, anyway. not until you’re all better. i, truthfully, don’t know how long we’ll need to wait. but, we’ll wait it out anyway.”

he’d taken it all to heart, could find himself falling so blindly into trust, it was astounding. he wasn’t going to lose jaesun, not for the world. not for anything. they were going to be okay, together. they could get through this as though it were a minor bump in the road, and then everything would be right again. nobody was losing out, if only he could keep jaesun for as long as he could. that’s all that mattered. he wasn’t ashamed to say that all the casualties and mishaps that had seen light of day through the ambush, amounted to nothing. it meant nothing. lena was okay, that much he was aware. hisoka, and sam, were going to be okay. but most importantly, the man he was so deeply in love with had come out of this alive, well, and untouched. that, above everything else, put junho to rest. “i’m not going to let you die, that’s not in the cards. i’m not letting it happen,” he’d hiccuped, through laboured breaths. “you’re not going to lose me, either. i couldn’t stand not being here with you.” and it was the truth. through thoughts of suicide and his own demise staring down a bullet, none of it gave him the same rush as it used to. couldn’t entertain the idea anymore. leaving jaesun would be the worst thing he could ever think to do.

and he’s so taken by the other, so lost yet found all at once. the throbbing pain melted away as though bearing semblance to ice. temporary through the pain it offered, to whisk away like it never happened. mind numb to his own body, in exchange of staring so deeply into eyes that offered a warmth he’d never experienced before. he was going to be okay. they were both going to be okay, and he could count on that. “together. i-i like that.” a part of him wanted to push himself up, to sit against the head board of the bed and accept the other into his arms, play the pain off as if it were nothing at all, all to share something closer. there was too much distance, too much reluctance. as much as jaesun’s eyes were warm, everything else was cold. too clean, sanitary, entirely sickening in how medical it all felt. and for a moment, he considered ripping everything off his body, to stop the heart rate monitor, to stop the iv and everything that came with it. he simply wanted everything to be back to normal. to feel everything the same way he was used to feeling it. outside of a blanket that felt too heavy against his body, and limbs that were too stiff to move.

a shuddering breath released itself as fingers met his scalp. he felt so safe, so tended to. through the days spent being under the care of others, the odd looks they’d bestow onto him through tattoos so obvious. it was clear those nurses wanted no part of this, looked after him simply out of obligation only to disappear as soon as an open window presented itself. yet here, now, just like this--this was everything he craved and then some. couldn’t imagine his stay here any different. the more selfish side of him wanted to keep this forever, didn’t want jaesun to leave the solitude of his room until he’d be given the all clear to leave this retched place. but he couldn’t voice as much. didn’t want to take the other from his best friend nor leader. didn’t want to feel as though he was controlling stays through jealousy and possessiveness. no, he could settle with this for now, and wallow when the time came to succumb to his own loneliness. “thank you,” he felt as though he couldn’t say any more on the matter. couldn’t express his gratitude efficiently enough. couldn’t voice just how free he felt, knowing jaesun and the others weren’t going to dive head first into trouble. they’d be safe, for now. there wasn’t any risk of losing out on the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, before they’d even truly begin. “thank you so much, baby.”

restlessness was beginning to overcome him, though. he couldn’t pretend for much longer, that laying here motionless for the most part, was something he was okay with. with that in mind, he’d released the other, and supported himself to lift, practically dragged himself up the bed, through clenched jaw and quickened breaths, until he was finally positioned to lounge. not quite sitting, he was sure as much would lead to being scolded by those looking over him. “you don’t have to be so far away, you know. i don’t... i don’t want you to second guess anything you do. just--just come closer, please.” junho was so close to begging. begging for something real, something tangible. while nothing before felt like enough, he found himself cursing every memory stored with jaesun. everything he had was so close, so unhinged and offered so freely. the distance, now, killed him. the lack of warmth, and touch. made him feel much too empty inside, as though he was reverting back to a time before the two had confessed. when he’d lay around after escapades, cursing his own existence and the loneliness he felt alongside it. but he couldn’t help it. couldn’t help this intense need to be around the other. to the extent of it crushing his heart.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. utmost importance

hospity party || ft. hisoka

watch out || @vcxhisoka

perhaps it was a mistake to abandon the confines of his hospital room as soon as he was able to move a muscle, the nurses and doctors overlooking his condition had advised against it. had practically threatened to chain him to the bed itself, in hopes he’d lay down and stop pushing his own limits through restlessness. but the worry of his fellow injured howlers had drawn him to recklessness. there was only so much one could ask about, before the unknown practically began to eat away at him, leave him wondering more than he’d care to admit. whether sam and hisoka truly were as stable as everyone said they were. he was likely one of the only ones who hadn’t seen the two since the ambush. hadn’t seen them when the shooting had come to happen, hadn’t seen them when medics fussed and prodded.

