The dark cavernous paths call out to my romanticizing, ethereal, Pisces mind
moody-melancholic, glamour
-down, down into its hollowed depths.
As if in a transcendental state
dreaming of psyillocibin colored shamanic visions
Lit up by crystallized gemstones bejeweled & blinged out
stalagmites imprisoning me in a false embrace; as deceptive as a lullaby
The lullaby was death metal,
I sat under radiating sun-streamed cracks bathing in the glow of a sci-fi cozmonut’s Heaven’s Gate
in which the depths of this hell would burn lasting impressions upon my skin-blistering into my bones
And all the while I complacently …No…eagerly sat
starry eyed glazed over hopefulness at this new love
poisoning my sensibilities
Preying on my sensitivities
My only antidote fading out into the cosmic field musical lyrical flow once stuck on repeat dissipates into the ether
to do any type of maintaining cuz all this gaming and famin' from
entertainin' is hella straining to the brain and...” (1).
I’m dehydrated by your cruelty breathless from being an isolated integer..I’m showing signs cracking..fractioning from the neglect- more accurate though reject-ion
Hyperventilating ozone thinned oxygen
Solo stoking a fire that I thought was meant for two.
I choke down cherry lipped kool-aid as lava orange glowing embers burn my irises into hypno-spirals
Ecstatic when thrown your bone ooh a treat.
No really though..that’s what I thought
It’s not what I rationalized
It was imprinted on me at birth.
My pain runs deep and I’m starved with a voracious hunger to be understood and I wolf down your treats- validation I’m ok, I am worthy…??? The question mark unfortunately remains
Resembling a junkyard junky-rabid-dog with a love starved soul paranoid it’s security gig at the wrecking yard, are numbered
a poisoned mind can make sense out of senseless beliefs
Best to blow the shit up than wait for the end
It always feels so near in the beginning.
Conditioning it was all I needed
Like a bastardized offspring of Pavlov
I could have learned to salivate AND Believe nourishment existed in our experimental lab
More tolerant than most…but then cruel biting a hand that only hoped to feed you- literally-figuratively-Innuendo-y
But at what cost would I sell @ ?
You must have not excelled at the mathematics
‘Cuz the figure offered was downright robbery
Robbery of my pussy and the palace it guards? for what?!
Oh so I did hear you right
that’s what it was…the fair price of free for you and nothing for me.
Free of choices..oh that one’s for me
I thought when I wrote in plain English that I’m not someone- like them-
I go deep- (& yes ‘clearing my throat’ deep there too)
I’m not built for shallow stuff
Complacently skimming along your surfaces- all shady and ice cold
No- I’m deep like deep pockets
Deep pockets in front of the neighborhood corner store
Deep pockets filled with coca-cola, flour, and Mona-Lisa’s
Expensive as my common sense/cents? Rare coins- made me no stranger to con’s
Was that you? Double sided coins at times- I found I changed minds about you- flip heads-flip tails…
But the lust had me dusted
brought upon me like a spell
Something Wicked this way did cum
It was poison & I got drunk off it.
I found myself shamed as I
“I’m not worthy” I might as well have been slurring out my texts
ingratiated-cravings of your “kindness”
Your tolerance of my ‘crazy’ crazy? Oh the emotional tidal waves that raged passion thru my veins and cloudy rain soaked skies made acid with reality
Distant from the brainwashed, blood washed, skin-washed raw
Fantasy I twirled away in
deep, deep in the back rooms that whisper ‘silence’ with their darkness
Not when authenticity hangs in the balance
I will rise up covered in the wisdom
Of these damp & muddied sage colored hallowed grounds
The clay hardening a protective shell all around that which risked a fate of fading backwards into a semblance of old patterns- a shell of my truest self…
I can see the light thru the tunnel and now I realize the illusion
You were but a mere allegory in my cave
A shadow that loomed larger than life from the fire
Burning with only my passion
You killed the beast and set my running-with-scissors kind of imagination free
Your silence the map coaxing it back from where it had been lost in the wild
This time the circle has closure the abandonment no longer can imprison me in Plato’s cave
A whole new world awaits me
(1). The Pharcyde: Runnin’
Labcabincalifornia (1995)
Writer(s): James Dewitt Yancey, Tre Vant Jermaine Hardson, Maria Helena De Toledo Shermont, Romye Robinson, Emandu Wilcox, Derrick L. Stewart, Luiz Floriano Bonfa (https://www.azlyrics.com/p/pharcyde.html)
(2). 2Pak: I Ain’t Mad at You
All Eyez on Me Album (1996)
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