waiting for fries

[waitingforfries]

I am in no mood to write a poem

Because it means I have to put you and I into words

It means I have to find the right words

Confined to 26 letters

I seem to lose my clarity.

We are a dissipating cloud

Embraced by time and space

A mass,

A thing,

That takes on no particular form,

Any words can ever describe.

I search for a definition of you,

And me,

And you&me.

I find only words similar

Never quite right.

I look into our world through the window of my words

And I see nothing 

I’m in disbelief

So lost in the abstraction of it all.

Yet I know,

Yet I am sure,

More than anything in this world,

We are more real than anything I can see.

Maybe I don’t needs words

Or even every letter of the alphabet.

I just need 4 letters,

Whatever that means.

[waitingforfries]

You will not lose me

Do you not realize?

You will not lose me.

I will not hold you by a string

I will not put you to your knees

You do not have to play pretend.

You are the air I breathe

The person I embrace

Your flaws make you real

Your misgivings and cynicism somehow give me hope

You just need to speak your mind

And let me to see you as you are.

To state the obvious truth,

some things never change.

I’m flawed

In ways you do not know

And you are flawed in ways I can see

But it is not flaws that bring worry

For your bravery for truth

Strength to bend

And willingness to see,

Inspires me to do the same.

And that,

My love,

Triumphs over any flaw.

[waitingforfries]

It’s easy to misunderstand the concept of “you having the power to create your happiness.” It really isn’t about only you. Of course, you are the creator and reactor of everything around you…however, you can make a real dent on the things you just have no control over (or don’t really have the time and energy to have control over). That, my friend, is to shift all your own thoughts and interactions with everyone around you toward the positive side: generosity, kindness, patience, and acceptance. Trying to practice these four words have done more good for me than anything else in life.

It’s a challenge to create your own happiness and it must be done with first finding your own inner peace, then spreading that, acting upon it to inspire others to also switch to the positive side.

Your own happiness, whether you want it to or not, largely depends on others. The good news is that you can make other people happier, without sacrificing any part of you. Let the contagiousness of your positive energy and patience work its magic. Show, not tell, and then just sit back and enjoy.

(I know, some things just never change…but do your part and see what happens!)

[waitingforfries]

I didn’t want to be here

I didn’t want to be here

But obligation led me to you

I felt no calm

And only a sliver of happiness

I know I should love you more.

I’m beginning to settle in

I’m beginning to see a light

To be here.

To just be here.

It’s getting a little quieter

A little better.

Then a lot better.

It’s that same old new feeling

My heart is full.

But before I know it

I have to leave again.

This time…

This time more bittersweet than the last

This time older

This time more clear

Of how much I have grown

Of how much you all have aged

I must leave again

And I don’t know when I will be back.

Why does leaving always feels so hard.

Why does arriving always feels so forced.

Why do I always feel this way.

I have to leave again.

Maybe if I stay longer I’ll actually want to leave

Or maybe I’ll never want to go.

I have to leave again

And my eyes can’t seem to say goodbye.

Until next time

I will miss you

And for many reasons I probably won’t be back for a while.

[waitingforfries]

strength is not about ignoring your weakness

strength is not about being better than your weakness

strength is not about being someone else.

STRENGTH is your power

STRENGTH is really getting to know your weakness and being okay with it

STRENGTH is about wearing your weakness on your sleeve

STRENGTH is about letting go what what your weakness did to you

STRENGTH is about loving that particular weakness is no longer consuming you

STRENGTH is about letting time work some magic

STRENGTH is about trusting in yourself and in life that good things have happened, and will keep happening.

That part of you never goes away and those experiences are in your bones,

and that’s alright.

That’s perfect actually.

How else can you appreciate where you are now,

how else can you gain strength,

how else can you reach a new level of understanding,

how else can you step up to the plate that is life,

how else can you understand others’ pain and appreciate your joy.

Maybe that weakness and pain in your bones deserve a place in your mind,

but it should only be in your heart once.

Then you let it go.

You say thank you.

No,

First you say fuck you.

Then you say thank you.

And you say goodbye.

Then you leave it in your mind and your bones,

and don’t let it ever come into your heart again.

There’s more hurt that will visit your heart soon enough,

so for now,

fill it with joy and love and appreciation and compassion.

Fill it with Strength.

Fill it with Triumph.

[waitingforfries]

I think I’ll keep you.

Those eyes

That kiss

Your breath on mine

Your hands on me

My body towards yours

My hands on you

Arms around you.

Your smile

I don’t think I can forget it

That face

Bashful yet shy

Your eyes on me

Can’t take them off of me

And I just want to look at you.

Keeping you for later

Seeing you for now.

Your heart shows

And it’s beautiful the way it is

It is neither perfect nor imperfect

It is you.

And for me

That’s all I want.

I want to know you.

I want to know all of you.

I want to be with all of you.

So, I think I’ll keep you.

[waitingforfries]

Oath

Expectations. Fucking expectations. What a poisonous thought. How far do I want to go and what am I willing to sacrifice? Do I appreciate others for anything that they have done well? Or let my own expectations bleed over and elevate my expectations for others to keep my own afloat? Is that fair to them, or myself? Is that a healthy way to live? To never be satisfied to always be chasing to always want and to let satisfaction feel like guilt?

I have decided, that for now, at least for today…I will praise myself. I will praise others. I will applaud the effort, not just the result. I will feel grateful for anything that I hold today, anything I hold in my heart today. I will feel proud of myself for trying. I will forgive myself for any wrongful deeds done to others. I will accept myself and the past for what it is. I will look to the future with only optimism.

I will accept whatever comes. I will give my all. I will be okay with being me, but…only better versions of me.

I will accept help and I will stay humble.

I will be kind and I will love for the sake of being kind, for the sake of loving.

There is no other reason to live other than to love, to be curious, to hope, and to act with as much passion and as honestly as what your heart feels.

[waitingforfries]

Lost Causes

The sun keeps rising, The night keeps running, And I’m lost in a ever darkening forest. Heart pumping, Head dizzy, Perpetual state of frenzy. Calmness can help right now, But I was taught otherwise. They must be right. I must listen to them right now, Because I’m nervous, Because I’m lost. As night approached, I was given a light, I was trying to hold it, Trying my best to cup it in my hands, To not let it slip through my fingers, So inevitably, So disappointingly easy. The light falls from me, And it’s underground now. Roll up my sleeves, Take a breath, Bite my lips, I dig. It’s dark and I can’t see, But I have to dig. It’s not there. I don’t know where you went. How is it that you just disappeared? I just saw you, I just felt you, I knew every part of you, Because I made you, Because I gave a part of me to you. I look at my dirtied hands, and I sigh, Loudly, Desperately, Hopelessly. Maybe you will appear again, Right in my hands, And not fall through my fingers again. Maybe I should’ve have worked harder to hold on to you. Maybe I didn’t want you enough.

[waitingforfries]

Desperation

Today you broke my heart again. I don’t believe in my own resilience anymore. My elastic heart is so worn and stretched. But what am I to do, But to repair it with the cause. But I keep coming back. But I’m willing.