Inspired by Husk and Shells//Volcano Choir
Since mid July my world has been one of rain soaked kaleidoscope colors, there is stained glass swimming along side our reflections.
And you, sweet boy have always had the inability to see the way the picture could have been placed back together, so you left. dried off, and acted like the way we loved was merely a mirage. So i was forced to stop diving deeper to pull up the fragments of what once was, my hands were tired of bleeding, my lungs were filled to the brim with words that i wouldn’t spill from my lips, there was no space to breath anymore, let alone hold my breath.
We grew up in a lavender haze, our fingertips tracing the outlines of each others shadows and smoke filling the voids our bodies could not inhabit. It was blue and it was warm, but we did not see the colors the same way. As your hand reach for a body in the middle of the night mine was only reaching for yours. My body was just something to keeps yours warm, while your body was the reason for my existence. Only yours. Only you.
And it feels quite awful knowing that somebody else is waking up on my side of your bed. After all this time. Even still, some mornings i wake up and the thought of not being with you makes my bones ache all over again.
And sometimes we go back to the water, dip our toes in to see if it still feels good…see if maybe we want to stay for a while. And you’ll swim for a second, then leave again. And i will be left with sea glass cutting me open from the inside out….like always.
This is why i can not let myself wake up wrapped in your dream again. and nobody even knows the significance of that sentence, not even you. but i do. and I’m sorry i love you so much.
I’ve been wading for months now. My fingers are pruned, my tears have turned these puddles into seas of salt water.
So let me wash you away,
or please just drown me.
