There are always worse things you could do.

Bad, bad man.

[walterblakeknoblock]

what’s the opposite of deja vu? To think nothing happened when something really did? That terrifies me more. Repeating reality could be a comfort… but not knowing what I missed? To only be aware of a gap?

[walterblakeknoblock]

[walterblakeknoblock]

[walterblakeknoblock]

[walterblakeknoblock]

[walterblakeknoblock]

Today was all right. Hopeful. Any progress feels good. I can breath. Literally, figuratively, the whole shebang.

[walterblakeknoblock]

Every season is different. We go through them every year, but this fall was not the same as last. The outlines don’t change, warmth in summer, despair opposite; the general idea persists. This winter is different. The nights seem longer. Deeper inkwells. An abyss. The Abyss.

[walterblakeknoblock]

I don’t want to talk about blood because I’m not bleeding. I feel empty. A ghost without his sheet.

[walterblakeknoblock]

I’m in Florida tonight

Away from the glitz and coke

On an island with grid streets and warm fog that fills the air ignites the edges of neon signs

[walterblakeknoblock]

It’s been dark for a while.

Rows of dish water grey clouds tightly lined across the horizon, streaming towards me, over me, engulfing my body in fading suffocation.

The feeling of obsolete hopelessness accompanies the short winter days. So little time between the dawn and dusk. The hours are drab. The sun doesn’t really shine. It’s a flashlight peeking through fibers, pressed against a blanket.

I know the winter ends. It always has before. But when I die, it will not be in the radiant sun.

[walterblakeknoblock]

This is an insane thing to say. You’re responsible for yourself, no one has to listen to you, validate your feelings, or let you berate them. You’re not denying them anything because a denouncement is merely words. And if you can’t overcome words, you’re fucked.

[walterblakeknoblock]

I’ve been bad

Walking through dangerous streets

Praying I’ll be attacked just so I can find someone to take this punishment

Hooks through my skin, meant to hold me back

But everything breaks.

[walterblakeknoblock]

I am in control of my mind

I am in control of my actions

I am in control of my life

[walterblakeknoblock]

I guess I'm back. It was a long winter. Too long. I feel the edges tightening, closing in. I feel like I'm running through the floor in a canyon and at the edge of a jagged pass there is a little opening and I can reach my hand through it and it's so small the rock edges cut into my skin but I still reach through and my hand is free, at least a bit, and I can hear the rushing flood coming from behind me.

[walterblakeknoblock]

Who thinks about you at night? Who notices the gap between them and the edge of the bed?

[walterblakeknoblock]

The Cure for Anxiety

[walterblakeknoblock]

Milton Friedman on the Negative Income Tax - a great video for anyone to watch