for that, he’d managed to secure himself a wheelchair, through subtle bribery and promises that would be broken before they’d even the opportunity to come to pass. every move still ushered intense pain to rattle through his body, still claimed him through hisses and groans. and the struggle continued further when he was only able to properly use one arm to get around, had to strategically switch between wheels. had wound up crashing into more people and walls than he’d like to admit.

but his path was clear. all too intent to visit hisoka first, rather than steer for his leader. he was sure sam was getting more than enough attention from the majority of the remaining gang members, had enough company to last him a life time. that, and he worried for the assassin more-so. her condition was worse, from what he’d caught wind of. had been reduced to a comatose state. he wouldn’t be caught dead visiting someone else before he could check on her.

through drifting and sluggish pushing, he’d eventually managed to make his way to the room she resided within. the door put up its own fair battle, to which he’d kicked with the leg not bandaged. he almost felt as though he were applying for the part of king tut. with the door out of the way, though, he could finally pull himself up to the bed, softened eyes finding those of his friend’s. “heard you’ve been sleeping a lot. it’s alright for some, huh?” junho tried for humour at first, could play it off through a smirk. hadn’t lasted long, though, as concern bled through the cracks. “in all seriousness, are you doing okay? you took quite a hit, from what i hear.”

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. hisoka #ie. hospity party #closed starter #(i hope this is good enough bby!!)

ride the lightning || ft. jaesun

jaesunvc:

{...}

uttered declarations send shivers running up and down his spine, and his eyes drink in the sight before him, junho moving with a determination that only serves to flatter his ego. “you know, even in death, i still won’t let you go. and i have a feeling you wouldn’t have a problem with that at all.” words sound weak, perished, ripped to shreds. they carry no weight with them, no substance, simply disappear into thin air the moment they leave his lips. his mind focuses, tunnel-visions, on the affection etched along his skin, in the form of sweet words and low tones. breaths hold themselves back, jaesun’s head leaning a little to the side as soon as lips attached themselves to him. hands find themselves roaming a little artlessly, more so than usual, starting from where muscles peak against skin, a reassuring place to ground himself, nails trailing lightly along tapered waist, finding a place to etch themselves into flesh. he wants to sear his touch into the other, lazy smile curling the corners of his lips as he pushes himself up a little, further closing the distance between them, finger pads brushing over the heat that vibrates beneath skin, surfacing from within tangled veins. “am i just here for you to decorate me completely?” it’s a gentle euphoria that washes over him, a contentedness with their situation, despite the coiling of heat in the base of his stomach. he can probably waste away like this and be entirely happy, if only because junho would be with him the entire way through. “if so, tell me now, and i’ll start burning all my clothes, really.”

teeth had to sink into skin at that. fall into his own bottom lip to mask the intensity of the growing smile threatening his mouth. this was happening. a step in a direction he’d never thought he’d ever take, towards something so mind-numbing. he’d never thought the other would agree to live with him, would at least strive for some amount of distance, no matter how great it was. but this was something else entirely. something so tantalising in its allure, despite every ill wish he’d previously bestowed upon it. he’d finally be sharing himself entirely with another. mind, body, soul, and space. everything. laid bare, without walls to cover secrets, and the blatant mystery that came with odd hours. it offered a sort of thrill he’d never felt before, domesticity bleeding through the cracks to have him drowning, urging for air. but it felt so good. doubt had come as to whether he’d ever be able to release such a feeling, stuck in a state of euphoria, of finally having something he could keep, something he wanted so desperately to cling onto. and despite his ever gnawing that they could have had this so much sooner, had they not been lost in their own pride--he felt as though he couldn’t regret a single moment. couldn’t regret the way they ignored feelings, only to have them eventually come crashing down. much too strong to contain for much longer. he couldn’t regret a thing. those years spent wondering, wishing and being left with emptiness. he’d subject himself to that torment time and time again if it meant he could experience this for as long as humanly possible. “we’ll go as soon as you want. i’ve already essentially cleared out enough space for you.”

