I worry about you a lot, he says.
Courtney’s brows pinch at that, even as their eyes meet and he tries to communicate it with silent emphasis. The fuck? He worries about her? A lot? Well, that’s fucking cute. Sweet, even. She might even believe it if he didn’t fucking turn his back on her when she needed him most. If he was so worried about her, why did he…
Why did he give up on her so fucking easily?
Her eyes evade his to stare off into the distance instead. A much easier sight for her to absorb right now. This was fucking stupid. Going to the Sardine was fucking stupid. She shouldn’t have. Beefcake shouldn’t have told her… God, what an idiot she is. What did she even think would happen? What did she hope to accomplish by going to see him? Other than reopen wounds that barely healed? She should have just kept her distance like she planned to do in the first place. He would have forgotten about her eventually. He would have given up on finding her. Time would have passed and she’d have become but a speck of dirt in his life.
Courtney takes a long, soothing drag from her cigarette and listens to his answer, even follows with her gaze to where he gestures, despite the vague direction. Too loud? Yeah. Too crowded. Too suffocating. Too lonely, you might as well just be alone, too. At least then the loneliness doesn’t feel like it’s your fucking fault.
But that’s still not enough. It’s not enough of an answer to erase the regret that’s starting to eat at her.
With a snort, she turns to look at him again, taking the cigarette out of her mouth and waving it about dismissively. “You want a reward for what exactly? Being a sad superhero? Saving lives while waiting for someone to save yours?” Her head tilts sideways, gaze sharpening. “Want me to give you a score for that answer? Fine. Minus ten,” she says, folding one leg on the bench so she can face him properly, look at him directly. “Give me something fucking real, Robert. Don’t tell me you’re not sure. That’s bullshit. There must have been something about this place that made you come back to it over and over. You could have gone anywhere else that wasn’t here to get away from too loud. So why this place in particular?” A pause. “Or is there nothing special about it at all?”
Just like there is nothing special about her. And it doesn’t mean anything that he brought her here.
So why did he even bring her here? Just for the view? Well, it’s a great fucking view. She’ll give him that at least. Maybe this place is just convenient, easy. Just like she is. Cheaper than a vacation and cheaper than a hooker. Maybe he didn’t show up at the Sardine for her. Maybe he showed up for him. Feeling sorry for himself. It’s not because he cares about her or because he misses her like she misses him, nor is it because he wants to see her or hear her voice. Why would he, anyway? She fucked up his life and before that she fucked up her own. All she is is a broken thing for him to fix. So he doesn’t feel like an imposter calling himself a hero. All she is is a Band Aid. Better than nothing, right?
“Actually, I changed my mind. I don’t wanna know why you like this place. You don’t have to tell me anything, and neither do I.” She discards the cigarette on the ground and stomps on it with her boot, then she shoots up to her feet and stands in front of him, holding his eyes as confidently as she can. “So what kinda reward did you want? Want me to kiss you again? Blow you? Fuck you?” She holds her hands at her sides. “Place is pretty secluded, so I think we can manage for a few minutes.”