vent blog 2.0

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I miss how patient she was before... I miss her being gentle with me when I cried nd being willing to listen to me stutter out nonsense abt why I felt bad.... god

[ventblog1009]

she asks me to initiate sex n when I do she always says no... even when she's subby she doesn't wanna fuck me.... god why can't she just say that instead of pretending she isn't in the mood ebrbebdvedb it'd hurt us both less in the long run...

[ventblog1009]

this is So petty n stupid but GOD i want her to stop talking about how badly she wants to fuck someone else's character I hate it so bad shut UP about what u wanna do to this fake guy I hate it! Ill never live up to a fictional character and I Know it's not that serious but god endbebfsndbsbv

[ventblog1009]

I got dressed all cute for nothing it seems :/ whatever svebebdnevd

[ventblog1009]

idk I want attention but I don't wanna have sex but that's the only time I have her attention,,,, nd she probably won't be in the mood anyways bc she's never in the mood anymore and ugh I just,,, I miss it shdbsnxbsnxk I do miss having sex regularly but I also miss being able to just,,, have her attention.... yk

[ventblog1009]

I just... she keeps talking abt seeing me nd I know part of why we're so excited to be together is sex! but if she's fucking other people already then what's the fuckin POINT of doing it with me! what's the point!!! what'd I be doing that any single one of her FWBs wouldn't be doing!!!! god.

[ventblog1009]

why does she wanna fuck other people so bad... god why does she wanna fuck other people so bad... why am I not enough why can't she just wait like I am why cant I be fucking enough for ONCE.

[ventblog1009]

why does she always default to saying she loves me when she has nothing else to say. does it really mean that little to her? does she really not care enough to think of smth to say ehdbwtjehdjwdkwbsn,,,, idk. idk man

[ventblog1009]

I hate that I feel guilty for wanting sex from my girlfriend sbdbebdbsb I shouldn't have to lie about not being horny so I don't accidentally push too far... fuck, dude

[ventblog1009]

I just want her to fuck me again.... God I just wanna feel like I'm desired and like she loves me..... I know sex doesn't mean love but god I just.... hhhhh

[ventblog1009]

I did it. I bit the bullet and allowed her to fuck other people. im terrified bc I know she's gonna find someone she likes more than me bc they dom but just... I need to suck it up. I really just need to deal with it. she may end up leaving and ik it's gonna be my fault bc I can't dom but.... whatever. whatever

[ventblog1009]

god I can handle not having sex anymore, right? I can handle waiting for her to initiate even tho I know she never fucking will again. it's fine. or I can at least handle never subbing with her again.... I already have a FWB who doms for me! Id be fine! I just want my girlfriend to be fucking into me again.... I don't care what I need to do for it I just want her to actually act like I'm her boyfriend again and not just... a friend she sometimes fucks when it's convenient sndnsmxbs

[ventblog1009]

I just... i wanna find a way to reignite the spark with her.... ik properly opening the relationship will help but there's still the time between now and when she finds someone else to fuck to fill in what I can't do for her... and idk I want her to wanna have sex with me... I know that's pathetic but god I just want her to want me again.... I shouldn't be begging and crying to get my girlfriend of 3 years to have sex with me...

[ventblog1009]

god ive felt bad asking for sex for ages but now I don't even wanna bring up the topic.... i could easily just jerk off by myself but shdvabdnsn like.... I have a gf who I'm sexually attracted to and who, I assume, is still into me so getting off by myself shouldn't really be my first option, yk? I just don't wanna be a burden on her and I don't want her to have to dom coz she said she wants to do that less.... god ebdbendnendb

[ventblog1009]

even tho I'm feeling awful she's still doing whatever with her friends... hell, probably waiting for me to feel better so she can find one to fuck instead of me. I know I said she can I gave her permission to but I still hate it so much.... now she doesn't get anything from me she doesn't get from other people! im USELESS! I don't do anything for her I just drag her down... god

[ventblog1009]

God why does my gf never fucking initiate sex anymore... jk I know the reason it's bc she gets her rocks off elsewhere/with other people so she doesn't wanna fuck me but like. idk it'd be nice to feel like she's into me but ehdbendns that's too much to ask, really... whatever.

[ventblog1009]

I keep making it worse whdbendbwb... I don't want it to be worse..... I don't I don't I don't