he moved with a fluidity that contradicted how desperate he truly was, how much he wanted in such a short space of time. he felt he could only give, and give, and give. to show just how thankful he was for everything. how thankful he was for the aid the other offered him so blindly and selflessly. “of course i wouldn’t. it’s you and i until the very end.” finality etched between broken words, breath snatched from him so blatantly. through each kiss left upon skin thereafter, junho couldn’t help but press closer, close the distance between bodies and delve for something more, something raw and unabashed. through nails that offered a blunt barely-there pain, had him urging for more. to be grounded in place, otherwise he was sure he’d lose himself entirely to his own space of mind, become so unravelled and loose, there’d be no return. it was through that, he felt he could only lean back slightly, shift himself backwards, legs pushing themselves further down to accommodate themselves in the alcoves underneath the dashboard, knees pressed against the seat. “and have everyone else see what kind of masterpiece you are? i don’t think i could sleep at night with that risk,” there was a distance to his voice, barely there and lacking any sort of bite, behind a smile that attempted to tame itself from splitting his face in two.

junho bent down further, fingers gentle in their mission to lift the fabric of the other’s shirt, to reveal slivers of skin. he’d ducked down, nosing along exposed flesh, to occasionally press lips over the heat. as much as he urged himself to stop, to fully take in each moment and store it to memory, keep it all to himself, there was deeper temptation to continue. to lose himself entirely to the other, pay him back for all the help offered, unable to contain himself through the hot flush that reddened his own skin. “do you want me to stop?” a whisper uttered as gentle as his own fingers, as they tended to flesh once ghosted by his mouth. it didn’t take long for him to push himself up, though, to properly stare into jaesun’s eyes. to read everything as though it were a book, lose himself in the pages, and delve between lines. “i don’t want to go too far if you’re... not in the mood.” in spite of his words, he felt as though he couldn’t keep his hands off the other anyway. had to trail the pads of his fingers over skin, feel everything without feeling guilty about it. move with muscle memory and the insatiable need to simply lose himself, lose his mind and cast away thoughts. to simply be here, completely, in every way possible.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jaesun #ie. ride the lightning

round two || ft. jungjin

vc-yujungjin:

{...}

The last thing he wanted to do what use his charm to get the asshole to work with him here, but that would be playing with some uncontrollable fire. Before even hinting to do that, he was just going to try and talk some sense into him. “Please? Let me at least clean you up. I’ve had more than enough practice to help with a few of those cuts. Think of it as a truce, I don’t need anything back from you, it’s not some kind of debt, its not even pity. I just want to help, thats my usual nature, not to constantly bicker with someone.” he explains, nothing in his expression towards the other even shows that he could be lying. He was being sincere.

junho couldn’t help but to allow his eyes to roll, huff of the breath following. a typical reaction towards those he wasn’t all too fond of. and jungjin, for all the good will in the world, was an example of junho not being fond. “apology accepted.” and he wouldn’t offer his own, because why would he? never one to see himself in the wrong.

“usual nature doesn’t make sense. i don’t want your grubby hands anywhere near me.” came his response instead. of course, it was to be expected. junho was very particular with who he’d allow to touch, no less now that he was taken.

“besides, i have enough experience in patching myself up. i don’t need strangers offering their fucking services to me. we don’t know each other, i don’t want to know you, and i certainly don’t want you hovering around me. so stop trying to help.” there was finality behind his words. if there was anything he couldn’t stand more, it was people he wasn’t familiar with. those he’d previously had altercations with, were worse off in his own books. and though it likely wasn’t all too ethical in bars such as these, junho was much too tempted to pull out the knife stuffed in his leather jacket, to threaten the other away. show steel to offer solitude. it was the reason he’d come to a bar, after all, rather than a club.

#➤ t h r e a d ┊ ❛ a horrible decision really. ❜#ft. jungjin #ie. round two

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